These are my anti-confessions
December 3rd, 2009 | by TJ |Internet,
To balance myself back out after my confessions post, I want to tell you these things:
I try really hard to answer all of my email. I haven’t always been great about it, and I still don’t always get it 100% right, and there is currently something like a 3 day delay on responses, but I try really really hard. I know that every time I’ve sent an email to a blogger I’ve assumed I’ll get no response and then when I do get one I’m all “whee!,” especially because the email I get is different from my comments in that when people have taken the time to actually locate my email address and open up their mail program and send me an email, they are overcoming inherent human laziness to either send me something totally freaking awesome, or ask me a question that they cared enough about to overcome their inherent human laziness, and I realize those things, so I try really, really hard to respond to everyone.
I’m polite in real life, to almost a compulsive level. Every time a waitress sets something on our table, I will say either “thank you” or “thank you very much.” When I would buy cigarettes, I always said please. And thank you. I bless someone whenever they sneeze within my hearing range. And if they say thank you, I say they’re welcome. I wave at drivers when they let us make a turn or into traffic, even if I’m not the one driving the car. And I wave extra long, to make sure they saw it. I hold doors for anyone who is coming towards me or behind me and I try to pick up things people drop.
I’m nice to telemarketers. I let them say as many of their things as I can without making them hopeful that I’m going to go along with their sale or whatever. Sometimes this leaves me on the phone for a long time while we go through the entire script of them giving their reasonings against my reasonings. If I’ve got the time, I’m usually ok with this. I do try to get them to accept a polite “no, thank you” as early as possible so as not to waste either of our time (times? what the hell?), but I do my best to refrain from shrieking and phone slamming.
Also? As a completely unrelated aside? Do you know what cell phones and even other normal house phones these days have done? They’ve taken away the satisfaction of a good phone slam. I cannot effectively hang up my phone in a huff by pressing the off button, it just doesn’t carry the same sense of SO THERE. Especially my phone, on which the off button is difficult to master, in that you’d think that pressing it actually ended the call, but it doesn’t, because come on, that would be STUPID. Pressing it THREE TIMES ends the call. So don’t start bitching about the person on the other end until you’re done pressing the button repeatedly. This would not happen with a phone I could SLAM.
I let the DVR record Robot Chicken last night, and I even sat here and watched it so it could be left on for Phil. I made faces and maybe some death noises through the entire thing because oh my god, it was horrible, and Phil spent most of it assuring me that I could change the channel if I wanted to, and I really sucked all possible enjoyment out of it for anyone, but I didn’t change the channel to Roseanne.
I have a fleece blanket that I wrap around me when I am working in the office, and I share it with the dog. I don’t mean that I use it sometimes and then if the dog asks nicely, I let him use it. I mean I carefully wrap some of it around me, and then trail the rest down to the ground so the dog can rest his head on it or hold it in his paws. If I get warm, I cover him in it, so I guess that sometimes I do just let him use it, but if I am at the computer, I am usually splitting my blanket. 2/3 me, 1/3 dog, because come on, he’s a dog, and he can’t do math.
Your pal,
TJ
By Tami on Dec 3, 2009
I share my blankets with my cat, too. (Granted, I know your dislike of felines…pretend I say “dog” anywhere I say “cat”)
I’ll even take the time to make pillow forts for him on the couch. Half the time, he’s darted inside before I’ve properly fortified the walls or anchored the blanket ceiling, but that doesn’t stop him.
And I share my office chair with him, too. I will actually perch awkwardly on the front part of the chair if he’s in it, so he doesn’t have to move. He’ll just curl around my backside and start purring (or…uh…wagging his tail, for the dog version).
I’m with you on on the cellphone slam, too. It’s like slamming the door shut on an argument while you’re camping. ZIP, ZIP! (from a joke by the hilarious, late comedian Mitch Hedburg. Recommended, if you’ve never heard his stuff) There’s a certain visceral satisfaction that comes from slamming.
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By Pablo on Dec 3, 2009
After having worked the phones at Gateway for a couple of years, I no longer find crank yankers, or Jim Florentine or any of that stuff funny. Giving a hard time to someone who already works a shitty job isn’t funny it’s just rubbing salt in the wound.
Also, the good old fashioned phone slam at least let the person on the other end know they had been hung up on. Nowadays they just think the call’s been dropped. It completely removes the ‘fuck you’ aspect of the gesture.
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By Heidi on Dec 3, 2009
I miss being able to slam the phone down on telemarketers or anyone one who has irritated me. *sigh*
As for being polite- I hold doors open for people of any age (I’ve often held the door for up to a full minute because not ONE person would take over).
Years ago, while pushing my son in his stroller toward the mall entrance, there was this teenage boy in front of me. I thought for sure he was going to hold the door open for me-nope. Seems he left his manners at home or something. I wanted to say something to him, but I decided to be nice that day and hold my tongue.
And I say “thank you” and “please” to waiters and waitresses.. or to anyone, really.
We’re teaching our boys to do the same.
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By Awlbiste on Dec 3, 2009
I am a serious Thank You-er as well. I always say Thank You to customers at work (even, ESPECIALLY, if they are being total douchey buttholes), I say Thank You to people at the drive-thru, etc etc. I’ve really noticed that not a lot of people say Thank You anymore, and it both boggles my mind and makes me a little bit angry.
I’m kind of a total jerk on the internet but in person I’m way polite. I swear! At least in mixed company or to strangers.
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By MoCo Mom on Dec 3, 2009
Blankets are wonderful and you can never have enough, is what I say. (BTW thanks for your reply, yep it’s Mont.Cty.. I sat up last night reading your earlier posts and figured you had been living in DC area). I know, smart, huh? Anywho, I’m in Rockville. Somehow I feel the need to end with an exclamation, so !
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By Chibi Jeebs on Dec 3, 2009
I *hate* not being able to slam a phone down! HATE!
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By Mel on Dec 3, 2009
The second fact, the politeness (is that a word?) to a compulsion? I’m just like that, and it’s really sad that more people aren’t the same. Impolite people are one of my biggest pet peeves.
Especially when I’m in a crowded place and someone walks into me and gives me a dirty look like I’m the moron – um, HELLO! You just walked into me asshole, try saying “excuse me!” (Can you tell I’m positively DREADING my Christmas shopping expedition tomorrow? Ugh!)
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By Adrienzgirl on Dec 3, 2009
My momma always says “you attract way more flies with sugar than with vinegar”. Short version, polite = you get what you want
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By barb. on Dec 3, 2009
I have a flip phone, which… maybe the person on the other end can’t hear the slam, but it sure feels good to snap that sucker shut with a big THWAP. The closest I ever get to an expressive phone slam these days. *sigh*
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