It’s scary in the dark.
December 12th, 2007 | by TJ |***EDITED TO ADD: Do make sure to check out the comments on this post throughout the day. Trust me.***
So I was leaving for work this morning, before the sun was up as usual, and shuffling along over to my car, thinking about some stuff.
I was trying to remember what I dreamed last night, probably a lot of things because I laid down to take a nap and slept for 12 hours, but I couldn’t remember. So I got in my car and was getting myself all ready (I have to arrange a lot of things before I drive) and set off on my way, and was thinking about a phonecall I got from a friend on my birthday. She’d moved to Colorado a couple of years ago, and was telling me about how every time she watches The Office she thinks of me, so I started wondering if there were any other shows like that, where it’s set in some town and whenever people watch it, they think of people they know from that town.
By this time, I was passing the 7-11 where the guy showed me all his stuff, and I started wondering what people like that do for Christmas, if they have normal Christmases like other people, or if they’re just so overall strange and whacked out that Christmas is all whacky for them as well, like they decorate a shrub and eat pork and beans as their holiday traditions, and then I was reminded that I needed to get some diet soda, but the 7-11 was on the left so screw that, and then I was wondering how much harder my life would be if I refused to take left turns completely, instead of just avoiding them when possible, as I do, and then, then do you know what I thought?
I was thinking that if I was alone in my house, and I had that dark, creepy, ominous feeling that you sometimes get when you come home and the house is all dark, even though you don’t ACTUALLY have anything to worry about, but you know, you get the feeling anyway, and then if I walked upstairs and went in my room and opened my closet, I think that if I was to find Michael Stipe in there, that would just about be the scariest thing to EVER happen to me. Seriously, dark house, slowly open closet door, OH MY GOD IT’S MICHAEL STIPE! You’d probably pee yourself, too.
By Arrens on Dec 12, 2007
I don’t know if finding the poster-child for Leukemia in my closet would be scary. It would definitely rank in the top two weirdest things, though, right behind that thing with the wig, the hot fudge sunday and the goat. But that’s a different story entirely.
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By The Soldier on Dec 12, 2007
I dont know the name of the actress that played the part, but if you ever watch the original “Pet Sematary”, the sister of the wife/mom, who’s got the twisted up back? Bitch STILL creeps me out.
Long live the new Queen of the Run-On Sentence. Hail TJ, the wicked period is dead!
J
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By kakalaki on Dec 12, 2007
@Soldier
LOL, nice one… Queen of the Run-On-Sentence. Most girls are experts at this. With a period, it would require more delay in telling the next sentence. Most girls only take the time to quickly gasp for breath, hence the comma. Another thing is the most girls use key phrases to connect sentences so they don’t have to stop. One prime example that TJ uses is “but you know”.
When whacked people decorate their shrubbery, do they decorate two? Do they make a path? Do they cut down trees with….. a herring?
lol
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By Sorosst on Dec 12, 2007
TJ,
Why the left-turn avoidance? Left turns are great. They let you explore the 50% of the planet that is on your left at any given moment.
Seriously though, I wish I could find it now, but years ago I read an article about a woman in the UK who was afflicted with some crazy mental disorder which left her completely unable to turn right. I think she had run over somebody while crossing traffic once, and her brain wigged out and refused to ever do it again. She said it was a huge pain in the ass having to plan every single car trip anywhere in a way that would let her not have to turn right.
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By Stan on Dec 12, 2007
Wow.
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By Doomilias on Dec 12, 2007
you do realize…that three rights make a left…
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By Evil Sheep on Dec 12, 2007
And if an asian couple had a baby and put it up for adoption, and the baby was adopted by someone descended from the brothers who flew at Kitty Hawk, two Wongs would make a Wright.
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By Fiordhraoi on Dec 12, 2007
Evil, while I appreciate your attempt at punning, I believe there is a small chink in your plan.
(Yes, horrible, but funny)
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By Doomilias on Dec 12, 2007
/flailinglyrunsawayfromcomputerinsearchofwindowtodefenstrate
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By Fiordhraoi on Dec 12, 2007
Doom, if you can’t find a window, just stop, take a deep breath, and re-orient yourself.
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By Doomilias on Dec 12, 2007
well, in that case, i would prefer to just take nice long wok.
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By Fiordhraoi on Dec 12, 2007
Well, I’m glad you could stir yourself to do so.
Speaking of, I have a Mexican friend who is a Chinese chef. I thought it was unusual, but there’s a lot of similarity between mexican and chinese, says Juan.
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By Doomilias on Dec 12, 2007
thats funny, because i used to know this man darren who had the same idea about chinese and irish beer.
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By Fiordhraoi on Dec 12, 2007
I really don’t agree. Your friend’s mind is obviously ailing. He’d better hops to it and get to a psychiatrist. There may be a grain of truth to his statement, but it’s barley discernible.
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By Doomilias on Dec 12, 2007
hmmm. i sense an argument brewing. i dont know if i want to get in the malttle. his opinions are considerably well distilled, although they can tend to be a bit bitter. i can get you his info, if youd like, although i havent spoken to him since the day before yeasterday.
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By Fiordhraoi on Dec 12, 2007
I suppose I can be the one to avoid the argument before it comes to a head. I’m kind of tapped out anyway, and I don’t want to have this hang over us any longer. I’ll just let it go, and hope that time alone will make your bud wiser.
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By Doomilias on Dec 12, 2007
again, dont want to get stuck in the meaddle of that one. after all, it’s enough that i have to listen to my honey whine about upcoming wedding stuff all day long.
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By Fiordhraoi on Dec 12, 2007
I can certainly understand wedding blues. Sometimes it can seem like borrowed trouble, all the new things with the same old person.
Ailse give you some advice. Your bride’s made all these plans. All you really have to do to suit her is to groom well. Put on a little cologne and you’ll have passed her expectations. What women do for weddings is often veiled in mystery, but as a man those things don’t have to engage more than a passing interest.
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By iLLa on Dec 12, 2007
also, drink drank drunk.
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By kakalaki on Dec 12, 2007
/equip Dagger of Doom
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
/attack [target=kakalaki]
why won’t i die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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By Doomilias on Dec 12, 2007
i apologize, i was on lunch break, hence the late response.
i concede, fio. you are the punmaster, i am your pundowan.
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By Lynda on Dec 12, 2007
Wow, Fio really hops onto those puns. I could barley believe my eyes. And he switched to the wedding puns without ceremony. Well, wort reading the comments.
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By Lynda on Dec 12, 2007
Oh, yeah, and Marilyn Manson in my closet would seem a bit scarier to me.
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By Gauntlet on Dec 12, 2007
That wordplay exchange was beautiful.
/applaud
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By bob the goat on Dec 12, 2007
Do you know what happens if you take a duck and dunk it in liquid nitrogen, then throw it against a concrete wall? It dies.
(Others would probably way
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By TJ on Dec 12, 2007
@Bob the goat: You’re not quite ready to play with the big kids in this arena.
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By iLLa on Dec 12, 2007
bob, you just got sonned by TJ
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By Doomilias on Dec 12, 2007
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By kakalaki on Dec 12, 2007
Go Bob!
Stop the insanity!
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By Stan on Dec 12, 2007
Just. Wow.
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By Gauntlet on Dec 12, 2007
Perhaps we should just all give in, and start making puns ourselves – flock together, as it were.
Although I realize that some of you may find that idea a bit too fowl.
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By Doomilias on Dec 12, 2007
/applaud gauntlet
it would be nice to see this blog migrate over to a pun-based format.
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By Lynda on Dec 12, 2007
While it is interesting to see puns come to roost here, I doubt we should pigeon-hole TJ into making her posts more punny. I wouldn’t want to see her end up with egg on her face.
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By Gauntlet on Dec 12, 2007
Others might feel that they are being punished, and fly the coop themselves.
The should just speak up and flip us the proverbial bird if they think that way.
I’m hopeful that others will wade into the waters.
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By kakalaki on Dec 12, 2007
/flip the proverbial bird
TJ, quick, post something else!
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By Dulcea on Dec 12, 2007
TJ,
Are they like this ALL the time? I don’t think I’d be able to quack…quest without quack…cracking!
Now I need to waddle…wander away from my desk before my boss investigates which way the crowing…laughing is coming from.
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By Phil on Dec 12, 2007
I would join in this pun based conversation, but I would most likely just end up eating crow.
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By Pedxing on Dec 12, 2007
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/09/magazine/09left-handturn.html
UPS saved 3 Million Gallons of Gas– By Not Turning Left
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By Gauntlet on Dec 12, 2007
What possibly drove you to give TJ a relevant response?
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By Daxenos on Dec 13, 2007
It looks like this comment thread is running out of gas. It’s lacking the drive to solicit new material and has trouble delivering. I suppose that’s what happens when alcohol at fowl weddings is the topic of the day.
Dax
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By Kestrel on Dec 13, 2007
I concar, Dax. Fio & Doom really had the pedal to the metal. I figured they’d keep on truckin’ throughout the night. Then by morning, we’d have us a convoy. But they must be gassed.
I guess we auto be glad for the puns we had, and try to overcome that run-down feeling.
I have to admit though…about halfway through, my only thought was WHAT THE CLUCK?
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By Euripedes on Dec 15, 2007
*cries*
*weeps in corner*
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