Two things you need to understand:
1. This is not a TJ vs. Phil “Settle This,” just a me vs. me “Settle This.”
2. “Crealth” is a word I have just made up, and it means the opposite of stealth, in the way that you do something out in the open because there’s no real reason to be stealthy about it, because everyone does it and it’s no big thing.
Okay, wait, one more thing:
3. Those of you who keep clean cars will not be able to relate to this, and actually probably would also not be able to relate to me, because at any given moment, my car usually looks like I live in there.
ANYWAY. We’re talking about public soda disposal. Or, you know, coffee. Whatever. Don’t get hung up on the details.
So, you’re me, or someone like me, and you’re about to go through the drive through for a big soda for the third time in a week. The third time, which means, of course, that your two cup holders are already full. Or, you’re walking out of Target with your recently purchased soda and get in the car, only to be confronted with your perpetually full-of-half-full-of-flat-soda-and-melted-ice-lidded-cups cup holders.
So what do you do? You can’t toss a full beverage to the floor of your car like you do with receipts and the mail and that big container of dog treats that I don’t remember – OH YEAH, Sheldon ran away and I had to drive around the block with a tub of treats to try to lure him home, that ass clown.
What you do is that you empty it out on the ground, right? In the Target parking lot or in the drive through or wherever you are. You open the door a crack and pour the soda out the side and THEN you can toss the cup on the floor of your car. Or you roll down your window in the drive through and do the dump.
The thing is, though, in all the years I have been doing this, because, come on – if you spot an empty cup holder in my car, you should take your skills to the wild to help locate a yeti or something – I have always felt that while I can convince myself that I am not hurting anything by dumping liquid on the ground, it isn’t something that anyone should see you doing, because it’s wrong. Or it’s littering? I’m not sure.
So you make sure there’s no one nearby when you empty out a cup between parked cars, or you go through the drive through with your new ice cold soda in your CROTCH so you can dump out an old can away from prying employee eyes, in case they spring through the window to CATCH YOU IN YOUR VANDALISTIC ACT, all, “I JUST MOPPED THAT DRIVEWAY.”
A beverage! On their asphalt!
But is this really something to be stealth about? I mean, really. Think about the alternatives – throwing the entire cup or can out the window. That is LITTERING for REAL, right? Or, I guess, cleaning out your car as you arrive home with each beverage, but that’s unrealistic. I have a baby. I don’t vulture people for close parking spots. I always put my cart away. I don’t huff at people who refuse to acknowledge my superior status and right to GO FIRST because can’t you see I have SPAWNED a portion of this planet’s FUTURE. But I cannot be bothered to carry both baby and trash into the house upon arriving home and don’t you even SAY “two trips” to me, because EVERYONE ON EARTH has hated the phrase “make two trips” since the third grade, so don’t be that guy.
So if you assume that someone dumping a soda on the ground is doing so to be able to throw it on the floor of his car, thus driving away with his trash, OR is emptying a refillable container in order to REFILL it, which is ANOTHER environmentally friendly act, isn’t it okay to be crealth? But it seems hard to be crealth when you’re DUMPING something on the GROUND.
Now, I’m not going to stop doing this, because I can pretty much promise you I will never be a prompt soda-taker-inner. But what I need to know is, do you think that a person should be stealth about such an act? What are you going to think when you see someone dumping out her car window? Would crealthness add a certain air of entitlement or assholery to the act? A brazenness, maybe? In that case, one should remain stealth. One being me, anyway. Because I’m going to do it, I just don’t want people to think something about it.
I think this is a lot like the soda refill question – what is the general attitude on stealth/crealth dumping? Much like refilling a soda at an open fountain, the public opinion (in my mind, anyway) is hazy, and I need this cleared up, because I am, by nature, much more crealthy than stealthy.