Lifelong Irrational Grudges, Revisited
April 29th, 2010 | by TJ |This post originally appeared on Temerity-Jane.com almost exactly one year ago, shortly after I moved in with Phil. Combing through my archives, I thought that an update was due for two reasons:
1. There are a TON of new commenters around, especially after the great delurk, and I am MORE than interested in forcing people to admit their own irrationalities so I do not feel so alone in the crazy, and
2. MY, MY HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED.
Please, check out the definition of LIGs and let me know some of your own in the comments.
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Lifelong Irrational Grudges, or LIGs, is a concept I came up with some time ago and employ heavily in my life to this day. The idea is a bit fluid, so I will provide you with some examples.
Firstly, however, I’d like to direct you to the second word: irrational. That means that one, it does not have to and probably will not make sense to you, and two, GOD HELP YOU IF YOU TRY TO REASON WITH ME.
My current LIGs are in their infancy at the moment, I wanted to give you all a peek into the development of an LIG from the ground up. Have no doubt, however, that I intend to nurse them into fullblown festering neuroses over the coming years.
Since LIGs most often involve a person or persons, specific and non-specific both, I will start you out easily.
With my boyfriend. (1 year later update: fiance!)
LIG #1: The way that sometimes, after Phil takes a shower, he doesn’t take care to check to see if the showerhead is replaced correctly, so that when I lean in to turn on the shower and quickly hop backwards to avoid the spray of cold water left over in the hose, I get a freezing blast to the midsection, not to mention the bathroom floor and wall. I almost peed, Phil. I ALMOST PEED. And I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say, “Well, why didn’t you check it yourself first?” And my answer is this: you just better not say that.
(1 year later update: After the intial run of this post, there was a vast improvement in this situation. Then we moved. Dude. Phil. Almost peed. ALMOST. PEED.)
LIG #2: While it may appear that I’ve come to terms with the fact that Phil is non-communicative in the mornings, as I sit there quietly near him and don’t pester him with questions and words and other such BOTHERSOME INDICATIONS OF MY VERY PRESENCE, I have not come to terms with it. I have not at all. What’s with this “not a morning person” crap! I do not buy into that myth. Takes a long time to wake up? It’s a one step procedure! Sleeping, sleeping, sleeping… eyes open. AWAKE. Entire process, start to finish. I am AWAKE and I am ready to SPEAK ALL THE WORDS THAT HAVE BEEN BUILDING UP ALL NIGHT.
(1 year later update: A complete 180. Most mornings feature Phil trying to hug something akin to a bear in sound and swatting movement, akin to his fiance in looks and general disgruntlement. Instead of him staring at me bleary-eyed while I start the talking that would last from 5am til 9pm, I now drag myself out of bed almost a full hour behind him and say things like “STOP. SAYING. WORDS. AT. ME.” and “RaarrrRRGhhhh.”)
LIG #3: Leaving behind a paycheck kind of job and working at home, for myself, has been a bit nervewracking to me. Every time I bring up doubts, Phil is all “You’re a great writer,” and “You’ll do fine.” And when I show him how money is actually coming in, he says “That’s awesome!” And when I explain to him how I work, and the various things I do and projects I’m involved in, he listens. Closely. I haven’t quite figured out where the grudge in this one is but I’m suspicious so I’m holding a placeholder grudge. JUST IN CASE.
(1 year later update: Wasn’t it cute when we hadn’t been together that long and we had just moved in together and he listened to everything I have to say, all the time, with genuine interest? Yeah. Those were nice days.)
So, let’s here your LIGs, Internet. Remember these key points: LIGs are lifelong, meaning you have no intention of really solving them and little to no interest in advice as to how to solve them, and also irrational, meaning that it is totally okay to let your freak flag fly in the comments.
By Diane on Apr 29, 2010
Ooh. This is my favorite kind of game. WHERE TO BEGIN.
My husband will finish up whatever is in a Tupperware-type container in the fridge, replace the lid, and set it beside the sink. With the lid on it. Without rinsing it first. Do you have any idea what type of situation I’m looking at a few hours later when I come to open that formerly-contained-cantaloupe bowl that has been sitting in the light of a sunshiney window? DEATH BY OLFACTORY is all I can say.
Ugh. I’m so upset just thinking about this, I can’t even remember any of my others.
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By Jessi on Apr 29, 2010
I have a ridiculous grudge against anyone (husband, kid, houseguest…) who does not close the shower curtain when they get out of the shower. IT MAKES THE CURTAIN MOLDY!!!1!!! Seriously, how hard is it?
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Shin Ae Reply:
April 29th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Second! Huge second! I get so angry!
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Sunetra Reply:
April 29th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Thirded! It drives me maaaaaaaaaad!
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lenebean Reply:
April 29th, 2010 at 8:57 pm
ZOMG! Yes! And my housemate is a chick; you’d think she would get these things.
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Adlib Reply:
April 30th, 2010 at 8:33 am
Add me to your “agree” list! Fortunately, I have trained my husband well on this.
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By Nef on Apr 29, 2010
Well i know this is irrational (duh) but my boyfriend, unlike EVERY other man in the damn UNIVERSE doesnt leave the toilet seat up. And why this disturbs me? Because he leaves both seats down! Its not fun to be half asleep, want to go pee and sit in a FREAKING COLD PORCELAIN SEAT!
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By Jen_Ann_W on Apr 29, 2010
Drinking straight out of the milk jug – juice jugs, fine, milk, NO. There are CRUSTIES on the milk jug. Also, leaving the milk jug out on the counter for longer than the 2 minutes it takes to make a bowl of cereal. I made the mistake of forgetting a glass of milk in my bedroom when I was a kid, and it’s scarred me for LIFE against the mere THOUGHT of spoiled milk. *shudder*
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By Rachelle on Apr 29, 2010
I have a SECRET LIG against my neighbor across the street, for giving my husband and I a $5.00 scratch ticket as a gift.
It’s completely irrational for me to be angry about this; there were people at the wedding who didn’t bring gifts; we actually TOLD people not to bring gifts. I’m not angry at ANY of the people who gave us nothing. I’m only angry at HER for her crappy scratch ticket.
Now, granted, her dog has attacked ours on two occasions, her son killed our plum tree and knocked down our fence, and she’s a close-talker whose breath smells like she eats nothing but shit sandwiches.
Also, she drank her own body weight in tequila at the wedding, flirted with a bunch of my guests while her boyfriend (the nicest guy in the world) sat quietly watching. Plus, she’s just kind of a jerk.
BUT, I’m not actually angry at her for any of those things, it’s JUST the $5.00 scratch ticket. Go figure.
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By Skraps on Apr 29, 2010
I have 2.
1.) My wife has a hard boiled egg every morning for breakfast. I mean EVERY morning, for 18 years, never fails. (unless we are away from home) Every morning I have to follow behind her and push the egg shell down the sink and run the garbage disposal. I believe she thinks there is a magic fairy that does this for her, even though I tell her every day it was me, not magic.
2.) My wife has a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich for lunch every day. See above, yes she is a creature of habbit, and a little OCD. She refuses to rinse the extra peanut butter and from the knife when she is done. Again magic fairy that cleans after blah blah blah.
The only plus side is I have a knife to push the egg shell down the sink with, after I rinse it off.
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By Katie on Apr 29, 2010
My mother is not allowed to talk to me about what I am eating or suggest that we split food. If I bring it up, it’s a WHOLE different story. The second she asks if I want to split something, though, or tells me I don’t really want to eat something (both of which are probably true and she’s probably really saying SHE doesn’t want to eat the whole thing) I just want to shove the cake/pie/burger/pizza in my mouth and open-chew it in her face. I have never done it. I just really want to.
I have a nemesis at work, and he’s really never done anything to me but he breathes and I take it personally. I want him to blink out of existence.
People in my cube. They come and stand behind my chair to talk to the guy behind me, not acknowledging my presensence but very clearly in MY space. MINE. GTFO.
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Katie Reply:
April 29th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Oh, and people who don’t add “the” in front of acronymed agencies. It’s not EPA; you would NEVER say “Environmental Protection Agency requires…” ARTICLES, people, ARTICLES!
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Adlib Reply:
April 30th, 2010 at 8:38 am
“I have a nemesis at work, and he’s really never done anything to me but he breathes and I take it personally. I want him to blink out of existence.”
I just love the way you worded that! Heh. (I have a nemesis too – my boss.)
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By shriek house on Apr 29, 2010
My husband hangs his worn-but-not-dirty trousers off the corner of the hamper. Not only does this make laundry confusing (wash? don’t wash?) but it makes the bedroom corner where the hamper is look messy, all festooned with trousers in various & indeterminate phases of worn-but-not-dirty. And? Sometimes they ARE dirty but god help me if I have the NERVE to wash them.
Also. WWTB. Walking While Tooth-Brushing. WTF.
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By Evil Sheep on Apr 29, 2010
Tupperware in the refrigerator. If it’s been there for more than a week, it doesn’t get opened, it gets pitched. Same with any other non-store-bought container in the fridge. I don’t know what’s growing in there, and I don’t want to. I clean the fridge out every Saturday, and if my wife has learned that if she wants to keep the tupperware she has to empty it out before I get there.
I opened a tupperware container that had been in the fridge for over a month one time. That’s all it took. I refuse to open another one…
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By Peregwyn on Apr 29, 2010
The neighbors across the street. Firstly, we don’t even know how many people live there. We call it the Frat House, although they are not noisy with wild parties or anything.
There are so many cars there that some of them have to park in the street. My LIG is that they park directly across from our driveway, where we back out. So far we haven’t hit them, but I have been tempted.
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By Kailen on Apr 29, 2010
My ex did something I hated, and it was to blow her nose with toilet paper. That would have been fine, BUT she felt the need to bring the roll with her as she stood next to the trash can and then left it there. Which meant I usually started a new one, not noticing the old one sitting right there. That was just beyond annoying.
My brother can’t manage to shut the shower curtain after he bathes, thankfully he does listen to my “both toilet seats must be DOWN” thing. I fear poop particles in the air. Even though it’s probably not a huge deal, I hate it.
I also can’t stand when someone uses my computer. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stand it at ALL. It’s awful.
I’m sure there’s more but this is all I can think of right now.
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By Chaninn on Apr 29, 2010
My LIG is when hubby takes off his clothes and leaves them on the floor next to the empty laundry basket. Not in or on, but NEXT TO the EMPTY basket. The basket is there for a reason, dude, use it!
Also, he slams my favorite shows then asks me what happened. Example: I’m watching NCIS and he makes snarky comments about McGee or Zhiva then during commercials says “so what did I miss?” ARRGH!
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By Awlbiste on Apr 29, 2010
Anyone who puts the toilet paper on the roll in the under position. I don’t care who you are, but I fucking hate you. And I’m not even joking. I hate you.
Anyone who sniffles/chomps gum/hums to themselves. I don’t think this is an LIG because it’s not irrational.
I don’t like it when anyone goes in my room. I get this total sick to my stomach feeling and it makes no sense at all and ALL MY THINGS ARE IN THERE. MY THINGS. I don’t know what I think they’re going to do, look at my stuff funny? This definitely stems from when my mom used to go into my room and take stuff and move things around. And it was totally her house and blahblah but OH MY GOD I hate it when people REARRANGE MY STUFF. It makes me sick. Yes I have problems. (No, really, like diagnosed ones).
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Kailen Reply:
April 29th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
I agree with you 100% on the toilet paper thing. So annoying. It’s WRONG.
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Ruune Reply:
April 30th, 2010 at 4:24 am
Weird thing I got turned around on the toilet paper thing. All through my youth and teenage years I was adamantly toilet paper under. And then like overnight I switched to over and I can’t understand why I ever thought under. It was like TJ’s baby fever, but with toilet paper.
I had toilet paper fever.
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Pablo Reply:
April 30th, 2010 at 7:58 am
you just finally saw the light and started doing it right. Congrats!!
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Adlib Reply:
April 30th, 2010 at 8:42 am
I’m with you on the sniffles. As far as I know, my husband doesn’t have allergies, but he sits around and sniffles ALL DAY LONG (when we’re home). I usually tell him to go blow his nose or cut it out. OMG, the sniffling. HATE it.
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By DDStL on Apr 29, 2010
My LIG was a former co-worker. He was in a cube right next to me. I took to calling him Juicy Mike (not to his face, of course). At least twice per day, he would suck on some kind of hard candy or a toothpick or something THROUGH HIS TEETH. At first I started wishing that his phone would just ring. But it eventually got to the point that I would fantasize about tip-toeing around into his cube and smacking him on the back of his cueball head so hard that he would choke on whatever it was he was sucking on. And then I would just walk away. No Heimlich for you, asshole!
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By Julie on Apr 29, 2010
Most everything my father does.
Used teabags left in the sink.
Saying “Who didn’t do ?” YOU, asshole, YOU didn’t!
Not really irrational, but thieves (and other criminals) REALLY piss me off. WTF makes them think it’s OK to steal or wreck something nice from someone that’s worked hard to earn it.
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Julie Reply:
April 29th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
And graffiti too – I was secretly rejoicing when a kid who’d tagged this guys garage door every day for months got chased and accidentally knifed in the chest. TAKE THAT mofo!
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Julie Reply:
April 29th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Oh and edit on the original comment.. It was supposed to have “insert menial task” in those arrowhead shape brackets after “Who didn’t do” but I forgot about the use in html…
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By ZombiePirate on Apr 30, 2010
Where we live is a bunch of houses cramped into as small a space as possible so parking is at a premium. Our next door neighbours are OK and all but they get visited by their family a lot (I mean like several times a day, do these people not have jobs?). I park my car on our driveway behind the house and there is a space out front that my wife uses when she gets in. However, even people that are regularly here and therefore away of where each car is allowed to park via the completely non-agreed-on and unwritten but still TOTALLY valid agreement of where we park, throw their car in her spot even though she gets home at the same kinds of time each day and her car is very clearly there most of the time! After that I can’t think of anymore, but there really are. So much weird in my head maybe I need to see a doctor.
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By Ruune on Apr 30, 2010
None of my grudges are irrational. The leaving things in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher and teabags in the sink all shit me but those are totally rational.
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By Liz on Apr 30, 2010
Well. I want to be very clear: I personally do not feel that *I* am the irrational party in ANY of these situations. So. You know. Disclaimer, etc.
1. Espresso. It is not fucking pronounced EXpresso. There is no X. Ever.
2. Hubs blows his nose – loudly- in the shower. It’s like foghorn and it is like nails on a chalkboard. Why does it have to be so LOUD for the love of CHRIST?
3. The coffee mug in the sink. Two tiny feet away from the dishwasher. That is actually made for washing dishes. Is it THAT HARD TO SHIFT OVER TWO FEET AND PUT IT IN THE DISHWASHER? (Look. I know he is not ACTUALLY saying “Liz, I assume that you will just take care of the ‘dirty mug’ problem by figuring out for me where it needs to go to get magically clean again, and therefore I am going to leave it for you to do, because my time is more important than yours” except that is exactly what he is saying.
4. Grown women, wearing leggings, as if they were pants. Ladies, they are not.
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By nonsoccermom on Apr 30, 2010
My husband gets a piece of bread and puts it directly on the counter to butter it, then eats it and walks away, leaving a little pile of bread crumbs in his wake. EVERY DAY. Sometimes TWICE. I hate him for it and want to sell him to the gypsies, but I don’t think they’d take him.
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By Adlib on Apr 30, 2010
I have a lot of irrational grudges I think. I am VERY anal about the way I keep our apartment, and my husband just does not understand half of what bothers me about things. He looks at me as if my head fell off when I get all pissed about where things are supposed to “go”. In my house, everything has their own spot, and if it’s not there (like it SHOULD be), I get all freaked out, and go on a rant about why it should be there. (Mostly because I can find it easily if it’s in its spot.)
Occasionally, my husband will empty the dishwasher for me and put things away. He doesn’t always get their location right, but he tries so I leave him alone on that one.
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By romasun on Apr 30, 2010
First and foremost is the leaving of one bite. If we have an item in a container – leftovers, dip, what have you – my fiance will leave one bite. Because obviously, I will go to the fridge thinking, “You know what would hit the spot right now? Enough dip to cover half a tortilla chip. Mmm, yes, that will satisfy my hunger.” EXCEPT NO. That will not satisfy my hunger, it will simply piss me off that you left one bite so you don’t have to clean a container that now I have to clean after barely getting to enjoy what it contained. And I got my hopes up, thinking there was dip, and there is not, because one bit doesn’t count. RAGE INDUCING.
I feel like I had others, but spilling that one made me all rage-brain, and now I can’t think of more.
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By Teal on Apr 30, 2010
Two words- Mouth breathers
Drives me utterly insane for no apparent reason..
ugh!
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By Nichole on Apr 30, 2010
I have tons of rational ones, but the only irrational one I have involves my fiance and the refrigerator.
Its bad enough that he can’t remove the stupid energy drinks he buys from the cardboard box but then he’ll leave just one drink in there. We have a small fridge! Stop junking it up! I can’t find the crap to make you dinner if I’m hunting through empty cardboard boxes, now can I?
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By Mary on Apr 30, 2010
I harbor a deep and abiding dislike of spaghetti and angel hair. Linguini is alright, and fettucini is OK, but spaghetti and angel hair are evil. Ditto for sour or tangy white foods (sour cream, mayo, swiss cheese, cream cheese, etc). Sweet or otherwise not sour white foods are ok (marshmallows, vanilla ice cream, milk, mozzarella cheese, etc).
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By Faith on May 3, 2010
My LIG is wet bath mats… you know, right outside the shower? I have always dried my feet before getting outside of the shower so I don’t leave puddles and wet spots on the bath mat. My hubby, however, just drags his wet feet all over the mat and there are literally gets half the mat SOAKING wet as he drips all over it… I can’t stand walking on a wet mat like that!! I always try to shower first so I don’t have to deal with it (and sometimes he offers to let me go first … I think he knows I hate his wet footprints!!)
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By Gorlos on May 13, 2010
“I didn’t kick the damn zebra!!!”
It happend when we were younger, my sister swears up and down that I kicked her stuffed zebra across the room and I GOT IN TROUBLE!
Here’s the “kicker” (see what I did there ;)
We were facing the same direction, she backed up and turned around and in doing so, kicked her own stupid toy which went bouncing past me. So she saw her toy fly past me and assumed I had somehow kicked it behind myself…
To this day we argue about what happend. Lines have been drawn, trenches dug, we will never give in…but she did kick it.
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By Anthony on Jun 1, 2010
LIGs
1 Sago pudding. Don’t ask, don’t tell.
2 Flying. Flying is against nature. Airplane crashes are cause by the earth looking up and seeing a plane and saying ‘What are you doing up there?’ to which the plane says ‘Fair cop’ and crashes.
3 Toothpaste tubes WITH NO LID put back on. People, there are DISEASES out there. Put the lid back on!
4 Text speak in other forms of communication. Lol? Wtf? Omg? You have NOT saved any time for the reader this way. Type the whole word.
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