January 17th, 2008 | by TJ |

So I was leaving my house this morning, and I heard a rustling sound in the bushes next to the gate. I glanced over really quickly, but saw nothing.

So I started trudging down the sidewalk to my car, and over the sound of my dragging feet, I kept hearing this scuttling noise, but every time I looked over my shoulder – nothing.

Got in my car, headed down the road. I was at a stoplight, and, as usual, the street light above my head at this intersection went out just as I pulled under it. I think they’re on timers and stuff, but why does my commute always seem to be timed with their timers? I suspect this. So do my parents, actually. When I moved out, their my dad told me that they stopped going through so many lightbulbs. They tend to burn out when I turn things on. Anyway, whatever, but as I glanced over at the light, I swear I saw a fuzzy little arm sticking out from behind the pole.

I puzzled for a second, but then the light turned green, so off I went. I leave my house at 6:30 in the morning, otherwise known as “Still Dark Enough to be Sleeping” o’clock, and every time I glanced over at the median, I swear I saw something small running along there, keeping pace with my car. But that’s impossible, right? I wrote it off to reflections on the window from headlights and such.

I got to work and was gathering all my belongings to go inside (and as an aside, I did the same thing I do every day – carefully jam everything in my purse that I need, forget that I left my access card in the bottom of my purse, take everything back out, retrieve the card, put everything back in, and always forget something) and as I was doing this, movement outside the car caught my eye and I was immediately frozen in a panic.

It couldn’t be, there was just no way.

I took a shower before I left the house! A morning shower!

But just as I was twisting my head from side to side, peering out the windows, a piece of my wet hair slipped into my face and it all became clear.

Do you know what my new shampoo lump smells like?

I waited for the right moment, swung open the car door and took off like a shot for the building.

I got inside just in time, slamming the door (do you know how hard it is to slam one of those slow-closing doors?) right in the face of what I think was the boss of the rabid attack koalas, judging by his decorated little scabbard and jaunty little hat.

But seriously, guys.

CLOSE one!!

11 Responses to “THEY’RE COMING!!”

  1. By Phil on Jan 17, 2008


  2. By Stale on Jan 17, 2008

    I thought Koala’s were Australian…

  3. By kakalaki on Jan 17, 2008

    Next time I’ll leave the razors off :)
    You better watch out tonight. I hear they love to attack while you sleep.

  4. By sonvar on Jan 17, 2008


  5. By AndyC on Jan 17, 2008

    Just hope they don’t call in the big guns after you. Namely ol’ Kwicky Koala.

  6. By Kinzlayer on Jan 17, 2008

    /entertained and lighten mood tremendously…

  7. By BaldBilly on Jan 18, 2008

    Good job on getting the door closed in time.

  8. By The Soldier on Jan 18, 2008

    I’d rather go up against koalas than squirrels any day. Koalas are finite; squirrels are legion. It’s like asking someone if they’d rather go to war with Taiwan or China: Taiwan, because they are easily downed and drop phat loots.

  9. By Track on Jan 18, 2008

    I knew that damn boss koala would have a jaunty little hat… I knew it!

  10. By Track on Jan 18, 2008

    I knew that damn boss koala would have a jaunty little hat… I knew it!

  11. By Track on Jan 18, 2008

    holy crizzap, double post.

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