There’s a lot of “ifs” in this entry.
December 18th, 2007 | by TJ |So I’ve been thinking a bit. If I ever get married, and if I ever have kids, and if I decide to have more than one kid – say 3 – I’d want to have triplets.
Now, of course, I have no kids, and I know people who do have kids love it when single, childless twenty-somethings give their opinions on what it’s like to have kids. And also, there are serious doubts as to if I’d ever get married, and seriouser doubts as to if I’d ever have children and seriousest doubts as to if I’d have more than one, but go with me here.
So I used to be a waitress at a chain restaurant that people in the north eastern part of the country are probably familiar with. I worked there for about 5-ish years. A long time. So anyway, when you’re working there’s 3, 4, 5, 6 other waitresses working with you, and every one of them has a section of tables in the restaurant that they’re responsible for, and the host up in the front seats those sections in rotation, to make sure everyone is making money and no one has too many tables at once. More tables does not equal more money, more tables equals cranky servers and pissed off customers.
ANYway, so you’d get a table, go say hi, maybe get them some drinks, take their order, etc. When the restaurant was slow, it could be 20, 30 minutes before a second table was sat down in your section. If it was very busy, it could be 10, 5, or 1 minute, even, before you’ve got another table there. But let’s take an average night, for our example.
So, you’ve got maybe 3 or 4 tables. One just sat down, so you’ve got to run over and say hi to them. One is in the middle of eating, one is looking over the menu, and one has just ordered dessert. So you’ve got 4 tables – one you need to say hi to, one you need to check on, one that you need to get an order from, and one that you need to make dessert for.
By Jen on Dec 18, 2007
You’re assuming they will cooperate and actually want to eat the same things at the same time… hey wait.. what if you breastfeed? How do you pull that off?
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By Brinar on Dec 18, 2007
Just a thought here- you also have to be the cook for the triplets too. So you have to rush to get the 3 different kinds of foods fixed at the same time while keeping them happy and listening to Barney over and over again. Even past that, with having one or more a little older, you have indentured servants, that have to help cause Mom said so. They can run to get a diaper or bottle liner, where with three at the same age, you run your ass off.
Just a thought…
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By TJ on Dec 18, 2007
Ok, but see, this is what I mean. You buy diapers for a while, right? And when they’re done with diapers, you never do diapers again. You don’t have to do the whole diaper/potty training thing over again in a few years. You just do it all at once, because you’ve got all your kids at once. And you have 3 high chairs, and then you can get rid of all your high chairs. And when they’re done with cribs, you don’t have to be dragging cribs out in another few years, no more cribs. I’m not talking about the day to day details of raising 3 babies, I mean the life stages thing. And once they’re 18, THEY ALL LEAVE THE HOUSE AT ONCE AND YOU’RE FINISHED.
You guys have no VISION.
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By Sorosst on Dec 18, 2007
And once they
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By TJ on Dec 18, 2007
NO. VISION.
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By Brinar on Dec 18, 2007
Here’s the part though, it’s the day to day details that will drive you up the wall. Just imagining three infants teething at the same time makes my skin crawl. Three flu/cold bugs. Even just three Dr Apt’s with injections on the same day. Potty training with three. Okay, I’m going to be sick. I’ve got to go now.
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By Brinar on Dec 18, 2007
One more word and I’ll stop for at least ten minutes.
C O L I C
*shudder*
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By Stan on Dec 18, 2007
Wow. Just wow…
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By Dhaunvyr on Dec 18, 2007
This works for a while when they are not mobile. It did for me and my twins atleast.
But than you have to worry about changing one, and the other deciding to grab the diaper and crawl off with it for a snack, and while getting her, the boy decides to flop around onto the carpet and decide now is the time to poop, roll, and flop in it, just in time to distract you so the girl can try and eat the diaper again.
I am not sure if this situation can relate to working in a restaurant, customers can be jerks sometimes, but it should be taken into account.
And this is just with two of them. Three is too scary to contemplate.
Dhaunvyr – Warlock, summoner of two demons at once.
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By Odius on Dec 18, 2007
While I have no kids myself my sister does have twins and let me tell you they are a handful. I think with triplets your brain might explode. Even when they’re on the same schedule you’re still having to do everything times two. For whatever sanity you still have left I wouldn’t recommend wanting all your kids in one go.
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By TJ on Dec 18, 2007
Hey Stan – please use a real e-mail address so I can ask you privately why you insist on being such an asshole, so we can get this straightened out and I won’t have to delete any more of your rude comments, ok? Cool, thanks.
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By Brinar on Dec 18, 2007
And with that, the comments just ended. … I think I hear an echo in the building. It says in a quiet and knowing whisper “TJ’s wrath has been awakened, run while you can.”
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By TJ on Dec 18, 2007
You guys just wait. We’ll see who’s laughing when I’m done raising my 3 assembly line children.
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By Ratshag on Dec 18, 2007
Makes sense ta me. Ya gets that whole pregnancy hassle outta the way in one swell foop, ya can use some AoE disciplinating ta keep’em in line. And ya only need to hire one clown/bouncy castle/pony ride per year fer the birthday thing (plus, it be easier to remember).
I says go for it.
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By Psycho & Chaos on Dec 18, 2007
If life only worked that way. I know this from experience. Not the tripplits part but the children part. I have no children, but for some reason and no I don’t go looking for them the last 4 women I have dated have had children. The last one had 3. Now granted they were all out of diapers or just about for the youngest when I started dating her.
Kids don’t operate that way. Take a sweet child add 2 dashes of mischif and a pound of chaos. Mix till smooth and stand back.
I love children but expect the un expected. Prepare for the worst hope for the best tripple check everything and your still going to miss something. They tend to make your IQ drop by 50 pts.
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By Dick on Dec 18, 2007
TJ you should go and have a third boob implantend so you can breast feed all three at once.
IF, IF, I have kids, Im with you, I only want to do it once. Hence why I only want one, that way I dont have to hear them whine about their brother or sister did this and that to me.
@Sorosst: who said you have to pay for college? Make em’ get a job and pay for it themselves
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By TJ on Dec 18, 2007
See! Ratshag gets it!
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By sonvar on Dec 18, 2007
Somehow I don’t think all three would live to see 18
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By Beowulfa on Dec 18, 2007
I totally agree with you and Ratshag. And I do have a child. It would have been great to have twins, get the decision of whether or not to have another out of the way, get through the no-sleep infant period and NEVER have to go back, through the crawling phase and NEVER have to do it again, etc. So I totally agree with your idea.
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By Stan on Dec 18, 2007
Not sure where the rude comments are…
But, since we’re into calling names..
How about crazy bitch?
kthxbai
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By Pablo on Dec 18, 2007
LOL – you’re kidding, right TJ?
I’ll ditto Brinar in that it’s the day to day details that would drive you crazy. One of you would have to quit your job, because there’s no way you could afford daycare for all three at one (you’re talking easily $1000 per week in day care). Then you have to haul them everywhere – how are you going to manage a crocery cart and three infants? With three infants, you would not sleep at all for the first two years of their life – let alone have any time for sex, so you’re gonna get divorced, then you’re a single mom with three kids, living on the street…wait, what?
Anyway, three at once, sounds good, but not so much.
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By Doomilias on Dec 18, 2007
stan is a huge stinky bag of douche. can someone please flush him away?
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By TJ on Dec 18, 2007
Sorry to everyone else who has to see this crap, but I’m just gonna leave that thar comment above from Stan as evidence as to why he’s not allowed to come out and play ’round here anymore.
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By Fiordhraoi on Dec 18, 2007
I like names, too, Stan! In fact, I found a whole bunch I think belong to you!
Lessee, “asshat,” “dickhead,” those are yours. I think there was an “idiot” or ten thousand in the pile. Oh, can’t forget “fucktard!”
(Pssst…Stan…just a hint. I saw some of the rude comments. If the topics TJ chooses bothers you that much, why not STOP READING? I mean seriously, you can be an honest to god, literal, dictionary definition moron and still get that).
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By Jen on Dec 18, 2007
What did Stan dooo? (prior to his bitch comment)
I’m bored and at work, sick mind you, and wants in on the drah-ma!
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By sinjin on Dec 18, 2007
Hi TJ,
My wife and I have 5 children, our oldest came alone then two sets of twins. Your thinking, overall, about assembly line parenting is largely spot on. HOWEVER, what many here are alluding to is that although the children may share the same birthday and have been womb-mates since being zygotes, they are individuals in personality,needs, wants, etc. I recall a previous post in which you mentioned difficulty separating the signal from the noise. Triplets, as a first time parent, would certain force that issue :-). (e.g. is this whining or an emergency?)
I wish for you happiness in your preliminary parenting endeavors and want to be among the first to tell you that no matter what others experience may be, for good or ill, it is no guarantee that it will be YOUR experience.
Very kind regards,
Sinjin
happy daddy of 5
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By Dick on Dec 18, 2007
Maybe he is upset that there are no more TJ pics.
If I truly believed that TJ will not show us anymore pics of her I might be compelled to yell obscenities at the world too.
Not really cause Im afraid of the pony tail
/hide
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By Jen on Dec 18, 2007
I think he fears The Blink *.-
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By bob the goat on Dec 18, 2007
It would not be assembly line kids, it would be batch process kids. Assembly line would be having the kids about a year and a half apart so you don’t have three cribs, you have 1. You don;t have 2 high chairs, you have 1. The benifit of doing this is that if you screw up on the first one, you can do better the second time.
Secondly, Stan, man, I gotta agree with Fio, you came here voluntarily. Any critizicm needs to be constructive.
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By Tygo on Dec 18, 2007
Haha TJ, as the father of a 6 week old I shudder to think of what it would be like to have twins at home right now much less triplets. And I get to escape to work every day. I’d have to put my poor wife into a mental hospital and then I’d be a single dad.
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By Arrens on Dec 18, 2007
/agree with Tygo
As the dad of a 5-month old, I perish the though of my wife having had twins. It was a serious possibility during her pregnancy too. One screaming baby at a time is fine with me, thanks. But good luck to you, TJ. I see the upside. I just think the downside is far steeper.
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By Arrens on Dec 18, 2007
um…
*thought
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By Jen on Dec 18, 2007
Well put, Arrens.
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By AE on Dec 18, 2007
TJ..do the math, 12 pc chix nuggets, 3 kids +1 TJ= unhappy pony tail! /shudders
Besides 3 vs 2 or worse 3 vs 1= bad odds, even for a lock. Baby aggro is beotch…I’ve got one and he pwns me all the time…
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By Ratshag on Dec 18, 2007
Yer right, Teej. They lacks vision.
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By Ignatio on Dec 18, 2007
In a few years, thanks to the miracles of modern science, you might even be able to have three of the same kid! Though this would admittedly be a little creepy, it would fit quite well into the industrial process parenting approach.
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By Bail on Dec 18, 2007
Hehe, scores of the same or similar children
Children of the Corn
Children of the TJ
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By Vaerlin on Dec 18, 2007
The theory is all well and good… and I once thought that way too… but…
Many people who also have kids, and some with multiple kids have already made the good comments.
The pregnancy with triplets would be a little intense. The breast feeding pretty much requires substantial and frequent pumping with multiple children. Although you get the benefit of creeping out maladjusted people (grown-up children) at work who don’t understand what breasts are really for. ;)
If you’re one of those women who can function perfectly normally (within reason) pregnant (like my wife) then assembly line kids paradigm works much better than the ‘litter’ concept you’re going for. Bob the goat has the right idea.
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By Graypanther on Dec 18, 2007
I only wish assembly line kids would work.
I have three 3,11,13. And the 13 yr old is hormonal.
I think you would need a small army to deal with 3 in one shot. But the big question would be how would you be able to have just 3 and only 3 at one time?
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By Dammerung on Dec 18, 2007
Dunno.
We wished for twins with Orclette. For pretty much the same reasons Ratshag mentioned.
One pregnancy. One time through the diapers, teething, middle of the night.
Sure you have to deal with exponentionally more at once…but you’re only doing it once.
Sides its not like she wished for septuplets.
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By Marylin on Dec 18, 2007
lol would love to see that! 3 mini demonic ponytails running riot ;)
I get the idea, but agree with bob the goat – expenses wise it’d be a hell of a lot cheaper to have em one after the other than 3 at once!
what we’re doing atm ^^
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By malficent on Dec 19, 2007
I can understand wanting to get it over with…BUT look at the downside…you would get ZERO sleep for the first year at least. The cost of the diapers would be outragious. Then as they Grow up the cost of cloths (x3) school supplied (x3) Doctors care (x3) Food (x5) a new home to fit everyone in etc…would be HUGE.
BUT if you ever do it let us know…we would all support you in whatever you decide.
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By Big Bear Butt on Dec 19, 2007
TJ, you have vision…. but so do I….
My son did not sleep through the night for the first year.
The first… whole… year.
And I ain’t saying that, after a year, he suddenly was all ‘I’m cool with the sleepin’ in thang, jack’, either.
Some kids like their sleep, others are natural born early risers. And it ain’t genetic.
My wife and I LOVE to sleep in. Oh lord, do we love sleeping in.
My son does not go to sleep until 9:30 to 10 at night, and he gets up, bright eyed and bushy tailed, no later than 7 AM. If he goes to sleep at 8… wait for it… my ass is woke up at 5.
You start talking about three of ‘em, all at the same age, and I can just see one early riser getting up at 1 AM, crying, and setting the other two off….
Do you anticipate living in a mansion, so each can have their own soundproofed room, and you get a color coded monitor for each one?
Can you imagine the scene? You’re asleep in bed, you hear a baby start to cry… and you drunkenly (this is TJ, remember) fumble with the different monitors, holding each up to your ear to figure out which one is making the noise….
Here is my vision… space them apart as an assembly line… with the capital outlay for only one per item, as mentioned before…
But keep them spaced far enough apart that each child is old enough to babysit the one before.
Maybe just old enough to, please, please, get up and watch the youngest while mommy and daddy get some damn sleep.
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By Lance on Dec 19, 2007
TJ if this happens to you Move to France the Healthcare there is amazing and as far as grocery shopping goes the French Government will send over a nanny everyday for upto 6 hours. And before any one jumps on me for being a non-patriot I am in the USAF and love my job I just think that about 95 percent of the healthcare in this country could use a revamp.
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By Psycho & Chaos on Dec 19, 2007
@ Lance
Healthcare in this country is like many other things.
Get the goverment out of the cookie jar and things would work better. Outside the Military what part of our government is efficent (IRS Excluded cause you know they are efficent about getting their money).
Theres several industries Healthcare is just one of them that suffer due to the government putting its thumb into them.
But I digress….
@TJ
IMO Stan got what he deserved. I don’t see a problem with doing it only 1 time but I also see both side of the situation on it, good luck on which ever you decide to do.
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By Euripedes on Dec 21, 2007
I hate babies.
They annoy to me to no end, and have caused me nothing but pain, annoyance, and even more annoyance.
Hell, I’ve even been late to work on a critical day because of babies.
Kill them all, I say.
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By Yaja on Dec 22, 2007
I have 3 kids, with a 4th in the ‘oven’… I can clearly say that I like having them spaced out, as opposed to TJ’s ‘litter’ or ‘batching kids’ because everything I learned off the first one I can use on the next ones.
I couldn’t possibly imagine 3 kids going through puberty at the same time… omg… kill me now! /wrists.
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