Temerity Jane
02. 11. 2011

Failing NaBloPoMo on the first day really takes the pressure off for the rest of the month.



Penny was a duck/chicken (chucken?) for Halloween.

Do you love it? I love it. I love it so much that when we have her 6 month portraits taken this weekend, instead of being suckered into the “Holiday” backdrop they are pushing on me so hard, Penny is being a duck-chicken. A dicken. A 6 month old dicken.


I haven’t done Penny’s 6 month post yet, but here’s a brief synopsis: she yells, she’s pleasantly fat, she can roll back to belly and shriek mightily once she arrives there.

She has a test at Phoenix Children’s Hospital tomorrow, one we fully expect to come up negative, but we like making her miserable, so we’re doing it anyway. You should just have us arrested. We’re terrible parents.

Don’t worry about Penny, though. She’s never had good parents, so she doesn’t know any better.


You know, I haven’t been around here too much lately, and you know what it is? I’m enjoying spending time with my kid, which tells me that I’m finally starting to arrive in the time I’ve been looking forward to.

Noemi talked about this the other day, and I feel the same way – ending breastfeeding has really improved my relationship with Penny. Ending it was the right choice for us for a lot of reasons, and while I definitely don’t speak for everyone, it has really turned out to be extremely beneficial in a lot of different ways. The main one being, of course, that I actually ENJOY PENNY a hell of a lot more than I did previously.

With no struggling to feed her, no watching the clock for the pumping schedule, no washing pump parts, no waking up in the night to deal with any feeding-related activities — well, you know, it’s just better. Phil splits the feedings with me. I can leave the house without Penny and not worry about rushing back. I can leave the house WITH Penny and not wrestle with feeding her in public – like Noemi, nursing was never graceful or easy, positioning-the-baby-wise for me.

So, while I do believe that breast milk is certainly the best choice for a baby if it is available, not breastfeeding has been just about the best thing to happen to me since this damn wiener child was born.


A few days ago, Phil accidentally left the lid of the washer up with our bedsheets sitting inside soaking in fabric softener. He asked me if soaking too long in the fabric softener would ruin the sheets, but I wasn’t sure – mainly because in my entire life I’ve caught the rinse cycle in time to add fabric softener about four times, so I don’t have too much experience in the field of softening.

He put the sheets on the bed and made up the bed for the one time it gets made each week and I didn’t noticed anything until the next day, when the blankets were pleasantly running amok and askew, as is my preferred state of the bed. On my side, right about there my butt usually is, the fitted sheet had a different texture than the rest of the surface. On closer inspection, it was full of tears, kind of like a run in pantyhose.

“So, it looks like the fabric softener did ruin the sheets. It really seems to have damaged the more worn spots – I’m pretty sure we’ll have to throw these out.”

“Oh, that’s where your butt goes. Your butt must have put extra wear on the sheets.”

“No way! My butt didn’t — wait, can that happen?”

(You’ll understand that here, of course, I had a moment of insecurity – see: double pear, Two Butt – and, okay, I had a bit of a gassy pregnancy, but not any more gassy than – okay, maybe SLIGHTLY more gassy than the average person, but could that really RUIN the SHEETS?)

“Yep. Your butt put a weak spot in the sheets.”

“WAIT a second. If you flip the sheet around, this spot is where your disgusting, scaly MONSTER FEET would be.”

“Oh. Huh. You’re right.”


“But your butt finished them off.”


I’m planning something and it’s kept me pretty busy lately, and I expect it to keep me busy for a while longer yet. I’m pretty excited about it, but as with everything I do and cook, there is still the possibility that it will all blow up in my face or otherwise go terribly wrong, so I’m not quite ready to share all the details here yet. If it appears that all is going to go well with my small test group, I will, of course, let the rest of you know about it. Once danger of explosion has passed.

I hope it works out, though. It’s one of those things that I talked about the last time I got around to writing something here. One of those things that you think is something that only other people do, but it suddenly dawns on you that you could do it to, if you wanted to. So, aside from the silly stuff like getting married and having a baby, this is inarguably one of the “biggest” things I have ever done. And if it goes wrong, it will be the biggest thing I’ve ever fucked up. And if it goes right, I AM A HERO.

Well, not a hero. More likely briefly, but SIGNIFICANTLY AND SINCERELY celebrated. Which is probably as close to hero as I will ever get, unless someone who weighs very little needs to be awkwardly rescued from an extremely and freakishly slow burning building and there’s really just no one else at all around who can handle it.

29 responses to “Monster feet vs butt.”

  1. Jen says:

    I am right there with you on the ending breastfeeding thing. I enjoyed it for a brief period, but mostly it was a giant source of stress both times and made me almost resent the baby (knowing full-well it was not THE BABY’S FAULT, but you can’t help crazy, hormonal, insane feelings) When it finally ended… I felt ridiculously relieved. And a little sad, too, but also relieved. I just wish I was one of those mothers who could have it be easy and enjoyable and lovely, you know? But, it is what it is.

    That duck costume is ridiculous.

  2. cakeburnette says:

    Oh.My.Word. I cannot express just how ADORABLE that Penny is!!! I love the pictures today SO.MUCH.

    Nancy P Reply:

    Ditto ditto ditto!

    Rachael Reply:


  3. Jesabes says:

    You ARE a hero and I am very much looking forward to the thing. Also, I think Penny in the duck costume is about the cutest thing I have ever seen. Ever.

    (and Phil ruined the sheets with his feet)

  4. Linnea Welch says:

    Yes, that costume is the best. And the smiling. And the little pink shoes with the striped dress. All that is the best.

  5. Andrea says:

    That’s awesome that you’re enjoying your time with (and away from) Penny more and more!

    I love the playful, almost flirtatious, smile she’s giving. You can clearly tell she knows how to ham it up for the camera already.

  6. Brooke says:

    You’ll be a hero ;)

  7. Stephanie M says:

    Oh TJ, I miss sitting down and talking to you…that’s what this post feels like, a conversation.

    Anyway, just had to weigh in on the sheets. I recently had to replace my sheets because of a similar wear spot that my cat then snagged and caused to form into a hole. A hole that spread from teensy tiny to a good foot long, in the course of 4 days before I could go to the store to buy more sheets. Anyway, it was directly under me, but I’m blaming the cat. Any way you can blame this on Sheldon?

  8. Maggie says:

    With both of my kids I ended BF around 6-7 months for various reasons. It was the right decision although I agonized about it at the time. In retrospect I realize that my mental state improved greatly once I stopped. For me it was a lot of stress related to working/BF/pumping and all of that. I felt so much more mentally able to handle life once I stopped, so I totally get this.

    Also my daughter has a stuffed animal that has duck feet but a chicken beak. We refer to it as a chuck.

  9. Melissa says:

    I have to tell you that I seriously considered wanting to be in on the thing your planning, just to spend time with fat Penny. She is unbelievably adorable..like..must-see-in-person-to-confirm-realness adorable.

  10. Photos of your baby make me sooooooo happy.

    Am very excited to hear about The Hero Project once you are ready to share!

  11. H says:

    Penny is the cutest chucken/dicken I’ve ever seen.

  12. Alex says:

    I bet it’s even more fun hanging out with Penny when she’s rocking the chucken look.

  13. Elsha says:

    Cutest duck/chicken ever!

    I quit breastfeeding my first at like 4 months and it was SO the right time to quit. Then with my second I happily (and easily!) breastfed till 14 months. Ever case is different. And the pressure was off with the second, knowing I could quit ANY TIME I WANTED and he would be fine.

  14. Noemi says:

    I just called J over here to look at that picture of Penny in the dicken costume and she thought it was Olivia. Hahahahahaha…

    And in the other picture, she looks like a sweet girl version of Phil.

    CANNOT WAIT to meet her.

  15. Monika says:

    Love the pics, but in the pink stripped one, it looks like she was flicking you off and it had to be censored. totally made me laugh!

  16. Yoli says:

    Penny is just adorable!!!! Looking at her pictures is so refreshing after a work day, thanks for sharing.

  17. Kammah says:

    Penny (or, The Internets Favorite Penny, as I am wont to call her (and, yes, everyone in my life knows her by this moniker) as a dicken is my new favorite go-to giggle. Thank you for that. Profusely.

    My vote is for Monster Feet. We all know that boys ruin All The Nice Things.

    I really enjoy that you and I think similarly on a lot of things (like fearing explosions when things might go wrong but most likely won’t). It actually kinda gives me hope that if I ever have a kid it will still be me. It will just be me with a baby which I’m guessing will be pretty awesome. So thank you for being real, I guess. Which is a really lame way of putting it but it’s the best I can come up with.

    cakeburnette Reply:

    Everyone in my house knows Penny as “the world’s cutest baby.” And even the 14 year-old-son had to come and admire her and acknowledge that she is indeed, “pretty cute for a baby.” :D

  18. Danell says:

    I am extremely slow…it took me MANY MOMENTS of slack-jawed wondering to figure out how the feet and the butt could line up on the sheets. Duhr.

    Natalie Reply:

    Please share, because I haven’t had time to work it out for myself :)

  19. Autumn says:

    I started following your blog a few months ago and I just want to say how ridiculously cute she looks in her costume. And good luck in your endeavors!

  20. Carolyn says:

    Oh my gosh, Penny is just one of the cutest little babies EVER! And I love every time you stand up for the fact that sometimes ending breastfeeding can be what is best for the family. Amen to that, and keep having fun with your adorable baby!

  21. […] was also a chucken/dicken for Halloween, even though she did not participate in any Halloween related […]

  22. Kolan says:


    It warms my heart to see others dealing with new children like we did. I finally realised after the third that nobody has any idea. I finally had to tell my mother in law that in actual fact we now had one more than she did and therefore she had no basis for comment.

    Good luck


  23. Kolan says:

    Oh BTW she is gorgeous!!!!

  24. Sarah Lena says:

    It’s a ducken, right? Well, I only surmise that because here, we have TurDucKen, which is a turkey stuffed with duck and chicken, and they deep fry it for Halloween. It .. is an odd culture, here in the south.

    Either way, damn. Damn fine ducken you got there.

  25. Cindy says:

    AMEN to the breastfeeding thing!! You did it, she got the good stuff & it’s done. No guilt. I have 5 kids and it was NEVER easy (damn big boobs… it was such a production to keep from smothering the baby). By my 5th one, I kept at it as long as I could and then happily decided it was enough. Breast milk is best but so is a happy & sane Mamma. And Penny’s stripey little legs are killing me. Cutest dicken ever.