We’re not married at all yet and that’s why he doesn’t know better.

Internet, so I was in the car with Phil and he was driving and I’m on the phone with my mom, right? And here’s what I’m saying:

“So, mom, I’m cooking this soup for him, and it’s supposed to only take half an hour, except it was taking forever, and the lentils weren’t getting soft at ALL, so I put more water in and I tried to boil them some more, and Phil was asking if it was almost ready, but it wasn’t, so I tried to mash them with my spoon a little, but they weren’t mashing, but then I got an idea. Since they were supposed to be mashed ANYWAY and I don’t even LIKE lentils, I would put them in the blender to mash them fast. BRILLIANT, right? So Phil comes over, Phil who hardly ever cooks and was not cooking that night and had not even EVER SEEN THIS RECIPE EVER, and I tell him the brilliant thing I did, and do you know what he says to me? He says, ‘I don’t think you were supposed to do that.‘ WHO EVEN SAYS THAT, MOM? WHO SAYS THAT? He says, ‘I don’t think you were supposed to do that.‘ What if you were cooking and it was Dad who never cooked and wasn’t cooking that night and never saw the recipe and you put the lentils in the blender and he goes to you ‘I don’t think you were supposed to do that?'”

And my mom says to me,

“Oh, Kelly, your father and I have been married a long time. He would never say something like that.”

Because HONESTLY.

“I don’t think you were supposed to do that.”

HON.

EST.

LY.

12 thoughts on “We’re not married at all yet and that’s why he doesn’t know better.

  1. Chibi Jeebs

    Chebbar is no.tor.ious. for a) giving me grief for not following a recipe to! the! letter!, then doing something completely ASININE like adding a metric shit-ton of *additional* soy sauce to the teriyaki stir-fry sauce.

    I shudder (and get ready to eat PB&J) when I hear “So, I tried something different… “

  2. Skraps

    I wish my wife cooked poorly. or even cooked at all. I mean I occasionally get Kraft Mac-n-cheese from a box made by her, and she warms frozen things in the oven, but never cooks.

    But she does like to tell me I’m doing it wrong a lot. So maybe that is the way marriage is supposed to work? (p.s. I just realized today that Jan 21st 2010 we will have been together 18 years. How does that happen?)

  3. Karen

    My boyfriend will do that. He refuses to cook, but I think he enjoys standing behind me and commenting. He’s like a back seat chef.

  4. Andris

    Actually, it’s totally okay to put lentils in the blender to make them smooth, especially if you don’t like the texture of lentils. It’s a bit easier if you get a hand-blender (also known as an immersion blender), but it’s not bad to ladle it into the blender, put the top on and just run it for 30-60s.

  5. Tchann

    I read this aloud to my husband. He says:

    “I don’t think she was supposed to do that.”

    Don’t worry. I’ll smack him later tonight. When he’s least expecting it.

  6. Fuller

    Personally, I would never say that to my significant other.

    I go straight for “You’re doing it wrong.”

  7. Alias Mother

    My husband is a total kitchen hoverer. He likes to follow behind me and stir things that don’t need to be stirred and re-chop things I’ve already chopped or adjust the heat on things that are heating, all while giving off the impression that he is saving me from myself. And, yes, he can and does actually cook and, yes, he has occasionally worked in a restaurant kitchen, but oh my god. I am not a bad cook. Get away from my cooking.

    TJ Reply:

    Phil’s an expert at everything. Even things he hasn’t heard of yet.

  8. Pingback: Temerity Jane » Blog Archive » Settle This, VII: The Lentil Question

  9. Pingback: Temerity Jane » Blog Archive » TJ does something incorrectly, by Phil

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