Ominous duck – WARNING: OMINOUS
January 11th, 2010 | by TJ |This weekend, we took a trip out to Brinkley’s favorite park. After he exhausted himself in six or seven minutes in the dog park, we took our standard walk around the fake lake, and I spotted something.
You can’t see it very well, Internet, because you’re probably not as good of a spotter as I am. That’s ok. We kept walking around the lake.
I kept my eye on my target as we got closer and closer. There were about a million people in the park, because come on, it’s January. It’s a beautiful time to be spreading out your blankets in the grass and playing with puppies and babies and stuff. No one, however, seemed interested in what I had spotted.
Sometimes I get mad at him even though I’m the one who put the words in the bubble.
Finally, I was upon my target.
I set about inquiring what, exactly, the hell?
“Excuse me? Excuse me, Duck?”
I scooched a little bit closer.
“Excuse me? MR. DUCK?”
Not even a nod of acknowledgement.
“Mr. Duck? Mr. Duck, do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions about what you’ve got going on on your back here? Because that’s really interesting. I don’t want to be a bother but… Mr. Duck?”
“Um… are you… ok, Mr. Duck?”
“Oh, man. Oh, geeze. Oh, MAN. Oh, GEEZE. OH MAN OH GEEZE OH MAN OH GEEZE OH MAN.”
“AHH! OH MY GOD! AHHHH! IT’S LOOKING AT ME! OH SHIT. AHHHHH! AAAHHHHH!”
Have you ever seen an ominous duck? Because that is an OMINOUS DUCK.
SERIOUSLY, INTERNET, WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS OMINOUS DUCK?
When I close my eyes at night… it’s still there.
It’s still there.
By Diane on Jan 11, 2010
Muscovy ducks! We have tons of them around here. They chase out all the non-ominous ducks. They’ve freaked me out ever since I was a kid.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 9:55 am
It’s an actual THING?
There’s MORE OF THEM?
OH MY DAMN.
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Diane Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Oh yes. And they lived in the pond behind my house. They’d show up in the late afternoon and peck at the glass on the sliding door, begging for bread. Until the creepy dude down the street ate them.
ATE THEM.
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By kirk on Jan 11, 2010
That is obviously one of those Turduckens we have heard so much about. or, what happens when you expose waterfowl to the cancer causing phoenix enviroment…..
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 9:55 am
I think this duck was exposed to pure evil somewhere along the line.
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By Adlib on Jan 11, 2010
Oh man, that picture of Phil with the word bubble was so hilarious! I laughed at that for like a minute before I even got to the duck!
That is definitely one ominous duck though. I’m pretty sure we don’t have those here.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 9:54 am
This is the point where it would be hilarious for Ominous Duck to pop up right outside your window.
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By Shin Ae on Jan 11, 2010
I am many miles away, but I am shaking in my boots. That’s because I’m pretty sure its eye saw me through the computer.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 9:54 am
I know, right? Sometimes I think it’s still looking at me even after I close the picture.
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By Petal on Jan 11, 2010
“Ominous Duck! Ominous Duck! Doesn’t give a hoot because he’s Ominous Duck!”
Coming this Saturday on SpikeTV
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 9:54 am
I WOULD NEVER WATCH A SHOW WITH THAT DUCK IN IT.
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Capn John Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 10:09 am
While you might not watch the show but I think you should know that where ever he is…Ominous Duck…is watching you.
Cue in Twilight Zone theme.
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By Carrie on Jan 11, 2010
There are many, many, Aflac-related comments floating around in my little pea brain. But as I REALLY don’t want a late-night visit from any Ominous Ducks, I think I’ll keep them to myself.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 9:53 am
I advise you not to click on the picture to see the larger version. It will never leave your mind.
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Carrie Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
I won’t. It’s hypnotizing enough in its ominousness at small size. *shudder*
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By Swistle on Jan 11, 2010
That…creature is not a duck, it is a Portent of Doom.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 9:53 am
EXACTLY. Something bad is coming, either for that lake or for me or for my camera or for Phoenix or for the COUNTRY AS A WHOLE!
OMINOUS DUCK HAS FORETOLD!
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Adlib Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 11:09 am
“OMINOUS DUCK HAS FORETOLD”
…to be featured after things I randomly say around the house.
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By HokieJayBee on Jan 11, 2010
i’m truly glad to see people have commented here. when i first read the duck story [with accompanying pictures of doom and horror] this morning, there were no comments.
i thought for dead sure it was you simply settling a bet with Phil or something.
“watch, i bet i can get 50 comments on a post, no matter what it’s about.”
“bet? anything?”
“yeah, you pick the topic.”
“ok, fine. let’s go to the park. you remember that white duck of doom? post on that. get 50 comments. i’ll clean the bathroom.”
“ok. i get to use pics though.”
“whatever. just the duck is all i care about. and you have to put a picture of me making my uggh-did-you-just-fart face, and get that into the post as well.”
“deal. i can get 50 comments on anything. anything i tell you!” [laughing maniacally]
*********************************************
so you can see that’s how my mind works. that is what i thought was behind today’s post. so, for all husbands out there, sorry Phil if this hurts your attempt at the bet. i think i’m like #16. so you have 34 more to go safely.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 11:28 am
That is an elaborate fantasy life you have built for Phil and I there.
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By The Irregular Goddess on Jan 11, 2010
I can’t say for sure, but I think that might be the outcome of Daffy Duck’s infamous disappearing magic act.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
Whatever it is, something went terribly wrong somewhere in its life.
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By Miss on Jan 11, 2010
I swear to God, that is the same type of duck that stalked me into my car when I lived in Miami. Once I got in the car, he got on the hood, and walked all over the car, while I honked the horn and everything. Didn’t phase him. I was scared of them to begin with. That sealed the deal.
They are indeed, evil incarnate. But then again, ducks in general, are. Except the AFLAC one. Him, I can handle.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
I also took some pictures of a normal looking duck for comparison but I don’t think that Ominous Duck really needs any comparison for everyone to know SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT.
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By Delicia on Jan 11, 2010
Holy crap.. did you really spot it from that far away??! Either you have amazing eyes, or that thing was EMINATING DOOM from that far away and you were inexplicably drawn to it.
I must say I actually think the green feather patches are kinda pretty, but there’s a clear line along it’s neck where the pretty stops and the EVIL starts.. maybe it’s the result of some horrific scientific experiment where they fused the head of something grown in the lab onto a pretty duck, and released it into the wild to spread mayhem and destruction?
GAH! I can’t even look at it, it’s too freaky scary.
-Del
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
That’s what I saw at first, the green feathers. They looked really pretty. It was obviously to LURE ME IN.
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By Stop on Jan 11, 2010
Jesus, Teej, that duck horrified me. Thanks a lot!
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:07 pm
You weren’t crouched on the ground right next to it like someone with no regard for her own life who forgot that she could ZOOM and didn’t have to be right up in the OMINOUS DUCK’S business!
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By Stephanie on Jan 11, 2010
Based on comment #1, I googled Muscovey ducks and the predicting drop down thing had “muscovy duck recipe” at the top of the list… I’d be afraid of getting mouth tumors or something!! Seriously, I don’t want to eat something that’s head looks like it’s covered in some sort of alien spawn! What is wrong with people!
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
“muscovy duck TO POISON recipe”
I fixed that for you.
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Stephanie Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Yes. That is better. Thank you.
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By kLog on Jan 11, 2010
Hey buddy . . . wanna buy a duck?
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By lak on Jan 11, 2010
I actually think he’s kinda cute! And cuddly!
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
That is pretty much the exact opposite of cute.
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By Osethme on Jan 11, 2010
Muscovy ducks – they’re quite tasty! My grandmother used to keep them for eggs & meat.
Though yes, they are fairly startling to look at. :)
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
You mean your grandmother used to keep them for EVIL.
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By Iain on Jan 11, 2010
It is a normal duck that was making toffee and the toffee exploded.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
That explanation is at least as good as any other.
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By Awlbiste on Jan 11, 2010
Holy fucking no. Just no. NO.
Also Phil looks a little bit disgruntled.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
For a long time, I thought that was just how Phil looked and then I found out that that’s just how Phil looks AT ME.
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By Maria on Jan 11, 2010
OMFG. Awesome.
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TJ Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
By awesome, did you mean “dream-hauntingly horrifying?” I think you did.
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By Nona on Jan 11, 2010
That is one fugly duck.
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By TheWicked on Jan 11, 2010
Ominous Zombie Duck of Doom! I shall name him Ozdod for short.
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Adlib Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:47 am
ROFL. Ozdod is just fun to say too! That’s great!
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By Mikey on Jan 11, 2010
That is the most bad ass duck ever. If we had them around here i would leash one and walk it in the park.
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Mikey Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 8:15 pm
AHAHAHAHAHAHA couldn’t help myself :D
http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r51/wilcutt25/evilduck.jpg
Wouldn’t let me credit TJ for the photo for some reason.
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Phil Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
Then maybe you shouldn’t have used it.
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By ZombiePirateXXX on Jan 12, 2010
If there was an avian lifeform planning to crush the world beneath its iron…. web? That duck would be it, I am sure if has a lair of its own kind lurking somewhere plotting the takeover. I am also sure that he is scouting something out ready for said plan to be launched. Glad I live the opposite side of the Atlantic. It might take them longer to get over here once they’re done with the US. I may need to practice for the inevitable invasion, someone crack open Duck Hunt.
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By Aboo on Jan 12, 2010
That is obviously a proto-type of a new boss encounter in Cataclysm.
You are MUCH braver than I. His special attack is obviously “Curse of Hair Loss & Road Rash”
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By HokieJayBee on Jan 13, 2010
50 comments. Sorry Phil.
TJ will get you the Comet. Or Clorox wipes.
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By pixielation on Jan 14, 2010
Definitely ominous! And great fashion sense for a duck!
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