Well, maybe I LOOK friendly.
February 27th, 2008 | by TJ |About 10 minutes ago, driving in to work, I was stopped at a stop light. I had my window down, as I always do, since one, I smoke in the car, and two, I drive a car not much bigger than a double wide coffin and I think I’d develop a crippling case of claustrophobia if I didn’t.
So, stopped at the light, looking around and stretching a bit, as you do, and the guy to the car in my left waves to me and smiles. I kind of half smile back and then quickly turn my face back to the front, because I don’t really want to encourage these guys.
Honestly guys, what are you thinking when you do this? It doesn’t happen too often, I admit it, but maybe once every couple of weeks, once a month, a guy waves at me from his car, smiles, sometimes yells something out the window or attempts to strike up a traffic conversation. Is traffic really an appropriate place to try to meet a girl? And at 6:30 in the morning, when my eyes are half open? Really, what is your motivation for flirting with girls in their cars at a red light? Are you holding out hope that I’m going to abandon my vehicle and get in yours? Or maybe you’ll get my number. “Oh, sure it’s 57… green light! *zooooooooom*” Really, I just don’t see the practicalities here.
Also, I think I am either a lot like most females, or else a complete oddball, but even though I’m single, there do exist times I just don’t want to be spoken to. Can’t we have some kind of rules, or zones or something? You know how like animals during mating season give off certain signals that they’re totally down for it? Can we have certain areas that men and women open to being hit on, flirted with, etc, can enter into to signify that your approach would not be unwelcome? Because frankly, most of the time in my normal day to day life, I am out and about getting crap done and really don’t want to be talked to. At all. Period. Just… don’t speak to me. But if I wanted to strike up conversations with randoms, I could maybe wear a bright red “Perv on me, please” pin, or possibly enter into some kind of corrall with all the other, more friendly singles.
Wait, what? Oh, right. So, I turn my face back to the front and stare straight ahead in a determined fashion, but then, I hear him speaking. I peeked a little bit out of the corner of my eye, to hopefully assure myself I was mistaken without re-making eye contact, but alas, his window was down, and as much as I talk big to the internet, I can rarely bring myself to be a bitch for no good reason to a stranger. So, I turned down the music and looked back to the left.
Guy In Car: It’s not that cold today!
TJ: Umm nope!
Guy In Car: Nice day, nice day. How are you today?
TJ: I’m fine thanks, how are you? [please keep in mind, I am leaving out all the "Hm? What did you say?" that occurred - we were in TRAFFIC. Yet another reason to not talk to someone in the next car over - you have to repeat yourself a lot.]
Guy In Car: Thank God for that, that’s good to hear!
TJ: Mmmhm… thoughts: Come ooooon green light! My Kingdom for a green light!
Guy In Car: Just another day for work!
TJ: Yep.
Guy In Car: Well, you have a blessed day! You look gooood this morning. God be with you!
TJ: You… too…
Guy In Car: Bye bye!
And, keeping in mind we’re still parked at a RED LIGHT, he pulls forward 6 inches.
There’s ANOTHER good reason against making traffic conversation – no graceful exit.
Now, you could easily say, “TJ, maybe the guy wasn’t hitting on you. Maybe he was just being friendly. Stop being such a conceited bitch!” Ok, fine, that’s a valid argument, but normal people do not strike up conversations with other people in traffic. It’s just not done. Not by sane people. You know who strikes up conversations in traffic? Two kinds of people. One, people who are hitting on you. Two, people who want to bury you in their basement. Either way, I feel that I am safely in the right in discouraging such behavior.
SO ANYWAY. I peeked over at his car, our windows were no longer aligned as well, so I very slowly and politely as possible re-raised the volume of my music and went back to listening to Save Ferris.
Couple seconds later, I hear him again. You have to be kidding me. So I turn down the music. Again.
Guy In Car: I want to listen to my CD!
TJ: Ok… I’ll turn mine down… *turns down music more, God only knows why*
Guy In Car: This is my CD! *turns up music*
TJ: *hears nothing but thumping bass* Oh, that’s all right.
Guy In Car: What?
TJ: I said, that’s all right.
Guy In Car: Thanks. Well, you have a blessed day. God be with you. Look good!
TJ: Thanks… thoughts: yessss green LIGHT!
Thankfully, possibly having learned from his awkward exit attempt earlier, Guy In Car took a healthy lead in front of me, and though we both made the same left, he sped up enough and I slowed down enough that he was nowhere in sight when I turned the corner towards my office. If he had been, I probably would have circled the block for a while.
Anyway, I had a point.
Stop talking to me in public. Everyone! Period!
By Xeln on Feb 27, 2008
There is a place for single people to go when they want to be hit on, it’s called a bar. And what was with all the “God Bless you” crap? I don’t mean to be offensive (ok, I do, but still) but leave God out of it, OK? Seriously, no one wants to hear that crap at 630 am, yet alone from some creepy guy hitting on you. Last, I’m a guy, and I have NEVER done this sort of crap. We all appreciate the attractiveness of the demonic ponytail and all, but no matter how much you are loved, TJ, or how attractive any other woman is, you never, ever, EVER do this. You might as well hang a sign in your window that says, “Hi. I’m pathetic as hell, and need massive amounts of attention. Also, I’m creepy, and I have a nice spot picked out for you in my basement. God thinks this is a good plan for us. Or at least the voice in my head that I think is God.” Or the short version… “Just escaped from the asylum.”
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By Lamaa on Feb 27, 2008
My theory is that he was waiting for the opportunity to chuck a Watchtower or Book of Mormon at her through the window
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By Trackhoof on Feb 27, 2008
W. T. F?
Also, if we can’t talk to you in public, can you carry a small set of flags so we can communicate via Semaphore?
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By Arrens on Feb 27, 2008
While I agree it is creepy, I also whole-heartedly agree with the red “Perv on me” pin. Sweet sassy molassy, that would make guy’s lives a bunch easier.
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By kakalaki on Feb 27, 2008
So when is the appropriate time in the day to say “God Bless You”? O.o
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Poor guy is lonely and tries to be “cool” by talking to a woman he found attractive and by trying to impress her with his car’s sound system. To boot he was polite and didn’t give you any lame pick up lines.
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I agree striking up a convo at a stop light is odd, but don’t mean you have to mark a person as a serial basement burying killer.
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By Odius on Feb 27, 2008
“Also, if we can
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By Trackhoof on Feb 27, 2008
@ kakalaki
When somebody sneezes. :P
It’s not so much the intent, but anything religious is fairly loaded language. If I struck up a conversation at the supermarket with a supermodel, and she started talking about God and Jesus and everything like that, I’d be inching away and slightly creeped out. Then again, that’s me. If it were somebody who was pious, that might be a perfect segue into conversation.
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By sonvar on Feb 27, 2008
If you think its bad doing it on the highway a friend of mine and I were bored driving from a trip and we saw two hot girls pass us by on the highway. We speed up beside them, put the window down, and tried yelling at them to ask them out. Sadly, immediately we were shown wedding rings on both of them. Though that didn’t occur until we’d been trying to talk to them for about 10 minutes or so.
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By Bobo&SgtPork on Feb 27, 2008
Ah, the old “fake wedding ring” ploy. I have a friend who got tired of all the guys 20 years older than her hitting on her when she was just out for a beer. One inexpensive CZ band later, no more DOM. Maybe there’s the trick for you, TJ! Then, you have an excuse to give ‘em the “finger”!
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By Lynda on Feb 27, 2008
I think maybe you should stop being so polite and feign ignorance. I am totally with you. Sometimes I don’t want to be talked to, and I am not going to talk to you in traffic, sorry.
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By Lynda on Feb 27, 2008
Well, I would talk to you if we were in the same vehicle. ;)
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By kakalaki on Feb 27, 2008
@Track
Good Lord… oops! sorry! it’s not past 9pm on the third Sunday after the full moon. :)
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Religous talk can be a loaded language, but it’s only made that why by the people who act uncivil about it. I agree if your supermodel started “preaching” at you and with no prior segue, I would understand you being creeped out. However, if one merely wishes God’s blessings upon you (which is what this guy did, unless TJ is ommitting some convo that would show otherwise), I don’t get it I suppose. I would not be creeped out by it too much. It’s like being creeped out if someone wished me good luck.
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By Daxenos on Feb 27, 2008
Here’s the deal. He saw you were praying that the light would turn green and therefore assumed piety.
I, on the other hand, would see you filled with blueberries with a flaky crust and assume piety.
Subtle, yet distinct differences. But the real question that I want an answer to is: Did you see the TJ shrine, or did he hide it in time?
Dax
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By Kat on Feb 27, 2008
maybe wear a bright red
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By z-man on Feb 27, 2008
Personally I don’t see a problem with not talking to a girl during…say…awkward moments, like at a parking light.
As long as when we are talking to the girl during a more appropriate time she doesn’t throw tampons at us during the attempt.
It cuts both ways. :D
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By Doomilias on Feb 27, 2008
TJ, maybe the guy wasn
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By Bellwether on Feb 27, 2008
Thanks to Daxenos and my culinary school boyfriend, I reeeeeally want pie.
:(
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By Necrobutcher on Feb 27, 2008
Yay! Save Ferris! I thought I was the only one that listened to ska anymore.
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By Kolan on Feb 27, 2008
Now that is the perfect time to hit someone in the face with a tampon!!!
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By Yaja on Feb 28, 2008
LOL I agree with Kolan, should have had a tampon launcher handy, right out the window, through his! ;-)
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I can see someone saying something like ‘nice car’ (if it is) or ‘nice song’ or something as an opener, and if you don’t take it, you dont’ take it… move on… I used to own a Jeep YJ and in the summer I basically never had windows and I talked to lots of people if their windows were open, mostly one or two liners but that was IT… also I didn’t wish god on them or anything. Maybe he was hoping you’d want to talk religion with him or something as an opener or something, I don’t know. That’s a whole other ball of wax.
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You probably should have responded “God doesn’t want me talking to strangers, sorry.” then roll up the window. :P
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Doom: I don’t think she was being bitchy, I think she was trying to ‘let him down easy’ even though she felt awkward.
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Xeln: Bars suck for meeting new people, unless you are into meat markets where its all physical and going nowhere. I’d rather go with a bunch of friends and have a good time, then try to have a conversation with someone over loud music…… or over a car stereo! ;-)
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By StoneballsJackson on Feb 28, 2008
How are YOU doing?
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By Asara on Feb 28, 2008
Oh my. I was with you up until the “have a blessed day”, then I was REALLY with you. My mom did something like that to my (non-religious) sister-in-law.. she’s freaked out to this day.
It’s just mixed signals. Are you hitting on me or proselytizing? Do you want a date or are you saying you think I’m going to hell because I’m smoking and I need to go to church and talk to Jesus about it? That’s just too much to process that early in the morning, and it’s not fair!
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By Trackhoof on Feb 28, 2008
@ TJ, re: Kolan
See? FLYING TAMPON OF DOOM!
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By Teh Khol Abides on Feb 28, 2008
I have found that looking like a biker having a bad day often discourages people from trying to strike up conversations with me. This is good, because I don’t want people to talk to me more than the required amount for the goods and/or services being rendered. I then take great amusment in the surprise on people’s faces when I can see them bracing for yet another jackoff and I’m actually very polite and softspoken.
Okay, so maybe I am a jackoff because I amuse myself at the expense of others.
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