I’ve been away. Not just away at The Blathering, which was this past weekend, but just kind of away in general. There’s been a lot going on for me, in terms of changes and shifting perspectives and I don’t know, some other words that imply that I was sitting on the couch watching Grey’s Anatomy for two weeks (DONE, by the way). I got to talk about a lot of what’s been going on with some excellent women this weekend, so since I’ve now SAID it all, I feel like I can move on and start asking you about your in-laws and the assholes present in your general surroundings all over again.
The Blathering basically ruled. I had a good time. I got some really good sleep. I had one of the worst headaches I’ve had in a long, LONG time, but rallied enough to sit around and talk about butts for a while. Thinking about it, I had some of the most over the line, foul, “I can’t believe we’re discussing this”-type conversations I’ve ever had in my life over the weekend. Women are DIRTY.
If you can, I encourage you to go to The Blathering next year. It wasn’t stressful or action-packed. It was just scheduled enough for time to see everyone, but plenty of time to break off and do the things you like to do, which for me usually includes a lot of sitting. Miranda was my partner in spotting a couch wherever there was one to be spotted, and I sat my way up and down South Congress.
If you can’t go to The Blathering next year or maybe just can’t wait until next year, I would encourage you to do this kind of thing with your Internet ladies anyway. I’m crazy impressed with the logistical skills of The Blathering organizers, but you could probably just pick a town and call three or four of your best Internet ladies in to lounge. And eat. You should do it. I am NOT a joiner, and blog-anything is NOT my thing, and I honestly don’t know why I decided this was the time, but I found the whole thing to be crazy beneficial in a lot of ways.
I was in the Austin airport, shopping for souvenirs, and I felt someone standing behind me at the same shelf of doo-dads. Not one for shelf-sharing, I glanced over my shoulder and stepped away, walking back across the store and — OKAY NEVER MIND I CAN’T DRAW THIS OUT IT WAS SEELY BOOTH.
I left the gift shop and ran into Katie and Jen, flapping my hands and delivering my HUGE NEWS. We proceeded immediately to the gift shop, AS YOU DO. After having another peek or nine, I got on the phone. AS YOU DO. I got a text from Stephanie letting me know she was at gate 13, so I started that way to deliver my HUGE NEWS, but ran into Miranda on the way, sitting at a table and eating some ice cream. So I stood next to her and bellowed to my mom and sister, “SEELY BOOTH, YOU GUYS. HE WAS RIGHT BY ME. SEELY BOOOOOOOTH.”
THEN I decided to head down and get Stephanie to bring her to Miranda and I. I only got two steps away before I discovered Mr. Boreanaz sitting DIRECTLY ON THE OTHER SIDE of the sign next to our table.
So I sat back down and called Stephanie instead, to let her know what was going on by doing my best Chandler Bing impression.
Chandler: Eye app ina ah deem best ool ih ill ood ker.
Joey: HE’S TRAPPED IN AN ATM VESTIBULE WITH JILL GOODACRE!
Jen and Katie and Stephanie all eventually joined Miranda and I and our new pal Angel, and we all had ice cream and Salt Lick BBQ. Eventually we scattered, and then I was joined by Sarah Lena and Kate and Jess, all at various points.
I just spent more time describing the airport than I did The Blathering, but you know what, The Blathering was such a good time that even the airport experience was notable.
For a long time, when I would brush my teeth at night, I’d wipe my mouth on Phil’s towel when I was done, and I would think, “Hee hee hee, you’re wiping your clean self with my toothpaste spit!,” because I am a hilarious prankster and I also always leave my towel on the floor somewhere around the house.
But after a few days or weeks or actually, probably months of this, I informed him of my stealth spitting and he said, “Uh… you know I use that to wipe my ass, right?”
Listen, no matter how much you try to tell yourself, “But at least it’s a freshly CLEANED butt crack…,” it doesn’t work.
Here’s my baby:
“Um, it’s nice that you’re back and all, but where’s Dad?”
“My lip gloss? Smashbox Fresh Drool. Very exclusive. No offense, you probably can’t afford it.”
OH MAN, THE SWEET PEA IN A POD DRAWING, YOU GUYS!
The winner is Thanks: Management! Hooray! (We went to high school together!)
I will put you in touch with Sweet Pea in a Pod.
EVERYONE ELSE, remember the discount code! TJ15!
I was serious above. You should totally just get together with your Internet people. It’s worth it. It is. You know, there’s a $35 hotel on base, we have two couches and a recliner in which to sit, and I can drive to Target AND the other Target now, so… just putting it out there.
You know what was great about being away for a bit? It wasn’t that I got great sleep (I did), or hung out with awesome people (I did), or had some amazing food (I did). It was how quickly and efficiently I got things done.
When I had somewhere to be? I showered, dressed, did my hair and then did my makeup. All in a row. All in one fell swoop.
NOON. To meet Brooke at nearly SIX.
Because that’s how long it takes. In the hotel? 45 minutes, start to finish. In my house? FIVE AND A HALF HOURS.
And that’s why I’ve been writing this post since 9am.
So, which Blathering attendees do you want to hear some gossip about? I will make some up ON THE SPOT for you.