The science of relationships
March 25th, 2009 | by TJ |Theory One
[TJ and Phil are at dinner, celebrating his passing of his PT test with steak, beer and ice cream.]
TJ: I dunno. Just looking at the pattern, you know, I have to wonder.
Phil: Wonder what?
TJ: Well, look at the women you’ve dated, and then there’s me. What does that say about me?
Phil: Ummm…
TJ: Look. Psycho, psycho, psycho, psycho, me. Honestly, I’m a bit concerned about myself.
Phil: No, you’ve got it wrong.
TJ: I’m just saying, there’s a pattern here…
Phil: No, see. Psycho, psycho, psycho, psycho, therapy, you.
TJ: Ah.
Theory Two
[TJ and Phil are contemplating the world's great mysteries. Or, having a smoke while watching the dog eat grass and puke it up.]
TJ: Well, I only date assholes.
Phil: I only date crazy women.
TJ: Hm, what does that say about each of us?
Phil: I don’t think you’re crazy.
TJ: I don’t think you’re too much of an asshole.
Phil: Nice. Thanks.
TJ: No, seriously. I only date assholes. I don’t think it would be possible to be attracted to you if you weren’t at least a little bit of an asshole. I’ve accepted my lot in life as an asshole-dater.
Phil: But you’re still not crazy.
TJ: But you realize you only date crazy women.
Phil: Well, up to this point, yes.
TJ: Well, here’s what I think. I think that, in each other, we have discovered the person with the minimal acceptable levels of asshole and crazy. I learned and accepted years ago that I was never going to date anyone but assholes and your history clearly shows your penchant for crazy. These things aren’t likely to have just suddenly changed. So I think you’re just enough of an asshole to still be attractive to me and I’m just enough crazy to still be attractive to you.
Phil: I’m glad we have each other.
TJ: No one else is going to want us, asshole.
By BlueTiger on Mar 25, 2009
I once heard a stand-up (ish, not really stand-up, a bit more serious than that, but funny as hell) about a woman wondering if she should find a nerd instead of going after the Big and Strong Man. ‘Cause let’s face it, noone is gonne want your nerd, because well, he’s a nerd – so you’ll have him all to yourself! I think I need to find the transcript for that show…sorry though, it’s in swedish…
[Reply]
By Saresa on Mar 25, 2009
He he, that is so true! You know, there is nothing wrong with having a small portion of crazy… normal people are just so boring!
[Reply]
By Dave on Mar 25, 2009
I have a theory: All men are assholes and all women are crazy.
So it turns out that you both are just interested in the opposite sex. At least according to my theory.
[Reply]
By john the diver on Mar 25, 2009
Dave is right.
[Reply]
By Vronak on Mar 25, 2009
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart
But if you make an ugly woman your wife
you’ll be happy for the rest of your life
An ugly woman cooks meals on time
And she’ll always give you peace of mind
(Chorus)
Don’t let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don’t match
Take it from me, she’s a better catch
http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/s/skatalites25364/ifyouwannabehappyfortherestofyourlife980287.html
[Reply]
By Vronak on Mar 25, 2009
That was supposed to start with @BlueTiger, silly cut and paste error :/
[Reply]
By Aboo on Mar 31, 2009
“No one else is going to want us, asshole.”
Very nice.
[Reply]