Slinks away and DIES

Go outside. Position a Temerity Jane. Open door. Fire at will. Repeat. Several times.
End result. Happy Jane

Hey internets,

So today, I continued with my plan of world domination, but first I had to get out the house.

I lured my pet human into a false sense of security by chilling out round near the shineybox stand.

My human opened the sliding invisible shieldwall and I could feel the breaze of freedom on my whiskers… this way MY time.

As I went to carry out the second part of my plan (dart through the humans legs) my human did something unexpected – I think shes been to a ninja class of some sort… this was spectacular.

She begun to do a flip like maneuver, slamming the shieldwall shut while balancing on one leg, taunting me by keeping one foot in the gap, flipping the “V” toes then continued to slide outside up against the wall so I couldn’t see her.

Clearly by this point I was not going to try to get out as I could tell this was a trap.

You may of won the battle human, but you have not won the war!

Until next time my feline fellows.

Course, we do have about twenty cats now. It’ll take them a while, and me and Mr. Shotgun have a few things to say if we ever catch those stupid things.

I’ve read a lot of statistics on mortality of outdoor cats vs longevity of indoor cats. Forget about those. I’m going to give you my own personal statistics.

Growing up, we had cats off and on. Here’s what happened to each:

-Bailey, died of worms as a tiny kitten. Never had the chance to be indoor or outdoor.

-Jungle, outdoor cat, killed by a dog. (A cop brought her to me in a paper dog and then lectured me about the dog getting out while he was standing in the doorway.)

Jungle’s Kittens:
-Sunshine, outdoor cat, killed by a car.
-Midnight, outdoor cat, killed by a car.
-Checkers, adopted by our cousins, became indoor cat, lived at least 7 years by the last time I’d seen her.

-Tasha, outdoor cat, disappeared, either lost or killed

-Max, outdoor cat when my parents and grand parents lived on a huge park in the Ozarks, disappeared, either lost or killed

100% either died or disappeared.

As an adult, I’ve adopted three indoor cats. They’ve already lasted longer than most of my childhood companions. 100% survival rate.

…that’s why I don’t let them outside.

TJ – that was one spectacular injury-sequence, hope it won’t leave any lasting marks.