Temerity Jane

Of course I did.

A couple of weeks ago, on my way home from work, I called my dad to talk to him about the Valentine’s Day present Phil got me, the GPS, since I knew he had been thinking about getting one. I wanted to let him know how awesome it was.

He didn’t answer the phone, though, so I called my mom to ask her a couple of questions. It was after 7pm at this time, so I was surprised to find that she was still at work. She sounded pretty bummed out, so I asked her what was up, and it turned out that she had thrown her car keys into a trash can by mistake (of course by mistake. Did I even really need to say the “by mistake” part? Who throws their car keys into a trash can on purpose?) and the cans had already been taken out to the dumpster.

She had called my dad for the spare, so it wasn’t the end of the world, of course, but she was still pretty bummed out. For one thing, she used to work just up the street from their house, but in recent years had been moved to an office up on the mountain that’s nearly an hour away, if traffic is bad. Now for me, an hour long commute is nothing – that’s how long my commute to work was recently with DECENT traffic – but it’s pretty far for that area, plus now she had my dad coming all the way out there to bring her a key. Plus, she had all of her store cards and such on there – again, not the end of the world, she could get replacements or use her phone number instead – but a hassle. And the worst, of course, to her, was the special keychain that was on the keys, the one that came with her car (she calls him Reginald and I suspect she loves him more than me).

I kept her company for a bit and tried to console her with the story of the one and only time I locked my keys in my car. I’ve already told you guys that story. Considering the fact that my car does not have one of those nifty BEEPBEEP car fob thingies for the door locks, or hell, even have automatic door locks (or automatic anything, for that matter – if any of you have spoiled children that you need to teach a lesson about what life was like “back in the day” where things weren’t so easy, have them come over, I’ll take them for a ride in my car – they’ll have to CRANK DOWN THEIR OWN WINDOWS), it’s pretty remarkable that in the 3 or so years I’ve owned this car, I’ve only locked my keys in once. Of course, now that I am completely aware of exactly where my spare is and my parents bought me a AAA membership for my birthday last year, it’s more than likely I won’t lock my keys in again – I’ve taken all the sport out of it for God.

Anyway, I talked with her for a bit, and during the conversation my Dad beeped in. I hung up with my mom and finished my business at 7-11 before I called my dad back (I refuse to be that asshole on the cellphone at the counter). He was on his way out to bring my mom her key, so I talked to him for a few minutes as I made the last 4 minutes of my drive home. I told him all about my awesome new GPS and he was, of course, jealous, as I had planned. I told him that I’d talked to mom and tried to comfort her with the story of how I locked my keys in my car and didn’t find the spare, but that it didn’t seem to cheer her up at all. She really just felt like she’d done something stupid, and there’s no cheering my mom up from that.

He was getting close to my mom’s office as I pulled into my parking lot, so I was saying my goodbyes as I gathered up all my crap and got out of my car.

I slammed the door and…

TJ: Son of a bitch!
Dad: Locked your keys in, did ya?
TJ: Son of a BITCH!
Dad: AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.
TJ: *grumble*

I hung up with my dad and stomped into my house just as Phil was calling, so of course I entertained him with the whole story as I sat on my front purse digging through my purse just in case, hoping against hope, since my car keys were also on the keychain. Just as I started digging, though, my roommate opened the door – what convenient timing! So I walked over to the bowl on the table where I now keep my spare key and of course, it wasn’t there.

No big, I told Phil, I just have to remember what purse I was using the last time I used the spare, and there it will be.

And you know what, Internet? There it was!

I called my dad back to let him know I found the spare right away and wasn’t going to have to break a window or call AAA or rend my garments in fury, and he said to call my mom and tell her the story, maybe it will give her a laugh.

TJ: Mom. You will not BELIEVE what I just did 5 minutes after hanging up with you.
Mom: AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
TJ: Anyway, Dad says he’s about 5 minutes away…
Mom: Oh my Gooood… will you look at this! Will you LOOK at this!

Apparently, a co-worker of my mother’s, a very nice man, had gone INTO THE DUMPSTER and recovered her keys for her.

So a happy ending for everyone, right?

My mom throws her keys away, I lock my keys in my car, a man goes into a dumpster, and my dad makes a nearly hour long drive only to be rendered useless 2 minutes before arriving to save the day.

I do not think my life would be half as interesting had I been born into a different family.