These are my confessions.
December 1st, 2009 | by TJ |Internet,
I let calls go to voicemail. A lot. You know how you can push the button and send people right to voicemail but they know you did that because it rang like, twice, and then voicemail came on, and if your phone was off, it would just go straight to voicemail with no ringing, and if you just weren’t near your phone it would ring a bunch of times and then go to voicemail? I sit right next to my phone and let it ring its little heart out until it stops. Sometimes I don’t even look to see who it is.
I spend time during the day thinking about how to work phrases I like into my every day conversation under the assumption that if I just say them enough, and naturally, they will become a normal part of my speech, rub off on Phil, rub off on his friends, rub off on the Internet, and become common again so I can use them without looking weird, because I really like them. I want to be able to say things like “Lawdy, Miss Claudy,” “Cut them off at the pass!,” or talk about plots and schemes being “afoot” without getting weird looks. Perhaps I want to live inside a Scooby Doo cartoon.
I have not yet begun to Christmas shop. I have ideas and lists. Except for one or two things that I have not thought of yet but am counting on to occur to me in a stroke of Christmas brilliance, it’s pretty much just a matter of ordering what needs to be ordered. I mean, I don’t even need to leave this chair. I could do it right now and it would take 15 minutes. Tops. And that’s if I stop to scratch myself or something. But I’m sure at least another week will go by before this gets done. Why? I DON’T KNOW!
I did NaBloPoMo this year, and not only did I post every day, I felt like I wrote some of my best stuff every this month. Not best in terms of, you know, quality, but best in terms of how I determine what is best, kind of like on the TJ Scale of Standards and Measures? And I declared me pretty far down towards the awesome end of the scale frequently this month. Which pisses me off because November and December are historically low traffic months on this site, so I feel like I have wasted my best me.
The other day, we were at the BX doing some shopping and I touched these pajama pants that were just incredibly soft. Since Phil needs new pajama pants to replace these hideous fleece pants with CARGO POCKETS that he insists on wearing like it’s even remotely acceptable to wear something like that, I encouraged him to purchase a pair to wear and enjoy. He let me wear them once, and I haven’t given them back. And don’t intend to. I don’t know why I’m putting this in a post about confessions, because the idea of it being a confession carries with it the implication that I feel bad about it. Which I don’t.
When I stay up really late and the DVR asks for permission to change the channel to record Robot Chicken for Phil, I always tell it no and to stay on the current channel because I think that show is dumb, and it’s more important to me that I get to watch a Roseanne rerun for the 14th time.
I watched the New Adventures of Pippi Longstockings on Netflix streaming the other day and cheerfully admitted to Phil that I know all the words to all the songs. I also assumed he would enjoy the movie as much as I do. He pretty much eyerolled and sarcasticized his way through the whole thing and totally harshed my Longstockings high. That’s not so much a confession as it is a revelation about Phil’s lack of appreciation for things that fall very far down towards the awesome end of the TJ Scale of Standards and Measures. Which actually kind of slid him more back towards the middle of the scale.
Well, I feel much better now.
Your pal,
TJ
By Diane on Dec 1, 2009
I, too, know the words to those songs. My brother and I even made up a dance routine when we were kids. (On a related note, I really wanted to name my second daughter Annika, but my husband wouldn’t get on board. Bah.)
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TJ Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 12:58 pm
My sister and I used to watch it and Flight of the Navigator and Mary Poppins ALL the TIME (because that was what you could watch on BetaMax at the time). For pretty much my whole life, I have hummed the “Life is a Breeze” song to myself. And I plan to call my future home “Villa Villekula.”
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BlueTiger Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:29 am
Villa Villekulla…just you know, ’cause I’m brought up with the Swedish version and I’m a stickler for getting things right. Sorry.
You know there’s a Villa Villekulla for real? website: http://www.alv.se/pages/startsida_2009.asp?Lang=eng&sida=Ettan&language=e – possible vacation eh? *nudge nudge vink vink*
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By Bernie on Dec 1, 2009
You should do what I do about Christmas shopping. Since I work 14 days on the boat and 7 days off I am only home for Christmas once every 3 years. I do not buy gifts if I am working for Christmas, except for the Mrs.
When I am off for Christmas I wait and do my shopping on Christmas Eve. The reason for this is that looking for gifts at the last minute when I do pick a gift I am so relieved to get it that I never worry how lame it is.
Perhaps a list of world class lame gifts is in order.
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TJ Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 2:34 pm
That would totally work, except that we’re not going to be able to visit any family this Christmas, thus need to mail all of our gifts to arrive in time. It’s seriously cramping my procrastination style.
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By Dammerung on Dec 1, 2009
Laudy Miss Claudy you have a lot of things to confess.
Fleece pants with cargo pockets sound awesome btw.
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TJ Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 2:35 pm
THEY’RE HORRIBLE. http://twitpic.com/ncl64
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Dammerung Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I still like them.
Wulfa said: “uh.. ewww”.
Orclette said: “That’s her.” and “That’s a tiger” when shown the picture.
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TJ Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 2:47 pm
As a female, Orclette falls on our side by default, thus you and Phil are SORELY outnumbered. Terrible pants. Which he is wearing RIGHT NOW. Possibly because I am wearing his new pants. Either way, I am just refusing to look at him.
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Khronos Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Those look WICKED comfy. Go Phil!
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By Willow on Dec 1, 2009
I have exactly 1 Christmas present purchased. It’s for His mother, and is the most perfect something we happened to come across while out shopping for a friend’s birthday present last month.
If I had to guess, I’d say that probably 1/5 of my wardrobe consists of items “inherited” from the boyfriend. I’m pretty sure some of them would still fit him, if I’d only give him the chance to try them on again. It absolutely is not our fault that boyfriend clothes are more comfortable and fit better than ours! And no, guys, it doesn’t work that way when we’re AT the store. If we purchase the item for ourselves, it won’t fit.
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TJ Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Since I moved in here, I’ve pretty much doubled my wardrobe.
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By Vronak on Dec 1, 2009
BX? What’s that?
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TJ Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Base Exchange – the store on the base. I think other branches call it a PX?
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Dammerung Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Yeah… the Army calls it a PX(post exchange). It is basically AAFES’s version of walmart on base.
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Mikey Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 9:14 pm
yeah i read that and thought it was a typo. I grew up on a marine corps air station and we called it a PX. I guess you learn something new everyday.
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By Aunt Becky on Dec 1, 2009
You should do your Christmas shopping at Walgreens on Christmas Eve. You’d get HELLA inventive.
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By Becky on Dec 1, 2009
1. I LOVE Pippi Longstocking and haven’t seen it in ages. One of the best movies ever. Of course I haven’t seen it since I was like 12, and I’m kind of afraid to watch it again, lest it lose its awesomeness. Kind of like Alf did when I watched it again recently. Sad.
2. I do that with phone calls too. And the only people that call me are my sister and my friend that lives out of state (so I never see her). But can I muster the energy to talk on the phone to either one? No. I am just not a phone person, but I’m ok with that.
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By Awlbiste on Dec 1, 2009
It’s kind of an advantage being poor in that I have to purchase X amount of presents per payday. Currently I have one gift left to purchase.
I never answer my phone. I figure if I let it go to voicemail enough times people will learn to email me. Passive-aggressive forced learning? Maybe I should change my voicemail to “YOU SHOULD BE PUTTING THIS IN AN EMAIL!”
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By Capn John on Dec 1, 2009
I totally do the Voicemail thing, both on my cell phone and at work. If it’s important you’ll leave a message, and if you don’t then it wasn’t that important (or you had the wrong number). And just because you hang up and call back straight away doesn’t mean it really is important and this time I’ll take your call. It might be important to you but it’s not important to me, not right now at least, so leave me a message and I’ll get back to you.
Of course sometimes that backfires on me and the receptionist will come looking for me and she’ll be puzzled that even though I’m at my desk and she’s transferred the call to me three times…I haven’t picked it up.
Isn’t our Voicemail working? I’ll ask her.
Yes, but they want to talk to someone, she’ll reply.
Okay, send the call over again, I’ll tell her, and she will, and I’ll let it roll over to Voicemail again. And they’ll hang up & call back rather than leave a message and the receptionist will call me again, and I’ll have to explain Voicemail to her, again.
It’s not that taking your call will interrupt what I’m working on right now, I just don’t want to talk to you. Not right now. Maybe later I will, but not right now.
Now maybe I’m wrong but isn’t that what Voicemail is for? So leave me a message, tell me your problem, and if I can I’ll solve it; if not, then I’ll forward your message to someone who can. But right now? Talk to the machine.
I will check the Caller ID though because it could be the wife, and that’s one caller I don’t let go to Voicemail.
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By marymac on Dec 1, 2009
I am singlehandedly trying to bring back the words “Jinkies!” and “Zoinks!” to our language via twitter, so any help would be much appreciated.
Confession? Other than the obvious (I want to kidnap Jon Stewart) I’d say my passion for singing along loudly in the car to bad 80s songs is an embarrassment to both myself and my children.
BTW? Enjoyed my interview with you muches- it will up on my blog tomorrow morning at 6 am!
http://www.pajamasandcoffee.com/
Cheers!
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By Shin Ae on Dec 1, 2009
Confession 1: I’ve never seen Pippi Longstocking. I have only read the book.
Confession 2: I read lots of books as a child, and now I’m not sure which I really read and which I made up, or possibly happened to me. It is all very confusing.
Confession 3: In a related confession, I often forget large, very important portions of my life. Like, entirely forgetting an entire period of employment somewhere, that sort of thing. It gets embarrassing. Although at this point in my life when I suddenly remember something I’d forgotten I just consider it a nice surprise.
Confession 4: These things, along, possibly, with my pupils which are two different sizes (this happened a couple Januaries ago, out of the clear blue sky), occasionally make people look at me askance. Like for instance, when I am asked, “What did you do this weekend,” and I have to think about it for a really really long time, and ultimately can’t remember much, and then they assume that I can’t control myself around the recreational substances. The reality is (and here’s the confession part finally) I have never once used drugs in a recreational manner.
Confession Five: I haven’t even gotten as far as you have on this Christmas business. I am stressed about it, but not enough to actually do anything.
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By Mikey on Dec 1, 2009
I use the phrase “treachery is afoot!” at least a few times a week.
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By Mel on Dec 2, 2009
I let calls go to voicemail all the time. And then I immediately check the message because I hate to miss anything, and if I have a response I’ll generally send a text. That’s how much I hate the phone.
And another similar confession- I haven’t begun Christmas shopping yet either. I don’t even have lists or ideas, and I have a bajillion people to shop for! This is definitely an off holiday season for me. But, I’m going shopping Friday afternoon/evening, and will probably want to shoot myself (or someone else) by the time (if) I get home. Wish me luck!
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By motobu on Dec 3, 2009
4th paragraph, second every should be ever
you’re the one who encouraged people to comment.
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TJ Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Ah, yes, but I didn’t encourage people to be smug assholes.
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motobu Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:05 pm
well, that just comes across naturally. no encouragement needed.
i’ll tone it down a bit.
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