Save me from myself.
March 13th, 2008 | by TJ |Oh, Internet. Internet. I don’t even know where to start today. I’m definitely going to address this later today, and all the great ideas I got here as well, but I’m going to need some rest first – you’ll see why.
I was leaving for work this morning around 6:20am. I was wearing the cute bracelet you see there to the left. Please, no editorial comments on my bracelet, it is cute and nothing more. Anyway, I got in my car and realized that I had no lighter, and also had no matches, nothing. Running a little early but with no desire to trudge back to the house, I started digging around the seats of my car to see if I could find a lighter. I mean, they fall places. Every smoker probably has about 80 Bics scattered here and there around the house and car. Finding nothing, I opened the car door to give myself some space, and jammed my hand down to feel around under the side of the driver’s seat.
Big. Mistake.
Finding nothing, I attempted to pull my hand back out, only to find that the part of the bracelet on the inside of my wrist was trapping my hand beneath the seat. I yanked on it again, nothing. Still stuck. Slid my hand back and forth a bit – it moved, with effort, from side to side, but there was no getting it out from under the seat.
So I’m sitting there, in the driver’s seat of my car, left hand jammed UNDER the seat. Because I can’t twist my arm, I can’t get out of the car for a better angle. I’m just stuck there. And that bracelet? It locks. I lost the key some time ago, but no big deal – I pop it open with a hairpin or paperclip to get it off, and it’s never been a problem.
I started to push and pull on the bracelet, it wasn’t coming open. I opened the glove compartment just behind the steering wheel thinking I MUST have something in there that I can work the bracelet with- nothing but a lipgloss and a tampon. Oh, super. I used my right leg to kick at my purse, on the passenger seat, to see what I could jostle out of it, and got a pen.
I leaned down and went to work on the bracelet again, but the latch side of it was facing downwards, towards my fingers. No dice, no way to pop the bracelet open due to the angle. By this time, it felt like I had been stuck for hours, but the clock in the car said it had only been 10 minutes, which, honestly, when you’re alone in the dark and trapped might as WELL be hours. I had stopped being able to feel my fingers after about 5 minutes, and one more good firm yank gave me a stomach-twisting popping feeling, complete with sound effect. I about threw up all over myself.
By this point, I was approaching a panic. I am not GOOD at things like this. I started thinking, what do I do, what do I do? Stay out here until normal people start going to work? I don’t know, my hand was already feeling ice cold and I couldn’t feel my fingers. When I had kicked my purse, I had knocked my phone down onto the floor of the passenger side, so it wasn’t as though I could call for help even if I wanted to.
“Hello? Police? I seem to have gotten myself in a little pickle here…”
Oh hell no. I’ll let my hand fall off first. Could I lean on the horn? Well, I guess so, but it would be a while before anyone came out to see, and they’d probably be quite mad at me! No no no, don’t want to inconvenience anyone. Sleeping children and such.
At about this point, right after I realized that my phone was out of reach and there really was NO ONE moving around in the parking lot anywhere near me, I really got panicked. I shoved my hand down further and slid the seat back and forth, but all that did was push the bigger, latch portion of the bracelet under the edge of the seat as well. Finally, I twisted in my seat as best I could, took my right hand, and started ripping at the plastic piece over the edge of the bottom of the door.
Thank god for having a car that seems to be mostly made of plastic, because after a few good yanks, I felt it give, and pulled up the edge enough to yank my hand free. Right here you see a picture immediately after extraction – I mean, what would be your first thoughts? Mine were one, take a picture for the internet; and two, head to 7-11 for a %&#&# lighter. The dim car lighting doesn’t show too much, but I think the pen marks all over my arm add a particularly narrow-escape air to the photo, don’t you?
I drove to work (after stopping at 7-11), cursing and bitching at every red light along the way, because of course my early start had now been completely demolished – the whole ordeal from hand-stuck to getting to work took over an hour. I told a co-worker the story, much to his amusement, and we both watched as some rather attractive bruises started to form across the inside of my wrist, and the definition of the fact that there was even a wrist there at all started to vanish to swelling. By the time my supervisor got in around 8:15, about half an hour or so after these pictures were taken, I had to give up trying to get any work done and head out to a walk in clinic. That’s another story I don’t even have the energy to tell, but hey, guess what, I found out I’m not pregnant, in case my single, celibate life didn’t tip you off. At least I’ve got that going for me.
Aaaaaanyway. Turns out, it’s only a bad sprain – I broke my right wrist some years ago, and wasn’t aware it was broken for days because I thought a broken bone should hurt MORE – not that it didn’t hurt, but it was just a dull consistent ache, and this felt quite a bit worse than that time, so I was a bit concerned. They think I’ll be all better in a week or two at most. They’ve got it all braced up and tried to write a note for me to be out of work for 3 days, but I just laughed at them. I am home for the rest of today, because while I am normally of the “if it’s not contagious, go to work, might as well be miserable there instead of at home” mindset, this actually really does hurt quite a surprising amount, and I’m going to hole up in my room with some ice and Naruto.
How was YOUR morning?
By Aryzel on Mar 13, 2008
Ouch :( I can understand getting kinda panicky in that situation. Hope your arm feel better soon.
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By Knarf on Mar 13, 2008
HOLY COW !!! My worst morning was never this funny. Hope you feel better soon. Thanks for sharing.
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By Ratshag on Mar 13, 2008
:(
feel betters soonish!
Wait, huh? Wearing cute bracelets and spraining yerself can cause pregnants? Is not how I understood it, but then I is just a simple orc. Maybes ya can explain that one when work be less taxing.
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By Pablo on Mar 13, 2008
I’m kinda concerned that what is essentially half of a set of handcuffs is considered “a cute bracelet”. Sounds like my kind of girl. lol
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By z-man on Mar 13, 2008
First TJ tells me she doesn’t get paid for blogging.
No I find out she cannot pick the lock on a braclet with a tampon.
Oh the fall from grace continues…
;D
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By Softi on Mar 13, 2008
ouch, looks rly nasty :( I hope you’re feeling better soon!
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By Vronak on Mar 13, 2008
I’ve heard that smoking could be hazardous to your health, but this wasn’t what I thought they meant…
On the other hand, a day off in this season might be a worth the pain?
(There’s a joke here somewhere about the braclet, you being chained to your desk, and Arrested Development, but I can’t get there :/)
Hope you feel better!
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By The Redhead on Mar 13, 2008
I don’t see what the big deal is, I get handcuff bruises all the time…
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By Hoder on Mar 13, 2008
This was great, in a horrible sort of way…while i do not wear a cute bracelet, I have had my actual hand get stuck under the seat before,, though it hardly compares to some toehr interesting moments….you know how the bowling ball return machine at a bowling alley says “Do Not stick hand into bowling ball return machine”? Well, guess what? they mean that, they really do…Pulled all the skin from two inches above my wrist down to the top of my hand into a flap…i was about 16…I walked to the service desk, they sprayed Bactine on it…..years later i would dream of killing the man who sold parnts on the idea that Bactine spray didn’t sting…next thing i remember is a great view of the ceiling and an oxygen mask on my face with a little nozzle on it that had a cigarette sized hole in it…first thought and question, not what the hell am i doing on the floor, but rather, could someone light me a cigarette and put it into this hole….yes, even smart people are often iherently stupid….
BTW, at the Redhead, that’s why you use old stockings…no marks
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By Chaninn on Mar 13, 2008
Wow, that really sucks about your wrist. Hope it’s better soon and while you’re home, hope it doesn’t impair your gaming time!
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By Hathorn on Mar 13, 2008
My only comment is that I don’t particularly find Ice very satisfying..
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By Kolan on Mar 13, 2008
Nasty TJ! Hope it gets better soon.
However that “cute” braclet does look suspiciously like a “cute” handcuff. Are you sure this didn’t happen as a result of excaping from the law?
Also I’m glad you took my advice to carry a spare tampon for self defence in case of weird “god botherers” in cars.
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By Yardbo on Mar 13, 2008
That is the funniest thing i’ve read all day. I would have loved to have been there to laugh. BTW please don’t ban me for laughing at your expense.
When I was 10 I crashed my bike into a big trash can. I skinned my knee all up and my mom’s comforting words were “God punishes the wicked” remember that the next time you get yourself stuck :)
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By BaldBilly on Mar 13, 2008
Wow, that looks and sounds very painful. Hope there is someone in the office that can help with your workload while your out. Get better soon.
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By The Soldier on Mar 14, 2008
Well, that’s what happens when you use restraints for jewelry. :P As for the military, we started using zip ties. Cheap, fashionable AND disposable. You could’ve totally cut it off with the nail clippers, or even filed through it with an emery board if you were feeling James Bondage.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zip_tie
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By The Soldier on Mar 14, 2008
bored*** Damn your lack of an edit function. >.<
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By The Soldier on Mar 14, 2008
board***** I was right the first time. Needs more sleeps plaize
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By BlueTiger on Mar 14, 2008
And here I was feeling sorry for myself because I first tripped on the stairs up to the train this morning, then almost fell of the window sill when i got to the office…I feel for you TJ – hope you feel better now!
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By JEC on Mar 14, 2008
Well, it could have been worse. You could have been fishing around for the lighter while waiting at a stoplight and gotten stuck, with hordes of commuters behind you. Then, Creepy Colin could pull up and help you get free, adding a whole new wrinkle to that situation!
Not that I, you know, want to make light of your ordeal. I panic and curse up a storm when I manage to do stuff like that to myself (and make things even worse), it’s not fun.
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By Mana Battery Bitch on Mar 15, 2008
I got the exact same bracelet for my birthday last month and now I’m slightly scared of ever wearing it o_O
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By Xeln on Mar 16, 2008
I think I’m torn on what to feel here. While I feel sympathy for TJ’s suffering, and medical bills, I am WAY too amused by The Redhead and the James Bondage statement. And old socks are for sissys. Seriously, if you can’t take the bruises, don’t buy the handcuffs. As for jewelry, well…. NM
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By Hoder on Mar 17, 2008
Personally, I don’t wear the ahndcuffs in my relationship, and would gladly enjoy bruises if i did, but hey you know sometimes ou don’t wanna have to explain to the people at work, though i can think of some amusing ways to explain them….hmm, I might have to wear the cuffs just to amuse myself at the expense of others…I can think of far worse ways to entertain myself on a Monday…
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By graypanther on Mar 18, 2008
ahhh sucks to see you really hurt your wrist.
Naruto? Gahh I missed watching it saturday.
Oh and Ice and heat it. It does work wounders :)
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