You are terrible. TERRIBLE.
October 14th, 2009 | by TJ |Internet, my irrational rage over this topic has built to the point that I can’t even write a charming introduction for you to ease you into the violence that is about to spew forth.
We’re all familiar with LOLCats, right? Most especially through the I Can Has Cheezburger site, I am sure.
Cute animals, funny sayings, we all love it. We are all guilty of occasionally saying, “I can has whatevers?” I forgive us for that.
But the LOLCats, Internet, are a perfect example of WHY THE INTERNET CANNOT HAVE ANYTHING NICE.
You’ve ruined LOLCats, Internet, and let me tell you why.
First of all, they started letting NON FUNNY PEOPLE create LOLCat images and captions. Not only did this produce a whole bunch of totally not funny stuff, it also revealed how much the Internet has missed the entire point.
Secondly, these NON FUNNY PEOPLE seem to be under the impression that if you put a phrase composed entirely of misspelled words on an image of a cat, you have created a cat at which people will LOL. Hence, LOLCat (I’m sure you made that connection on your own, but with the behavior of the Internet when it comes to LOLCats I have totally lost all trust in your intelligence. I hope you understand).
Listen, NON FUNNY PEOPLE creating LOLCats. Why do you have such a low opinion of cats? DO YOU THINK CATS ARE STUPID? Cats aren’t stupid. THAT’S PART OF THE WHOLE JOKE. Why would a cat of normal intelligence misspell every single word?
IT WOULDN’T.
Cats, when they are being hilarious in a fashion that we are likely to LOL at, suffer from occasional misspellings and grammatical errors. When have you known a cat to get every single word wrong? What the hell kind of cats are you even hanging out with?
Internet, I’m completely bowled over by how well and completely you’ve managed to miss the joke. It seems that you truly believe that the entire reason LOLCats are funny is because they spell things wrong.
I cannot believe that the entire joke of this Internet sensation has gone completely over the heads of the ENTIRE INTERNET.
LOLCats are funny because they SAY FUNNY THINGS. If you are not capable of coming up with FUNNY THINGS that a cat might say, and instead think that spelling every word wrong will magically MAKE the cat hilarious, you do not get it, and you are not making the cat look hilarious. YOU ARE EMBARASSING THE CAT.
And. And. And. If you want the top of your skull to blow off, do take a minute to take a look at the comments section of I Can Has Cheezburger, just so that you can get a true mental image of how unbelievably blind to THINGS THAT ARE FUNNY a huge majority of the Internet actually is:
The mere idea that you exist drives me absolutely insane. Sometimes, when I’ve been bad, like not eating enough vegetables or staying up too late watching terrible for me television, I punish myself by forcing myself to look at the comments section on that site.
I hope you’re happy, Internet. You’ve totally ruined LOLCats. Now, instead of a funny blip in our collective Internet history, we are all going to suffer shame when we have to justify this to our children some day.
You are all the MICHAEL SCOTTS of Internet humor.
By Kelly on Oct 14, 2009
Oh, TJ… thank you! Since I am often offended by the desecration of the English language, I thought I was the only person annoyed by cats who supposedly misspell everything. I am relieved to know I’m not alone.
You have performed a great service for the Internet today. Sadly, the Internet may never recognize it. Be assured that I do, however. You are a hero.
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By michael on Oct 14, 2009
How dare you insult the great and funny Michael Scott…
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By Kestrel on Oct 14, 2009
Amen. I wish I had your knack for writing about things that bug me. I love Cheezeburger, but there is no humor in trying to decipher some of these made-up words that aren’t even phonetic spellings. Grrrr.
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By Adlib on Oct 14, 2009
I think I’ve seen all the funny LOLCats there were to see before it got bad. I only have so much patience to wade through garbage before finding the sole funny one in the whole group.
However, I do urge you to check out http://www.stuffonmycat.com as a funny replacement involving cats. :)
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By Anna on Oct 14, 2009
THIS.
Sometimes they’re funny (the karaoke owls made me hoot). But so frequently they’re just /dumb/. And the comments there make me want to lysol my monitor.
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By boomer on Oct 14, 2009
Yeah. Sometimes in an effort to generate traffic, things like “intent” and “intrinsic value” get laid at the altar of hit counts. I used to be able to read ICHC and cuteoverload … but not so much, anymore. Now when I visit those sites I get a sickening feeling not unlike being tied up and rubbed down head to toe by Chef Blythe Beck, and she’s using generic fabric softener sheets.
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By Capn John on Oct 14, 2009
I LOL’d at http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/8/17/128950152464337594.jpg
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By Stephanie on Oct 14, 2009
It’s funny, I’ve started ignoring the captions altogether but some of the kitties are just so damn cute… /sigh I’m such a sucker for cute. (I don’t like cute overload, though. I think they try too hard.)
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By Asara on Oct 14, 2009
…
That’s what she said.
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By Eckyman on Oct 15, 2009
I join you in your anger.. the unwashed masses of the internet are like magnets on top of a new TV.
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