So he said, “Ow!” and I said, “That’s what I said!”
February 9th, 2010 | by TJ |So, I was going to update you guys on the goings on up here in Pennsylvania (I picked a dress! Not one of the seven! And then I unpicked it! And picked one of the seven! And I have to go buy it! But there’s a dangerous left turn! I don’t even like to make safe left turns! And someone else might be buying it RIGHT NOW!). However, something happened just a few moments ago that I would like to discuss instead.
I shut the car door on my face.
I tried to type that six hundred different ways, more clearly or more descriptively, but it is what it is. I shut the car door on my face. I have what I suppose is the jaw equivalent of a black eye. It’s in the swollen stages right now, and I’m hoping it doesn’t actually bruise too much, because if I have to wear my badge of ridiculous lack of coordination shame home to Phoenix, I likely will never hear the end of it.
Let me tell you some other things I’ve done:
- got both of my index fingers stuck inside a decorative wooden trivet at the same time
- my sister cut off the top of my right index finger with a pair of scissors
- got my left index finger crushed in the back passenger car window – while driving – and then fainted. On the Scranton Expressway.
- (I no longer have feeling in the tip of either index finger.)
- broke my wrist, though the exact moment and mechanism of breaking are somewhat of a mystery
- broke my toe stubbing it on a plastic xylophone – twice. Two different occasions, two different xylophones.
- bashed the back of my head open by falling off of a stool shaped like a mushroom
- tore a ligament in my knee jumping on the bed.
- suffered a severe cleavage burn as an after effect of said ligament tearing
Internet, I consider myself to be a pretty all around average kind of person. I’m not especially extraordinary in any way, in looks or talents or habits or thoughts or ideas. I’m not so arrogant as to believe I am truly a unique and special snowflake – I’m pretty boring, in reality. Therefore, it stands to reason that as long as my ridiculous injury list may be, it’s got to be about average. Which means, of course, that some of you out there have lists of about the same length. Also, due to averages and all, some of you have shorter lists. And still more of you have longer and more ridiculous lists.
And me and my lopsidedly swollen jaw are ready to hear them. Don’t leave me alone here in my clumsy shame, Internet.
By lenniejane on Feb 9, 2010
I bruised both my boobs falling out of the shower and onto the edge of the tub, with all of my body weight landing on the ladies.
Also, on the same tub, I was trying to use the edge of the tub as a balance beam when I was 6 or 7 (it was during the olympics and I REALLY really wanted to be a gymnast) and ended up falling and catching myself on my eyeball on the corner of the counter. Black eye for like 2 weeks.
Sorry about your face. :(
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TJ Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 9:50 am
I think my boobs just clenched up in sympathy.
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Maerdred Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Oh dear, let’s see…
I broke both legs at the same time while skiing. My skis didn’t pop off the way they’re supposed to. I was 9.
When I was like 4 my cousin and I were playing on a swing set, you know that big swing that like 4 kids can sit on, facing each other? Yeah we were standing on the back of the seat. My cousin jumped off, I didn’t I fell and got 14 stitches on the back of my head because the metal on those things is apparently sharp.
Then, when I was like 6? I was sitting in the back of my uncle’s pickup truck, on a bean bag chair, and when he hit a speed bump I fell backwards and impaled my head on the little hexagonal post that was supposed to have a handle on it for the rear hatch of the cap he had on the pickup.
At about 11, the rear brakes of my 10-speed bike didn’t work, so I had to use the front ones. Going down a hill I pulled the lever too hard and flipped over the handlebars. Knocked myself out for about 10 minutes and tore about a 2 square inch patch of skin off my elbow.
Finally, when I was about 20, I was practicing roller-hockey, bent over to pick up the ball, lost my balance and put my hand out to stop myself. Dislocated my shoulder and had to drive home with a right arm that didn’t work.
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By Tchann on Feb 9, 2010
I fell out of a second-story window when I was two. But I think I told you about that once already.
Other than that, I broke my collarbone when I was three. And that’s really the end of my epic injury list. =\
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TJ Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 9:49 am
That window thing freaks me out. My mom always made me open my bedroom windows from the top when I lived at home, even when I was a teenager. In case I crawled out? Or something.
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Tchann Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 9:58 am
See, it was a screen window. And I didn’t know that. So I leaned up against it and the screen fell out and so did I. I learn the hard way. ^.^
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By Sabrina on Feb 9, 2010
When I was 5, my dad accidentally slammed two of my fingers in the car door. When my sister was 10, my mom accidentally slammed her thumb under the hood of the car. In case CPS is reading this, we’re okay now. Although, maybe we should take turns defining “okay.”
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TJ Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 9:49 am
HA. I don’t think my parents ever caused us any particular injuries, but if I was to add into the list all the things my brother, sister and I did to each other, well… “okay” is such a relative word, you know?
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By Adlib on Feb 9, 2010
That’s quite a list! Cringe-inducing. I’m definitely not the most coordinated person ever. It’s not helped by my height, 5’11″.
I’ve shut my thumb in car doors more than once as a kid. One time I threw up after doing it.
I hit my forehead on a 2×4 while running full speed through a gate where that 2×4 ran across the top of it. Almost knocked myself out.
When I was little, I got my head stuck between the bars of an iron railing by the porch.
I also jumped off the couch when I was a kid and busted my lip open and got stitches.
I kept running into an end table as a kid and constantly kept giving myself black eyes so my parents threw out the table so people wouldn’t think they beat their kid.
I accidentally rammed my butt cheek into a doorknob at work and had a nasty bruise for weeks. I hit it so hard I almost couldn’t stand up after I did it. (I was turning my body to get into a room with a narrow entrance.) Fortunately, no one was around to see it.
I once tripped on a step in the apartment building my grandma lived in and went flying through the hallway, ended up rolling down the hall by the time I came to a stop.
I know most of that is stuff I did as a kid, but I’m constantly running into things as an adult that I really forget what I did to get whatever mystery bruise appears that week. I haven’t really broken any bones though. *knocks on wood*
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By Lara on Feb 9, 2010
When I was 5 I was climbing a tree and grabbed the next branch, which wasn’t actually a branch but the power line running into the house. I was knocked unconscious and thrown out of the tree, but luckily the electricity had blown out my hand and not, you know, my HEART. I still have scars, 35 years later.
More recently, I was walking through the hall in my building and somehow slipped and fell, face first, into the door, smashing my nose directly on the doorknob – hard. Attempts to recreate the circumstances (to demonstrate to my boyfriend) have failed. I have no idea what is wrong with me.
I have more. Oh, I have so many, many more.
Congrats on the dress, can’t wait to see what you decided. They were all lovely. Hope your face feels better soon.
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Flame Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 10:13 am
Yikes, I did something similar except it was a dead brach and I fell, landing on a rock/log/something, and I broke a vertebrae…
Maybe our parents should have said no to climbing trees.
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By Flame on Feb 9, 2010
Welcome to Clumsy Club. :)
I fell up (yes, up) the basement stairs and landed on the bony part of my forearm. As I was crawling up the stairs to the kitchen, sobbing, I flopped in the kitchen floor in agony thinking I had broke my arm and then started gagging and feeling light headed because I tend to want to pass out or puke when I hurt myself too bad. My husband came in the room to find out what was wrong, asked me if I was going to live, and then sat with me. I had a very large purple egg that formed on my arm, but no break.
I hyperextended my knee taking my pants off. There’s no way to say that without laughing.
I fell down the stairs last year (obviously I have a stair issue) and severely sprained my ankle… as I lost my footing, I slid down and landed on my ankle at a 90 degree angle (witha loud CRACK). Then I face planted into the carpet (at least it was kind of soft). I thought I broke it after hearing that sound. My ankle is still screwed up. I was walking (and paying attention, mind you) down stairs to just make dinner… normal speed, nothing crazy and down I went.
I have several friends that are just as clumsy… we have laughing at each other.
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By Kimberly on Feb 9, 2010
When I lived at home, my bedroom was in the attic. The stairway was behind a door in the hallway. Looked like a closet.
One day when I was 18 and home alone I had MTV on downstairs. Mariah Carey’s “Someday” came on and as that song rocked my world at the time, I ran down the stairs and lept off of the second step from the bottom as I always did when I was in a rush.
Except it was the third step and I bashed my head on the top of the door frame and fell flat onto the floor into the hallway. A few minutes later I came to and realized I really shouldn’t be alone in case I had a concussion.
SO I DROVE TO THE MALL. (apparently passing out in the car wasn’t considered) And sat in the food court for two hours with the canaries tweeting around my head.
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By Ale on Feb 9, 2010
Gosh where to begin….
Broke my arm riding my bike because my tire went off the sidewalk into the moat someone edged around their lawn.
Cut my chin open by flying over the handlebars of the same bike when my “friend” got too close to my bike and one of the pedals from her bike jammed into the spokes of my bike.
Broke an ankle playing basketball because another middle school girl twice my size landed on me.
Cut open my pinky finger while opening a can of powder baby formula on my birthday. Those metal lids are sharp. Why make things so dangerous for new moms I ask?
Cut a chunk off of my first finger of my left hand while cutting lettuce on New Years. Thankfully it was not so much as to not grow back, but I bet it was right on the edge.
Twisted my ankle going up the same steps 3 times in an hour requiring the use of crutches for a week (I never learn).
Hit my head on the pointy cupboard door that my husband repeatedly leaves open – at least once a month. I am sure I must have suffered brain damage from this alone by now. He leaves it open every damn day and most of the time I see it and close it. This is a point of major irritation in our home because, come on, how hard is it to close a cupboard door after you open it. He may be slowly trying to murder me I suspect because this particular cupboard is above where we keep the dogs food and water and I am the one giving the dog water 80% of the time.
Fell down our basement steps and landed on my ass several times, thankfully I have a nice cushion so minimal damage there.
I could probably keep going right a book about my clumsyness but I really don’t want to depress myself further right now. I am just lucky to still be alive with all of my limbs attached and functioning.
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By Chelle on Feb 9, 2010
I am completely accident-prone (read: clutz).
Here is a short list of what I have done:
-broken arm rollerskating when I was at my 12th birthday party
-broken tailbone (falling down stairs at 15)
-broken nose (twice – softball and a steel-toed boot in the face at a concert)
-shattered wrist (fell while wearing heels at a bar – and i hadn’t even had a drink yet)
-torn the ligaments in my left foot four times (twice while skipping)
-was in gymnastics in high school and feel off the beam, caught myself by my leg and swung backwards and hit my head on the ground and knocked myself unconscious
-fainted when stung by a bee
-had a wasp fly up my shirt and sting me 38 times before i couldn’t count the separate stings anymore
-fallen up stairs numerous times and once up my parents driveway
-fallen while standing still in the middle of the street (shifted my weight and fell in a crack)
-fallen in a grocery store (at lunch) and twisted my ankle on an animal cracker (ended up on crutches). – it was my second day of a new job…
Really, there is plenty more, but these are the ones i can remember right now….
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By SyxxFox on Feb 9, 2010
I knocked my self out after running into a friend (literaly), I ran into a consevetery door at full speed, broke my nose falling off a skateboard and I slammed a door on my fingers a few times and thats all I can remember
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By Chibi Jeebs on Feb 9, 2010
Dude, I can so spin this into an entire post! Suffice it to say, I’m Clutzy McWhoops.
Um, how did a torn ligament lead to cleavage burn? O_O
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DD Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 11:29 am
Good question. Cigarette?
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By Julie on Feb 9, 2010
I shut my thumb in the car door when I was about 6, still have the scar
I sprained my ankle when I tried to come out of one of those track race starter things.
I broke my back falling off a horse
innumerable large bruises accumulated from work, running into various medical equipment.
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By Melchoir on Feb 9, 2010
Most of the really good stuff happened when I was younger. I haven’t had a really good bleed-out in a number of years.
Shortly after I learned to walk, I feel over at a family-friend’s house and split my head open, requiring stitches.
A year or two later, I was (wobbly) running down the hall with a pencil when I ran into the wall. The pencil got lodged in my right eye’s tear-duct. I could let it go and it would hang. My mom had to get my dad to pull it out, and to this day, I wish there was a picture of this.
Around the age of 3, I shoved 3 popcorn kernels up my nose. My parents go the first three out, but I had to go to the emergency room for the last one. Turns out, by the time I got there, I had sucked it through my nasal passage and swallowed it.
In my pre-teen to teenage years, I:
Slammed my left index finger in a door. The fingernail died and fell off about a week later.
Supermaned iver the handlebars of my bike on a pothole. Skinned both palms and knees. The skin in my hands also healed around the dirt so it was embedded for about a month or so.
Was over a friends house when he had to girls over (one he met over the net, and the other her friend). Since he couldn’t do any real flips on the trampoline, he decided to get me to do some. He made the mistake of “helping” me get air. I completed the flip, but when I landed, I had too much energy and bounced up high again. While suspended weightless for a few seconds, I had to decide if I wanted to land in between the springs, slashing my legs up and possibly doing damage to my man-bits or landing barefoot on driveway rocks. I opted for the later. The landing went well, sustaining no damage except my right foot struck a brick that just happened to be lying there in the dead center. Cut a huge gash in my foot, leaving only one tiny layer of skin behind. I even went swimming, but I ended up having to cut the large flap of skin off as it kept flapping open and shut while I kicked. It felt really weird.
Nearly had my head run over by a golf cart when I failed to jump on it as it passed.
rode my bike with my cousin on the back of it on the trick pegs. Due to an incorrect shift in weight, both my bike and cousin landed on me. As a result, I jammed my thumb and was told it might not be restored to its original double-jointed glory. It did though.
Dropped a utility knife straight into my left leg right above the knee as my parents and sister drove off. It took it a good 30 seconds to start bleeding as I was running around the house collecting the first aid kit. The next week my sister cut herself with a utility knife as well. Same leg, just a little on the side and via a slashing motion. We both needed stitches.
Fell during a volleyball game at school and got a contusion the size of a small grapefruit.
Was involved in a bumblebee-to-right-eye collision on my bike. I never ride without proper eye-protection.
Cut myself with a pellet gun. Yes, cut. Not shot. It bled for a hour.
Fun stuff all, I assure you.
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By Lara on Feb 9, 2010
Can I tell a story that wasn’t mine? Because it’s the best (worst) self-inflicted injury story ever.
There was a kid in our neighbourhood when I was small who was jumping on a trampoline and bounced/jumped/fell off right onto a stick. UP HIS BUM.
That was probably 30 years ago and my suburb is still “small town’ish” – every time I see him or hear his name I still think of it.
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By DD on Feb 9, 2010
Ahhhh clumsiness (sp?)…
Sliced open my eyebrow in the grade school bathroom because I decided to *hop* onto the step stool see in the mirror. Said stool rocked forward and my eyebrow met the pump handle on the soap dispenser. 8 stitches.
Slammed my thumb in the car door as mom dropped me off at school, and then she started DRIVING AWAY…with my thumb still stuck. She stopped once I banged on the window a couple of times with the free hand.
Resurfaced the lower-right side of my face practicing the 3-legged race for 5th grade field day. Being the 2 fastest girls in the school, when we crashed it was usually pretty spectacular. This particular time just happened to be up against the brick wall of the school with my face.
Sprained my right ankle too many times to count. Starting with sports in school, but now it will happen just walking.
Jr. high – Clearing a walking path in the woods at a church camp on Lake Michigan, one of my very best guy friends decides to pull a ‘karate kid’ and do the bird move on a 6×6 post that’s marking the path. I’m holding a gigantic saw, he falls into me and I end up with slices in my calf that look like I fought a mountain lion. 14 stitches.
Poured blazing hot coffee down my left hand trying to be nice for my mom. Didn’t realize the styrofoam cup had a hole in it. 2nd degree burns…yucky.
I too have Vasovagal Syncope issues, but have never been able to pinpoint the cause like you. Last time it happened I was in a food like at a Scottish Games with hubby & FIL. One minute I’m standing there talking, the next I’m laying on the ground and the hubby is FREAKING OUT. That was his first experience with it, but I was like meh…no biggie.
No broken bones though. *knocks on wood*
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DD Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 11:31 am
food *line*
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By Swistle on Feb 9, 2010
I was opening the huge, made-by-the-old-man-who-lived-here-before-us, wooden screen door, and I swung it open hard, and it hit my back foot and slammed back into my face. I really, really hoped I would not need medical care, because I could just SEE me saying “I ran into a door” and all of them looking daggers at Paul.
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By Delicia on Feb 9, 2010
When I was little I fell down so much (apparently I had two speeds: stop and RUN) that I had an almost permanent goose egg on my forehead. I still have a tiny scar there.
Twice in my young childhood I fell while running with something in my mouth. No, not a lollipop — once was with a popsicle stick, and once was with a baton that the capped end had fallen off of (so of course I had the bare metal end in my mouth). Both times when I fell it jammed the object into the soft tissue of the top of the back of my throat causing ER visits (though they couldn’t stitch or do anything for it, had to heal on it’s own). This is why I’m now paranoid about my kids running with lollipops or straws or anything else in their mouths.
I’ve also fractured my knee snow skiing when I was 13. It was amusing cause my dad has naturally curly hair and he had *just* got it cut short (no curls) before the trip, so when the ski patrol EMT guys came up with their stretcher I was trying to describe my dad I was rather in a lot of pain and not very coherent and kept describing him as having “black curly hair”. Luckily he spotted me.
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By Delicia on Feb 9, 2010
Side note of funny: When my son was 4 he was in daycare as I worked full-time. I came to pick him up one day and they had an “Incident Report” for me, which they had to fill out any time your kid got injured at the center.
Apparently he scraped his arm on the blacktop outside. The Incident report (which I still have, 15 years later), read:
What happened: Your son fell down and scraped his arm.
What was child doing at the time of this incident: STANDING STILL
Yes, that’s right. I’ve passed down my amazing Klutziness to my son. Yay.
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By Kelmar on Feb 9, 2010
Wait a tic… what about that time you got your wrist stuck in the car seat digging for… keys? bracelet? Cell phone? Can’t remember what… but you were stuck.
There was an instance when I jumped on an old porch and it eroded underneath me. I didn’t fall tho. Shot both feet and hands to the supports beams so I hung mid air and lowered myself down.
Hip was mad. She figured if an incident where I truly looked uncoordinated, that was going to be it. Apparently, I am not a super ninja; it’s just that the universe is that unfair to her.
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By Delicia on Feb 9, 2010
When I was younger we lived on a farm and had wood-burning stoves to heat our house. My dad cut all our firewood with his chainsaw. One day he was cutting a particularly gnarly big log and mid-cut his chainsaw hit a big knot in the wood and it caused the chainsaw to rebound out of the wood, right into my dad’s left leg. Man there was a lot of blood.. he had to have a ton of stitches.
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Mj Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Reminds me of the time camping when my brother came into our camping area yelling “MOM..MOM…Dad hit curt on the head with the axe!”. He had been using the back of the axe to knock a post out (the boys were helping him get firewood) and Curt (about 3 at the time) decided he had to go to his brother right when dad was swinging.
Ended up to only be a half inch cut, but everyone freaked out.
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By Willow on Feb 9, 2010
I was a dancer from the age of 3. I’ve pretty much only ever been graceful on stage. I like to say say that, at the age of 35, I am still blissfully unaware of my own dimensions.
I end up with many mysterious “how did I get that?” bruises, pretty much on a weekly basis.
My best “OWWWSONOFA…” story ever? My mom was in the hospital recovering from surgery, so I was staying at my aunt’s house. My cousin and I were playing around up in her room. We were 11 at the time. She bent over to pick something up. I bent around her to see what it was. She didn’t know I was that close behind her so she straightened back up. The back of her head met the bridge of my nose full force.
Now, my aunt was always VERY suspicious that any kind of injury was an attempt to stay home from school. She didn’t believe anything was broken, even though I filled 2 hand towels full of blood, so sent us to bed as normal…where I SLEPT ON MY FACE ALL NIGHT!!! Did you know that it’s possible to break your nose in 7 places? Yup, sure is. Aunt Lu finally believed something was wrong when I came downstairs the next morning with 2 very black eyes. I did get to go visit my mom in the hospital. She thought it was funny we were there at the same time. That may have been the pain killers, tho…hers or mine…take your pick.
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By Delicia on Feb 9, 2010
*facepalm* how could I have forgotten!? When I was 17 I working at McDonald’s (haven’t we all?) and I usually opened on weekends. I was making a batch of hashbrowns, you make them in those little metal wire baskets. When I went to get the basket out of the oil one fell into the oil and without thinking, I grabbed the tongs, and went to get it out. Well the stupid thing dunked under the oil as my tongs pushed it and stupid me just followed it right in with my right hand.. basically deep-frying my hand for a moment in 400 degree oil.
Yeah. that hurt. Alot. I survived the next few days by keeping my hand in a cup of cold water all the time.
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Flame Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 5:24 pm
Oooh, I forgot about the obligatory minimum wage resturant job injuury!
I worked as Boston Chicken (pre-Market days). I was the cook and I had put something in the oven and the wire racks (for the yummy mac & cheese!) that we used to store on top of the oven started to fall. I put out my hand to catch it, forgetting it was ON THE STOVE, and burned my hand. The handle landed in that soft skin between my thumb and inded finger (later becoming a golf ball sized blister) and I has wire line blisters over the rest of my hand. OW!
I also almost chopped off the top of my finger while making a sandwich. I probably should have gotten stitches for that one, but didn’t.
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By Mj on Feb 9, 2010
Although I have never broken my nose (that I am aware of) I have had it x-rayed many times. It is my center of gravity. Fell off my bike onto my nose (flipped right over the top after bumping into an uneven sidewalk.) Fell down the stairs (twice) after playing the “who can hang up their coat on the coveted hook fastest” game with my dad. They eventually made him stop playing that one.
The one time I may have “actually” broken it was when my brother (a year younger than I) tried to “teach me self-defense” and showed me how to flip someone… in the hallway. I did it wrong, so then he showed me how to do it right. We didn’t want to get him in trouble so we said nothing.
And then there is the time I thought the teaching assistant at my grade school was HOT. He was a student teacher. I was sick on Monday, went to school on Tuesday and to gym class. Doing hand-stands, and wanted to try it on my own. I was weaker than I thought from the flu, and my arm gave out. I broke my collar bone.
Then in Jr. high (next year) I was helping to put away the volleyball nets, pulled the post onto my head – needed 7 stiches.
Finally, making out with a guy in high school, went to the crows nest (free standing announcers booth) and fell off the ladder when we were leaving (he was a nice guy, we weren’t ready for the next step.) Broke my ankle in two places and still have pins and screws from that.
But at least I didn’t walk right into a shelf with my eye open. I left that to my husband. He tore the outer layer of his eye – pretty nasty.
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By Aunt Becky on Feb 9, 2010
I broke a toe making a sandwich. And I fall up the stairs ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
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Flame Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 5:25 pm
I’m glad to hear other people fall up the stairs as much as I do!
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By Maria on Feb 9, 2010
I broke my pinkie toe in a doorway running to answer the phone.
I broke my thumb catching a softball. Thrown by a girl. AND I was wearing a ball glove.
And I definitely shut my face in the linen closet door last year. I had an awesome welt.
What is wrong with us?
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By Jen_Ann_W on Feb 9, 2010
I’m such a chicken-shit that I don’t hurt myself that often. The only time I’ve ever broken a bone was my junior year of high school at the spring picnic – we set up a giant slip n slide on the hill behind the school, and I was standing in the middle of it straightening it out when some idiot turned on the water. Fell & broke my right wrist. Then summer after my senior year we were in my BF’s car, myself and about 5 other people, and we decided to do a chinese fire drill at a stop light. Fell in the loose gravel in the road & badly sprained the same wrist. Those are probably the only stupid injuries I can think of, although I wind up with mystery-bruises all the time.
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By Angie on Feb 9, 2010
My mum ran over me – I was only 18 months old at the time, she was reversing out the driveway & I apparently chose that exact moment to show her I could now open the latch on the back door! No major damage, but the whole “yeah, but mum ran over you!” has always been my family’s answer to anything and everything all my life :P
My sister broke my nose – she threw a snow globe at me during a heated childhood “discussion” :)
My best friend burnt my hand – we were out, she’d had a few drinks & put a cigarette out on what she thought was the wall behind her…only it wasn’t the wall, it was my hand & I still have the horrid circle scar in the middle of the back of my hand to this day!
My husband gave me a black eye – he had a nightmare and elbowed me in the face as I was (perhaps wrongly) leaning over him to check/wake him. I, of course, use the ‘yes, but you elbowed me in the face’ as the winning statement to every disagreement :D
Child number 2 shut my hair in the car door resulting in a bare patch of scalp for a while (yes, my hair was – and still is – ridiculously long and I may not have helped the situation by not realising what had me caught and jerking a little harder than I should have…
AND…
Child number 3 broke my wrist – pushed me off my bike in an attempt to balance himself when falling off his own.
It’s not so much me that’s clumsy :)
Can’t wait to see the dress TJ!! & I hope your face doesn’t bruise :)
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By Erin on Feb 9, 2010
When I was about 4 or 5 (doorknob height), I had a pretty much continuous black eye on one or both eyes at all times. At one point, when I went into the ER for stitches after tripping over a rocking chair, they tried to talk to my parents to see if they were abusing me, because I had so many bumps, bruises, and scrapes.
But for me, my real unreasonable history comes to my teeth. If you are squeamish about teeth stuff (as I am), I would not recommend reading.
I lost both my top front baby teeth at the same time to a tether ball to the face.
I wore braces for 6 years, not because I had bad teeth but because we kept moving and each orthodontist wanted to undo what the previous ones had done. One such ortho pulled 3 “baby” teeth, only to find out later that one of them was a permanent tooth.
At 17, I broke off half of both of my top two front teeth, after getting them knocked through my lip by a knee board while boating (it should also be noted, I was training to be a professional oboe player at the time and had an audition two days after the incident).
I have a bridge with a fake tooth attached (due to ortho pulling a permanent tooth) and had that knocked out twice in two months by a friend trying to be a gentleman by holding a door open for me (which I promptly walked in to – twice).
I was always told I didn’t need to have my wisdom teeth out because they were coming in perfect. However, my mouth was too small for the wisdom teeth and one of them got infected, requiring immediate surgery and since the dentist wasn’t an oral surgeon, I had to be awake. They were going to pull it out, but then a root broke off and got stuck, so they had to go in after that.
I have never broken anything in my life other than my teeth, but that appears to be plenty.
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By DesiLou on Feb 9, 2010
Where to begin?
Broke my leg getting run over by a football player in 2nd grade
Fractured both feet 6 weeks apart running out of my garage
Locked my finger in the car door, then dropped the keys out of reach, had to sit there screaming until someone finally came to help me
Broke 2 toes playing volleyball
Have a 2 inch scar on the back of my leg from sitting on a broken window by accident
Broke my nose twice. Once I was getting a piggy back from a friend and he tripped, sending me flying landing on my face, fractured my nose, 2 teeth went through my upper lip (scar) and a mild concussion. The second time I was in the passenger seat of my SUV and got my feel caught in the crap in the floorboard, and landed face first on the ground.
Was standing perfectly still in my boss’s office and fell over, spraining my ankle
Broke my wrist playing touch football in a sand pit
Keep forgetting to open the glass storm door in the front of my house when I get the mail. About once a week I walk face first into a closed door
But my all-time favorite is when I went to the Dr with the most incredible pain in my side and the Dr asked if I walked into something b/c he knew how clutzy I am… it turned out I had appendicitis
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By Kerin on Feb 9, 2010
Not my own story, but my mother has broken her left baby toe NINE times.
One was trying to ‘push’ the dog outside the door while it was pooping inside the door, ended up kicking the door itself instead. Wrapped it around a metal pole trying to kick her brother when she was a kid, three times someone dropped something rather heavy on that particular toe, slipped on ice and kicked an electrical box beside the sidewalk as she was flipping out rather cartoon style. #7 she had a rather curious incident involving a boat, a fish, and a dock. The last two were other accidental trying to kick one thing and hitting another incidents.
For my own story, I was playing ball hockey in the basement with my brothers once, and tripped and whacked my knee into the door. It hurt so much we thought it was broken (I was nine, my oldest brother was 14 and was babysitting since my mother was out). They ended up taking the door off the hinges, and carried me upstairs on it. My mother got home just as we got near the front door, and to this day the look on her face when she walked in to see her three boys carrying her bawling daughter on a door nearly makes me pee myself laughing. (My knee wasn’t broken, but it hurt like hell for a few days, and I had to use crutches for a week ).
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By midian on Feb 9, 2010
i have had four fingers slammed in the car door on 2 seperate occasions.
my sister hit me in the face with a tennis racket 10 stitches and a lot of blood(i am sure she was trying to kill me though she still denies it.)
while playing with a toy it caught on and spilled a can of hot bacon grease down the front of my shirt
jumping up and down in the car at 5 my hood caught the door handle and swung me out if not from som quick thinking by my brother i might not be here (though i suspect he regrets that decision at times).
A truly strange accident with Nair that should not be repeated but everything has grown back fine
oh and the fact that poison control knew my mothers voice not sure if that counts
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By Shin Ae on Feb 9, 2010
At first I was getting really upset because I thought you did all those things on this trip. I’m not usually a superstitious person, but I started to think, “yeesh, maybe you should go home.” Anyway, glad those injuries were spaced out over a period of a lifetime. That is a huge relief (for me).
Hmmm, injuries:
Head injury due to my brother dropping a bucket on my head from the height of approx. 1 floor above.
Shoulder stapled by friend.
Put arm through upper-story window of a home due to clumsiness while jumping on a bed. Small cousin promptly stepped all over falling broken glass and mangled his foot.
Fell down attic stairs last year, herniated a disc in my back.
Various burns over my body from heating pad (set on low). Do I still use the heating pad? Yes, of course.
Tipped over side of bigwheel, sustaining crazy bloody damage to one entire side of my body. I think I was in fifth grade at the time. Too big to be riding on or falling off of a bigwheel.
Flew off bike into street when a bee flew into my mouth. Somehow I didn’t get stung.
Baby son dropped a ukelele on my toe from a good height, making it turn black. No biggie, until the middle of the night THREE MONTHS later when it suddenly swelled up, hurt horribly and began to throb so I had to go have it lanced immediately.
I guess that’s all for now.
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By Decuma on Feb 9, 2010
I broke my elbow wheil tap dancing… took the little knobbly bit of the end and moved it all the way to the other side of my elbow.. emergency surgery, a week in hospital and a 25 centimetre scar on my arm… age 40
my advice buy a car as your middle life crisis.. taking up a new hobby is just toooo dangerous
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By Evil Sheep on Feb 9, 2010
Hmm, where to begin?
By the time I was 5, I had been to the emergency room on 13 different occasions to get stitches in my head. One incident happened while the insurance agent was at our house. Also (not included in the 13) for stepping on a nail.. twice. Same nail, same foot.
Broke my left arm and right knee at the age of 14 by falling out of a tree.. I cut the rope I was hanging on. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Broke 15 bones in a rather spectacular motocross wreck (a friend’s dad was filming it) at the age of 15.
Had all the cartilage in my left knee removed at 18 after a horse rolled on it.
Broke 6 bones in my left foot while skydiving. Went up for another jump. When I landed, I felt the bones grate and hopped to my right foot. Blew out my right ankle. Ever seen someone with 2 walking casts? Hilarious, or so my friends said.
Drilled into the palm of my left hand while fixing a door.
Those are the major ones, probably 5 times that many minor ones, but I’m trying to forget.
Oh yeah, I also broke my upper right arm when I got run over by a boat.
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By Karen on Feb 9, 2010
Cleavage burn.. from tearing a ligament.. from jumping on the bed. Were you using a curling iron while jumping on the bed??? How in the world did you manage that?
My sister once shut a car door on my hand. It closed and latched and I looked in the window and saw my fingers on the other side… but of course she’d locked it, so my frantic scrabbling for the handle did no good. Fun times.
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By kirk on Feb 9, 2010
in high school I was in show choir, and our stage was built up, so at the edge of the stage there was like a 4 foot drop from the stage to the floor. it was deep enough that we stored the old backdrops down there to get them out of the way. One day during rehearsal( I was positioned on the edge) I sidestepped a little too far and basically danced right off the stage, on my way down, I scraped my back on the outcropping we hung costumes on and landed on my back on the feet of the backdrop. everybody stopped to look and see if I was ok, I got back up and had somehow managed to not feel a thing. I was so embarrassed and yet laughing so hard, the really funny part was that half the group was laughing with me and the other half of the group thought I was in serious pain, the looks on their faces at the people laughing with me were priceless
in middle school, I was in Tae Kwan Do, and one summer we had a 7th degree black belt from korea come and do a camp with us. we were practicing roundhouse kicks as a large group and I was paired with my best friend, so was a good bit taller than me. I got a good kick off, at his head level, only I kicked a little too hard, at the same time, he put a little more force into his block, my other foot came right out from under me and I fell flat on my back with a loud thud. The Instructor stopped the 100 other people in the room to make sure I was ok.
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By ZombiePirateXXX on Feb 10, 2010
When I was a kid, also in a tree, I stepped on a branch that snapped, I was holding onto another branch with my hands, this combination saw me backflipping out of the tree as gravity reasserted its hold on me. Somehow I landed on my feet even though I was sure I was about to die. Also, on each elbow I have a 4″ by 2″ scar where I got some free air miles after leaning into a corner too far on my bike and my tyres losing grip. My arms served as fleshy brakes for my sprawling form. I have a scar on my forehead where as a toddler I tripped going into the house and smacked it on the steel bar on the bottom of the door frame. Then, this Christmas as I was going out of the house to help my wife pick stuff out the car I went out in my slippers, slipped and curled my big toe on my right foot over and then stood on it. I still get twinges on it 2 months later and it is possibly the most painful thing I have ever done. I spent 3 weeks attending Church wearing a training shoe on one foot as it was the only thing I could get on without crippling myself with pain.
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By Carrie on Feb 10, 2010
I have lived my life relatively injury-free. That being said…
I have a burn on my ass from a hot penny (which I’m pretty sure I mentioned before)
I have two small dot-scars on my right hand that look like a vampire bite because I used too large of a piece of sodium metal in chemistry class and when I cracked my test tube (which I was actually supposed to do), it sort of exploded rather than cracked, and stuff splattered on my hand. Bella Swan has nothing on me.
I ran down a sand dune barefoot when I was like 8 and stepped on a stick.
Another time at that same beach I had some sand stuck between my toes and when I went into the water to wash it off I found out that it was actually a leech.
I used to pretend to walk into stuff and hit my head to freak my friends out, and once I actually did hit my head.
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By Edyion on Feb 10, 2010
Lets see what interesting injuries do i have to list….
-when I was 5 I slid knee first into a nail sticking out of my my mom’s classroom floor (got a nice scar from that)
-I backed into a space heater when I was about 10 (nice grill shaped scar from that)
-I stabbed myself in the leg with a kitchen knife cause I was trying to peel some sugarcane when I was 11.
-ran face first into a flag pole trying to avoid a bee at 12 (only an emotional scar)
-managed to sprain my ankle pretty badly walking up the sidewalk when I was in college. Did this impressive tumble roll back to my feet but its really hard to walk off cooly when you can barely walk.
-And my personal favorite: A friend of mine was “dancing” drunkenly at a party and I got up to get a beer and his head met my nose and breaking occurred. Funny enough while my nose was pouring blood he was the one crying about his head hurting.
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By Alex on Feb 10, 2010
Very excited to hear you found a dress! Not so excited about the jaw… hope it’s healing well.
I routinely walk into things. My friend often saves my life by reminding me to look down when I’m walking down the street. My toes are so beat up from tripping it’s gross.
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By M.Amanda on Feb 10, 2010
I’m pretty clumsy, but luckily also a fraidy-cat. I’ve managed to avoid most injuries. I do remember at least one finger in car door incident, but I think it wasn’t bad because I can’t remember any pain beyond the first couple minutes. I do regularly shut drawers on my fingers, though. I don’t know why I feel I must put my fingers on the top of the drawer front rather than on the front, but I don’t catch myself doing it until the pain of having the drawer slam on my fingertips.
My husband has walked into closed doors – wooden ones, not glass – twice in the last two years. Then there’s the utility knife that pierced his thigh, the ATV he rolled over onto himself resulting in a broken collarbone, countless smashed and stabbed fingers from careless use of hammers and screwdrivers, the time he fell off the back of a delivery truck and had a bruise from just above the ankle to the top of his thigh, burns on his hands from welding accidents, and it goes on. Yet he’s one of the healthiest people I know.
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By JEC on Feb 11, 2010
I did cause some trauma to myself (as a child…I’ve been safer as an adult), although I’ve never broken a bone or lost any pieces of my body.
–As a small child I went nuts on one of those springy horse ride things, flew off and got a scar on my upper lip.
–I reached into my desk in elementary school and got sliced by a plastic marker package on the top of my left hand. It somehow left a huge scar.
–I was whittling with the Swiss army knife I had just gotten for my 10th birthday and sliced a huge cut into my right index finger. That was my 3rd and last stupid scar.
I also stuck a key into an electrical socket as a tyke, fell upside down into a garbage can, and drank a bottle of carpet cleaner after unsuccessfully trying to get my little brother to drink it.
Actually I think I’ve been more successful at inflicting pain on others accidentally…various brothers and friends have suffered: a broken nose, a concussion, stitches on the head, multiple fingers shut in doors, foot run over by a car, baseball to the groin, baseball to the face, baseball _bat_ to the face, and probably more I’m not remembering.
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By Monroe on Feb 11, 2010
I got run over by a tractor!
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By lux on Feb 11, 2010
when first reading the list, i thought you were telling us injuries that happened SINCE YOU RETURNED HOME FOR A VISIT.
then i realized that wasn’t it and felt better.
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By Risqtish on Feb 12, 2010
Let’s see…
In Kindergarten I piled up my toys in front of the TV, stood on it, and fell down and broke my wrist.
A few years later I was balancing on the side of the bathtub to look in the mirror, then jumped down and hit my chin on the sink and chipped my two front teeth.
When I was 15 I ran into someone and broke my collarbone. That’s right. By running into someone. I then tried to pull one of those rolling traveling bags the next day and actually popped the two parts of broken collarbone apart. I nearly fainted!
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By Mel on Feb 13, 2010
When I was 6 months old my mom was holding me and had just poured a cup of boiling water for tea and I grabbed it and spilled it down my leg. My uncle (a fireman) put me under cool water and when he took my pants off the skin went with them. I don’t have any scars though, thank god!
When I was like a year and a half old I choked on a penny and they had me in the ER with my head strapped to a table about to go down my throat to retrieve it before I finally coughed it up.
A few years ago I stepped onto the top of an 8ft retaining wall trying to save a piece of my dad’s lawn equipment from going over and instead I went over. The wood was wet and I slipped and smashed my legs and went over the side and landed on my butt. I felt my spine cram together like a squeezed spring, oh my god it was awful. I had the grossest bruises and a sore back for weeks.
Last winter I was carrying groceries up the cement steps outside my apartment and tripped and put my hands in front of me and tore the skin off of all of my knuckles catching myself. And I broke a whole bottle of iced tea!
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By Jason Doege on Feb 13, 2010
What is a cleavage burn?
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