Practicing answers to “What did you do today?”

January 20th, 2010 | by TJ |

“Definitely didn’t eat all of the S’mores ice cream!”

“Oh man, I was so busy, I didn’t even have time to eat any ice cream!”

“Investigated a weird black hole that seems to have developed in the freezer.”

“I thought about how much I appreciate you and the advice you give. Remember when you told me never to eat a whole thing of anything? I’m glad I follow that advice every single day.”

“I heard on the news that S’mores ice cream was poison? To everyone but 28 year old females? So I had to sack up and eat all the S’mores ice cream. Just in case someone accidentally licked it. Also? They said on the news? That they’re doing a new pilot program where they tell you a story on the news and then never mention it again, anywhere, ever.”

“I DEFENDED OUR HOME FROM ICE CREAM VIKINGS DETERMINED TO PILLAGE OUR FREEZER.”

“What’s with the third degree? You suspicious of something? You think I’m up to something nefarious during the day? You don’t trust me? What, do you want a minute by minute run down? Why don’t you just install a nanny cam, BIG BROTHER? DAMN. GET OUT OF MY FACE.”

“What did I do all day? WHAT DID I DO ALL DAY? I sat here and cried, that’s what I did. Your sleep ice cream eating is REALLY OUT OF HAND. I was REALLY looking forward to eating a properly sized portion of S’mores ice cream after a well balanced, sensible dinner this evening. And now? Here I sit. HEARTBROKEN.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“I tried to get Brinkley an appointment with the vet, because I think he’s pregnant. He made me give him the S’mores ice cream and a bunch of pickles. You try to resist that face. Oh well. We better go stock up on some ice cream!”

“Some guy came to the door looking for donations for Haiti? And I feel like I’ve been so selfish lately, so I thought and I thought, what can I give up? And you’re not going to believe this, but I actually gave him my S’mores ice cream. I know, I was shocked, too. I mean, I really love that stuff. I’m surprised there was any left and I didn’t immediately eat all of it as soon as I realized I was alone in the house. I guess I’m really growing up.”

15 Responses to “Practicing answers to “What did you do today?””

  1. By Becky on Jan 20, 2010

    I want to go home and eat ice cream now. Obviously I don’t have as much self control as you.

    [Reply]

  2. By Iain on Jan 20, 2010

    The 5th from the top is my favourite!

    The only answer I could have given would be “A wizard did it.”

    [Reply]

  3. By Tristan on Jan 20, 2010

    Are you calling me fat…

    I don’t think there is a comeback for that 1.

    [Reply]

  4. By Dzargul on Jan 20, 2010

    There is also the passive-aggresive lie:

    Deny him entry to the kitchen for 5 days by doing all of the cooking and then when he finds the ice-cream gone…you say ‘You haven’t been attentive enough to bring me a bowl at night so I’ve had one during the day just to make up for my sadness. You jerk.’

    (This assumes you can go 5 more days without ice cream. I, personally, doubt it.)

    [Reply]

  5. By Allie Brosh on Jan 21, 2010

    Boyfriend and I had a mean addiction to Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough. At one point, it got so bad that we found ourselves crouched in the back of my car in a Safeway parking lot, eating the ice cream straight out of the carton with an old popsicle stick that I found under my seat. We couldn’t wait even ten more minutes. We had to have the ice cream RIGHT NOW!!!

    What I’m trying to say is that I understand the desire to eat a whole thing of something, especially ice cream.

    [Reply]

  6. By pixielation on Jan 21, 2010

    number 8 is my fave!!

    [Reply]

  7. By Craig on Jan 21, 2010

    Brilliant. And this is why I don’t buy those frozen eclairs… I’ll sit down and eat the whole box in one sitting.

    [Reply]

  8. By DJ on Jan 21, 2010

    I can’t walk down the ice cream isle at Jewel because they MAY have Edy’s chocolate “buy one get one free”! Then you have to eat both half gallons before it gets freezer burn!

    [Reply]

  9. By sister on Jan 21, 2010

    this is one of the reasons i DON’T deny we are sisters.
    when can i come visit???????????

    [Reply]

  10. By Pablo on Jan 21, 2010

    You know what’s extra funny? Reading these in ‘whiney Cartman voice’

    [Reply]

  11. By Firespirit on Jan 21, 2010

    I am lactose intolerant…

    However, lately I have just been CRAVING cold stones. I don’t know what it is. Even writing this my mouth is totally watering. I might just have to suck it up and eat a *small* (like smaller than small) portion of cookie doughnt you want some, or rocky road. Not sure. Either one sounds REALLY good right now.

    Just have to suck up the consequences later :(

    [Reply]

  12. By Katie on Jan 21, 2010

    You had to protect the ice cream from Ominous Duck.

    [Reply]

  13. By Delicia on Jan 21, 2010

    “Why are things always about ME?? How did YOUR day go? What did YOU do today??”

    Ok.. that seems very un-TJ-like to me. No offence TJ ;)

    [Reply]

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