No shards?
January 6th, 2008 | by TJ |I first started playing WoW in the fall of 05. I was really sick at the time – not going in to detail because, come on, total downer, but I’ll say that I wasn’t leaving my house other than work, and merely holding my head up was a monumental task.
Even though I was too unwell to do much besides sit at my computer or lay flat on my back watching television, I still felt bored, isolated, etc, etc, and someone jokingly suggested WoW to keep me busy until I was back on my feet. They immediately took the suggestion back, saying it was addictive and I’d be sorry if I did it.
So of course, then, I had to prove them wrong. I was already addicted to StarCraft, there’s only room for one video game addiction in my life. Well, suffice to say, I did not pick up StarCraft again until a few weeks ago.
Anyway, when I started playing, I was living in an attic with my two cats, Tucker and Jeff. They were just about the dumbest, most inbred animals you’d ever meet in your life. Positively assholes, destroyed everything, always trying to break the laws of science by occupying whatever space I was occupying at a given moment in time.
Tucker was just about the best looking cat in the entire world. Look at that face. Right after that picture was taken, he headbutted me. That’s how I knew he was for me, see, because that’s how I show affection, too. Now, Tucker was also a complete dumbass. If I left the room, he would cry and cry and cry and just sit there, rather than follow me. I would often have to walk around the house with a cat slung over each shoulder, because they weren’t smart enough to realize that they could go where I went. Tucker was the more affectionate one as well. When I’d get into bed at night, he’d get in with me and lay down, stretched out full length with this head on the pillow next to me.
A typical night with Tucker would go something like this: Tucker gets his face right up in mine, and then…
“HEY WHAT’S UP. WHAT’S GOING ON? SLEEPING, HUH? YEAH, LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE SLEEPING. I WAS THINKING ABOUT MAYBE GOING TO SLEEP TOO. THOUGHT I MIGHT PUT MY FACE HALF AN INCH FROM YOURS AND SEE WHAT WAS UP WITH YOU FIRST, THOUGH. HOW WAS YOUR DAY? OH. RIGHT, YOU WANTED TO SLEEP. NOT UP FOR A CHAT, HUH? MY DAY WASN’T BAD. RAN AROUND, FUCKED UP ALL YOUR SHIT. HEY I’M TALKING HERE. HEY. HEY. HEY. I’M GOING TO HEADBUTT YOU. HOW’D YOU LIKE THAT? HUH? HUH? HUH?”
After he had assured himself that I was sleeping and not, in fact, dead or in a coma and thus available for him to eat my face, he’d stick one paw in my ear, wrap the other up around my head, settle into some weird cat-face hug, and go to sleep.
Now, Jeff, she was my delicate pretty girl cat. She was also stupid as hell, but next to Tucker, she looked like some kind of kitty brain surgeon. Mostly because she was a crafty bitch, and the leader of all their asshole escapades. For example, at the time, I slept on a futon, and she would be the one inciting Tucker to riot, leading the charge around and around the room and using my butt as a kitty launch pad after I’d settled in for the night. She was the one, who, if she felt she wasn’t getting adequate attention, would drag an item of my clothing into the litterbox when I wasn’t home. She was the one that taught me to sleep as still as the dead, because when she did settle down, it was on top of my hip and GOD SAVE ME if I tried to roll over in the night.
Anyway, so I had these two cats, and shortly after I started playing WoW, they ran away. Now, I say they “ran away” in the same way I say that my iPod got “lost.” I’d rather think they ran off and that I misplaced my iPod rather than what really happened – my iPod was taken out of my purse at work, and one of the people I was living with at the time took my cats. Anyway, best not to think about it.
But really, who steals someone’s cats?
Right, so, you know how sometimes in the night, you have brilliant ideas, and you wake up in the morning like, holy crap, eureka, problem solved!
Well, couple days after my cats “ran away,” I had one of those moments. I was slowly waking up in the morning and then realized, oh man! I know what I’ll do!
I’ll just SUMMON the cats!
Hooray!
Oh, wait.
Sigh.
Saddest wake up ever.
By Corgi on Jan 6, 2008
/cry
That’s awful. :( I’ve done stuff like that too.
I hope you can summon your kitties back.
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By Phil on Jan 6, 2008
Seriously who steals someone
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By Reventrant on Jan 6, 2008
Someone actually stole the cats or they ran away while you were playing WoW? Either way, I’d miss my cat. Even is he is a complete tard. If I lay completely still he shoves his face in mine, if I make the mistake of moving any body part, then he pounces! Stop Fool! I have work in 3 hours…ok one scratch…
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By Kevin on Jan 6, 2008
Those are two damn good looking cats. Now I miss my (fat) kitty.
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By Euripedes on Jan 7, 2008
Someone STOLE your cats…
Unbelievable.
If I knew somebody who stole someone else’s cat, I wouldn’t know whether to laugh at them or punch them.
It’s just………… ODD.
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By Lance on Jan 7, 2008
Fat cats FTW I had a cat named MC short for Mega Cat or Massive Cat.
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By The Soldier on Jan 7, 2008
I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with cats, but I still love the little bastards.
Last time I was home on leave, asleep in bed after a long night of drunk-tanking. APPARENTLY I was wiggling my toes in my sleep, which were also outside of the blanket of protection. Jake (a girl cat, why do girls name their girl cats with guy names?) pounces on my wiggling toes, and begins to rip them to shreds. By the time I was done kicking her ass and got a look at the damage, I considered going to the ER for stitches.
But I still love cats. :/
-J
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By Xeln on Jan 7, 2008
My cat was just huge. 24 pounds of lazy, black evil, just waiting to assault something, but only if it came close enough. I think the half bag of mushrooms he ate (without my permission) messed him up when he was a kitten, although he did stop running into the glass door and the windows after that. Got him when he was a kitten and decided to wait till his personality aserted itself before I named him. A year later I named him Kitty cause he got to fat to play Squirrel anymore. Like your cat he slept either on my hip, or curled up hogging half my bed. He also like to sit either on top of my fish tank, or on the stool right in front of it (placed there just for him). If I didn’t already hate my ex-wife for other reasons, I’d hate her for making me get rid of my cat when we got married cause she was allergic. Nevermind, THAT IS why I hate her.
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By Cay on Jan 7, 2008
Awww Teej… /sniffle
That’s sad. Those are two very cute kitties.
But, a funny way to try and solve your problem. Who were the other two people you were gonna try to get to help you summon? XD
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By kakalaki on Jan 7, 2008
I’m a lock, I’ll help summon. Give me the name of the people who could have stolen the cats, and I’ll get them back. I figure if I break their leg, they can’t catch me while I run away with them. If not, we can use their soul to make the shard to summon the cats. :)
Sorry to hear about it though. You have inspired me to create a blog about my so-called bad luck with pets. It will be up by the end of the day.
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By sonvar on Jan 7, 2008
Thats really sad to hear. Currently the cat I have likes to bite my ankle as a way of showing affection. Unfortunately he does it when I wake up in the morning mostly and thus it sends a bad jolt through me.
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By Gauntlet on Jan 7, 2008
Aw. I should’ve read this post before I left for work. Now I miss my head-butting kitty.
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By Lynda on Jan 7, 2008
I have a head-butting kitty too. I always say that if he was human, he would be a gay hairdresser (born in the San Francisco bay area). He only tries to “groom” me, not my husband. He loves women’s hair, for some reason. (Or maybe just mine.)
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By Lynda on Jan 7, 2008
Oh, and theft? That sucks! If someone did that to me, I would definately want to at least immolate or corrupt them!
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By G$ on Jan 7, 2008
OK, simply because my story too is odd. I had a neighbor that was a little wierd and all the kids didn’t know what to make of him.. found out one sunday morning after spying it in the corner of his garage who was responsible and we learned to walk on the opposite side of the street. Anyway.. while playing wiffle ball, we thought we saw a cat run across the street.. painted in camoflage. “whatever” we thought. Later that week we saw that most of the cats on our block had been shaved and painted in camoflage…. How crazy.. we laughed.. the we saw the pet harness in his garage and realized who was doing it… Kept my cat in the house until we moved FYI…Up Yours
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By Pike on Jan 9, 2008
Oh Starcraft, how I love thee and have loved thee since freakin’ 1999 or whenever…
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