Temerity Jane
15. 06. 2009

I am going to finish up the “What Did I Miss” posts tomorrow, not because I am lazy, but because a question asked on Twitter requires that Phil write his answer and he said he won’t do it until tomorrow even though we’re not doing anything right now and he has plenty of time and it’s not like he has to continue working into the night like some of us do but instead gets to watch TV and play video games and drink beer and have a grand old time not writing the one little thing I asked him to write which isn’t at all like I was asking for a kidney or something because at least then it would be understandable if he wasn’t in the mood to be sliced open in order to generously share an organ with his girlfriend who has never even asked for so much as a gallbladder or an appendix or one of the useless ones like that which would require minimal cutting and a totally short recovery time for him during which he wouldn’t even have to care for me during my recovery like I did for him after his nose surgery which involved looking up his nose and making jello which isn’t really necessary after an appendix replacement so minimal effort from him overall would be required which really isn’t TOO MUCH TO ASK AT ALL, IS IT?

But for now.

Scene: TJ is sitting in the arm chair, playing Guitar Hero: Decades for the DS. Phil comes downstairs.

TJ: *not looking up* I have come up with a great new lie** I am going to tell people, for sport.

Phil: Oh?

TJ: Yeah. I’m gonna tell people I was the bee girl.

Phil: ….

TJ: You know, “Yeah, I was totally the bee girl. Remember me? From the Blind Melon video?”

Phil: Hm.

TJ: Seriously, I’d say, “Chubby girl, glasses, kind of awkward?”

Phil: It does fit…

TJ: *deadly serious* What?

Phil: *realizes mistake* What?

TJ: What did you say?

Phil: *frantic mental scramble for backpedal maneuvers* What?

TJ: Did you just call me chubby?

Phil: I… I was just agreeing that it fits.


Phil: Godddamnit.

** note – I cannot lie to save my life, but that would be a great one to tell, I think.

10 responses to “All I can say is that my life is pretty plain.”

  1. Awlbiste says:

    Bwahaha. The classic I-can-call-myself-chubby-but-don’t-you-even-think-about-it trick. Well not really a trick. You know.

  2. Tchann says:

    After a time, it gets to the point where it’s a game: how deep can I get him to dig himself with his words. Nothing gets held against him, per se, but I’m training him to be more aware of what he says.



  3. Brett says:


  4. Edyion says:

    Phil was done for with that first “what”. No matter how much you duck and weave after that first right straight its only a matter of time before those rights and lefts bring you to yours knees.

  5. Catastrophe says:

    Phil Setup No.2!

  6. Asara says:

    Poor Phil. The appropriate response was “I was KIDDING!” Followed by a rant about why do you have to be so SENsitive about these things you must have known I was kidding, I always tell you how beautiful I think you are and OMG I am so fricking offended that you would even THINK that I would think that you could possibly have been the Bee girl back in the day.

    When this technique is properly applied, you will find yourself apologizing to him, in a vague, “why am I doing this, I thought I was the upset one” sort of way.

  7. Alorina says:

    Poor Phil really walked into that one lol

  8. Grimmtooth says:

    Phil needs to learn how to stand pat. “You said it, not me.”

    It’ll come with time, Phil. Then death.

  9. haha that’s the best catch 22 EVER!

  10. Palladiamors says:

    Eventually Phil will get used to those little pop quizes and learn to say “But honey, your not chubby, and even if you were your so much prettier then the B-girl!”

    Just don’t pop those things on him first thing in the morning and he’ll be good, and live a bit longer.