In which I am unbearbly humiliated.
February 21st, 2008 | by TJ |I actually had an entry half written just now, but I had to save it as a draft to bring you this breaking news update. I know, I know, I really should finish what I was working on, but I really don’t feel this can wait, because I’m moments away from dying, either from laughter or unbearable humiliation, and I am putting you, my readers, first. In these, my last moments, I think of you.
*****
I come in to work pretty early. The standard hours for the firm are pretty much 8:30 to 5:30, but personally, after going through a bunch of schedule changes, I work 7am to 4pm. It’s a little early for a lot of people, but it works well for me, and at this time of year, seems like there’s someone in the building pretty much 24/7 anyway.
I got up from my desk a few minutes ago to go put a package on the reception desk for a courier to pick up, and since it’s so early, the big glass doors in front of the reception area are still closed and you need to use a swipecard jobber to get through.
There was a young guy, staff accountant, kind of standing there puzzled – he had forgotten his card and asked me to let him in. Sure, I say. I had headphones on, but he decides to make conversation anyway.
“Hey, can I see your iPod? I’m thinking about finally buying one.”
“Oh, I don’t use an iPod, I have a Sansa, but I’ve had both and definitely recommend the Sansa. Want to see it?” I says, innocently beginning to pull it out of my bag, no idea of what was to come.
“Sure,” says he, the young, cute, going-somewhere-with-his-life accountant.
So I attempt to pull my mp3 player out my my purse by the headphone cord. From jamming it into my purse and yanking it back out all day every day, it had gotten a bit tangled in there, so I gave it a good tug.
And watched as my life slowed down to hideous movie slow motion speed.
The mp3 player popped out into my hand, pulling its cord with it.
And sending a tampon flying through the air.
And leaving me there, frozen in horror.
As it hit Young Mister Attractive & Intelligent & Gainfully Employed right in the face.
A TAMPON.
To the FACE.
And then I fell through a hole that spontaneously, unexplainably and unbelievably welcomed-ly opened in the floor, never to be seen again.
*****
TJ: well that’s going on my blog in place of the entry I was writing.
Lamaa: the best entries seem to pop out of nowhere and hit you right in the face don’t they?
By Bail on Feb 21, 2008
Haha, that’s priceless. The only way I could see that being funnier/humiliating…..er? is if he was yawning at the time and it flew into his mouth. Maybe then you could have at least won a giant stuffed animal.
BTW I understand how nice it is to come to work that early. I come in at 7 too. It’s really the only time I can get work done. Though I don’t get to leave until 4:30…..not sure how that happened.
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By Ratshag on Feb 21, 2008
Dude forgot his swipey card. He deserved a tampon to the face. Next time he’ll be prepared.
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By Ratshag on Feb 21, 2008
Gah. Damn lag. Tried to edit while waiting fer it to post, and got doublefied. Please delete one fer me, Teej?
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By Arrens on Feb 21, 2008
Brilliant. We have those swipe cards for just about every door in the office. Outside of our cafeteria, there’s tinted glass doors that lead outside to the parking lot. My favorite is waiting for people to try and open the door from the outside while holding the doors shut from the inside. They continue to swipe their cards in the hopes of entering, but can’t see me and my evil grin.
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By Lynda on Feb 21, 2008
Oh, classic!
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By Vronak on Feb 21, 2008
Thus begins TJ’s latest romance! You read it here first :P
Because it can only get better from here, right?
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By AndyC on Feb 21, 2008
I’m sure there are lots of worse things you could’ve hit him in the face with. (note to self, be wary when asking TJ to see something in her purse)
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By sonvar on Feb 21, 2008
lol. Thats what he gets for forgeting his swipe card and trying to make conversation with someone who was clearly listening to music.
And iPod/iPhones are better =P
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By Dick on Feb 21, 2008
omg thats awesome! I dont know if i would be more embarrased than you. I wouldnt know what to say in that situation. “um you seemed to have hit me in the face with your tampon, please tell me that this is the worst thing that will hit me in the face when you are pmsing.”
TJ im going to miss reading your blog every morning with my coffee. Tomorrow is my last day in the Air Force with my cushy ass desk job. Im going to be actually working and wont be at a desk when i get out. Hopefully I will still read when i get home.
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By Maebius on Feb 21, 2008
And yet, even in the midst of such riotous abject humorliation (is that a word?! humor and humiliation) her thoughts turn to us, her devout and loyal subjec…er… readers!
Another awesome story, TJ, and another reason this blog is on my favorites list!
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By koi on Feb 21, 2008
Just frakking hillarious! I lol’d so hard I almost fell down.
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By Daxenos on Feb 21, 2008
And the legend of TJ grows….
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By Trackhoof on Feb 21, 2008
That’s amazing.
I mean, it must be absolutely mortifying for you, but it IS hysterical.
Just don’t make a big deal out of it, otherwise your Posse are going to get carried away and pelt offenders with tampons.
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By Softi on Feb 21, 2008
that was SO freakin funny I just about fell out of my chair!! Sorry, but you know it’s true otherwis eyou wouldn’t have posted would ya? :P
I feel yr pain too tho… in between the laughing…
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By Lady Jess on Feb 21, 2008
That was indeed legendary. Many cool points granted to TJ for having the guts to share her (hilarious) humiliation!
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By vishero on Feb 21, 2008
Oh my goodness… TJ put a warning on stories like this. I was laughing so hard at work that three coworkers wanted to know what was funny… can’t tell them I read the funniest blog story ever now can I…
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By Hathorn on Feb 21, 2008
Awesomely classic.
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By Kolan on Feb 21, 2008
LOL!!
You should have grabbed the tampon, smacked it and said “Bad Tampy. DOWN!!!” then proceeded to explain that the tampon and the Sansa are very close and little Tampy is the jealous type.
….then again.
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By Venator on Feb 21, 2008
Who knows. Maybe it’ll give you two something to talk about and you’ll have just made a new friend.
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By The Soldier on Feb 22, 2008
TAMPWND
Can’t believe I was the first one to say that.
-J
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By Margaret on Feb 22, 2008
Ummm do you ALWAYS carry your purse around the office with you???
It’s a funny story no matter and I can totally see it happening…just that purse thing is kinda off…..
I guess buying clothing with pockets is too much sometimes. I know I have trouble finding styles I like that also have pockets and I HAVE to have pockets! (don’t like carrying my purse around all the time you know?)
M
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By TJ on Feb 22, 2008
@Vronak:: Somehow I doubt that… plus he was too skinny anyway!
@sonvar: Like I said, I’ve had both, and prefer the Sansa, but to each their own.
@Trackhoof: Kind of like slapping someone with a glove, but throwing a tampon at their face instead?
@Venator: That would only work if I wasn’t going completely out of my way to avoid him.
Margaret: Actually, I do – I don’t like carrying… um… well, tampons… in my hand when I walk to the ladies’ room, and also it holds my swipe card, mp3 player, cigarettes, cellphone and lighter – when I manage to get up from my desk, I usually hit the kitchen, the bathroom and grab a smokebreak as well, so I lug the thing everywhere. Plus my mom told me that pants with pockets make my hips look too wide. She’s sweet like that.
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By Lance on Feb 22, 2008
TJ your onl word to your mother after that comment should have been “ah thanks mom I love you too.”
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By Fiordhraoi on Feb 22, 2008
No Lance, the appropriate comment is “Well, I made YOUR hips look wide 20 someodd years ago, no matter what pants you’re in!”
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By CodeMonk on Feb 22, 2008
BWUAHAHAHAHAHA!
*wipes tears away* It’s just past 8am here and you just made the day that much more enjoyable…thank you! :)
Oh and if the guy is good, he’d have a good sense of humor with that too…mayhaps, somewhere….is a blog about his side of the story. :P
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By Vixenytli & Chuck on Feb 22, 2008
That’s why your put the tampons in the little pocket on the inside of the purse… ah, well, hindsight is 20/20.
Did he KNOW that’s what hit him? or did you kick it with your foot really fast and act like it didn’t happen?
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By Zoot on Feb 22, 2008
I personally think the point of blogging is to provide silver lining to life’s most humiliating moments.
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By Lance on Feb 23, 2008
very true Fio that is why you are master and I am merely wanting of teachings.
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By *pixie* on Feb 23, 2008
I would also post about this if it happened to me. Hilarious!
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By ben on Feb 24, 2008
Watch out, he knows what can happen and next time I bet he’s ready to return fire.
Be afraid.
(Zoot sent me, btw)
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