Temerity Jane
04. 10. 2019

I initially posted this last night, after I had backed up the site and then fixed one or two things, I can’t remember. I fixed something, and then I posted this, and it turned out the comments were broken, so I tried to unfix it, but the comments were still broken. So I restored the site from the backup, and not only were the comments still broken, but the backup didn’t have this post. Fortunately, some people had it populate in their feed readers and sent it back to me, and on rereading it, I thought, well, that was garbage and probably better lost to the pit of the Internet, but the only thing I hate more than making an effort is wasting an effort, so here it is again.

There is something wrong with my wrists and elbows and sometimes my knees, but not something wrong in the Alert Danger Something Terrible Has Happened kind of way, but something wrong more in the well, I guess this is just my life now kind of way. They hurt and the pain is very similar, extremely similar, maybe even exactly the same, to how I remember my wrist hurting when it had a hairline fracture in it, one I lived with for several days because it did not look nor did I act like one might expect a broken child bone to cause, though I did repeatedly insist something was wrong with it back then, too, but I was not known for my high pain tolerance so it kind of got blown off for a while before it was revealed to be broken, and look, we need to discuss this pain tolerance thing, because I think people with a low pain tolerance are unfairly shamed, because what are you even supposed to do about that?

When we say someone has a lower pain tolerance, I think it is natural to assume “Oh that person is overreacting to the same type of pain I can handle without blinking, this is some sort of failing on their part” and I suppose yes, maybe, in some cases, like the joke of the man cold, some people are less able to tolerate what is really rather minor discomfort, but then again, who is to say what is and isn’t minor discomfort, when you think about it? Look, I rationally KNOW that stubbing my toe is not the end of the world, but that doesn’t stop my body from immediately trying to throw up my whole lunch. And if the tip of my finger gets pinched in a drawer? I will faint. It has happened. Several times. Is that my fault? Is that a moral failing on my part? I don’t know.

I thought about it a lot when I was in labor because I definitely hit a point of pain that I could not tolerate, I was not able to handle it, but at the same time was aware that many women can get to however many more centimeters dilated before an epidural would be considered standard, and I was somehow at fault for the fact that I did not end up getting to that whatever point before I got an epidural, and look, this is what I am saying: who are you, or we, or anyone to decide what kind of pain someone else should or shouldn’t be able to or should have to tolerate? You are not a superior person for handling more pain for longer. Maybe you are a very unfortunate person that you had to do that, or maybe you personally feel it demonstrates your inner strength, or some other quality about yourself, but you are not in any way a superior person for being able to handle more. Maybe you can handle more and that is a very fortunate quality for you to have. I mean, it really is quite lucky, when you think about it. OR maybe you really feel it less, somehow. That is also good, kind of, but could also be not great. And you know what, there’s probably people with really high pain tolerances out there who don’t just note it as something interesting about themselves but instead believe that makes them somehow a better person (fortunately I have not run into many of those), but of THOSE people, I bet some don’t put their shopping carts away, so.

No wait, what I was saying was that my wrists and elbows hurt in the same kind of way that my wrist hurt when I broke it a long time ago, like the same kind of quality of ache, except it is not constant and more comes in brief waves of “man that is annoying” and I guess that’s just a thing that happens now.

I will be on an episode of a podcast soon, so if you’re interested in that, good luck, maybe you’ll find it.

A post went around recently, from the Next Door app, or Facebook, or something, I can’t be bothered with details when it’s not about me, and it was clearly satire and has been confirmed to be satire but in the brief window between when it appeared and when it was confirmed to be satire, I felt VERY RIGHTEOUS, because in a way, I agreed. It was this dude talking about how he’d noticed his kid’s Halloween candy haul in recent years had been really lacking and in HIS neighborhood, which was apparently quite wealthy in general, he expected better and was issuing a call to arms for parents to STEP UP THEIR GAME and there would be maps and marked curbs and you might be OUSTED FROM HALLOWEEN FOREVER.

Now look, I am not trying to oust anyone and I don’t have any complaints about cheap vs expensive Halloween candy. My problem is this: where is the chocolate. Halloween has gotten ENTIRELY too Skittles and Starburst heavy and don’t get me wrong, I like those things, too, but I really need you to look at your kids’ Halloween candy when it comes back this year and see how much chocolate is in there and then see if you yourself were giving out chocolate or if you were counting on other homes to provide the chocolate, and I need you to go forward Being the Chocolate You Want to See in the Halloween. Please buy your Halloween candy thinking about what I might like to eat. And I’m going to tell you this right now – I don’t want to eat lollipops. And I don’t let my kid eat lollipops. A general household rule – no food my child is going to get bored of and leave somewhere. MORE CHOCOLATE LESS TOOTSIE POPS THANK YOU.

Here is my question for you today: do you consider listening to audiobooks reading? In the past, I would ask these questions and gather your opinions and take careful mental notes on who had a Bad Take and never forgive them but also never let them know I was holding this tiny grudge, because it would hardly be fair since I didn’t reveal my side of things before asking for answers, so I will try something new this time.

Here is the question again: Do you consider listening to audiobooks to be reading, because it is, and if you don’t think it is, you’re wrong, but I’m willing to give you space to voice your reasoning which I will totally discount because listening to audiobooks is reading.

Thank you and good night.

It says good night because this was originally posted last night, but now I have added the below bits, so also hello and good morning.

As I said above, the comments are broken. You cannot leave a comment. Actually, a lot about this site is broken. It’s been broken and repaired and taped back together so many times over the last however many too many years, mostly irresponsibly, in a sort of “that sounds like a future me problem” kind of way, and guess what me, the future is here. I think it would take a lot of work to get this site to fully functional, especially considering I have no earthly idea on where to begin, and the last time I made a major, major repair, years ago, many posts ended up missing large chunks, and I have no way to fix them, and honestly, that sounds so exhausting.

I don’t know if I’ll fix this site or just keep playing Nearer My God to Thee while the ship goes down around me, but the point is this: you can’t leave a comment. And you know what? That’s fine. You can email me, or bring the discussion to Twitter, or send me some sort of direct video rant on Instagram, that would be charming of you. Perhaps I will apply a bunny filter and send one back, and it will become Our Thing, and we will message each other short ranty videos long past when you and I are done discussing a particular post and we will attend each other’s children’s weddings and think it is funny to Instagram DM each other videos about the mother-in-law’s dress from across the reception hall. That could be how our deep and lasting friendship starts, you never know. There are many ways to contact me and I am not hiding.

I know a lot of people really enjoy the comment section on this site on certain kinds of posts so I will make you a promise – I will assume you are reading, whether you decide to contact me through one of those other methods or not, and I will give you a check mark for attendance whether you show up or not, and attendance won’t be part of your final grade, and should I decide to write one of Those Posts, I will note in the post that we shall all discuss on Twitter and you can drop in and out all day, like some kind of Blog Post Open House, and I will remain by my Twitter to make sure the same sort of entertaining discussion you enjoy happens there, instead of here, and that’s the best I can do for now, because this blog is a dented rusty lunchbox and I’m doing my best.

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