I kind of sold you guys to my sister’s boss.
February 10th, 2010 | by TJ |Actually, to clarify the title, it was more like bartering. I gave you guys to my sister’s boss in exchange for something I needed. Since there’s no cash involved, it’s bartering, right? Not, you know, e-prostitution?
Anyway.
My sister works at this place, Pizza by Pappas. She has worked there for about one hundred years. However, if you are familiar with the area, you know that this isn’t an especially big deal, because Pappas has been open in downtown Scranton for roughly one million years.
Let me tell you some interesting things I have learned about Pappas since my sister has worked there.
1. They will deliver anywhere in a 3 block radius downtown – on foot! And there are no delivery minimums. So if I worked in downtown Scranton, I could have diet sodas delivered to me all the time. Diet RC, even. Where the hell else are you going to get a Diet RC? Nowhere. That’s where.
2. They make this cheese steak, and I think I eat about 6 of them every time I come into town. Okay, that’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but I’ve been here for a week and a half, and I’ve had three of them, so it’s not a huge exaggeration.
I need to take a break and talk to you about cheese steak for a second. Whenever someone says “cheese steak,” there is always some douchebag who feels like it is necessary that he be the guy who says, “If it’s not from Philly, it’s not a cheese steak!” and go on some rant about how only Phildelphia is capable of making authentic cheese steaks.
Before you decide to be that douchebag, let me tell you somethings: One, if it has steak, and it has cheese, it’s a cheese steak. Two, Cheez Whiz is disgusting. Three, do you have any idea what a jackass you are? Seriously, shut up. Philadelphia as a geographical location does not have a monopoly on combining meat and cheese on bread. Nerd.
FOUR, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW AMAZING THIS CHEESE STEAK IS, AND THESE ARE EMOTIONAL CAPS BECAUSE I FEEL THAT STRONGLY ABOUT IT.
3. I am the only one of my siblings that has never worked at Pappas, though I attempt to make up for it in cheese steak purchases.
4. The one time Phil was in Scranton with me, he had one of those cheese steaks and he has been talking about it ever since.
5. I sent him a picture of my cheese steak last night.
6. I’m kind of a jerk.
7. One time, they figured out that they go through 61 Kates worth of tuna every year for their tuna grinders. My sister, times 61. That much tuna.
EDITED TO ADD: Kate just called me with an astounding correction: It is NOT 61 Kates of tuna per year. It is 61 Kates of tuna during LENT every year. The yearly tuna total is much higher. Without giving anything specific away, I will tell you my sister is a full grown adult weighing over 100 lbs. So you know they have some REALLY POPULAR TUNA.
8. They do not sell pizza by they slice, they sell it by the 10″ tray, and you can act like you’re not going to eat the whole thing but you pretty much totally are, even if you fake out by putting half in the fridge after lunch, because you’ll keep stopping by the fridge to have a small slice until it’s GONE and then won’t you be ashamed of yourself? Well, you shouldn’t be, because everyone does it.
9. They sell deep fried pierogies, which are very difficult to get just right, in a non-greasy fashion, and my mother had some and APPROVED of them, which is huge because I think like, four times ever in my whole life has my mother said anything more than “it’s ok” about whatever she ordered at a restaurant.
10. Can I reiterate that they sell pierogies? Pay attention, Arizona, because come on, what the hell?
Let me get to my point.
You guys understand that I’m planning this wedding, and I’m here until Saturday, and there’s still a ton to do, and I’m likely not coming back here until the wedding, right? I’m snowed in today, and my mother has tomorrow off, and we need the maid of honor, Kate, who works at Pappas, to have tomorrow off so that we can look at some dresses and flowers and cake and whatever the hell else I’m forgetting, which I hope isn’t much, because if I forgot it, I didn’t budget for it, so guess what, we’re not having it!
So last night, I was hanging around Pappas like a creepy lurker for the second or third evening in a row, drinking $.50 diet RC refills like some kind of twisted bladder conditioning exercise, Kate asked her boss if she could get Thursday off to help with these things, and he said ok, but I have to provide him with something in return. I tried to sell him on taking my first born, should I have one, but he’s pretty shrewd about that kind of thing and child labor laws and such and knew a baby would probably be pretty useless to him and would probably just eat a couple of Kates worth of tuna with no payoff. So, I decided to sell you guys instead.
Now, having read everything above about Pappas, you have either already been there, are on your way there right now, intend to go there if you’re ever in Scranton, or are currently composing a hate mail to me about how much you hate pierogies or love Cheez Whiz (seriously, you guys should see the crap that people get all het up about enough to email me). Assuming it is any of the first three options, what you should do is click here and become a fan of Pizza by Pappas (that’s PAP-uhs, not POP-uhs, just FYI) on Facebook. You don’t have to have been to Pappas yet to be a fan. You just have to totally want to go there and eat a fraction of a Kate’s worth of tuna, or a 10″ pizza or, if you ask me, a cheese steak (an award-winning cheese steak, in case I didn’t mention that).
AND? As a special thank you for becoming a fan? Kate is totally letting me post this video of her I made a few years ago that she has banned me from posting until RIGHT NOW.
(If you think we sound exactly alike, it’s because we sound exactly alike.)
So if you have two seconds of time I spare, and I know you do, because you just read over 1,000 words of me going on and on and don’t think I don’t know that things like that only happen when you really have nothing better to do or are putting off some other hideous task, become a fan of Pizza by Pappas on Facebook. That way, you’ll remember to stop in the next time you’re in lovely Scranton, PA (later this year – you are all planning on crashing my wedding, right, because you’ll need some place to eat) and I can finish my wedding planning.
EVERYONE WINS.
A CHEESE STEAK*.
*MUST PAY FOR OWN TRAVEL TO SCRANTON AND OWN CHEESE STEAK.
By Tchann on Feb 10, 2010
Mmm. Pennsylvania pierogies. I love this state. ^.^
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
I know not many people would think of Scranton, PA as a hotbed of cuisine, but they should try living in Arizona. A state where the motto should be Arizona: No pizza, no bagels, no diners, tough shit.
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Adlib Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Those are pretty much fried potatoes filled with cheese, right? Because how could you go wrong with that?? Om nom nom!
Thanks for the video!
I almost wish I could crash your wedding because I talk about the hi-jinks on your blog to my husband so often he said last night, “I don’t read her blog too, you know.” Then I told him he should. :)
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
I would say they’re closer to dumplings filled with potato and cheese, but not quite. They’re fantastic is what they are.
And your husband is lying – everybody reads my blog!
Ok, not true, but he should at least become a fan of Pappas in exchange for how entertained I have made you. I mean, wouldn’t a loving husband be grateful that you get such amusement someplace?
HE IS A LOVING HUSBAND, ISN’T HE?
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By Peregwyn on Feb 10, 2010
Being a Person Who Comments Rarely, I became a fan. I live in St. Louis and am not really sure where Scranton is, other than somewhere in PA. All so that Kate can get the day off tomorrow!
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Hooray!
It’s actually for a good cause – the more fan they have, the higher they show up in Facebook search rankings, I believe, for food in the area. It really helps!
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By DD on Feb 10, 2010
Done!
Deep-fried pierogies…my mouth is watering. Pizza by Pappas is officially on my list for the next visit to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre. Of course some kind of pilgrimage to get Yuengling is on the list first. Sure wish they were able to distribute in AB country.
And Teej, if Phil ever has to visit a large AF base in the midwest that is home to TRANSCOM, SDDC, AMC, etc., and he forces you to travel with him, let me know. We could at least steer you to some decent food instead of the God-awful chain stuff that is so prevalent around here.
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
I am not sure what all of those letters mean, but I will definitely be directing him to take notice – as soon as the ink dries on our marriage certificate, I think he plans on putting in for all kinds of TDY crap. The jerkface.
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Pablo Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I don’t know what all those letters mean either, but I have a relative who works at Offut AFB in Omaha, Nebraska, and that is almost certainly what DD is referring too.
Hope I didn’t violate national security or anything there DD, please don’t send the black helicopters.
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DD Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
No black helicopters involved at all. It’s in IL. I just know if I get specific my hubby would probably freak out.
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By Chibi Jeebs on Feb 10, 2010
Done, but I broke a nail. You owe me. BIG time.
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Ok, make me a cheese steak and I’ll get a bunch of fans for you, too, and we’ll be even.
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By Kelly on Feb 10, 2010
I have become a fan of Pizza by Pappas! And as soon as I give up the vegan kick I’ve been on, I’ll make Scranton my first road trip!
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
I am pretty sure that no one can stay a vegan forever.
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By Kelly on Feb 10, 2010
I would tend to agree with you, but I have acquaintances who will vigorously argue that it IS possible. I’m at three years and counting, and the only thing that keeps me on the vegan bandwagon is how horribly lactose intolerant I am. But one of these days, I’m going to decide that eating something sinfully delicious is worth the agony. Mmmmmm, cheese.
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By Brien on Feb 10, 2010
I was disappointed when I got to the end of the post and found out that Pizza by Pappas is not catering your wedding.
Seriously, who wouldn’t rather have a cheese steak than some sort of dried out chicken?
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
First of all, we are not even HAVING chicken.
Second of all, I think I had chicken at YOUR wedding, and it wasn’t awful.
Third of all, rehearsal dinner. Duh.
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By Gauntlet on Feb 10, 2010
I’ve become a fan — not sure when I’ll be able to get to PA, but I love cheese-steak and pierogies.
In fact, I just found out that Costco (if you’re unfamiliar with them, they’re like Sam’s Club… if you don’t know either, use the internet to find out!) carries pierogies. First time I’ve thrown something in the cart without checking to see if my wife was also interested in ‘em.
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
We get the frozen Mrs T’s kind at the supermarket here. Costco might be a better idea, just for economical reasons. I introduced them to Phil, and we eat them either boiled or sauteed with butter and onions, of course. I haven’t attempted deep frying my own, though, and they’re not on any menus out in AZ at all, which is super lame. Love them!
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By Melme on Feb 10, 2010
You should totally go into marketing… I want all of the food mentioned in this blog even though I will probably NEVER be anywhere near Scranton. (Deep South Texas, ya’ll!)
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Dude, never say never. What if you suddenly decide to go to The Office Convention? You’ll know where to eat!
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Stephanie Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
That would be totally awesome and I would SO be there in a heartbeat. Hello cheese steak! :D
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By Alex on Feb 10, 2010
Sounds delicious! Fanned.
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
It IS delicious! And you really never know when you might end of in Scranton.
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By Capn John on Feb 10, 2010
I created a Facebook account just so I could become a Fan!
Actually that’s a lie, I already have a Facebook account, but I did become a Fan. As you said, it’s for a good cause :)
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
If there was ever a good reason to create a facebook account, though, Pappas cheese steak would be it. Seriously, you guys have no idea.
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By Lara on Feb 10, 2010
I rarely do the fan thing on Facebook, but if it helps your sister get the day off – consider it done. And also I’ll do it to remind me of this heavenly place, just in case I ever end up in Scranton.
Pierogies are my favorite comfort food of all time. Boil, fry in butter, drench in sour cream and bacon. Oh man.
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TJ Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
I love how you can feel yourself losing minutes off of your life every time you eat one.
Who cares! They’re the crappy minutes at the end!
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By kasey on Feb 10, 2010
love the giant phallus on the pizza place’s logo heheheh
btw im breaking my cover (been lurking about in your intranets for like a year now without posting) to point out that your sister most likely has a giant phallic symbol somewhere on her work uniform lmao
so…surprise! bet u didn’t see that coming!
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By Delicia on Feb 10, 2010
I feel the pain.. I miss Tommy’s Pizza from Columbus, Ohio more than I can say. That and on the campus of the local community college there was guy that would bring his little wheeled cooking cart and cook cheese steak sandwiches fresh right there on a flat grill to sell to passing students and OMG they were AMAZING.
The other day I was jonesing for Chipotle.. they don’t even have those here. WHY can’t I get a burrito the size of my forearm when I want them?!
I will have to look up the FB site when I get home since it’s blocked from work. :(
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By SyxxFox on Feb 10, 2010
I doubt ill ever be in scranton but if I am ill have to go ther
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By Jason Doege on Feb 10, 2010
I used to live in the Phoenix area. May I suggest, if you like cheese-steaks, that you try “A Taste of Philadelphia”? I used to loooooove their cheese-steaks. They are much better, by the way and in my not so humble opinion, than the authentic “Pat’s King of Steaks” cheese-steak, from Philadelphia, which I just found to be bland.
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By Shin Ae on Feb 10, 2010
I want deep-friend pierogies and also I grew up in the Philadelphia area and think cheesesteaks with Cheez Whiz are FOUL. Cheesesteaks should have American cheese. In my opinion.
I think I would need a few days to eat all the food you have mentioned here, so you have made Scranton a destination for me. I will go to eat.
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By Aufero on Feb 10, 2010
I don’t do Facebook, and I think the only time I’ve ever been in Scranton was on a Greyhound bus for 20 minutes. I suspect I could kill myself eating pierogi until I burst, though.
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By Bernie on Feb 11, 2010
Two questions. If I do crash your wedding, do I have to dress up and will you let me in?
FYI I will bring a gift and my own date.
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By HokieJayBee on Feb 11, 2010
As Bobby Bouche’s mother would say, RC cola is tha devil!
Diet RC? Triple exponential superfried goat piss. Recently I was “lucky” enough to score some RC cola on the cheap. I think I know why it was on sale.
http://borderlinetmi.blogspot.com/2010/01/this-weeks-sign-of-apocalypse-and-other.html
You could counter with something along the lines of it being better from the fountain. In response, I’ll do nothing but still want to have a cheese steak. Maybe minus the volcanic explosion of lettuce Kate seems to be enjoying.
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By Andy C. on Feb 11, 2010
I’m a fan of TJ and Kate, esp their antics together. I’m also a fan of pizza. So, Pappas got another fan on FB. But, I doubt I’ll ever get to eat there and try their pizza. On the off chance I do show up, I’ll leave all the pierogies for everyone else.
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By Aunt Becky on Feb 11, 2010
I kind of want to punch you now. Because I am hungry. And want to eat everything now.
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By lenebean on Feb 11, 2010
Well, I hope it didn’t generate too much fandom to the extent that people were rushing into Pappas today to an even greater droves than they already were, because that Kate wasn’t there to help! Hope all the shopping went well.
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By Katie on Feb 11, 2010
I’m craving pizza now. I have a friend in Northeast PA…maybe we’ll make a road trip when I go t o visit her.
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