Temerity Jane

My mom is awesome.

November 20th, 2007 | by TJ |

Ok, let me get a bit girlier than normal on you for a bit.

My birthday is coming, and recently my mother called me to try to get an idea of what I’d like.

Me: Well… I could use a new set of sheets.

Mom: *LOUD SIGH* That is BORING.

Me: Sorry? I… uh… need some sheets.

Mom: Ok, ok. Well, is there anything else at all you’d like? At all? Anything? Anything else at all?

Me: Well… *big hesitation* … there’s this purse–

Mom: TELL ME!

Me: I NEED NEW SHEETS.

Mom: Ok. Sheets.

Me: My room is done in black and white, so–

Mom: White sheets? Are you serious?

Me: Well… or black?

Mom: Red would be nice.

Me: Ok, yeah, red would be nice.

Mom: Now, the purse?

(Ok, an aside here – I’ve never been really into purses, shoes, etc – I mean, I like to have things that are pretty and all, it just happens that my taste in those areas have run more along the lines of Target than Coach. Anyway, couple of years ago, at my old job, just out of college, I was sitting at my desk reading Glamour magazine (I miss that job) when this purse JUMPED OFF THE PAGE AND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE. Seriously. I took a deep breath, my lungs closed up, my pupils dialiated, my ears started buzzing, and all I could see was that purse. It was called the Turnstyle Shopper by Kathy Van Zeeland. I obsessed over that purse. I looked everywhere for that purse. Unfortunately, I was reading a few-months-old copy of the magazine and the purse was never to be found again. Except for once, actually, a few months after I started at this job, on the arm of a woman I can’t stand, who totally doesn’t love it like I would have, and I wanted to push her down and take it and run off to Mexico, just me and purse, together forever and–)

Wait, what?

Right, so, anyway, I did not get that purse but have continued to harbor a secret love for Kathy Van Zeeland bags. A secret love, see, because I cannot bring myself to buy one. As far as purses go, it is not expensive. I mean purses with a big P. Like, Purses. Because I’m currently carrying a purse, with a little p, that I bought at American Eagle, on clearance, for $12. And I spilled bleach in it. Gives it character. Anyway, see, as far as Purses go, it’s not expensive, but I have never been able to bring myself to buy a Kathy Van Zeeland bag, because every time I have had the money to spare without killing my budget, I simply content myself with a purse. Little p. You can’t make the jump very easily from purse with a little p to Purse with a big P, even if in all actuality, it’s just a medium P.

Right. Where was I? Oh yeah.

Me: Ok, I’ll send you a link, it’s at Macy’s, but I’m really only interested if it goes on sale.

Mom: What if it doesn’t?

Me: Then I don’t want it.

Mom: You mean you won’t buy it for yourself.

Me: It’s not that I won’t. It’s that I can’t deal with it. I can’t wrap my mind around that purse. That’s 1/3 of a car payment! A whole student loan payment! FOUR HUNDRED CHICKEN NUGGETS! It’s–

Mom: You are SO uptight.

Anyway, so I sent my mother the link with one more stern admonishment that I am only interested if it goes on sale.

FOUR HUNDRED CHICKEN NUGGETS!

In short order afterwards, she sent an email back telling me that the purse was on Ebay, in two colors, for significantly less money, something I had also discovered myself shortly after sending her the link from Macy’s.

I wrote back saying, I know, I saw that, I might just have to get one for myself afterall (knowing full well that I wouldn’t, because, ok, I have no problem with people who carry expensive ANYthing, it’s just that I can’t help but think of these things in terms of what fraction of my rent they are, even if the rent is already paid and there’s wads of babysitting money spilling out of my purse (with a little p)).

And then I turned off my computer and went home from work.

I came in this morning, and saw two emails from her.

One: Too late…

Two: I hope you like the red one.

1, my mom rules. 2, I LOVE the red one. 3, SQUEE!