They never learn.
October 9th, 2007 | by TJ |So, we have a deadline coming up at work, and yesterday I was doing some reports to let everyone know where they’re at in terms of making it on time and not driving me insane.
I took a pile of pages off the printer and was standing next to a co-worker’s desk, trying to shuffle them all neatly together.
TJ: Ouch!
Co-Worker: Papercut?
TJ: Yeah, right on the palm of my hand.
Co-Worker: Oooh, bad one.
Now, we work in a department that deals with a lot, a LOT, of paper. If you keep your hands lotioned well, it’s normally not so bad, but papercuts are a way of life. We’re all familiar with the crappiness scale of papercuts, the best (if there is a “best,”) being on the back of a finger between the knuckles, the worst being next to a fingernail or between your index finger and thumb. Anyway, in case you ever get a papercut, you just let me know, and I’ll rank it for you.
Wait, what?
Oh, ok.
So I looked down at my hand, on the palm, just below my index finger, and very very slowly, blood started to appear, like it was coming from miles beneath the surface or something.
Co-Worker: Do you need a band aid? I’ve got Sponge Bob.
TJ: Nope, it’s fine.
Co-Worker: You sure? Don’t bleed on the reports.
TJ: I won’t.
So I went over to my desk to sort out my reports, and about 3 or 5 minutes later, yet another co-worker came to take them from me.
Other Co-Worker: Ouch!
TJ: Paper cut?
Other Co-Worker: Yeah.
TJ: Oh, same spot as the one I had.
Other Co-Worker: Had?
TJ: Yeah, it’s gone.
First Co-Worker: It just happened a minute ago.
TJ: *holds out hand* Look.
Other Co-Worker: What the hell, it IS gone.
TJ: How many times do I have to tell you guys!
First Co-Worker: You’re Wolverine?
TJ: All signs point to yes.
By Big Bear Butt on Oct 9, 2007
LOL… just warn us when you decide to bring the claws out and get… wolvie.
[Reply]
By Lance on Oct 9, 2007
Oh TJ that is hilarious your co-workers have to be reminded that you are Wolverine that will never leave my mind.
[Reply]
By Lance on Oct 9, 2007
Now one question are your bones lined with adamantium or an upgraded metal known as Khorium?
[Reply]
By Sonvar on Oct 9, 2007
It actually makes you X-23
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-23
[Reply]
By AndyC on Oct 9, 2007
I’m just impressed you’ve taught your co-workers who Wolverine is. But maybe that’s just my bias as the median age in my office is in the upper 40′s.
[Reply]
By Daxenos on Oct 9, 2007
Uh, you could be just a regular werewolf.
Well, irregular werewolf.
Uh, I mean, if you don’t get your fiber.
Or maybe you’re a lizard….
[Reply]
By bob the goat on Oct 9, 2007
This is not a surprise, you use enough lotion you could probably take a bullet and not lose a drop of blood.
Did your papercut mysteriously smell of cake?
[Reply]
By ArmsandFury on Oct 9, 2007
Oooo I want a rating!!
I worked for Barnes & Noble’s years ago and was reaching down for a stack of table books. The big kind that have pics and no one really looks at unless really bored. Anyways, I am trying to get a grip on them when I feel the dust jacket slice my finger open! The damn THICK quasi plastice dust jacket! Felt it go in!! Tip of my right index finger… it aggravated for days >.
[Reply]
By Doomilias on Oct 9, 2007
paper cuts hurt more than bullets to the heart.
paper cuts to the heart hurt more.
mend my papercut heart.
/emo.off
[Reply]
By Someone on Oct 9, 2007
“Other Co-Worker: What the hell, it IS gone.”
Are you sure this line isn’t from “First Co-Worker” instead? Would make more sense!
(But then again, trying to make sense out of stuff TJ says: NOOOOB Someone!!)
[Reply]
By TJ on Oct 9, 2007
@Sonvar: Well, I’m pretty sure I’m Wolverine, but your option WOULD make more sense…
@ArmsAndFury: That one is way up the list, almost as bad as a cut when you’re trying to clean the mini-blinds.
@Someone: Nope, I was here, and I know who said what. Sorry that we’re not… conversationally coherent enough for you.
/huff
[Reply]
By Someone on Oct 9, 2007
Well, you could have mistyped! :)
I was saying that because it would make more sense that the person that *saw* it first would say that it wasn’t there anymore! For the one that *didn’t* see it to say that “hey, it’s gone!” it’s weird, but then again, that’s probably why you get along with them! :)
[Reply]
By Shezmu on Oct 9, 2007
According to this
http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/villain/
I’m Doctor Doom, go figure….
Take it and see if you really ARE Wolverine.
Hmm… or the corresponing hero quiz I guess :)
[Reply]
By Kelektra on Oct 9, 2007
I managed to slice my finger open on the eavestroughs the other day while putting up my Christmas lights. Lemme tell you how fun that was!
[Reply]
By Wildhermit on Oct 9, 2007
I worked at a wharehouse right out of high school driving a fork lift loading and unloading lots of card board boxes. I can fully appreciate how dry and nasty ones hands can get.
I have you beat on the paper cut though…. Card board paper cuts are of the Devil!
[Reply]
By that kid on Oct 9, 2007
there are two things that scare me…I’m still growing in bulk and am a foot taller, and that now that i have said that i know you will proceed to tear my throat out with a rusty spoon
[Reply]
By Sonvar on Oct 9, 2007
I’m VENOM WOOT
Your results:You are Venom
Venom
59%
Mr. Freeze
57%
The Joker
48%
Dark Phoenix
46%
Apocalypse
41%
Dr. Doom
39%
Magneto
39%
Green Goblin
38%
Two-Face
38%
Mystique
34%
Juggernaut
34%
Lex Luthor
26%
Riddler
22%
Poison Ivy
11%
Kingpin
7%
Catwoman
6%
Strength, disguise and adrenaline are your greatest weapons.
Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test
[Reply]
By Evil Sheep on Oct 9, 2007
Hmm, apparently I’m Apocalypse. Must say, I love the summary line. Might have to use that in a sig one of these days…
Your results:
You are Apocalypse
Apocalypse 59%
Venom 58%
The Joker 58%
Magneto 54%
Dark Phoenix 52%
Riddler 52%
Dr. Doom 49%
Juggernaut 45%
Mystique 45%
Mr. Freeze 43%
Poison Ivy 42%
Lex Luthor 39%
Catwoman 38%
Two-Face 37%
Kingpin 30%
Green Goblin 29%
You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest.
[Reply]
By mars506 on Oct 9, 2007
You’re wolverine? ahh….THAT explains the crankiness!
[Reply]