It’s not even a THING!
June 3rd, 2009 | by TJ |Internet,
I have a lot of things I wanted to talk to you about today. The Alkaline Trio concert, for one. Or getting pulled over on the way home. Or the way a stray cat is giving Brinkley A. Spears (he’s feeling formal these days) (the A stands for Allen) a stress complex. Or the way my reluctance to drive is creeping up to a pathological condition that makes it near unbearable to even be IN a car. Or the fact that I’m pretty sure I’m actually a muppet (run like a muppet, talk like a muppet, dance like a muppet… I mean, I’m left with limited conclusions here, people).
But no. Today, I want to bring up a discussion I have had with some of you in the past – Ego, for one – that once again came up last night on the way home from the show.
During the show last night, Matt Skiba announced that he had created a new drink. Vodka, Red Bull and blue Gatorade. He is calling it The Incredible Sulk.
Discussing this in the car on the way home, I mentioned to Phil that “blue” is a flavor that does not necessarily appeal to anyone over the age of six. And then the rant started.
Blue is not a FLAVOR, people. Oh, and don’t give me that Blue Raspberry crap. Do you even know what blue raspberry is? No, you don’t. Do you know why you don’t know? BECAUSE IT’S NOT EVEN A FLAVOR. There is no such thing as blue raspberry. It’s invented. INVENTED! Candy, popsicle and other sugary treat makers wanted a blue food, as blue is NOT REALLY NORMAL FOR FOOD and thus should appear to children.
Flavor Inventor: I’ve got something blue!
Flavor Tester: Ok, let me try. Hmmm…
Flavor Inventor: Well? What do you think? What does it taste like?
Flavor Tester: Uh… I don’t… actually… know? What are you calling it?
Flavor Inventor: Blue raspberry.
Flavor Tester: But… is there even any raspberry in this?
Flavor Inventor: No! But there’s blue!
Flavor Tester: WE’RE GONNA BE RICH!!!
Blue raspberry tastes neither like raspberries nor like blue. Can you even tell me right now what blue raspberry tastes like? NO! You can’t! Because you’ve been color-brainwashed by the candy companies! You have been trained to see blue flavored sugar products as blue raspberry and you don’t even actually know what blue raspberry tastes like! IT DOESN’T NEED TO HAVE A SPECIFIC TASTE. JUST NEEDS TO BE BLUE.
You: Oh, I think I’ll have a sno cone.
Sno Cone Guy: Ok, what kind? How about this blue one?
You: You mean blue raspberry? Ok. Nomnomnomnomnom.
You: Oh, sour patch kids!
Candy Guy: Here, try a blue one.
You: Mmmm, blue raspberry.
You: Hey, look at that rock! It’s blue!
Rock Guy: Here, lick it!
You: Oooooh. Blue raspberry! And dirt! BLUE RASPBERRY dirt.
In conclusion, Internet, blue raspberry does not taste like raspberry or like blue. Do you know why? Because there’s no such thing as blue flavor. But your brain, your brain thinks there is now. You can be fed 14 different things, all called blue raspberry, and as long as they’re actually blue, you’ll probably never notice that NONE OF THEM TASTE THE SAME AT ALL.
BECAUSE BLUE RASPBERRY IS NOT EVEN A THING!
And that’s about the point where I stroked out.
By Awlbiste on Jun 3, 2009
Mmmmmm, blue.
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By lenebean on Jun 3, 2009
You are completely right about this! I feel the exact same way. Here in Austin you can find amazing sno cones (and for the people out there that do not like sno cones, you cannot categorically claim that until you come out to Austin to try ours), and many sno cone vendors have both red raspberry and blue raspberry, as well as coconut and blue coconut. WTF?! Raspberry is probably my favorite fruit flavor, and a flavor I regularly choose for sno cones. Now, there’s one place that has blue raspberry but not red raspberry, something that makes absolutely no sense to me … something I found somewhat irritating.
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By Bernie on Jun 3, 2009
Growing up in N’Awlins a blue snow cone was flavored with a flavor called bubble gum.
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By Luckedout on Jun 3, 2009
Huh… wonder why they didn’t just call it Blueberry, which is an actual food/fruit. That would make more sense.
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By john the diver on Jun 3, 2009
@Luckedout
Because Blueberrys are actually Purple.
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By Kirsten on Jun 3, 2009
Not to split hairs, but I thought that blue Gatorade was called Cool Blue? Which, your point still stands that there’s no such flavor as blue, but … at least it isn’t parading around as a fake fruit.
Or maybe that’s just in Canada…
(To further confuse matters, there appears to be another flavor – Factor X Formula 87 – which is also blue, and not named blue or after a fruit, but the nature of the name leaves something to be desired, methinks.)
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By kirk on Jun 3, 2009
The flavor of blue raspberry ceased nonexisting the instant they invented it, true, it is not a natural flavor, but neither is strawberry or banana flavoring, which both taste NOTHING like actual strawberries or bananas. you can indeed make the complaint that one companies blue raspberry tastes nothing like another companies, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, just that they disagree on its formulation. so while you can indeed complain that it is not a natural flavor, or that it is an inconsistent flavor you cannot say that it is not a thing. a spork was not a thing until someone invented one. and for the record, I love blue as a color, and most of the time, the flavors involved.
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By Rebecca on Jun 3, 2009
This reminds me of a story we tell about an umpire at a baseball game telling us that his favorite flavor of koolaid is RED…
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By Palladiamors on Jun 3, 2009
Rasperry tastes like ttttbbbbbppppppttttt!
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By Kestrel on Jun 3, 2009
And just exactly what sound does “yellow” make?
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By Dzargul on Jun 3, 2009
I’m going to pour lead acid on the wound and point out that, from an etymological standpoint, “blue raspberry” is, in fact, a flavor.
…at least as long as all ‘blue raspberry’ items have a nearly identical flavor.
Remember: ‘Blueberry’ wasn’t a flavor, either, until someone named the berry and it’s associated taste.
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By Shawn on Jun 3, 2009
It’s like the Dave Chappelle skit: “Gimme some o’ that purple stuff. Just three ingredients: Sugar, water, purple.”
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By Thaumaturgos on Jun 3, 2009
I would find this ‘discussion’ slightly more sensible if its precursor had not been you wondering if you live your life with a large hand up your rear end – the actual life status of a true muppet (See under Henson: Jim).
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By Catastrophe on Jun 4, 2009
I have a blue house with a blue window.
Blue is the colour of all that I wear.
Blue are the streets and all the trees are too.
I have a girlfriend and she is so blue.
Blue are the people here that walk around,
Blue like my corvette, it’s standing outside.
Blue are the words I say and what I think.
Blue are the feelings that live inside me.
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By Brett on Jun 4, 2009
im blue dubadeee duba di ….. curse you Catastrophe now that damn song is in my head lol
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By Yves on Jun 4, 2009
Blue WHAT!?
I just call it smurf shit!
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By Steve on Jun 4, 2009
I dislike watermelon (the fruit).
I absolutely love watermelon (the jolly rancher).
./stroke out time!
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By z-man on Jun 4, 2009
pshht, everyone knows blue raspberry is made from smurfs.
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By Peregwyn on Jun 4, 2009
Gah, real watermelon is lovely. The candy/gum flavored watermelon stuff is horrid.
True – I once worked in a convenience store where I was in charge of the candy aisle. I did not order watermelon Bubblicious because I couldn’t stand the smell.
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By Greg on Jun 4, 2009
Principal Skinner: “Good gravy!”
Lunch Lady Doris: “Oh thank you, it’s just brown and water.”
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By KT on Jun 6, 2009
THANK YOU! I have such a thing about this. Not just because “blue” doesn’t exist as a flavor. There is no blue food! Food is not blue! (Blueberries are purple! Just make a crumble out of them and see!)
Blue is the color of Windex and other things that are not good to ingest. We’re totally wearing away at our survival instincts by making food blue and cleaning products citrusy and orange. I think this is probably the same thing that happened to the dinosaurs.
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By For The Pie on Jun 8, 2009
The schnozberries taste like schnozeberries!
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By JN on Jul 7, 2010
i know im a year late on this but i felt i should point out that there is a raspberry known as the blue raspberry (amongst many other names) but it isn’t actually blue. but it’s flavor is very similar to that of the blue raspberry candies. in fact it was used to flavor them for years. so while the color isn’t natural, the blue raspberry does in fact exist.
http://www.lamorindawinesociety.com/david/?p=27
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