The End… ish?
January 16th, 2008 | by TJ |So, the concert had been on a Thursday, and I was rudely awakened Friday morning. Still, at this point, I didn’t really consider there to be any problem – I know that with the tone of the re-telling of the story and all, TG has taken on the role of the evil doer, but try to imagine that at this point in the story when it was actually happening, he was a nice, if over-ego-fied guy who had given my roommate and I a ride home and was maybe coming on a bit too strong. In hindsight, of course there are alarm bells and all, but you know.
After the early morning wake up call, I was able to get back to sleep for about 30 more seconds, until the dumpsters outside my room window started getting emptied and there’s just no hope of sleeping through any of that. I had a long day that day, class and running errands and whatever and didn’t end up getting back to my room until later in the evening, after a dinner with some friends. I was getting ready to go right back out, and honestly hadn’t cast TG a second thought since that morning. My roommate and I were almost ready to go when my phone rang that off campus double ring, but I ignored it – I figured it was my friend John, he was pretty much the only one aside from my mom who called that number, and I had my cellphone on me so I gave him a call on my way out. He hadn’t just called, but whatever, we had a nice chat.
So, roommate and I go out, come home, and decide that we absolutely must have some food at 2:30 in the morning, and we lived in a college town, so calling for delivery was no problem. I picked up my phone to call and noticed I had a voicemail so I told my roommate to order us some food and started to check it.
Phone: You have 4. Unheard. Messages.
TJ: Do I even know four people?
Phone: Message. One.
TG: Hey, TJ! It’s TG! It’s about 5pm, I just got in from the gym, liftin weights and stuff, you know, and I just wanted to give you a call before I hopped in the shower so we didn’t miss each other when you called, but I guess you’re not in your room right now… anyway, give me a call back and let me know what’s going on tonight!
Phone: Message. Two.
TG: Hey, TJ, it’s TG… Um, it’s about 6pm, haven’t heard from you, so I’m gonna go grab some dinner… I don’t know if you want to get dinner or anything tonight but just give me a call and if you’re hungry, I can eat again, no big deal. Bye!
Phone: Message. Three.
TG: Hey, TJ, it’s TG. It’s about 8pm, I guess you had to work or something? No big deal. But this is your phone in your room, right? Do you have a cellphone or anything I can reach you on? Kind of worried, that’s all. Anyway, hope you’re having a good night, we’ll definitely catch up tomorrow.
TJ: Haha, roommate, holy shit, you’re never going to believe — ooh, voicemail from the front desk says I have a package! Woo!
8am the next morning, phone rings.
TJ: WHAT?
TG: Hey what’s up!
TJ: Who is this?
TG: Hahaha, come on! It’s TG of course! So what’s going on, where were you last night?
TJ: … it’s 8am.
TG: Yeah but it’s Saturday! You don’t have work or class or anything!
TJ: Uuughh do not call me. Before 10am. Ever. *click*
Ok, so I used to be really bitchy early in the morning, sue me. I’ve grown!
So anyway, this pattern continued for a few days. I don’t remember how often he called, or what we talked about, or even why I didn’t tell him to piss off, but I was slowly becoming more and more annoyed and very slowly clueing in to the fact that he wasn’t behaving normally. That’s kind of a theme in my life – slow.
So anyway, right when I’m about at the end of my soap, Thanksgiving just a couple of days away, papers and midterms to be finished, running out of excuses to blow this guy off , wondering when he’s going to get tired of this game, and wondering exactly how much niceness a ride home from DC obligates me, we had the most… interesting conversation we were to have yet.
All of the other above conversations I’ve posted, I’ve had to reconstruct as best I could, you know, he called me something like 4 billion times over the course of a week or so, I’ve given you the basic gist. But the last 30 seconds of this phone call, oh, I remember it perfectly. It wasn’t his usual cajoling, or his standard over the top bragging about what kind of big boy Army stuff he did that day, or his normal relentless cheerfulness, or his insistence on going over every hour of my schedule to see if we ever had any free time matching up (no). I am never going to forget this.
TG: So yeah, anyway, you remember my friend who drove you guys home?
TJ: Mmmhm. *continues to eat cereal, flip TV channels*
TG: Well, I don’t know if you and I are dating or not –
TJ: No! No, we’re not! NO! TG, no, we’re really not!
TG: Haha yeah, yeah, I know, that’s for you to decide on your own time! Anyway, he wants to know if you and I do end up dating, and we end up having sex, can he and I tag team you?
TJ: *silence*
*silence*
*snaps*
*INCOHERENT SHRIEKING*
Ok, guys, you know, the way real life goes. I kind of want to end this story right here, because the ending, the real ending, is just completely anti-climactic. A huge disappointment, a massive letdown, nothing special. I guess I could make up some kind of ending that involves my foot to his junk, but alas, it did not happen. For those of you who think the story ends perfectly at “Can he and I tag team you?,” said in complete seriousness and earnestness, read no further. For those of you who need to know and/or want to ruin the story for yourselves, you can read below.
So I screamed and screamed and screamed. My roommate later said she had never heard me so loud, so forceful or so vulgar. I asked him who the hell he thought he was talking to, told him he needed to watch what he said to a girl, and questioned his upbringing. Days worth of pent up rage I didn’t even know I was storing were unloaded on his head.
And I stopped taking off campus calls, period. My roommate would answer my phone when it rang, and a couple of times a night I’d hear “She’s not here, and you need to stop calling.”
The funny part was, though, the voicemails. Of course they still came for a little while. But Mr. Macho, big tough guy, the one who was repellant in the amount of ego and machismo he liked to spew all over people, did a complete 180. His personality that I had come to know and roll my eyes at was completely gone, and he left pathetic weepy voicemail after pathetic weepy voicemail, begging me to take his calls, let him send flowers, do anything he could to make it up to me. Flat out groveling.
And eventually, the calls stopped coming.
The end.
By kakalaki on Jan 16, 2008
… And then TJ found TG one day and kicked him in his junk!
.
Perfect ending :)
.
I’m now satisfied. In all seriousness, how much of a retard could this guy be? Think McFly think! Can he buy a clue? He’s a small fry short of a happy meal. Then to make things worse, he asks you that. I’m guessing he now works at a fast food restaurant.
.
.
What a total tool!
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By Ratshag on Jan 16, 2008
Guy wants to date … girl’s not that interested …. persistance … phone calls … yada yada … she’s still not interested …. more yada yada … if this and if that – WHOA!
Dang near let out an incoherent shriek meself. Where the hell did that come from?
Nice job of storytellying.
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By AE on Jan 16, 2008
See what happens when porn is the prominent form of literature in your life!! We used to have a saying in the Navy “the stupid shall be punished”!
Maybe the smack down TJ laid on him after that comment set him straight…but sadly I doubt thats the case. Like Kak said, I believe “do u want fries with that” is uttered by this guy on a regular basis.
None the less..it was worth the wait for that ending.
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By sonvar on Jan 16, 2008
Yeah the whole story is done. And yes I had to read the anti climatic ending. I’m sorry but even if I were dating someone or married to a person the whole “tag-team” term should never come up. Though it is quite hilarious that he had enough of an ego to do so. I’m surprised his messages didn’t start becoming angry instead of weepy as people with huge egos I know would deal with it that way.
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By Dick on Jan 16, 2008
lol what a jack ass. Please dont let TG ruin it for the rest of the semi-normal, more intelligent than a box of rocks, guys.
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By john on Jan 16, 2008
huh, my nick name around the office is “box of rox” or sometime “bag o’ hammers”
But never would i behave like this. His mom needs (or needed as this was the past) to wack him around a bit.
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By Lynda on Jan 16, 2008
I like the anti-climatic ending. He sounded very stalkery.
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By Dulcea on Jan 16, 2008
*just…boggles*
I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when you verbally ripped him a new one though. ^_^ Shrieking like that needs to me immortalized.
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By Shifttusk on Jan 16, 2008
Wow! Not what I was expecting at all. The dude sounds way frightening. I need to try his method though. Hai gurl who was ignoring me for weeks how do you feel about group sex?
I would have been a bit freaked out about being in his car after that.
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By Ataun on Jan 16, 2008
Well with the way TJ’s life seems to go, I half expected him to be the guy interviewing for the job at her company.
That would seem so fitting to the live and times of TJ.
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By BM on Jan 16, 2008
Very unexpected.
*stares in awe about his comment*
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By Jen on Jan 16, 2008
Come on people, you mean making that kind of a proposal doesn’t score points w/chicks?
*guffaw*
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By Graypanther on Jan 16, 2008
Thats just insane. WTH could a guy be thinking to say that…..
He needs to earn himself a darwin award!
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By Urth on Jan 16, 2008
Clearly insane. But what a cosmopolitan form of insanity! Metro, even!
You should have given him Doom’s number.
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By Shifttusk on Jan 16, 2008
You should have given him Doom
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By Track on Jan 16, 2008
That was amazing, hysterical, and definitely worth reading the rest of that story again so as to fully appreciate it.
But much like the not anti-climactic version of your story, the way I see it in my head ends up being a take on the infamous “Horse head” scene from the Godfather…
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By Kat on Jan 17, 2008
…
Oh
my
F-ing
Gawd
…
…
Girl you should be sainted or something.
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By The Soldier on Jan 17, 2008
“Hai gurl who was ignoring me for weeks how do you feel about group sex?”
Unless said person was found online at some site specifically designed for that (Adult Friend Finder, or something similar), I can’t imagine this conversation ever coming up between two people. Especially when you were giving him every available sign that you weren’t interested in him in the least.
That being said, I know a few guys who claim (active word here is CLAIM) to have done the group thing. I believe their charming expression was “running a train.” Weeding out another guy’s bullshit is a hobby of mine, and I’ve gotten pretty good at it, so the 1 or 2 guys that I’ve met that I can actually believe pulled this off, it went like this:
Girl meets 2 guys in a group setting, can’t really decide which one she likes, goes for guy A. Goes out with him for less than a month, sleeps with guy B. Since A and B have been friends forever, so they don’t mind her infidelity; they get girl falling down drunk and take advantage of her, then never speak to her again.
I honestly can’t see this happening between sober individuals with half a brain in their head, but stranger shit has happened:
I knew a guy that was stationed with me in Texas. Average looking, average build, dressed average, totally average in every possible way. He’d stay sober every night at the club, and start up a conversation with a few different girls. At different points in the night, depending on their level of drunkenness, he would say “before the night’s over, I’m going to eat you out.” I was astounded. I asked him how many times he’s gotten kicked in the balls with a line like that. He said none. A lot of girls go for it, a lot of them laugh, and a lot of them blow him off. He said his success rate was about 1 in 3, and after hanging out with him for a few months, I saw he was right. Not my style, but it worked for him.
Point of all this rambling was that there are people out there that don’t know how to talk to other people, but still get what they want (guy in Texas). They don’t see a problem with their method, so they continue offending people until someone sets them straight.
-J
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By Euripedes on Jan 17, 2008
He’s about a shed short of a tool shed.
Or a McDonald’s short of a Happy Meal.
Not even the shiniest spoon in the knife drawer.
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By BaldBilly on Jan 18, 2008
That guy is a total, tool. Glad you got away from him
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By Yaja on Jan 18, 2008
I was still totally expecting him to be Bob the Goat……… :-)
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