The state of me being in this state.
February 5th, 2010 | by TJ |Internet, I’ve discussed this before – not with you, I don’t think, but I probably would have gotten around to it eventually – I just don’t care for travel. I know that the desire for travel is generally assumed to be present in anyone and everyone, as if it’s a certainty that anyone with half a brain would turn globetrotter at the drop of a hat, given the chance. Well, meet the girl who is CHALLENGING ALL OF YOUR PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS OF NORMALITY. I’m practically a “The More You Know” commercial.
Doo DOO doo doooooo.
I don’t like to be away from home. People will say, “Oh, don’t you want to see other countries, experience other cultures?” Not… really. I have nothing against other countries or cultures. I just think… isn’t that why we invented the Internet? I mean, have you heard the way that some of you make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? If that’s not other cultures, being experienced by me, right in my email inbox, I don’t know what is.
Anyway, this is a long way of saying that I’m not even remotely pleased to be in Pennsylvania right now. It’s cold, and it’s snowing on and off and everyone is just acting like it’s normal. I know I’ve only been gone from the east coast for a year, but that is long enough to realize that I don’t like it here.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS, EAST COAST.
Anyway, I’ve had appointments all week and have not been able to adjust to the time difference at all. It’s only 2 hours at the moment, but my whole life is thrown off. I keep getting yanked out of bed early, when my mother decides she’s generously allowed me to sleep enough. I keep having to stay up late because I get the feeling that the fact that I actually need time to work doesn’t get considered too much here. It’s a common problem with the whole working at home thing – Phil sometimes struggles with it, too. The idea that I can work anytime, anywhere, so I’m much more flexible. Of course, if I need to go to an appointment or something, it is much easier for me than for someone with an office job. However, the work “anywhere, anytime” thing does require a place and a time at some point, and since I’ve been here, that place and time has been sitting in the center of my sister’s childhood bed at 11pm.
I’ve read every single comment on the dresses post, and I really appreciate all of your thoughts. I have to say, though, we (my sister, mom and I) were totally surprised by many of them. We’re not at all shocked at which dress ended up being the runaway favorite, but a dress that has been a very strong front runner for all of us got little to no favor at all with most people. I had to go try it on again, we were so shocked. Last night, my sister and I agreed that I must have just chosen a bad picture of it – it’s so flattering in person, and so pretty, it’s just not possible that so few people would like it. I don’t have the time to resize anymore photos right now, but since I got everyone’s unbiased opinions on the dresses yesterday, I’ll do a post with my opinions of them later tonight or tomorrow, for the most hardcore and dedicated of the dress shoppers. Those of you who have had your fill of ooh and ahh over standard white dresses should feel free to skip it – I’m aware that wedding dresses are not nearly as interesting to the general public or penises as they are to someone who is currently planning a wedding.
I truly am stumped on the dresses, and with 7 contending for the top spot, you’d think we’d be content to just let them all duke it out, but instead, we are heading out to one more store this afternoon. The worst case scenario at this new store would be that someone makes fun of my flabby arms. The slightly less horrible but much more realistic worst case scenario would be that we find a dress that is on par with the other seven. The best outcome would be if we found either nothing, or one dress that just kicked every other dress’s tulle-y ass, and the decision would be made.
Anyway, I can’t believe I’ve been rambling on about dress shopping for days. This is why, on the whole, I talk so little about my day to day life, and focus instead on… well, whatever the hell it is I normally focus on. Some people have a skill for making the day to day mundane details of their life interesting, compelling and/or hysterical. Me, I need to stick to writing about sandwiches and candy bars, because damn it is dull to be me.
Here’s some stuff I’ve been thinking about when everyone else gets to sleep and I have to stay up way late and work even though my mom is only going to let me sleep til, like, 8, and think that she actually waited forever to wake me up, even though she is totally not factoring in the fact that I don’t even a little bit want to be awake and that I’m 28 and just waking me up for the hell of waking me up stopped being one of her parental rights when I moved out into my own place:
1. More people have seen me in my underwear in the last three days than in the last three years, total. And all I packed was polka dots, polka dots, stripes and snowmen. Awesome. EXCEPT? The shop ladies were mostly just happy that I was WEARING any in the first place! WHO ARE YOU OTHER WOMEN IN THIS WORLD?
2. This is completely unrelated to anything, but I’ve recently decided that while I nodded along with a certain opinion in the past, I am ready to say I just totally don’t buy it. I pretty much totally disagree with the notion that those women on the late night HBO “Real Sex” show try to sell, the concept that stripping or, more often, burlesque, is empowering to women. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think it is DISempowering, either. If you get your rocks off by taking off your clothes and dancing around for an audience, there is NOTHING wrong with that. Good for you. More power to you. However, I have to disagree when you try to rationalize or justify it by saying it “empowers” women as a whole. I don’t think that strippers or burlesque dancers are degrading themselves as a general rule (obviously individual and situational), but I don’t think they’re making any great strides for female kind, either. You like to show your naked body to people. It’s not a subversive social statement, it’s semi-public nudity. 75% of the audience (being generous) is not appreciating your art, they’re appreciating your tits. I don’t have anything against stripping or nudie dancing. Just, you know, sack up and say what it is – naked for fun and profit.
3. I’m pretty sick of being told, “You’ll understand when you __________.” Whether it be get married, have a kid, get older, etc etc etc. I’m not a slobbering moron. I am pretty sure I understand a good portion of these things, at least in theory. Phil and I live together, have a joint bank account, do most everything together unless he is at work. I am pretty sure I “get” the whole functional, day to day-ness of being married. And no, I don’t have a kid, but I’ve been tired. Oh no, I totally understand. You, the one who has procreated, are the only one who knows what real tired is. No one else has ever been tired. Ever. EVER. If you have not expelled a baby from your body, you may think you’ve been tired, exhausted, ready to drop face first into your laptop, but you’d be wrong. Because only mommies know what tired really is. Anyway. I’m not eight. “You’ll understand when ________” no longer applies, like, ever. I may not have all the wisdom that years bring, but I am pretty sure that saying “I do,” having a baby, or any other life event doesn’t suddenly grant you special powers. I am reasonably certain that I possess the mental capacity to understand these basic concepts.
Did I miss LINK TO SOMEONE ELSE THURSDAY again? I think I did. See? This is why I hate travel. I can’t even blog correctly.
By Phaedra on Feb 5, 2010
Hehehe….hope you enjoy the Nor’easter we’re getting today into tomorrow. Though, I think SEPA is getting hit harder than NEPA.
You should stop up on Herr’s chips, Nardone’s Brothers Pizza, and Tastycakes while you’re in town and hit up Old Forge for some pizza.
And I totally missed the post yesterday but you looked lovely in all the dresses (my personal favorite was 4).
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Peregwyn Reply:
February 6th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
OMG Tastycakes. I miss them so bad. Used to live in Wilmington DE.
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By Becky on Feb 5, 2010
AHH! I HATE the “You’ll understand when ___” statements. I completely agree with you. And while there may be things that are different about being tired pre-kids and being tired post-kids, that doesn’t mean that people without kids can’t be just as exhausted. And also, why do only some people get to whine, while telling others in the population they aren’t allowed? I mean, really. If we are going to go that direction those moms should shut it because at least they have a home and a bed to sleep in when they can! Think of the poor, tired, HOMELESS mothers! How can you complain!? You don’t even UNDERSTAND what it’s LIKE!
Ugh. I hate that kind of crap.
Good luck with the final dress shopping. And definitely go with what you feel best in/looks best to you guys in person, because (duh) that’s how people will see you on your wedding day. And the pictures will look great no matter which dress you choose.
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By Adlib on Feb 5, 2010
I know you don’t feel terribly interesting blogwise, right now, but that is one long post, and I read it all because it was interesting! :)
I also echo Becky’s sentiment on the dresses–whatever looks best in real life! I’m guessing your favorite may have been 1 or 5 since I didn’t see those two mentioned much (and maybe only once at that).
I had to laugh at the underwear thing. Who doesn’t wear underwear to at least a wedding dress trial??
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By DD on Feb 5, 2010
Don’t even get me started on the whole “You’ll understand when you have kids” bull-pooey. We spent the equivalent of the cost of a commuter car on 2 year’s worth of infertility treatments and I willingly subjected myself to being a human pin cushion for several of those months all leading to a failed IVF. I subsequently informed my family that THEY had lost the right to use that phrase on me any more. The mere utterance of those words will result in physical harm to the utterer.
You should definitely go with whatever dress looks best in person and makes you feel the best. Attitude is everything!
Mmmmmm….Tastykakes. My dad was from Wilkes-Barre and I still have cousins there (one of whom just got married 2 weeks ago in Philly). My aunts used to send our Christmas presents in a huge box that was at least 1/2 full of Tastykakes because we can’t get them here (in the midwest). It really is one of my fondest childhood memories and occasionally I’ll order a sampler box at Christmas just for sentimental reasons (the aunts and my dad have all passed away). What am I saying?! It’s not sentimental…the Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes are the BOMB! And it was funny to see Phaedra mention Nardone Brothers too. My cousin is married to a Nardone, but she’s from the “other” Nardone family that also has a bakery & pizza business.
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Phaedra Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Stick your Kandy Kakes in the freezer. They are AWESOME frozen!
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DD Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Never actually done them frozen, but they are always ice cold out of the fridge with a glass of milk. ;-)
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By Skraps on Feb 5, 2010
“I’m aware that wedding dresses are not nearly as interesting to the general public or penises as they are to someone who is currently planning a wedding.”
Did you mean to slip that penis in there? (see what i did there?)
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By Chaninn on Feb 5, 2010
It’s true, when you’ve returned to the parental abode for any length of time (at least 2 min.), they forget that you’ve become a fully functional adult and can make decisions for yourself.
Good luck dress shopping, hope you find the dress that makes you go “ohhh, yes!”
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By Delicia on Feb 5, 2010
I think you’re doing awesome, and I bet whatever dress YOU decide you like best, and makes you feel beautiful when you wear it, will be the best dress. :)
BTW looking at the weather forecast for that part of the country this week? Dayuuumnn.. no thanks.
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By Awlbiste on Feb 5, 2010
1. I think it’s a universal thing for people to tell other people “Oh you’ll understand when you’re a parent.” This totally INFURIATES me on a special level of INFURIATE. WELL I GUESS I WON’T EVER FUCKING UNDERSTAND THEN. Man, I bet it makes people who aren’t having kids because they can’t for whatever reason an even higher level of INFURIATE.
2. I am still rooting for four.
3. I also totally get the anywhere anytime thing when it comes to school. Since I returned to college to get mah shits together I decided to do all online classes when I could for flexibility around my work schedule. People don’t seem to understand I STILL HAVE TO DO IT AT SOME POINT OH GOD LET ME FINISH.
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By barb. on Feb 5, 2010
I have a sister who works at the post office. She used to say YOU DON’T KNOW TIRED UNTIL YOU’VE WORKED AT THE POST OFFICE in response to whatever complaint you may have: up all night with a colicky child? drove for eight hours straight after working for eight hours on two hours of sleep? flew 24 hours around the globe? You are not tired! You did not work at the POST OFFICE to acquire that exhaustion! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TIRED MEANS. So, yes. All that to say that I know how you feel about those idiotic “you’ll understand when _____” statements.
Also, yes, “…UNTIL YOU’VE WORKED AT THE US POST OFFICE” has become a running joke in our family.
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By Gauntlet on Feb 5, 2010
I will come out in favor of saying that having a child is a completely different kind of tired than I had before. I’m not going to argue that you don’t know what tired is — I don’t know you well enough (as well as I know myself, in other words) to make that kind of statement.
This has been a random comment. FOR YOU.
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By Aunt Becky on Feb 5, 2010
Oh, there there, TJ, you’ll understand when you’re…
*ducks*
Bwahahahahaha!
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By Shin Ae on Feb 6, 2010
I hate to travel, too! I wish I liked it more. About the dress, I am sure that the three of you looking at the dress in real life and agreeing are not wrong. Maybe the picture was just a little off, like you said. Can’t wait to hear more details!
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By Kirsten on Feb 7, 2010
I can’t believe no one has told you about the married super powers. JUST YOU WAIT!!
Also I hope for the last dress shop you went commando. Just to be like everyone else.
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By Flame on Feb 9, 2010
Oh, I hate the “you’ll understand when/if you had kids” things. So you’re saying that no one else in the whole world has felt X because they don’t have a kid? What a load of crap… I hate that “better-than-you” attitude from some parents. Maybe I should be glad I don’t know because I don’t have kids… at least it makes me feel better. I should start replying that they’d understand (insert something awesome and fun) if they didn’t have kids. lmao
I can take a few days of traveling, but more than a week and I’m done. I would much rather spend 2 weeks at home than 2 weeks traveling.
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By Alex on Feb 10, 2010
Ha! I actually just said to two of my friends “you’ll understand one day…” like, 10 minutes ago. And I felt like an ass saying it but they were calling me LAME! Lame! For liking to spend time at home with my fiancee. Seriously? Augh. All of my friends are single, they just don’t get it.
Woah…when did this become my blog? Shut up, Alex.
Good luck with the dresses. I’m sure whatever you think is best probably is.
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