This is 98% of why I DON’T GET DUDES.
August 26th, 2010 | by TJ |(So, I was just going to post a picture with a small caption, but it turned out that it required a 500 word caption. It would be great if this blog paid by the word, instead of by the number of people I can fool into reading this shit.)
So, Phil’s friend Oscar lives down in Tucson and had to come up to Phoenix for some training for his new job and asked if he could crash here on Tuesday night.
Not a problem at all. We have a guest room. We let guests stay in it.
We didn’t know when he would arrive, so we went out on Monday and got some groceries – one complete meal for the night Oscar would be here, and a bunch of mish mash crap that I would force Phil to subsist on for the rest of the week.
Early Tuesday afternoon, before I got too invested in cleaning the house and pacing back and forth in front of the dogs giving drawn out lectures and threats about good behavior, Phil said Oscar wasn’t going to come up, he had a ton of stuff to do at home and he wasn’t going to make it.
Not a big deal at all. I wasn’t too put out because I had been putting off the cleaning until the last minute, so I didn’t feel like I’d prepared for nothing, and I cooked the dinner anyway, because, hey, Phil and I also like to eat.
So, yesterday, I am obligation free and finally settling in to really read Mockingjay. Phil texted me early in the day to tell me that since Oscar found out that he would likely have to do several days of training, that we might go meet him for dinner.
Being unshowered and unlaundered and really comfortable with Mockingjay, I told Phil to let me know as soon as he knew.
He came home from work and hadn’t heard anything, so I felt no real reason to move from my comfortable couch dent as he went off to the gym.
Now Phil, being a guy, does not always see that when it comes to making plans, especially plans that involve seeing other people and may include a need for, I don’t know, a shower-fresh body and a non-honey mustard stained shirt, more notice is more better.
I think that’s a guy thing in general, making plans and agreeing to things without concern for preparations that may need to be made or food that might need to be prepared or other such things, because all you have to do is call up the magic fairy to handle it, right?
What is worse, though, than a guy (like Phil) making plans or agreeing to things or saying, “Sure, why not,” without a bit of a heads up, is two guys (like Phil and Oscar) making plans together.
Less than an hour after Phil left for the gym, my phone started buzzing with text messages. After digging around, I finally found it jammed under my left buttcheek, where it had probably been all day, as just as I made no move to clean anything, cook anything or address any part of my slovenly self, I had also made no effort to answer or otherwise attend to my phone for most of the day.
Women do not do this to each other.
By Miss Grace on Aug 26, 2010
LOVE.
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TJ Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 9:14 am
So it is not just me? Guys do this to everyone, right?
Stuff like, “Oh, I said we’d go to a BBQ tomorrow.”
And I give a look like, are you fucking kidding me?
“What’s the big deal?”
“Well, we need to go to the store so I can MAKE something.”
“Oh, you don’t need to make anything.”
“YES I DO. Yes I do. Where did you live before we met? Did they have BBQs under the rock? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.”
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Miss Grace Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 9:19 am
It’s not just you.
And the just out of the shower NAKED thing happened to me MULTIPLE times when I lived with Gabe’s dad.
It’s like….you can’t just HAVE PEOPLE OVER MAN THAT’S NOT COOL.
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Becky Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 10:49 am
I am so relieved to hear this example, because while Ryan doesn’t USUALLY invite people over without prior notice, he does often agree to go somewhere without consideration for what we will bring to share with them, and then seems confused as to why I want to bring something at all. You can’t go to dinner/someone’s house without bringing something! Gah!
I would say that’s just my MN nice (or some midwestern thing) coming through, but he is from MN and you are not, so it’s obviously more of a male vs female thing.
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By Jessi on Aug 26, 2010
Damn right we don’t!
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By avasmommy on Aug 26, 2010
It is definitely not just you.
My husband will invite his parents over at the drop of a hat. On a Saturday. When I’ve been working all week and taking care of a two year old and the sink is full of dishes, and the carpets haven’t been vacuumed, the toilet hasn’t been cleaned, etc. I could go on and on.
So I run around stuffing things into drawers that I likely will never find again because I won’t remember where I stuffed them.
So yeah, I get it.
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By Brien on Aug 26, 2010
I’ve learned my lesson about this one. I don’t agree to ANY activity without saying I need to check with Lisa.
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By Chibi Jeebs on Aug 26, 2010
Guys also like to pull the maneuver many of us did when we were kids: “Hey, it’s cool if My Friend Right Here Standing in Front of You Where He Can Hear Every Inflection in Your Voice and See the Widening and/or Rolling of Your Eyes comes for dinner? Tonight?”
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Adlib Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 10:13 am
YES! My husband did something like that last time we were at my SIL’s house. “Oh we’ll babysit any time you guys want to get out of the house.” Without checking with me and during a time when said kids were acting like little terrors. I’m sure the surprise/horror was evident on my face.
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Chibi Jeebs Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 10:27 am
Oh, god. How did you keep from kicking him right in the shin?!? D:
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By cindy w on Aug 26, 2010
Wow. Suddenly grateful for my husband’s social anxiety. He doesn’t typically invite people over, he usually leaves that to me. Thank God.
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Rayne of Terror Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
I hear that. High five!
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By Kristine on Aug 26, 2010
Ah, I’m crying! My husband does this too, and we have KIDS! Like, 5 minutes before having to leave he’s all, “Wanna go to this BBQ/event/dinner?” And I don’t even ask “when” anymore because it’s always “in five minutes.”
Followed by, “Can your mom babysit?”
It’s given me ticks.
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By Nancy P on Aug 26, 2010
When you think about it men should really thank us daily for not KILLING them.
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By lenniejane on Aug 26, 2010
Robert came home last week and said his friend Jon is coming over for lunch. In like 3 minutes. I hadn’t taken a shower or really gotten out of my pajamas and looked like a total bum.
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By M.Amanda on Aug 26, 2010
It is a guy thing. My husband does the opposite, though. He tells me we have plans, lets me obsess over bringing something, watches me pack the kid’s bag, get dressed, and make the kid presentable. Then 20 minutes before we have to leave I remind him he needs to start getting ready and he says, “Oh, that was cancelled. Is that why you were running around like a mad woman?” Seriously, when do I curl my hair and put on mascara on a Saturday just for fun?
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Natalie Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Oh, HELL no!
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TJ Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Do you need help shoveling?
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By Natalie on Aug 26, 2010
1000x yes. All the time. Luckily we only have one set of couple friends who will regularly venture into our neighborhood (because they live there too, ha) and they are close enough friends that I can be in my pajamas. The wife has even come to our house in the pajamas she was wearing at home, any number of times.
However, the no time for a shower thing is not cool because I may lounge about my house for an entire day unshowered, but I go NOWHERE without a shower. I jealously guard my right to go about my own house and property as slovenly as I’d like.
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TJ Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
See, I don’t always MAJORLY fix myself up for everything, but I like to be the one to make the DECISION about how fixed up I will be.
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By nancylynn on Aug 26, 2010
My mister can NEVER understand that when you are invited somewhere, you have to bring something with you, even if it’s just a bottle of wine.
Definitely a dude thing.
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TJ Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
The worst is when a dude portion of a couple invites YOUR dude portion of the couple, so the inviter dude, being a dude, is like, “don’t bring anything!” because he’s a DUDE, so YOUR dude keeps assuring you, “He SAID not to bring ANYTHING.”
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By jake on Aug 26, 2010
As a guy, I will 100% agree it’s a guy thing. But you have to understand the opposite as well. No guy is expecting you to bring anything over for a BBQ or other random invitation, unless it’s specified as a potluck thing.
And then you will probably be told “Dude, you got sodas/chips/munchies/beer/whatever.”
Along with this, guys usually don’t care what you show up in, and frankly expect to see people sporting pajamas or hang around the house lazy clothing. We do, so why wouldn’t someone else be?
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TJ Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
I DON’T GET DUDES.
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By Pseudo on Aug 26, 2010
Teej, I really think you nailed it with the fairy-taking-care-of-it thing.
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TJ Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
I think he thinks it’s the same fairy that cleans up the spoon and single paper towel he leaves in front of the coffee machine every morning.
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Natalie Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Of course he does. The same one who rinses the bathroom sink after he brushes, spits, and fails to rinse. *gag*
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By Jason R. Peters on Aug 26, 2010
As a guy, I would assert this 100% NOT A GUY THING. This is an “I don’t plan well” or “I don’t communicate well” thing.
It has nothing to do with X or Y chromosomes. I share TJ’s frustration when my wife comes home with “my parents might drop by”.
Double-you-tee-eff? Parents? Might? When? Don’t know?
Panic? Naked? All of the above?
Yes.
She’s the girl. I’m the guy.
I want notice. I want time to prepare. I want options.
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TJ Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
It may not be an EVERY guy thing, but it is most definitely a guy thing!
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By Jason R. Peters on Aug 26, 2010
I’ll chalk it up to the conspiracy women have to make men look bad (take your pick of the “idiot dad” commercials, for instance).
I don’t think there’s anyone among my guy friends who would drop by unannounced, or appreciate me doing so.
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By Natalie on Aug 26, 2010
TJ, I’m not sure, but I think we may just have had our own estrogen cleanse.
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By Theresa on Aug 26, 2010
TJ, lemme know if you need help burying the bodies.
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By LizP on Aug 26, 2010
It takes years for the man to realize they need to give the woman notices if company is coming over. Husband now always asks me first, if I can’t be reached and he needs an answer pretty fast, he checks our google calendar, every plan is written there.
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By Bernie on Aug 27, 2010
I am not sure I get what this post is about. Oscar is coming over, Phil told you. Oscar was early/late , but Oscar came over.
So what exactly happened. I have seen many times when Ricky brought friends home to meet Lucy on short notice and things went well.
Perhaps you should have an emergency dress in the closet for just such occasions. Maybe a simple string of pearls and there you are.
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By ZombiePirate on Aug 27, 2010
Never do anything without giving the wife a heads-up as far ahead as possible. This often leaves gaps whereby she forgets that I’m travelling 2 hours north for the day but at least I tell her well in advance that things are happening and I even ask her permission to, I don’t want to be killed in my sleep after all.
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By Jilliene on Aug 27, 2010
totally off-topic but..!
what did you think of mockingjay!
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By Heather on Aug 27, 2010
I get the “for sure we can, let me just check with my wife” crap when he’s already on the phone with his parents so after already psuedo-committing it is inherently obvious that I’M the reason we’re not having them for dinner and not because of any other reason.
This annoys me greatly as does the fact that the small BBQ we are having on Saturday night involves now upwards of 20 people. This is where I put him in charge of grilling because I’m not a good enough cook to host any other dinner for 20.
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By Ellie on Aug 28, 2010
This.
This.
And more this. This is probably the definition of “male”.
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