Mr Hokey BS doesn’t want me for a sunbeam
October 28th, 2009 | by TJ |Ok, so you all know I’m planning a wedding, right?
So, a while back, I was dealing with finding some DJs, which basically entails calling DJs and listening to them tell you how they’re Not The Typical DJ. They all believe that they are Not The Typical DJ. Basically, my MO was to listen to their schpiel politely, express my VERY FEW preferences, and get a price quote.
So, I am on a call with the DJ I will call Mr. HBS. First, I tell him where, and he indicates he’s familiar with the location. We’ve decided to use 3 separate locations at the location – for ceremony, cocktail hour and reception, and we’ll need music for all three.
“Uh, why would you do it that way?,” he says.
“Oh, that’s just the way we’ve decided to do it,” I reply, still cheerful.
He tells me no one else does it that way, and that it would be very costly for me, and why am I doing it that way, again? And he hasn’t done any other weddings that way, and that since the ceremony was to be outside, he said to me,
“Ok. I will be the one who makes the call, three to four hours in advance, whether or not your wedding will take place outside.”
“Hm, ok,” I said politely.
“Oh, fuck no you won’t,” I thought, a bit less politely.
So then we get into how he’s Not Your Typical DJ.
First – “Instead of just announcing the wedding party’s names, what I do is have you write up a little biography about each member, so that I can really make it special, and tell a little bit about them as they enter the wedding.”
“Hm, okay,” I say politely.
“Seems a little unnecessary, but whatever,” I think, remarkably politely compared to my usual thoughts.
Then he tells me that before the wedding, he needs information all about Phil and I. Then? While everyone is eating dinner? He would read a story that his wife wrote about us – Our Love Story – over the microphone.
“Hm, okay,” I say politely.
“Wow, I sure am glad you can’t hear facial expression over the phone!,” I think, trying to master my gag reflex.
But wait! There’s more! He then tells me that I will have to give him yet MORE background information – on my relationship with my father.
“Ehh heh. Heh. Heh heh heh heh.”
Because during the Father/Daughter dance? He’s going to do yet another voiceover, about my relationship with my father.
“Maintain politeness until you hear prices. We’ll just not have any of that stuff. He keeps saying that all that stuff is optional. Just BE POLITE IN CASE HE’S CHEAP!,” I think.
“Hm, ok,” I say politely.
At that point I felt it was time for me to get to say something – I’d been listening for about 10 minutes at that point, so I spoke up and said,
“Actually, I’m not sure if we’re doing a Father/Daughter dance.”
“And if we were? I am sure that we would like to hear the music my father and I picked out, rather than you telling a story about how little we spoke to each other through my teenage years, which, frankly, Mr HBS? Is none of your goddamn business and also? Not something I’d like to rehash on my WEDDING DAY GOSH.,” I thought… like the asshole I am.
“No?,” he says.
“Actually, I’m not sure how much of the typical wedding stuff we’ll do – we’re not sure if we’re doing the first dance, garter toss, bouquet toss – any of that. Not sure.”
“Um,” he says to me, taking on an incredulous tone and seeing all of his special touches slipping away, “What do you plan to DO at your wedding?”
“Well, visit with our guests!, ” I say, remarkably still quite cheerful.
“So, what you really need is someone to show up and play music for your guests to dance to.”
“Well, we realize that it’s our wedding day and we’ll be the center of quite a bit of attention, but in general, we’re pretty private and prefer to minimize that as much as possible. We’re really just trying to throw a good party!,” I say, keeping it light.
“Show up and play music? Um, yes. Not to be insulting to your profession, of course, DISC JOCKEY**.” I think, really rather rudely.
I am getting the sense that this man doesn’t like me.
“Now, I do have a couple of questions. If we have some songs we’d like to have played that you don’t have, do we just give those to you on a CD?”
“Well… I probably have anything you’d want played,” he tells me, sounding distinctly… peeved with me. And don’t think, Internet, that I’m leaving anything out of this conversation that would have MADE him peeved with me. I said “Hm, ok” a lot and was REALLY POLITE.
“Oh, ok,” I tell him. “It’s just that we figure that since the music that he and I really like isn’t really suitable for dancing, that we’d like THAT kind of stuff played during cocktails and dinner, so we get to hear what we really like, and then can leave the whole dancing and what kind of stuff guests typically like up to you for the rest of the evening.”
“Um,” he says to me, “I usually play romantic easy listening during dinner – Frank Sinatra and stuff like that.”
“Well,” I say to him, REALLY POLITELY, “I’ve got nothing against Frank Sinatra at all, and we’d love to hear some of that, too, but if not during the cocktail hour and dinner, we won’t get to hear the songs that we like at all.”
“I am beginning to realize, Mr. HBS, that you seem to be under the impression that you and I are planning a “show,” starring one Mr. HBS here.,” I think, rather uncharitably.
“You know,” he says to me, “I’m going to have to stop you right there. I don’t think we’re meshing well. You need to find a DJ more on your level. Good luck to you.”
“Oh, ok!,” I say politely, hanging up.
So this DJ? He turned ME down.
Do you know why he turned me down?
All of these special touches that he kept saying were optional – talking over every aspect of the wedding, telling very personal stories about me and Phil and our families and friends, all these things that so many couples LOVE? I wasn’t interested. And do you know what that would mean?
It would mean he got to show up and play music. Music that – get this – the bride and groom requested.
Why, my wedding was an INSULT to this man of many romantic talents.
MY WEDDING WAS AN INSULT.
My god, what audacity I have, Internet!
**I realize that DJs, especially at weddings, do more than just play music. However, shut the fuck up, Mr. HBS.
By Tchann on Oct 28, 2009
Our wedding was very much a party for the people we cared about to hang out and have fun. There was dancing for the people who wanted to dance, but not all of the music was dance music. There was also some very geeky music that I handed to the DJ on a cd that played throughout the reception (sorry dudes, somehow I doubt you have “Gharbad at the Roxbury” in your collection).
Our DJs weren’t the best, but they were decent at shutting up and playing the damn music, so that was a good thing. :)
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TJ Reply:
October 28th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
My family really likes to get dancing and stuff, and Phil and I don’t really listen to dance music, and I figure you know, reading the crowd and getting the dancing going is the DJs job and he can play what he needs to play then, as long as we hear what we like during dinner.
But there is ONE request – the first song for general “everybody go ahead and dance” music? Poison – Talk Dirty to Me.
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By Adlib on Oct 28, 2009
OMG! Just…wow. I can’t believe you didn’t physically go through the phone and punch him in the face when he said he’d be the one to decide if your wedding gets held outside. This is the ONE day where the world is supposed to revolve around you (and Phil too!).
I don’t think any wedding is “traditional”. It’s whatever fits your mold of what you consider your perfect wedding. I hate that people don’t get that sometimes. I didn’t have a big party of a reception, just some finger food, cake, and punch. Saved a bunch of money, and we still had fun.
I still can’t get over how presumptuous this DJ was. Yikes!
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TJ Reply:
October 28th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I don’t really have any huge desire to make our wedding crazy over the top unique. I actually really enjoy a lot of the traditional wedding trappings, and there are smaller touches that we’ll handle ourselves to put our own spin on it.
But this guy talks on and on about how he makes every wedding special – sounds like he makes every wedding an identical puke-fest.
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By Noemi on Oct 28, 2009
Annnnnnnd that’s why we’re not having any DJ, Not Your Typical DJ or not, at our wedding. What a DOUCHEBAG.
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TJ Reply:
October 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Thankfully, only a couple of days later I talked to a DJ I really liked… of course, then I stopped doing anything wedding related at all and haven’t booked him yet, so I probably have to start looking all over again.
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By Swistle on Oct 28, 2009
OMG, he’s making me SO MAD.
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TJ Reply:
October 28th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
I am starting to think my blog is really bad for your blood pressure.
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By MiddleAged&Crazy on Oct 28, 2009
It’s funny to me that when you contact a company/individual for a service to be provided they interpert that it’s all about them. I could be mistaken but could there be a reality show for this?
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By HokieJayBee on Oct 28, 2009
so, in a manner of giving-advice-when-it-wasn’t-requested-and-not-trying-to-sound-like-it’s-giving-advice………..
when you call all these DJ’s and they all claim to be “not your typical DJ”, it’s well within your rights to say, “funny you say that, i’m planning not your typical wedding and reception.”
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By john the diver on Oct 28, 2009
You know TJ, I have an iPod and some pretty kick ass speakers. I bet I could DJ.
Ok not really. Our wedding DJ, also was not your typical wedding DJ.
But you know what he did do? He showed up, played the music we asked for, and kept the reception flowing. you know all that, now it is first dance, now toasts, now cut the cake.
It was pretty sweet to have some guy telling us to do that stuff, cause without him we would probably have had our toast, cake cutting, and first dance at the end of the night.
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By lenebean on Oct 28, 2009
I find it interesting that he would say he’s not your typical DJ but then goes on to question why you would do something atypical/nontraditional for your wedding. Total DB.
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By Awlbiste on Oct 28, 2009
I am starting to think I should become a wedding DJ. Here is my plan:
1. Show up where the bride/groom/whoever tells me to.
2. Play the music the bride/groom/whoever tells me to.
I think I could make millions with this business plan.
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By Khronos on Oct 28, 2009
C’mon Awlbiste, crazy plans like that would never work. You would just be another typical DJ- don’t you WANT to be NOT THE TYPICAL DJ? Gosh!
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By boomer on Oct 28, 2009
For the reception, just plug in a copy of DJ Hero and let any 12-year-old family members go nuts.
I’m only kidding. That would be a terrible idea.
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By Anna on Oct 28, 2009
Eeesh. What a jerk.
We ended up with a tiny jazz group at our reception (my favorite music) – just four guys, and the piano player did all the usual announcing. It was really awesome, and I hope that your Good DJ ends up being as awesome, and will play the music you guys like.
Because oddly? The music is one of the things I remember most about the reception. SO glad it was what we wanted.
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By Delicia on Oct 28, 2009
That guy was a complete waste of oxygen. For the $$ you’re paying I would hope you could call the shots on what music you want and what you want to happen. I hope you are able to book the guy you like and get things going. I remember being so SICK of researching wedding stuff online prior to my wedding.
-Del
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TJ Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 11:07 am
I’m already really sick of it, but unfortunately I haven’t actually ACCOMPLISHED anything, so I need to do a whole lot of it, really fast.
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By Shawndra on Oct 28, 2009
Our DJ…wait, neither of my weddings had one. The first was a cd player with a wedding music compilation playing on repeat. The second one was the jukebox at the Shakey’s we had our impromptu after wedding dinner at.
I keep thinking one day I’ll have that fussy wedding. Or maybe I’ll just waste the equivalent amount of money on a cruise :)
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By Kelly on Oct 28, 2009
Your audacity is astounding!
We had a very small wedding with no DJ… and we just played every Loreena McKennitt CD available at the time all through the “reception” in my apartment. The bride-wandering-in song was The Mummer’s Dance.
@Shawndra… go on the cruise!!
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By Lifes Crazy Joke on Oct 28, 2009
What a douche bag!
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TJ Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 11:07 am
That is EXACTLY what I said when I hung up the phone. Right before I ran to find Phil and started crying. Because I don’t make any sense.
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By Julie on Oct 29, 2009
We didn’t have a DJ. We had a string quartet for the music for the actual wedding part, and a wee garden party after while the bridal party went off and did photos and stuff, then it was down to the multiple mix CDs hubby(-to-be) had made with the different parts of the meal/reception in mind. The MC kept everything moving at the right pace, and changed the CDs as necessary. It worked great :)
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TJ Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 11:08 am
I know a lot of people have had a ton of success with that, and with iPod receptions. Unfortunately, he and I don’t have the musical taste or knowledge to put something together that everyone would like, and my family can’t be trusted not to change songs or CDs as they see fit.
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By Carrie on Oct 29, 2009
Yeah, I’m completely enamored with the reality show idea.
“So you think you can DJ?” The TJ’s wedding edition.
I can hear the money rolling in already!
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By Bernie on Oct 29, 2009
ZOMG if you are not on his level you must be on my level!!!!!
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By -R- on Oct 29, 2009
I went to a wedding where at one point the DJ SANG A SONG to the bride and groom. I guess he was hoping there was secretly an agent or recording studio exec in the crowd. There wasn’t. Plus, he was horrible. It was pretty awesome, in a WTF kind of way.
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TJ Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 11:09 am
I die a little more inside every time I’m confronted with a new and horrific thing that could happen at a wedding.
HOLY CRAP.
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By Pablo on Oct 29, 2009
“Oh I’m sorry, we ARE looking for a typical DJ. You know, one who will show up on time, with all of his equipment, play the songs we want, when we want them played and not need to be the center of attention all night. In fact, the more the DJ just kinda fades into the background and let’s the day be about us, the better.”
Unfortunately, he’ll still more than likely still try to sell you that that’s not what you REALLY want because wedding DJ’s put the MEGA in megalomaniac.
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By Lilivati on Oct 29, 2009
…annnnnnd THIS is why I keep putting off searching for a DJ…seriously intimidated by the level of BS they seem to bring with them.
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By Phaedra on Oct 29, 2009
Oh man. I was also at a wedding where the DJ sang along to songs. To be fair, the bride and groom did try to have some kareoke for their wedding. Except the guy they hired bought the pop songs from 1993…and that was it.
I was lucky to get an excellent DJ a week before our wedding b/c our original DJ (that we had booked) NEVER called us back. He didn’t play songs we asked not to be played, he was gracious to playing songs off our favor CD, and didn’t really talk that much. He also stayed to the very end of the reception, after all the guests left, playing slow songs for my husband and I.
As for the “not your typical DJ”…aside from the REALLY bad DJs, who ever remembers the DJ? Who cares if they’re typical or not?
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TJ Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
I think this pretty much sums up exactly what I’m looking for – the very typical DJ.
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By Karpax on Nov 3, 2009
Dunno about you guys, but I always considered DJ’s that talk during their “performance” incredbly annoying.
A good DJ feels the vibe of the party and does what’s required to get things moving.
In general, talking does not get anything moving.
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TJ Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Exactly. EXACTLY!
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Karpax Reply:
November 4th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Well…
I’ve once been to a wedding where they hired a band.
They kept quiet and just played a bit when people where still eating and socializing around their tables.
But as soon as everyone got to the dancefloor they put up an entire show which was insanely awesome.
It’s the only wedding I’ve been to where pretty much everybody was on the dance floor. (And I come from a family where dancing-when-not-female is considered an affront to your gender if you get what I mean…)
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