Temerity Jane

Let me tell you about my yesterday.

Internet, yesterday I posted a list of things I needed to do. Most of them, in fact, did get done. Along with some UNPLANNED UNAWESOMENESS.

First of all? My sister called to tell me about a conversation with my dad.

Dad: So… how do I get this Facebook thing? Do I have to pay for it?

And then she directed me to look at her Facebook page.

So of course, I stomped downstairs to call my father and instruct him about the dire consequences of lying to the Internet is such a manner.

I was outside, lighting a cigarette and holding the phone to call him, leaning forward towards the lighter, and I lit my hair on fire.

Like, WHOOSH!, not just singed. I had to slap it out with my hand!

And then? My dad SCREENED my CALL!

So, figuring he was at the house and my brother was also at their house, I called my brother, told him what happened, and demanded he put my father on the phone. I then got to listen in as my brother physically WRESTLED my dad, trying to get him to take the phone, which ended in a mad dash through the house with my dad throwing shoes over his shoulder at my brother and eventually locking himself in his bedroom.

TO AVOID FACING UP TO ME FOR HIS SHOCKING FACEBOOK MISINFORMATION!

So, I did what any normal person would do, and called my mother to tell on him. She didn’t answer, but, just like a good mother, she called back later.

TJ: So, Dad joined Facebook and… and I just put my hand in bird poop.

(BIRD POOP, INTERNET.)

TJ: Yeah, so Dad joined Facebook, and he wrote on Kate’s page that she’s his favorite!
Mom: He did what?
TJ: Yeah! And then when I called to yell at him, he screened my call! And then I tried to get John to get him on the phone and he ran away and locked himself in the bedroom to avoid my rage!
Mom: I’m going to call him right now.
TJ: I told Phil I was going to tell you, and he said, what’s your mom going to do about it? And I told him you were going to kick his ass into next week!
Mom: I’ve got to go. I’m going to call him right now.
TJ: See, I knew you’d handle it.
Mom: I’m on it.

So, come to find out this morning that my mom did indeed give him what fot, as she is reliable like that.

So you think everything is peachy then, right?

BUT NO.

Just now? My sister called me. Because she just met Ryan Gosling. Just now. This second. He is standing on the street corner by her house in Scranton, Pennsylvania. She saw him at the LIBRARY where he was filming something, the library where she was currently PICKING UP A RYAN GOSLING DVD, and she TALKED to him.

And you know what? I DIDN’T.

This world is just one big bird, poopin’ on my head.