I’m sorry I blamed you, purple laces.

November 19th, 2013 | by TJ |

Listen to me. Listen. Listen. It’s very important that you try hard to ignore the details of what happened to me tonight and try instead to focus on the overall concept, okay? Because I think if you don’t get bogged down in what actually happened, and instead can recognize what happened as an instance of a larger phenomenon we’ve all experienced, we can all take some time out of our day to point and laugh at each other.

On the other hand, though, if you’re going to get all caught up in, “Wait, wait, wait, back ups,” or “I’m going to need to you explain to me exactly hows,” or “Walk me through this agains,” we’re going to have a problem here. And that problem is going to be a combination of you missing the point and me being cranky about it, because I’m a control freak about points and people missing them.

So in a second here, I’m going to tell you what happened here tonight, and you’re going to read along, and you’re not going to get caught up in the hows and the whys and the wait, wait, wait, BACK UPS, because let me tell you, do not tell me to wait and back up. You’re not the boss of this blog. Also, I can’t back it up, because it’s a blog. These are written words. The way that it is backed up is that you go back to the top and you read it again and you see if you get it that time, and if you don’t, it’s because the information you’re after isn’t there, and it’s probably not there because it’s NOT PART OF THE POINT AND YOU’RE TOTALLY WRECKING THIS FOR EVERYONE ALREADY, GUY.

Are you ready? Are you ready to just read the story and go along with it even though you might have questions about the details, if I promise you right now, up front, that your questions about the details are completely irrelevant to the point of this post, so you can totally enjoy this post without them, or else I totally would have included them, because, come on, when have I ever left out words? Because I will promise you that right now. I will. Anything left out of tonight’s happenings is unnecessary for your enjoyment of this post and, hopefully, of the comments section, assuming that I can make this point I have now totally built up entirely too much, considering it’s not actually all that much of a point, but more of a… vague question/statement/raised eyebrow in your general direction.

Regardless, promises have now been made, so onward.

Tonight, before I left for Zumba (I don’t take Zumba), I went to tie my shoes, and GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?

I learned how to tie my shoes.

Right then. Right there. I learned how to tie my shoes. It’s not that I never tied a shoe before, but tonight is the night that I learned how to tie a shoe properly. I tied my shoes almost three hours ago now, and they are STILL TIED. They are still tied TIGHTLY, even. This is a new record for me.

I’m not talking about some method I learned online for a speedy way to tie, or a “hack” (not everything is a hack, people) that leads to longer lasting knots. And they’re certainly not double knotted, because when I was attending daycare at the YMCA, someone there told me she was double knotting my shoes so they wouldn’t come untied. To my four year old mind, that meant that my shoes would never come untied, thus never come off. I’ve never allowed my shoes to be double knotted since.

And allowed is definitely the right word, because a lot of people have tied my shoes over the years. My shoes NEVER stay tied. Ever. They are untied before I leave the house. I’m constantly stopped in stores by well-meaning people letting me know my laces are undone, which is honestly nothing more than an aggravation, because I feel obligated to tie them. WHY TIE THEM? THEY’LL JUST COME UNDONE.

Until TONIGHT, that is.

On Sunday, Phil was tying my shoe for me and while he tied them the same basic way that I always have, I noticed he was doing  the one loopity part at the end all backward and awkward. So tonight, before I left, I tried doing that loopity all backward and awkward, too. AND IT MADE A KNOT. AND IT’S STILL KNOTTED.

My entire life – ENTIRE LIFE – my shoes have come untied. I have never understood why, I guess I just thought shoes came undone and that was the way of shoes. Or, recently? I blamed it on extra silky laces. I sometimes noticed that other adults weren’t running around like 8 year olds with frayed laces dragging along behind them all day long, but never really thought too much of it, because shoes don’t stay tied. They just don’t.

BUT APPARENTLY? YES THEY DO! I JUST FOUND OUT HOW PEOPLE DO THAT! TONIGHT!

I got ALL THE WAY to very nearly 32 years old not just unable to tie a shoe properly, but also not even ever quite realizing that I was doing it wrong. This is, seriously, the biggest thing that has happened to me in I don’t know how long. The most enormous *CLICK* that I can remember experiencing within recent memory.

I don’t generally like to end with a question because it seems so stilted and weird, like, “So what are your favorite things about fall?,” but honestly, this discovery is just SO EXCITING, I need to go decide what I’m going to do now – sleep with them on and see how long it lasts? Or untie and retie to practice so I don’t lose my new skill?

So instead, this is the part where I look at you with the slightly raised eyebrow, and instead of saying, “wait, wait, wait, back UP,” you instead tell me what thing everyone else in the world had figured out not only years before you did, but possibly even years before you realized it was even a thing, or a thing you were doing incorrectly. I seriously just took to Twitter to say, “I JUST FOUND OUT HOW PEOPLE DO A THING.” So I’m expecting your things to be equally newsworthy.

115 Responses to “I’m sorry I blamed you, purple laces.”

  1. By Lissie on Nov 19, 2013

    I uh…I cannot really tell my left hand from my right on command. And until a few years ago, I had no idea there was that cute “Make an L with your thumb and forefinger” trick that would tell me that my left hand made a real L and my right made a backwards L, saving me seconds of mouth breathing diliberation. My mind was just blown to bits when I learned that’s what people were doing. I must’ve missed that day in Kindergarten.

    [Reply]

    Elise Seaton Reply:

    I struggle with left and right ALL THE TIME. I just never locked it into my brain as a kid and now it’s apparently impossible. I have to THINK every time and that trick doesn’t work for me because…I can read backwards? I’m not pulling the Special Snowflake card, I just see two Ls when I do that. So I just have to take a split second to imagine a pen in my hand and go, “Well, I’m right-handed, soooo….”

    [Reply]

    Carmen Reply:

    I never knew the “make an L shape” thing either, until my mother-in-law pointed it out to my son a few years ago. I always look at my arms and know that my watch is on my left wrist.

    [Reply]

  2. By Linnea on Nov 19, 2013

    Apparently I’ve been doing double turn lanes wrong. You know when you have two laves that get to turn left together? I thought both labs had to follow the center line but I found out that the inside lane is supposed to go to the far innate (left) and the outside lane goes to the far right. World turned upside down.

    [Reply]

  3. By Erica on Nov 19, 2013

    I don’t know what my thing is, BUT I did catch myself double knotting shoes that I was trying on in a shoe store the other day. To wear for 15 seconds. Before taking them back off. So I am your double knotting evil twin, or something.

    [Reply]

  4. By Amber on Nov 19, 2013

    This sounds so stupid I know but I didn’t realize until recently that Scooby Doo is a Great Dane. I’m not sure if it is something I should have known or not but the day that it randomly hit me and popped into my head I felt like, “F***, how did I not notice that?”

    Okay…I’m awkward.

    [Reply]

    betsy Reply:

    This made me lolllll. Because I, too, recently realized that Scoob is a great Dane.

    [Reply]

    H Reply:

    OMG I didn’t realize this until just now, when I read your comment…and I’m a dog lover breed noticer for IRL dogs.

    [Reply]

  5. By Liz on Nov 19, 2013

    I did not learn how to whistle until I went away to college. I can tell you my parents were so proud of me. All the tuition they paid for an education, and of vourse, me learning to whistle.

    I recently learned how to tell which bread and drink are yours at a table with multiple place settings. You can make a ‘b’ and a ‘d’ with your pointer finger and thumb (make it a circle, and put your other fingers straight) and your bread plate is on your left (‘b’), and drink is on your right (‘d’). Mind blown.

    [Reply]

    Kammah Reply:

    The bread and drink thing! I learned that! Just now! Here! In the comments! I can’t even tell you how nervous I get with multiple place settings because there’s always this *eyebrow* scrunch that I do because yours? Mine? Who knows and ahhhh, everyone knows! Everyone knows but me!

    But now I KNOW! I can’t even tell you how excited I am about this right now. It’s the week before Thanksgiving! It’s the perfect time to use my new skill! Oh man, I feel like I need to have a nice lie down now.

    [Reply]

    april Reply:

    I still can’t whistle.

    I put my drink on the left because I’m left-handed, but I put everyone else’s the right way.

    [Reply]

  6. By Jesabes on Nov 19, 2013

    Ok, I couldn’t say this on Twitter, because my husband is kind of sensitive about it, but HE’S TIED HIS SHOES WRONG HIS WHOLE LIFE, TOO. It drove me nuts and made me worry about our children. How was I going to teach them the correct way without him mucking it up? (He didn’t agree his way was wrong.)

    Then! He competed in a triathalon this summer and when working on his transitions (biking – in clips – to running – in sneakers) he read this article about the best/fastest way to tie your shoes, decided to give it a try, and guess what? It works better than the old way! Yay!!

    Except, as far as I know, that’s the way the WHOLE WORLD ties their shoes already. Or at least the way I do. So, not so much a triathlon hack, but who cares because he’s finally tieing his shoes right.

    [Reply]

    Jesabes Reply:

    Now that I read that back, I see I could have said it somewhat…nicer. I didn’t mean to make him sound dumb or me like a jerk:)

    [Reply]

  7. By Elizabeth on Nov 19, 2013

    First of all, I still think Alaska is an island and there’s no convincing me otherwise. And while I do know how to tie shoes, I just realized like two weeks ago that the words Burger King on the Burger King sign ARE IN THE SHAPE IF A BURGER.

    [Reply]

    H Reply:

    I didn’t know this until just now. Crazy.

    [Reply]

    Carmen Reply:

    They are? Huh.

    [Reply]

  8. By Kristina on Nov 19, 2013

    Two weeks ago I found out that bobby pins go squiggley side down. SQUIGGLEY SIDE DOWN. My hair has been falling out moments after fixing it for YEARS because bobby pins go squiggley side down. I feel incredibly stupid and elated all at the same time.

    [Reply]

    Veronica Foale Reply:

    YES! OH MY GOD YES. I have only just learned this recently too. How did I not know? I always thought it was weird that that little pokey bit stuck up and I never could work out how my friends found straight bobby pins in the shops and I always found wonky ones.

    Now my hair stays bobby pinned for ALL DAY.

    [Reply]

    Natalie Reply:

    Wait. A minute now, what??? Is this true? I’ve never had success with bobby pins but I blamed slippery hair. Now I feel like I have to go try this right NOW.

    [Reply]

    shin ae Reply:

    Really?! I have also been blaming slippery hair.

    [Reply]

    hydrogeek Reply:

    I, also, have had life-long slippery hair issues. And now… well now I have to go find some bobby pins.

    [Reply]

    Diane Reply:

    I didn’t know this! And you know what? I don’t think some of the bobby pin makers know this. Because the fancy ones with beads and all that don’t have a squiggly underneath part! The sticky uppy part is on the part that goes up! SO WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT, BOBBY PIN MAKERS?

    [Reply]

    squandra Reply:

    Aaaaaah, what?! Thank you!

    [Reply]

    Kristina Reply:

    Y’all are making me feel SO much better about myself. I thought I was the only one who didn’t know this.

    [Reply]

    Jess Reply:

    You’ve got to be kidding me. I was all mad that even the non-slip bobby pins didn’t work, and I was DOING IT WRONG.

    [Reply]

  9. By Ariel on Nov 19, 2013

    Wait.

    The ‘Burger King’ in the Burger King sign makes a burger?!

    Bobby pins go squiggly side down?!

    (p.s. Just figured out the Alaska thing too.)

    The comments are already blowing my mind!

    [Reply]

  10. By elembee123 on Nov 20, 2013

    I saw somewhere on the web (can’t remember where!) that the name Ore-Ida stands for Oregon and Idaho, and then my head exploded!

    Given that generations of my family hail from the Spud Capital of the World, I am feeling rather sheepish that I didn’t put this together sooner!

    [Reply]

  11. By Nick on Nov 20, 2013

    I’ve always been bad at tieing ties, which is OK because I don’t work anywhere where I need to wear one, but bad as I wear one every week to Church, so, while I don’t get a lot of tie tieing experience I still need to tie and tie. For years I did single knots because anything else came out hideous, then, one evening when I was going out with my wife and I REALLY wanted to knot a tie that didn’t look like it was tied by someone sadly deficient in the art of tie tieing I prayed for help and then tied a perfect double knot. Since that day I have always tied my tie that way and not looked back. I was shocked that I went from tie tieing mediocrity to slightly less tie tieing mediocrity in mere moments.

    [Reply]

    Megan Reply:

    Howtotieatie.com. It will save you. Also, leave ties knotted and hang them up that way. BAM! Problem solved.

    [Reply]

  12. By Court on Nov 20, 2013

    At well over 30 years old and with a graduate degree in literature under my belt, I finally figured out that the word I’d been reading and pronouncing in my head as ‘my-zled’ is actually ‘mis-led’. Yes, English is my native language. Yes, I occasionally question whether I am indeed an idiot.

    [Reply]

    Jenny Grace Reply:

    My dad was apparently in his 20s when he said something about someone being myzled. And he would not believe my mother that this was not a word.

    [Reply]

  13. By Erin on Nov 20, 2013

    http://rhymeswithtaffy.wordpress.com/

    I’m rubbing my hands in excitement because this is totally going to be one of those posts, isn’t it? Where I keep coming back and reading the comments and being totally delighted and charmed by all of the examples.

    I feel like most of my life is one big “holy shit I’ve been doing this the wrong way?” but I’m drawing a blank at the moment. I’m sure I’ll come back with fingers loaded with examples after I’ve had time to ruminate on this.

    Are “I didn’t know this!” examples allowed or is that straying too far off the path? Because one time I was trying to describe a pimento to my friend, and I said, “you know, the things they put in olives.” And she laughed at me and said, “you mean the things GOD puts in olives?” She thought they grew that way.

    [Reply]

    Erin Reply:

    I did not mean to put that link in the top there like some kind of asshole. It was on my clipboard because I typed this comment multiple times only to have my phone eat it. Sorry about that, delete if you want!

    [Reply]

    april Reply:

    Hey Erin, I don’t think I had your blog in my reader, so thanks for putting that link up there! :) (no sarcasm, I’m actually thankful)

    [Reply]

  14. By Natalie on Nov 20, 2013

    I learned after having a baby that onesies have those shoulder flaps so that you can roll them down over the body instead of up over the head in case of diaper failure. Genius.

    [Reply]

    Susie Reply:

    WHAAAAAAAT.

    [Reply]

    Natalie Reply:

    Right?! Who knew. Totally works too.

    [Reply]

    TJ Reply:

    ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW.

    [Reply]

    Natalie Reply:

    100%. Pinkie swear.

    [Reply]

    LizScott Reply:

    What. WHAT.

    [Reply]

    Linnea Reply:

    Oh my. Just in time for a new baby, thous is REVOLUTIONARY

    [Reply]

    Megan Reply:

    Dude. DUUUUUUDE. My 4 month old is still a diaper blowout virgin, but I will think of you when it happens, and praise the flying spaghetti monster for TJ and her commenters teaching me how to do stuff. I feel special now.

    [Reply]

    H Reply:

    WHAT?!

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    Curly Girl Reply:

    WHUT. I thought that was just for babies with big fat heads, like me and my progeny.

    [Reply]

    Sky Reply:

    I thought they were for fat heads too!

    [Reply]

    Matti Reply:

    If you have those long sleep sacks for infants, they will oftenhave the flaps and you can do this to get them on and off because that much material going over a little baby head with no neck. No.
    Mainly, I just wanted to be subscribed to the comments :)

    [Reply]

    Lindsay Reply:

    WHAT?!?!?! My boyfriend told me that he and his ex-wife always just CUT OFF the blow-out destroyed onesies…..

    [Reply]

    Lawyerish Reply:

    Wait, WHAT? WHATTTTTT??? I thought those were to accommodate babies’ giant noggins! Are you SERIOUS?

    [Reply]

    Natalie Reply:

    Totally serious!

    [Reply]

    jonniker Reply:

    What. WHAT.

    [Reply]

    april Reply:

    I think I need another child to take advantage of this new information.

    [Reply]

  15. By Erin on Nov 20, 2013

    Oh! I thought of one. Up until the last year or so I’ve been combing my hair he hard way. I’d take a shower, wash and shampoo, wrap it up in a towel, do my makeup/puttering around, and then take the towel down and rake a comb through my damp, tangled hair.

    Then I read that people comb their hair WHILE THE CONDITIONER IS STILL IN. Uh, duh, self. So much easier, almost no tangles to work out, a lot less breakage and eye-watering.

    [Reply]

  16. By Tric on Nov 20, 2013

    I was well into high school before I realized the “D” in the Disney logo was in fact a D. My entire childhood I thought it was a backwards “G.” To this day I need to stare at it a little bit before the “D” becomes apparent.

    [Reply]

    Kate Reply:

    I was well into my twenties before I realized the same thing.

    Do I get extra points for realizing it while looking at my own business cards, the ones from Walt Disney World? Where I had already been working for a couple of years? Because my then-boss certainly didn’t give me any.

    [Reply]

  17. By Life of a Doctor's Wife on Nov 20, 2013

    I have two, not very recent but very powerful in my memory:

    1. I remember clearly when I discovered I’d been pronouncing “ravine” the TOTALLY WRONG way. I guess I had never said it out loud? Did I grow up in a place that didn’t have ravines? Must be.

    2. And then there was the discovery that you can put dishes in the dishwasher without scrubbing them! Totally crazy! I’d been double washing dishes my ENTIRE life. (Still am, incidentally. It hasn’t really stuck. I think my husband and I are both still afraid we’ll open the dishwasher to drawers full of freshly washed stuck on food. Even though we have BOTH seen it work, with our own eyes.)

    By the way, my husband and I tie our shoes in two completely different ways.

    [Reply]

  18. By Denise V. on Nov 20, 2013

    Until I was 40, I thought that the “non-head” side of a coin was the front and the head side was the back. I don’t even know how my husband and I started talking about it but I was shocked and thought he as kidding when he called the eagle side of a quarter the back. I’m still not sure this is true because that seems 100% incorrect to me. But every single person I’ve quizzed on this has taken his side (of the coin).

    [Reply]

    Haley Reply:

    I’m with you on this one, the head side should be considered the back of the coin

    [Reply]

    april Reply:

    I always assumed the head side was the one with the president’s head on it. I could never figure out when sports use special coins, how do they know what side is the head?

    [Reply]

  19. By Swistle on Nov 20, 2013

    It wasn’t until my thirties that I realized that the line between the two numbers in a fraction could be “read” as “divided by.” CHANGED MY LIFE.

    Also, I have not yet successfully taught a single child how to tie shoes. I can do it but I can’t teach it. Or else my children are particularly slow.

    [Reply]

    Mrs. Commoner Reply:

    Until the 8th grade I was really bad at math. Then, the same realization about the line in a fraction hit me and it was like a lightbulb went off. Ever since I’ve been math genius (of there were a way to say that without sounding like an asshole I haven’t figured it out. Sorry).

    [Reply]

    Mrs. Commoner Reply:

    Apparently my lack of proofreading skills for the above comments shows very clearly that I am nowhere near a language arts genius.

    [Reply]

  20. By Natalie on Nov 20, 2013

    I also remember clearly when I learned that hors d’oeuvres was how you spelled (what I thought was) orderves. And I’m an excellent speller, but this was mind blowing to me.

    [Reply]

  21. By Aleks on Nov 20, 2013

    My husband pointed out that the little gas tank illustration by the gas gauge shows you which side the gas tank is on the car. (If the illustration nozzle is on the right, the tank is on the right). Handy rule of thumb for rental cars or if you fill the gas so rarely you forget what side it’s on.

    [Reply]

    Natalie Reply:

    Mine has an arrow and thus I have never even attempted to learn what side it’s on.

    [Reply]

    Aleks Reply:

    Yes! Some cars have arrows instead of the gas pump illustration thing — even easier! I seriously thought this was something you had to note before you got in a car. Am dense.

    [Reply]

    Lawyerish Reply:

    WHAT. This has CHANGED MY LIFE. Right this very minute, MY LIFE HAS BEEN ALTERED FOREVERMORE. We don’t own a car, being city-folk, so we use Zipcars and rental cars many times per year, and it’s never the same kind of car, so EVERY TIME I get in a car, I start driving and then panic because I forgot to check which side the gas tank was on. And then I live in FEAR of having to stop for gas and having to do that a-hole maneuver of backing out of one pump to go to another one.

    Hot damn.

    [Reply]

    Maggie Reply:

    Get the hell out! Life changing! No more craning to see the back of the rental car and figure out where the gas tank is? Amazing!

    [Reply]

    april Reply:

    I actually know this and STILL I pull up in the work vehicle on the wrong side. Every time.

    [Reply]

  22. By kate on Nov 20, 2013

    I am just now – at 37 – realizing that I probably tie my shoelaces wrong. Because they certainly don’t stay tied and everyone else’s seem to. I’ve had multiple excuses over the years. I’m going to run home after work and make my husband tie his shoes in front of me.

    [Reply]

  23. By Tiffany on Nov 20, 2013

    My husband had a similar revelation the other night. I showed him that “hack” (gah) that was going around where you take one of those “refrigerator pack” cases of soda, open both ends, set the edge of the box on the fridge shelf and push all of the sodas through so that they’re instantly on the shelf instead of taking them out one by one. He was BLOWN AWAY. And kicking himself.

    [Reply]

    Jen Reply:

    I recently learned this trick. As someone who is REGULARLY putting a fresh 24-pack in the fridge it was LIFE ALTERING.

    [Reply]

  24. By Curly Girl on Nov 20, 2013

    I don’t know if it’s because he left-handed or what, but my husband’s shoes ALWAYS come untied. I’m going to have to stalk him and watch to see if he’s doing something differently.

    [Reply]

  25. By lillowen on Nov 20, 2013

    I realized a couple of months ago, at the age of 32, why the hula hoop is called that.

    [Reply]

    hydrogeek Reply:

    You have just blown my mind. HULA.

    [Reply]

  26. By Veronica on Nov 20, 2013

    YES! People in stores, just leave me alone. I KNOW my shoe is untied, and now I have to tie it and it will be untied in a few aisles. LEAVE ME ALONE. Nailed it, TJ.

    [Reply]

  27. By LizScott on Nov 20, 2013

    Ok, mine is a dumb work thing, but the keystroke for paste special? In excel? changed my life.

    Also, I never knew until about a year ago that those tihngs you drive over in gas stations are how they refill the tanks so you can fill up your car. I don’t know WHAT I thought I was driving over in EVERY SINGLE GAS STATION but …I didn’t think that.

    Also? Never ever ever made the connection between Macintosh apples (the fruit) and Macintosh Apple (the computer). I was in the grocery store one day embarrassingly recently and was like “Haaa macintosh apple! Like the computer- Wait.”

    [Reply]

    Dinsdale Reply:

    Wait. There’s a keystroke for paste special? You mean I don’t have to right click like I currently do CONSTANTLY, every DAY? Oh, man, I’m googling that right now. That IS life-changing.

    [Reply]

    Natalie Reply:

    Please share!

    [Reply]

    LizScott Reply:

    Sorry! Didn’t mean to leave that hanging! It’s CTRL + ALT + V!

    [Reply]

  28. By Courtney on Nov 20, 2013

    I can never remember which piece of silverware goes on which side of the plate until my mom taught me:
    FORK (4 letters) goes on the LEFT (4 letters)
    SPOON (5 letters) and KNIFE (5 letters) go on the RIGHT (5 letters).

    I’m almost 30 years old and I’m spelling on my fingers as I set the table for Thanksgiving every year.

    [Reply]

    Natalie Reply:

    This is exactly the way I can remember things so thank you!

    [Reply]

  29. By Susan on Nov 20, 2013

    OH, I am loving this SO MUCH. My shoe-tying story is that, in my 20s, I watched a woman tie her shoes (incidentally, this is the first woman in my life that I knew for a fact was a lesbian, so that was cool…back in the 70s…). I was like, wait, what did you just do there? And she slowly re-tied her shoes (an extra loop on the first tie and an extra loop on the final pull-through) and THEY NEVER COME UNDONE. Genius.

    [Reply]

  30. By Angi on Nov 20, 2013

    Ok.
    1. My mom learned to tie her shoes from a one armed lady, no joke. She did NOT teach us. That was my dad’s job.
    2. Just realized this summer the space between the E and X in FedEx is an arrow. Now…I can only ever see the arrow. Weird.

    I wish I had a 3.

    [Reply]

  31. By Lisa on Nov 20, 2013

    Iiiii don’t know about the onesie thing because baby t-shirts have had those same shoulder flaps since the 50s. I think it’s just so you don’t have to struggle to put floppy-yet-surprisingly-strong newborn baby arms through the sleeves. #MrsBuzzkillington

    If you’re a righty and you have a lefty kid, don’t even try to teach them to tie their shoes. You will not be able to. Hire that shit out.

    [Reply]

    TJ Reply:

    I don’t think the longevity of the onesie design does anything to discredit the theory – babies pooped on clothes then, too.

    [Reply]

    Lisa Reply:

    Yeah, but they weren’t onesies back then, they were just plain t-shirts. No snaps at the bottom, so probably weren’t poop adjacent.

    [Reply]

    TJ Reply:

    Regardless, the design likely DOES allow them to be used that way, and now we know!

    [Reply]

    Natalie Reply:

    Well, my daughter sometimes pees during diaper changes and my slow reaction time means it goes up her back and onto even tshirts. And also you KNOW cloth diapered babies of previous eras were blowing poop up out the back and onto their non-onesie tshirts.

    [Reply]

    TJ Reply:

    OR VOMITED ON THEM. WHICH IS WAY WORSE. BECAUSE THAT END ISN’T EVEN AN OUT.

    [Reply]

  32. By Jess on Nov 20, 2013

    I’m pretty sure I taught my kid how to tie her shoes backwards because she sat across from me (rather than next to me), and her shoes never stay tied. Sorry, kid.

    What I recently found out was that you can actually OPEN the condiment cups–the little white thingies that you can put ketchup in at McDonald’s or wherever–and get better access to the ketchup inside. See: http://foodbeast.com/2012/08/01/so-apparently-weve-been-using-ketchup-cups-all-wrong/

    Blew my mind.

    [Reply]

    Natalie Reply:

    I have a friend who uses soda lids for ketchup which is a similar principle.

    [Reply]

    Artemisia Reply:

    I am laughing SO HARD from watching that video about the ketchup cups.

    It is the SOUNDS that have killed me dead. I cannot stop laughing. What?

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  33. By Amy on Nov 20, 2013

    These comments are great. However, I am now worried that I tie my shoes wrong. :)

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    H Reply:

    Me too!

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  34. By Angela/@antiangie on Nov 20, 2013

    In 6th or 7th grade I had the sudden epiphany that the band I’d been hearing on the radio, “In Excess,” and the band I kept seeing the name of in magazines or whatever, “INXS,” were THE SAME BAND. Mind: blown. I had a similar realization later about IHOP and International House of Pancakes (back when people still called it by the full name).

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    Kristin H Reply:

    I did the same thing with Eminem about a year ago. I always thought he must like M&Ms. But wait, Marshall Mathers?!!??!!?? Whoa, dude!

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    april Reply:

    I did not think of the M&Ms thing, but I also did NOT think about his real name. Woah! Also, though, I rarely think about Eminem.

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  35. By Lauren E. E. on Nov 20, 2013

    One day I realized that the nursery is where you–wait for it–NURSE A BABY.

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  36. By Charleen on Nov 20, 2013

    So, I think I tie my shoes wrong, because I saw a video a while back that says if I’m tying it right, it should actually form something resembling a bow, as opposed to the loops and the strands forming something like a messy cross… and mine definitely don’t look like a bow.

    On the other hand, they rarely come untied (and I’m one of those people who leaves them tied and just treats my sneakers essentially like slip-on shoes, so they stay tied for seriously weeks at a time), so who knows.

    I think my favorite comments are the ones involving the discrepancy between seeing a word and hearing a word, because I’ve had several conversations along those lines recently. For me, it was macabre. For the longest time, whenever I read the word, in my head I pronounced it “MACK-a-brr” EVEN THOUGH I KNEW there was a word that I’d heard as “muh-KAHB” and that it pretty much meant the same thing… it never occurred to me that it was the same word. I finally realized this about five years ago.

    (That ketchup cup thing kinda blew my mind, though. A friend of mine also uses soda lids for the same reason. I’ll have to blow his mind the next time we’re getting fast food together.)

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    elembee123 Reply:

    Yes! My word is voilà which I didn’t connect the dots on until I was in my late 30′s.

    I would read it as VOH-leeuh (which doesn’t even make phonetic sense), but I used vwah-LA when speaking.

    At the time I thought they were totally different words! *hangs head in shame*

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  37. By Ginger on Nov 20, 2013

    It was only last year that I finally figured out that you punch in the sides of the foil & saran wrap boxes and the stupid little rolls stay in place. Like little holders.

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    Curly Girl Reply:

    NO WAY. You just changed my life. Especially because I’m usually trying to get the stupid plastic wrap off when I’m dealing with raw meat and then I just want to burn everything because RAW MEAT HANDS or then the plastic wrap roll has fallen out of the box and onto the floor and gotten all bunched up and I might as well just throw it away.

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    H Reply:

    HOLY CRAP! Thanks!

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    Maggie Reply:

    Another life changer! I had no idea. I will continue to visit the comment sections of this post forever because keep learning good things!

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  38. By Imalinata on Nov 20, 2013

    So you know the song Whole Lotta Lovin’ by Huey Lewis & the News? It wasn’t until a couple years ago, I dunno, sometime around 29-30, when I finally realized that he was talking about waking up with an erection when the lyrics talked about

    ‘Late last night I read the letter you sent
    Woke up this morning under a tent’.

    I grew up listening to them and thought for DECADES that he meant an actual tent. I don’t know wtf I was thinking because how the hell would he have even gotten into a tent (What kind? Who moved him? And why is it even relevant where he was sleeping?). My husband looked at me like I had lost my damn mind when I told him because of course he took it for granted that everyone knew.

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  39. By april on Nov 21, 2013

    There are 92 comments so I just can’t be sure if you’ve answered this but WHAT IS THE RIGHT WAY? We double knot in this house because there is no other way to keep the damn shoes tied, and my husband is also a hater of double knots but I’ve taught my son that’s the only way he’s gonna keep his shoes tied. I need this information.

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  40. By april on Nov 21, 2013

    And then I had to go back up and read all the comments and reply appropriately. This was a fun post.

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  41. By June on Nov 21, 2013

    You’re not the only one with a shoe lace problem. This guy did a TED talk on it. LOL.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAFcV7zuUDA

    Apparently, I’ve been using the “weak” form.

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    Charleen Reply:

    Yes, this is the video I was talking about!

    But, like I said, mine stay tied perfectly fine the “weak” way. Maybe if I had different laces they wouldn’t.

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    H Reply:

    Thank you! (I’ve been doing it wrong since…probably 1966.)

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    H Reply:

    And now I’ve enlightened my 20-something kids too.

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  42. By Jane on Nov 21, 2013

    I just figured out two days ago where the word “panhandle” comes from. I was driving along talking about how the capital of Florida is in the Panhandle and my daughter was all “whut” and I was like, it’s the part of Florida that isn’t the big part, the part….THAT LOOKS LIKE A PAN HANDLE OH MY GOD. I have been on this earth some 51 years, folks.

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  43. By Jen on Nov 22, 2013

    This is so dumb but earlier this year I cracked the secret code of my keyboard. I used to always get confused trying to type a “+” and an “=” sign. I couldn’t ever remember which one used the shift key. I finally realized that ALL the dual keys (multi-use keys?) are set up the same. The symbol on TOP uses the shift key. The number/symbol keys and punctuation keys never game me trouble. Just the +/= key. I’m an idiot.

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  44. By cindy w on Nov 22, 2013

    I’m a couple of days late, but I have one. When my 2nd child was about 10 months old, I was complaining to a guy friend about mixing formula. (Yes, terrible mother, I formula-fed because my boobs are broken, stop judging, let’s move on.) See, I made a big pitcher of formula, then I could just pour it into the bottles to save time, rather than prep each bottle individually. But it was a pain in the ass because I had a 64-ounce pitcher, and I’d have to count out 32 scoops of formula each time. And I did this during my oldest child’s entire first year (until she switched to whole milk), and through most of my 2nd child’s first year. Counting out 32 scoops, approximately every other day or so.

    So my friend is like, “Why don’t you put the 32 scoops of formula into a measuring cup, so you know exactly how much it is, and then just use that as your measurement from now on? Then you don’t have to count each scoop?”

    My mind was blown. And I was furiously angry at all the time I wasted counting out scoops of formula. I was like, “Where the hell were you in 2007 when I really needed this information??” I mean, I got this great tip and then I only needed it for like 2 months before the 2nd (and LAST) kid switched to regular milk, so I didn’t even get to take full advantage of it. DAMMIT. I still feel cheated about that one.

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  45. By jLo on Jan 6, 2014

    I made a discovery the other day and need to share it somewhere, this post immediately came to mind. Apologies if it’s weird to comment on a post from November!

    Anyway. You know how sometimes tubes of cream/ointment have a little metal foil cover under the cap? I used to spend ages finding scissors or something pointy to gouge out the foil so I could use the ointment. I ONLY JUST learned that there is a little pointy device in the cap expressly for this purpose. You unscrew the cap, turn it upside down, push the pointy thing into the foil and twist it around – voila! Open tube with no fuss at all. Blew my everlovin’ mind, I tell you.

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