And you thought I made up the idea of attack squirrels.
July 15th, 2008 | by TJ |Go with me on this one, Internet. The payoff comes at the end.
The Redhead’s status message on gtalk said something to the effect of wanting peach ice cream, but not even liking peach ice cream.
TJ: CRAVINGS HMMM?
The Redhead: yeah yeah
TJ: HMMMMM
The Redhead: i think it has less to do with my hormones and more to do with the breyers ad on realsimple.com
TJ: I refuse to acknowledge that
The Redhead: well that’s… reasonable
in any case, i’ve been mostly placated by these delicious pita chips
TJ: HMMMM
The Redhead: have you been drinking?
TJ: No, of course not
I want to show solidarity to you in your time of enforced sobriety.
The Redhead: fyi
when and if i ever am actually pregnant
i am not going to stop drinking coffee
i’m just… not.
TJ: I’m not going to stop smoking
low birthweight sounds FINE BY ME AND MY VAJEEN.
The Redhead: heh
seriously
i love how people just loooooooooove to pass all sorts of moral judgment on a pregnant woman who has half a glass of wine, while they shove another double mcshit burger down their disgusting throats
TJ: meh
a single glass of wine
a cup of coffee
whatever
it’s all fine
people had plenty of fucking babies before all this science
The Redhead: i think if a glass of wine or a cup of coffee is what it takes to keep me from KILLING EVERYONE AROUND ME, then really, its beneficial to the fetus, because it won’t have to be born in prison.
TJ: I think if I was to suddenly stop the massive amounts of caffeine I take in in an day
more harm than good would be done
The Redhead: seriously
a little bit of caffeine vs stabbing myself in the eye
TJ: i think I just take in so much so constantly that the withdrawal alone would be harmful
I’d cut back, sure, but not quit
The Redhead: also, i think my body has gotten pretty good at extracting and deploying every last little bit, so i can’t imagine how much of it would be passed on
TJ: hhaaaa
The Redhead: oh also
i got chased by an overweight squirrel this afternoon
TJ: did you run?
The Redhead: eventually
once i realized it was not backing down
i think it was after my pita chips
TJ: haaaaa
The Redhead: or my fetus.
TJ: AH HA!
SO YOU ADMIT IT YOU SHAMELESS HUSSY
The Redhead: oh i’m not pregnant
i just carry one.
By Bellwether on Jul 15, 2008
Squirrels are notorious fetus thieves.
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By JGP on Jul 15, 2008
Caffeine Deprivation, can be fatal to ones health, and not necessarily your own. Squirrels will rule the world one day, just ask “Foamy”!
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By Evil Sheep on Jul 15, 2008
In the words of Tim Cananaugh, the animals are against us. Squirrels are recon, reporting our movements to their larger brethren, and occasionally undertaking suicide missions to disrupt our lives (ever see what happens to a transformer when a squirrel gets inside?)
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By Clapus on Jul 15, 2008
I have squirrels in my yard. I don’t trust them. They know when I am looking at them. I guess if I want them to go away I’ll have to go Paul Bunyon on the tree in the front yard.
They’re watching me now while I’m at work. I wonder if they can swim?
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By sonvar on Jul 15, 2008
I’m very scared for any potential TJ and the Redhead’s offspring. Maybe the squirrels have good reason for stealing your fetuses.
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By Lady Jess on Jul 15, 2008
TJ: meh
a single glass of wine
a cup of coffee
whatever
it
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By Pablo on Jul 15, 2008
Squirrels are just rats with good PR.
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By z-man on Jul 15, 2008
Well there is the possibility that the squirrel was after the redhead’s nuts. For all we know she could have be carrying a set of those too. Poor guy.
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