We have to talk again, Twitter.
October 23rd, 2009 | by TJ |I CAN’T EVEN WRITE AN INTRODUCTION SO READ THE TITLE
Things You Do On Twitter That You Think Are Really Cute But Are Actually Totally Obnoxious
A list,
by TJ
1. Post every. Single. Thought. that comes into your head. You should post the things that are in your head, but not all of the things. And not the lame things. You’re hungry. You’re making food. You’re eating the food. You’re telling us how good the food is. You’re telling us some more. You’re saying “mmmmmm.” You’re finished with the food. You wish you had some more of that food. Now you’re bored. Now you’re saying “la la la.”
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK?
2. Post song lyrics to songs you just “happen” to be listening to but we all know that isn’t actually the case and you’re quoting a song carefully chosen to display either your unique, special and superior taste in music or how wacky and off the wall you are in your selections which you will then “pretend” to be embarrassed about or how so-lame-you’re-cool you are because you listen to old school 80s hair metal and act like you’re the only person who likes Poison.
NEWSFLASH: WE ALL LIKE POISON.
3. Post a picture of yourself stating how terrible you look and then proceed to post six more for your adoring basement-wankers.
KNOW HOW YOU SAID YOU LOOK TERRIBLE? YEAH. AND EVEN IF YOU LOOK HOT I THINK YOU LOOK TERRIBLE BECAUSE PUT YOUR DUMB FACE AWAY.
4. This.
STOP DOING THAT. JUST NO.
5. Flirting in that way that you think that no one actually knows you’re flirting but everyone totally does and no one is impressed because hello, this is the internet.
HELLO, THIS IS THE INTERNET. AND WE ARE ALL COMFORTABLE WITH THE FACT THAT THERE ARE INDEED WOMEN ON IT.
6. Not following me. Because, come on. I’m obviously super friendly.
OBVIOUSLY.
By Kestrel on Oct 23, 2009
^^ This.
Oh wait…I’m liable to get moderated if I leave it at that.
So yeah…I agree. And then there are some people (you and I know who they are) who roll 3 to 5 of those into every. freaking. tweet. AND add flirty roleplay with a make-believe demigod.
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TJ Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:39 pm
I would never deliberately moderate you, Mr. Kestrel. But thank you for feeling my pain AND I KNOW THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE TOO.
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By Naithin on Oct 23, 2009
Heh. I get your frustration in a, ‘Yeah, that’d be really annoying’ kind of way. Haven’t had the misfortune of following anyone that does this as yet.
Let alone, potentially a lot of someones. … *shiver*
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By Y on Oct 23, 2009
I just drank a diet coke. mmmm. diet coke.
haha.
This post made me laugh. So true.
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TJ Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:44 pm
I had Phil read it to make sure it was funny enough to justify how mean it is.
Because in my mind, that makes it totally acceptable.
Also, I think “NEWSFLASH: WE ALL LIKE POISON.” is my favorite thing that I have ever. EVER. written on this blog.
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KellyS Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:35 pm
More than “up yours”?!!
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By Swistle on Oct 23, 2009
Also, we all think Sebastian Bach is TOTALLY HOTNESS PERSONIFIED, right?
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TJ Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I… am reasonably certain that’s just you.
BUT THAT’S OK!!
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By jonniker on Oct 23, 2009
The inappropriate gross flirting is my single-biggest Twitter pet peeve. GROSS. People, you’re flirting with some MARRIED GUY and you? Are also married. And asking him to take your top off or take you away for the weekend crosses the line. Would you say it in real life? No. No you would not. Then please, keep it off of Twitter, you creepy whore.
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By Melissa on Oct 23, 2009
Trying to be “one who comments.” So, um, agree. And tweets from people who live on the beach, and are always saying how beautiful it is? Shut up.
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By boomer on Oct 24, 2009
We don’t ALL like Poison. Some of us just tolerate it because we know the rest of you do. Up yours.
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By Angela on Oct 24, 2009
OK, I unashamedly admit to doing all of this. Especially if I have been drinking. (Well, not the pictures thing. I do the ‘daily booth’ thing, but rarely complain about how I look. Because, well, I generally look OK. Not that I have an ego or anything)
But song lyrics? ALL the time. Like tonight, when I did Jessie’s Girl on Guitar Hero, and unfortunately the rest of the world was not there to appreciate the awesomeness of Jessie’s Girl, so I had to post the lyrics. And then me and some other dude I only know from twitter sang ALL the lyrics. Kinda. But that was ok because it was all in @ replies.
And I only flirt with single people. And only for giggles. Because, I mean… I live in a town with 2000 people. And some of them are inbred (quite literally). Have to get your kicks somewhere!
I also posted about lunch today. Yes, I’ll admit it. But, seriously: left over Chinese deserves a tweet!
So… 3 out of 6 isn’t bad, is it? Really?
Then again, I do believe THIS tweet well and truly pushed me into ‘Do not follow this bitch she is CRAZY!’ territory:
“I exectb to se eun follows aterthis ioncobgereentmess. Soryr guys”
Do NOT tweet after significant amounts of alcohol. Just sayin’
P.S: Sorry about the stupidly long comment. Sigh. Fail.
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By Aunt Becky on Oct 24, 2009
But *pouts* I’m so CUTE! PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEE DAMMIT!
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By Pike on Oct 24, 2009
Lyrics from Men Without Hats are the only ones worth quoting on Twitter. So let it be written, so let it be done.
*is also trying to become Someone Who Comments*
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By Miss Grace on Aug 19, 2010
I’d like all the morons to stop tweeting all together. Post what’s in your head, but only if there are also brain cells swimming around in there.
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