This can’t really be my life.
May 20th, 2008 | by TJ |Ok, so, go get yourself a good strong drink, settle down, and mail that drink to me, ’cause in a little bit you’ll see why I deserve it more.
So, yesterday I instructed you to go back and read this entry here, which is what happened on the Tuesday of my week of misbehavior. I apparently never really followed up with the Wednesday or the Thursday, and the story has just been given yet ANOTHER update, so now is as good a time as any to write the whole thing. Ok, a year ago would have been a slightly better time, but I’m here now, Internet. Let’s let bygones be bygones.
Thankfully, I was communicating during the work day with The Redhead on meebo all the time, so I have actual conversation logs, which will comprise much of this entry, so as not to lose any of the details to the faded memory that occurs with the passing of time.
Actually, I never forget anything. Using the logs will keep me from being lazy and leaving stuff out.
So anyway, where we left off with that story, this guy and I had arranged to go out the next day.
Here, we pick up Wednesday afternoon with The Redhead.
[13:59] TJ: we are NOT going out with [Random Company] guy
[14:00] The Redhead: what?!
[14:01] TJ: So I get a voicemail from him saying he’s getting off work early
[14:01] TJ: he doesn’t live in the area, he’s just been working here for a couple of days
[14:01] TJ: so I go down to the loading dock to give him a call and let him know the earliest I could get out was 5:30
[14:01] TJ: so I’m chatting with him on the phone, leaning against the railing
[14:02] TJ: I ask if he wants to go get a drinnk at the nearby pool hall/bar place
[14:02] TJ: he says oh well I can really only hang out til 5:30
[14:02] TJ: and I said ok….
[14:02] TJ: he said I’ve got a daughter, I was going to do stuff with her tonight
[14:02] TJ: and I am taken aback
[14:02] The Redhead: OHHH NOOO
[14:02] TJ: but I say oh okay it’s cool, we can hang out another night
[14:02] The Redhead: he has offspring?
[14:02] TJ: and he’s all well…. I really don’t get out this way that often
[14:03] TJ: and I’m like eh, no big, hang out with your kid, man
[14:03] TJ: and mention that I was a bit surprised, he didn’t mention last night that he had a daughter
[14:03] TJ: I say, does she live with you?
[14:03] TJ: he goes ‘yeah’
[14:03] TJ: and I said ‘…… and where’s her mother?’
[14:03] TJ: ‘she’s there, too….’
[14:03] TJ: uuuh huh.
[14:03] TJ: So… are you married?
[14:03] TJ: ‘…. ehhhh …. no……’
[14:04] The Redhead: WHOA
[14:04] TJ: ‘but i’m kind of stuck where I am, I can’t get out right now, hopefully some day soon…’ and kind of trails off
[14:04] The Redhead: STEP AWAY FROM THE CREEP.
[14:04] TJ: and at this point i see my friend J who left the note for me coming across the parking lot and kind of beckon him over
[14:04] TJ: and I said ‘well, you’ve got my number if you ever manage to get out of that’
[14:04] TJ: basically saying ‘yeah, not happening dude’
[14:04] TJ: and say bye
[14:04] TJ: and he’s all ‘ok… bye’
[14:04] TJ: so J comes up and i start talking to him
[14:05] TJ: right at the point I see
[14:05] TJ: a [RANDOM COMPANY] pick up truck pull out of a near by parking spot and drive away
[14:05] TJ: with dude leaning over to check me out as he goes by
[14:05] TJ: so he was WATCHING me the whole time I was on the phone, too!
[14:06] The Redhead: EWWW
[14:10] TJ: sigh.
[14:12] The Redhead: its like when you get all the way home fromt he grocery store only two discover that one of your eggs is broken.
[14:12] TJ: ha!
[14:13] The Redhead: except, skeevier
Heh. So, that’s what happened on Wednesday. On top of that, when he was saying “Well, I can’t go out, but I don’t get out here much…,” he suggested we meet in the parking lot. Well, sure, since we’re both here, we can leave from here, but NO. That’s not what he meant. He meant like, meet… in the parking lot. Like… park there. I don’t even know if I can explain this accurately – he says he wants to go out, but actually in reality has to get home to this kid he forgot to mention, but would like to meet me for 5 minutes in the parking lot? What the hell for? Up yours, dude.
So, that was the end of that.
Yeah right.
Musical interlude!!
These guys are called Fools and Horses, and if you live in the Maryland/DC/Virginia area, I urge you to go check them out if you get a chance. I saw them with The Redhead’s boyfriend one time. That’s a whole different story though, isn’t it?
Annnnd we’re back!
So, that was Wednesday, where you’d think things would end. But that’s just not how my life goes, Internet. That’s just not how my life goes.
We pick up again with The Redhead.
[06:36] TJ: DUDE DID YOU GET MY TEXT
[06:37] The Redhead: OMG OMG YES. i demand a full accounting
[06:37] TJ: HOLY CRAP
[06:37] The Redhead: now
[06:37] TJ: Ok, so I get a voicemail “Hi, is this TJ? Could you give me a call back, my name’s D****(?) 144376******. Thank you” So I call back form my desk, like hi I just got a voicemail… ? And she says yeah and starts asking me about a note I gave to one of the [Random Company] employees, she was checking the phone records, etc etc as he has a company phone, blah blah.
So I immediately feel like an ass, start apologizing, say I’m sorry, don’t worry, I won’t be calling him again and I hope he doesn’t call me… And she’s like, weirdly pressing for detail for a co-worker, you know? She’s all, do you mind telling me what happened and I got embarassed and I said well, I hit on him, and he showed interest… And she says ‘did he tell you he wasn’t married?’
[06:39] The Redhead: ho-lee crap
[06:39] TJ: and I said yeah, he did, but I didn’t believe him, I’m sorry to bother him at work, etc etc and she’s all, ‘Well, he is married, with a daughter and another on the way… and I don’t meant o freak you out, but this is his wife.’
[06:39] TJ: and she started to cry
[06:39] The Redhead: AHHHHH
[06:39] The Redhead: omg
[06:39] The Redhead: omg omg omg
[06:39] TJ: I said oh my god, oh my god, I’m so so so sorry. I didn’t know, I’m sorry, etc. And she’s saying no no no I’m sorry for what he did to you, I’m sorry. I still don’t quite understand how she put two and two together but anyway, she says, He called you yesterday 10 minutes after I had called him to tell him I just got back from my ultrasound, I’m 6 months pregnant and I was telling him we’re having a boy.
And it goes back and forth for a couple of minutes, I give her a loose outline of what went on and she’s just crying and I feel so bad and I say ok. Ok, hold on. I am going to print out some things, and I’m going to call you back, are you ok? And she keeps saying ‘i appreicate it, i appreciate it, you don’t have to call, I won’t be mad if you don’t, etc’ And I said no no, you sit tight.
So I printed out the voicemails (YAY voice to text!) and took them downstairs and called her back and gave her the full outline of what happened, in order. She says how SHE found out is because he’s an IDIOT. He says on WEDNESDAY ‘so this girl gave me a note today that said I was cute but I never even saw her and I ripped it up and threw it away’ WHY did you even TELL her? So she comes to find my business card and number in his phone. She says she’s not crazy, she idn’t a crazy girl, but he just seemed like he was lying and she wanted to check and she kept assuring me she wasn’t one of “those girls” And that she didn’t hold anything against me and she wasn’t going to call me ever again or stalk me or anything.
So anyway, she finds out he called me and he tells her ‘yeah I called to tell her I was married and had a daughter and another kid on the way and she hung up on me.’ And I’m all ooooh hell no
[06:44] The Redhead: omGGGG
[06:44] The Redhead: i can’t believe this
[06:44] TJ: She and I end up talking for a good 20 minutes, because, you know, how often to you get that opportunity? So we talk and she’s so upset and so apologetic, even apologzing for him! And I’m like look, no harm no foul on my part. I’m not heartbroken, I know he wasn’t my type. I was just disgusted and I’m really just happy to give you this information. And she said that any information i could give her would really help her decide what she needs to do. They’ve been married since last august. 1 year old daughter and a boy on the way in 3 months.
Anyway, the conversation with The Redhead goes on to talk about how she gave me her email address, and I sent her the voicemails, plus the conversations that were logged in meebo outlining the whole thing – this is obviously not a smart man we are dealing with, and with the whole timeline of what happened from me, who has no reason to be lying in my dicussions with The Redhead and such, is not going to leave him any room to wiggle his way out. I don’t know why I got so angry, or why I gave her all that information. I was just. So. Disgusted.
[06:47] TJ: Then last night I had all this terrible guilt
[06:47] TJ: I mean… did I HAVE to give her EVERY detail?
[06:47] TJ: the part where I told her he said “aaaahhh… no….” about being married almost killed her
[06:47] TJ: I just feel like ‘oh crap, ruined the guy’s life!’
[06:47] The Redhead: um no
[06:47] The Redhead: the guy ruined the guys life
[06:48] The Redhead: not to mention screwing up this woman’s and their kids’
[06:48] The Redhead: he is an asshole, and you two should destroy him
The Redhead ALWAYS makes me feel better.
Dance break!
Did you guys ever check out the What The Buck? show that I mentioned on the last TJtv? Seriously. Do so.
So right. Anyway. That all happened a year ago. On this past Saturday, I called Michelle to wish her a Happy Birthday and said, “Oh, by the way, got a funny story for you.”
Yeah. That’s right. A full YEAR later, he somehow found my private profile on My Space and is wondering, hey, now that he’s gotten himself out of that pesky wife-and-children situation, did I maybe want to get together?
So I tell Michelle this, we laugh, I ignore it, life goes on.
Next day, I went out with a Guy Whose Name I am Not Sure I Have Permission to Use On the Internet, so we will call him GWNINSIHPUOI. Or just… The Guy. For now. Okay?
So we go out, tra la la, and I come home to find this:
GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM SOOO NOT “INTRASTED.”
What the hell is this guy thinking, seriously? He got caught Attempting to Date While Married, I told his wife EVE-RY-THING, and a year later he wants to know if I’ve been… what, pining away for him? Saving myself? Waiting for the day my skeevy prince will come?
GAH.
So, to make this even more perfect, I come in to work yesterday, and what do I see? [Random Company] trucks in the parking lot.
SUPER.
The Guy: so how was the dude?
TJ: I didn’t see him. Good thing, I probably would have kicked him in the shin and ran.
TJ: not… that I make a habit of kicking and running. I just don’t even know what to say to him.
The Guy: you should draw him pictures of how you feel
TJ: :( :( >.< </3 /slap /no
Emoticon rejection, the Wave of the Dating Future.
Anyway. I’ve answered none of this man’s messages. I honestly have NO IDEA what to say in the face of such… ridiculous optimism.
MEN. EXPLAIN YOUR GENDER TO ME.
By Bellwether on May 20, 2008
O_O
O_o
o_O
…lolwut?
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By Canth on May 20, 2008
^^^^
Uhm… Keep that can of mace handy.
Remember.. The police will believe the woman. In this case that would be you. Use it to your full advantage ;)
And ewww creepy.
PS, we don’t need to explain our gender.. [RANDOM COMPANY] guy is not one of us. We disassociate ourselves vehemently.
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By Bumwaller on May 20, 2008
TJ – remember, one example does not represent the entire population.
I cannot explain that behavior other than to say – what an idiot and I truly feel horrible for his ex-wife and kids.
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By Kirk on May 20, 2008
It’s not a gender thing – that is, not all men are like that.
My wife thinks (previous incidents, not yours) that it’s the result of the way these boys – and these days some girls – are treated as they grow up. They’re the ‘favored son’, only it’s done overboard. They deserve they want, and anything bad that happens (bad being THEIR opinion) is the fault of someone else.
As a result, everything is about them.
At the low end of the scale we get the boys who think of all women as donuts. Even if they’re married, they’ll take more donuts if they can. At the high end of this scale we get the school shooters – the ones who got slapped with the fact that it’s NOT all about them. And so, “I’ll teach THEM.”
Again, it’s not gender. I know more than a few males who aren’t like this. And probably as important, I’ve met a few (VERY few, but they’re there) females like this.
That’s my guess, anyway, as to what the deal is.
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By Dechion on May 20, 2008
OMG what a tool.
I agree with Canth [RANDOM COMPANY] guy is not a good representative of guysin general.
As a matter of fact at our next top secret meeting of all guys we should put in a motion to revoke his union card =P
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By Yashima on May 20, 2008
omg my life is so boring. this really is epic. verry purply epic.
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By Chaninn on May 20, 2008
I agree with Kirk. Something was messed up with the way this guy was raised.
BTW, good luck with The Guy(who shall remain nameless for now)! :)
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By Arrens on May 20, 2008
TJ, I was watching a rerun of Dead Like Me this past weekend and an episode I’d never seen came on. In it, an explanation of the male kind was given that was absolutely perfect and though not every guy is as skeevy as [RANDOM COMPANY] guy, the quote still fits. I hope you’re happy. I’ve scoured the internet for quite some time to get the direct quote. Enjoy.
Okay, George. Five reasons men are scum and women let us get away with it. One: we only want one thing. No exceptions. Two: we fall in love with you before we can have that thing and then fall back out once we’ve had it, whereas women conversely fall in love afterwards. Three: we will lie, cheat, steal or murder in order to get that thing… why am I sugarcoating this, you’re a big girl… in order to fuck you. Four: we freely admit the numbers one, two, three, and women don’t care. And the number five reason why men are scum and women let us get away with it: you can’t live without us.
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By Lance on May 20, 2008
I have no explanations for [RANDOM COMPANY] Douche Bag he is alone in his thinking that you would still be interested. Again Douche Bag.
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By Sorosst on May 20, 2008
Man, TJ, what can I say, other than that desperation is a stinky cologne.
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By Boffors on May 20, 2008
Postulate: All men are pigs.
Corollary: You must decide how much you like pork (ie. ham and bacon).
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By For the Pie on May 20, 2008
In the world of WOW, he’s is that NE hunter called XXLegolasXX (cuz Legolas and all the other forms of it were taken)
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By Dammerung on May 20, 2008
“[06:48] The Redhead: he is an asshole, and you two should destroy him”
She’s right.
That F—in’ idiot. He needs someone to break his face.
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By Doomilias on May 20, 2008
basically it comes down to this. all men (pre-op, anyway), have a penis. some men wish to stick the penis into things, at any and all costs. the end.
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By sonvar on May 20, 2008
I agree with Doom’s response. Some men have more control over this then others. Or at least have better things to do with their time.
And by no means would I associate that singular man to the rest of us. And I feel truly sorry for that woman who had to deal with that.
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By Dechion on May 20, 2008
So very true Doom. So very true.
There was a study, I read it and can’t find it now to link *grumble* that said something to the effect of
“evolution encouraged males to try to mate with as many partners as possible, by ensuring the ones that spread it around the best had the most offspring to carry on the trait”
Not an exact quote but pretty much the gist of the article. So as Sonvar pointed out it becomes a matter of self control over a natural urge. Some folks are simply better at self control than others.
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By Acme on May 20, 2008
I hate myself a little bit for being associated with this guy, if only by gender.
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By teh Khol Abides on May 20, 2008
I would like to, at this point, clarify that there are Men and there are Dudes. Clearly, you have encountered the latter variety here, which , among their other traits are generally the worst form of scum you can find. There are sometimes a third category, known as Guys, which is a hybridisation of Men and Dudes, usually composed of the worst traits of Men and the (few) good traits of Dudes.
As a note, Men do not engage in such behaviour as you have encountered here, as it is stupid beyond belief. This is commonly seen from Dudes, as Dudes tend to be much like Doom describes in that they have a penis and they wish to insert said penis into any receptacle that will accept it. They will pursue this course of action long after any actual hope of inserting said penis into a given receptacle has long since disappeared. Guys tend to get the hint a little sooner.
This has been Male Classification for Dummies. Brought to you by the letters 9 and number G.
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By Doomilias on May 20, 2008
i propose that teh khol abides change his name simply to, “the Prof”
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By Evil Sheep on May 20, 2008
There is no true explanation for our gender, TJ. And you would find us much less interesting if there was one….
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By Ego on May 20, 2008
So…..totally and 100% unrelated, but you should check out this year’s Eurovision.
Latvia’s entry is called “Wolves of the Sea” and it’s totally, 100% disco pirates. My friends think it’s gay disco pirates, but I disagree. I think one can be a disco pirate and not be gay. I am hugely happy every time the song comes on my ipod.
Also, Ireland’s entry, while not necessarily MUSICALLY good, is sung by a puppet. A turkey puppet. And the entire song is pretty much making fun of other countries.
I would provide links to the videos if I could, but work blockers foil that plan.
(I also like Cyrpus’ entry, Israel’s, the one called Vodka, and am totally in awe at Belgium’s, since it’s a made-up language)
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By Ego on May 20, 2008
Also, I think I should make random percentiles more often.
This comment is 20% lamesauce, 71% meaningless, and 9% boredom.
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By Arrens on May 20, 2008
@Doom: I second that motion.
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By Doomilias on May 20, 2008
@ego
to be a pirate IS to be gay. so, i agree with your friend, but only by that default.
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By Lin [EG] on May 20, 2008
o.O
O.o
Creeper.
And I thought my… thing with [ SOME GUY AT WORK ] was bad… -shudder-
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By Ego on May 20, 2008
@Doom
Don’t be racist. Wait, that doesn’t quite fit. Ummm…what IS pirates vs ninjas? Lifestyles? Professions? yeah. Don’t be a professionalist, Doom!
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By Vronak on May 20, 2008
I’m not sure if ‘wow’ or ‘ugh’ is the more appropriate response…
I know that for putting up with this, TJ deserves more stuff.
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By Prof. teh Khol Abides on May 20, 2008
@Doom
To be a pirate is to enjoy the company of wenches, therefore, gay is not a possibility, unless, of course, you mean they are happy pirates.
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By Chorius on May 20, 2008
@Doom and Khol
What with the rogues always doing it from behind, I would think they would be statistically more likely to be gay?
Then again, pirates do have all the wenches, and it’s a proven fact that gay men excel at attracting the ladies…
I think more research is necessary…
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By Doomilias on May 20, 2008
what with the wenches not being allowed on sea faring vessels…please, explain to me what tomfoolery takes place during those months and months on the open ocean? id guess that peg legs have more use than just prosthetics…
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By Yardbo on May 20, 2008
Somebody must have told that guy to never stop trying when he was a kid.
Hey TJ, are there any good PVP druids on your server?
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By Elton on May 20, 2008
To add to the pile of random comments…
In the theme of finished stories, whatever happened to that was mentioned in this post?http://temerity-jane.com/?p=620
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By Clapus on May 20, 2008
He’s a creep. I can not defend him, not now nor ever.
You did hit on him first. It’s genetic.
Perhaps one day I’ll tell you about the “wonderful” guy my sister met in church.
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By RabidCoqui on May 20, 2008
This talk on the pirate lifestyle reminds me of the reason sailors have nametags on the seat of their pants…
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By Malok on May 20, 2008
Wow. Hey TJ, I’ll explain my gender to you as soon as you explain yours to me.
Also, while I don’t necessarily agree with the titles given, I agree with Teh Khol Abides’ categories of males. Chivalry is not dead, most women just don’t really want it. I spent years not getting laid because I was a “nice guy”. It wasn’t until I got burned a bunch of times and became an ass that I started getting laid on a regular basis (this is a period of my life I am not proud of, I was very bitter and selfish). So, explain that one to me…
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By Jagoex, Therapist of Warlock Therapy on May 21, 2008
Hi TJ!
First time poster, long-time lurker. Don’t worry though, I’m not across the parking lot or anything like that. Cute T-shirt, by the way. Just kidding!
So there are a few things about this guy that jumped out at me while reading your post. First, he’s impulsive — he does things without care or thinking them through. He got his girl pregnant (1), married her (2), tried cheating on her (3), stalked you (4), and contacted you a year later (5). None of those things should have happened! It’s easy to say he might not be that smart, but considering how long he has held on to his experience with you, it may be something else too… but we’ll come back to that.
Another thing I noticed in your story of his behavior was that he was reacting to the situation in an odd kind of way. You asked a valid question when wondering why he told his wife about you, and from what little I know of him, I believe the answer is either 1) that he felt guilty about his behavior and was hoping his wife would reach out to him and fulfill whatever void feels towards her that “pushes” him to look elsewhere for affection, or 2) that this is just another function of his impulsive nature. My guess is that it is the latter.
Take a look at this link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotionally_unstable_personality_disorder#F60.31_Borderline_type
Do either the Impulsive or Borderline types seem familiar to you in the context of your gentlemen caller? It’s the closest I can come up with… but it seems like a standard case of a guy that doesn’t know how to define himself, making pretty bad, impulsive decisions in an effort to do so.
If you want more info. on this personality issue, check out Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s a bit more extreme (it’s based on a different, more modern classification system), and it’s totally worth a read.
Good luck with this whole crazy scenario. And remember, even though this guy’s behavior may seem inexplicable, don’t generalize it! Not all guys are creeps. I just had my first baby 5 days ago and can’t imagine ever putting her in an unstable situation, like what this guy did to his wife and kids.
Seriously, don’t kick his shins the next time you see him. Make sure he doesn’t have any more kids to screw over. ;)
Take care!
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By klaki on May 21, 2008
Though I do not agree with what that jerk had done, I’ve known people in similar situations. I had a friend (not I said had because eventually he got mad at me for telling him like it was) who couldn’t keep it in his pants. He got a girl pregnant and then tried to be the responsible one and married her. After several months, he started complaining to me about how miserable his life was. He hated it, but was living through it for the kid. I am no encourager of cheating, but I can’t imagine waking up everyday knowing that the next time of bliss will be that night when you go to sleep. This is how he made it sound at least. Well eventually he couldn’t take it no more and did have a fling and eventually divorced his wife. He seemed a lot happier and he was giving money to take care of the kid. Who knows what he’s doing now.
.
That was just a story I thought I would share. I’ve actually heard about women doing the same thing. This world is crazy!
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By HolyWarrior on May 21, 2008
Its not just Men!!
I speak from experience.
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By Znodis on May 21, 2008
“MEN. EXPLAIN YOUR GENDER TO ME.”
Not to be crude but, we have an extra brain and it’s called a penis. Seriously, that’s it.
The difference between a decent guy and the jerk/idiot in this post is the ratio of control given to one brain or the other.
This guy is clearly at least 90% dickhead.
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By Prof. teh Khol Abides on May 21, 2008
@Chorius
Lame rogues do it from behind. Awesome rogues are swordsmen of the highest calibre.
@Doom
Most pirates only spent as much time at sea as it took to locate and raid a group of vessels, seldom more than a few weeks, thus your logic is flawed and ninjas are still the inferior species. Seriously. Wenches are thing that will always make pirates cooler.
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