Temerity Jane

5 months old, beginning to smell.

So! Penelope is five months old today! Well, she was technically five months old yesterday, but she is STILL five months old today, so. WORKING THE LOOPHOLES, INTERNET.

This month has been good. This month has been blessedly uneventful. I mean, my mom came to visit for a while and that was a big event for Penny, but no health issues, no hospital visits. Okay, one hospital visit, but it was just a follow up, where she was complimented on her excellent skills in chunk-uppery. You guys, she has a FOREARM ROLL.

Penny lost most of her hair this month. I was looking at last month’s recap to see what kind of information I put in, because Penny is napping and I only have time to fill in a few blanks, and I noticed in the pictures from four months, she still HAD all her hair.

When we brought her home from the hospital last month, I noted that we had started her sleeping in her own bed, instead of on my chest or between us in our bed, and I guess the way she turns her head back and forth all night has kind of… rubbed her bald. She’s got a Halo of No Hair. Her head looks like it’s been decorated with leftover scraggly goatees from the grungy 90s, placed all cattywampus around her scalp.

Penny’s always lagged just slightly behind milestones. As I’ve said over and over, this is not something I’ve ever been distressed about, but do feel the need to keep an eye on it. She was born three weeks early, which is supposedly no big – full term, even. I suspect, though, that left to her own devices to cook as long as she needed and probably kill me in the process, Penny would have hung out in there past her due date. She had pretty stereotypical premature baby problems at birth and lagged just a few weeks behind all standard milestones.

Then she got sick, and all of her energy went to fighting off her infection, rather than growing and developing. This set her back even farther, not even comparable to her Internet baby cohorts anymore. Something we’re devastated about? No. No, not at all. Nothing we even expect to see a glimmer of by the time she’s a year old or so. But still, stuff we noticed.

This month, though. She’s healthy and she’s strong and she has just made this giant leap into tiny baby with a huge personality who DOES THINGS. She’s definitely making up for all kinds of lost time recently. Between when she got to her sickest point at the middle of August and the middle of September, she put on FOUR POUNDS of baby squish. She’s crammed two months of growth and development into a few weeks. So, that’s been cool.

So. Penny. Five months old.

Nicknames: Pens (me). Buttface (him). Pen-elope. Pensington. Pennington Bear. Peninsula. Bubs. Bubby. Gross Baby. Poopzilla. Pukezilla. Stinks.

Special skills: Sleeping-ish through the night (she no longer gets up to eat and for a change, but does need her pacifier replaced repeatedly). Chatting. Catching the eye of people out in public and smiling at them. Burning through three to four outfits a day. Shoving toys in her mouth with maim-ly accuracy, most of the time.

Most annoying features: She only cries now when she’s outraged, and it’s got this “I’M A BABY PTERODACTYL AND A BIGGER DINOSAUR HAS CAUGHT ME AND IS CARRYING ME AWAY HEEEEELLLLP!” terror-screech tone to it. She can find the eight hairs that I missed putting up and wrap them around her fist and give a good yank before I even know what’s happened. Pukes, a lot. Is at the age where she attracts stranger-attention out in public, forcing me to talk with strange public. Does this weird stiff-legged thing to DELIBERATELY HAMPER the diapering process.

Most desirable features: I’m not going to lie, the sleeping thing pretty much rules. She’s also extremely adorable when she wakes up, all smiles and happiness to see whoever comes to get her. It’s especially fun now, when we peel her like a banana and she bursts out of her bag to stretch.

Dislikes: Being startled. Dirty diapers. Having to wait for her bottle. Napping, most days. Getting dressed. Being wiped clean after she befouls herself.

Likes: Still loving the bath, just starting to get into playing in the water. Being held. Fart noises. Butt songs. Lounging with Phil in the afternoons and evenings. Playing with her collection of Steves. Eating. Dance parties.

As of September 19th, Penny was 23.5″ long and weighing in at an ASTOUNDINGLY ROTUND 12 lbs, 11oz. She’s all rolls and fat-dimples these days, and is pleasingly solid. She works her jumper like she’s trying to take off to find her real parents. She goes with me everywhere.

EVERYWHERE.

Also this month, Penny has become quite adept at MAKING HER OPINIONS KNOWN:

It’s a good thing we’re having her pictures professionally done every three months for her first year and not really relying on me for these precious memories, because, damn.

“Five months! WALLA! Just kidding. I’m not an IDIOT.”

“SAVING YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS FROM THIS BEAR.”

The next Practical Cotton Rompers Monthly coverbaby.

For reference:

No months
One month
Two months
Three months
Four months

Tags: I regret setting this precedent, I think I'm going to have to do this forever, I've already done four months I can't just stop now, monthly notes to babies written out of a sense of obligation, stuff about my baby, the Penny sensation sweeping the nation