Grudging baby discussions
September 17th, 2009 | by TJ |When Phil and I got together and realized that this was a serious venture, of course talk of children came up.
We both basically felt the same way – that we didn’t really feel the need to have kids, we really enjoy our life exactly the way it is, and maybe we’re a bit too selfish for kids. We like our sleep, we like to spend our evenings at our computers, we like to spend money on video games for ourselves.
More practically, it wasn’t just the selfishness thing. We talked about timelines, about the fact that it would be some time before we got married, and that after that, we would want to go overseas for awhile, and then finish out his Air Force career and all of that. If I was to have children, I would want to be back on the East coast, closer to my family, and that is not going to happen for maybe 10 years or so. He’d be in his 40s, I’d be in my late 30s, and for us, personally, that was just going to be too late to have kids. I respect that others have kids that late, but it wasn’t right for us.
However, we are also not the arrogant types who assume that how we feel is how we feel and it will stay the same forever, so we both also know that how we feel right now is not necessarily how we will feel our entire lives. It’s just that, when we talked about it, if someone had asked us right then – “You have to decide right now – are you have kids or not?” – the answer was a most definite “not.”
Even though we had decided not to have children, we did engage in the usual favorite pastime of snotty and arrogant child free couples – pointing out how terrible other people’s children were. Kids running up and down the aisles of stores screaming, parents bringing 4 year olds to 10pm movies, and on and on. We are both pretty much on the same page in terms of parenting styles, if we were to have any kids.
So anyway, few weeks ago we were on our way to Anaheim, CA and getting pretty close when I turned to him and said, “Just so you know, we’re probably having a kid. You know, in case you want to bail out now or something.”
Seriously, just like that. In the space of that car ride, the kid-switch in my head (or more likely my ovaries) switched on and it was determined that there will be one (ONE) child. And he said, “Oh… ok.”
Ok? Who just says ok? I just totally altered our life plans and you’re just going to go along with it like that? That’s completely irrational. And I realize that I had make an equally irrational sudden flip flop, but the license to be irrational came with my uterus. I refuse to allow for the fact that a man could do the same thing.
Funny part is, though, I still don’t really WANT kids. I don’t. I don’t want to be pregnant, I don’t want to deal with sleep deprivation, I don’t want to have to play on the floor every single day. I don’t want to spend my video game money on some kind of loud, obnoxious hunk of plastic. Nothing about having a kid appeals to me, at all.
However, I still know that I will have one. Which makes no sense, Internet. It just makes no sense.
So then we had a few preliminary discussions about when – we’re getting married next October, we’re hoping to go overseas not too long after that. There’s still that whole 10 year thing, and then the potential of having a kid and introducing it to its relatives on both sides and then saying “Oh hey, say bye to your grandmothers, we’re going to Japan for 4 years!,” which kind of just strikes me as mean.
What is ridiculous about the whole thing is that in the entire year of our relationship, we had literally hours of serious discussions about having kids, our feelings about it and the impracticality of having children in our specific situation, and how completely happy we were with our decision to not have any. Then, I suddenly turn to him in the car, out of nowhere, and surprise us both by telling him we are probably having a kid at some point. Absolutely nothing has changed about our situation or feelings on the subject.
I have realized that this is how the world must stay populated. Because face, it, Internet, a hefty and vocal majority of the children you see running around these days are kind of assholes, and the parents kind of suck. Not all of them, of course, but the ones you NOTICE. So it’s kind of a real kid-having turn off. If there was not some secret switch that got flipped inside a woman completely at random and against her will, there would be no more babies. Ever.
Women: Have you ever fallen victim to the sudden and irrational switch-flipping?
Men: Have you had your entire life plan flipped over due to such sudden highway realizations?
By Saresa on Sep 17, 2009
Oh, the baby switch is a terrible thing. I have always said that I never wanted children – I don’t like them much, and they don’t like me, and I am a very greedy, selfish person. However, not long after my 23rd birthday, I’d find myself secretly looking at baby catalogues and things. What the hell?
I guess it really is some annoying biological imperative. If only it could be turned off!
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By Adlib on Sep 17, 2009
I think my husband and I are kinda at the same point you guys are. I want to enjoy just our two lives together, yet I know I’ll want a kid or two someday. My dilemma is that we got married last year, and I’m 29, and he’s 33. By the time we want kids (or will be ready or whatever), we’ll be in our late 30′s, and my sister-in-law is getting ready to have only her 2nd child at 40! (She already has a one year old.)
I’m just not sure how much energy I’ll have to get started that late so I understand how you feel.
A couple of months ago, we had a little “scare” as in, a birth control issue that made me miss and think I was pregnant. It turned out I wasn’t, but that really made us think about how ready we are or aren’t for kids.
I think my point is that I understand! I think a lot of women go through the indecision. Plus, I also keep running into kids who make me go “no children ever” over and over in my head.
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By Kelly on Sep 17, 2009
Oh yes. As the oldest of five children, I was certain I would never procreate. Working in Chicago’s largest branch library, where the little creeps up in the children’s section would spit over the railing on those of us working at the front desk, really cemented my resolve. And then at 25, something flipped. I couldn’t stop thinking about having a baby. I resisted for five whole years (5.5, actually!) before getting pregnant. Said offspring is now 20 and is in that “I am SO not having kids” stage. Hopefully, she’ll have a job before SHE flips. Damn uterus. Damn ovaries.
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By john the diver on Sep 17, 2009
Where I find the real problem is that you decide you do not want kids after manufacturing two of them. Well looking on the bright side, my son will turn 18, 30 days after I turn 40. So I can kick him out and have the next 10-15 years to my self. (I don’t plan on living much past 55. I want to go out in a blaze of glory)
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By Melissa on Sep 17, 2009
You’ve no doubt been told that having your own kids is a completely different experience from your experiences with OPK (other people’s kids). While this is true to a certain extent, there will be times when you are as disgusted with your own as you were with OPK, but the difference is that another switch is thrown once you have them. You develop a totally possessive, irrational love for them. (And it’s a good thing – otherwise there would be a lot of dead kids lying around.)
The only argument I can offer for having kids is that they enrich your experience as a human being (truly) and the older they get the more fun they are – and as a parent of a 20 yr old, lemme tell you, those years fly by.
It’s not always easy, and they do fuck up an otherwise thoroughly pleasant married existence for a while, but few parents – even those who had doubts – admit they regret having kids, and quite a few really miss them when they leave the household.
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By Roast on Sep 17, 2009
When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I was in the store behaving myself along side my (single) mother. There was another kid, right about my age crying and throwing a temper tantrum about how he didn’t get a toy. I never got toys at the store, we couldn’t afford them, and I knew it hurt my mother’s feelings to ask for them, even at that young age. I turned to her and said “When I grow up, I’m never having kids.” She asks why, to which I respond “Look at how they act.” She responded back to me “Honey, your kids won’t act that way, because you won’t let them.”
Having kids, or just one kid is the most wonderful thing in the world. Every parent will tell you that, and like the self serving dicks they are, will almost make you feel crappy if you don’t want them. As a parent I can tell you they are the best, and the worst, most terrible thing as well. Obviously you and Phil are meant for each other, and never plan on getting divorced, and will stay together forever. At least I hope you two believe that. But let me tell you, there is nothing worse in this world then getting a divorce with kids. It’s so awful. I love my son, but I very much regret WHO I had him with.
I too was a victim of the “Road Trip Flip”. My fiancée and I had planned on having kids, but on a road trip back from her parent’s house she announced that she was going off birth control. This was a month before we were getting married. A bit sooner then I really wanted or expected. She didn’t end up pregnant until a month or so after our wedding thank goodness. And then, after the baby and she went back to school, we both finished growing up and she didn’t like being married to me anymore. Now my son has to split time between us, and we were both financially devastated because of it.
All I’m saying is this; do your self and your kids a favor by waiting until you have been married a few years. Not only will you be in a better place financially (which is kind of a big deal because kids are FREAKING EXPENSIVE), but you will be in a better place in your marriage.
People should not even be allowed to get married before they are 25, and in no way should they be allowed to have kids before they are 30 with several years of marriage under their belts. Just my extremely jaded opinion, but I figured everybody else would be blowing sunshine up your ass.
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By Awlbiste on Sep 17, 2009
Nope. Never wanted kids. Still don’t. Yeah this answer is boring, sorry.
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By Lady Jess on Sep 17, 2009
“Who just says ok” well I’ll tell you. Ken and I were 19. He came home from work, where I was armed with a pregnancy test.
Me: THIS is a pregnancy test. It’s positive. We are pregnant.
Him: Ok.
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By Vronak on Sep 17, 2009
I’m not buying your reasons for not wanting to have kids, TJ. I read too many of your Noah stories. It’s been a while since you mentioned missing him (or I missed it), but I assume that you still think about him a alot.
You’ll be a great parent, and I suspect sooner, rather than later.
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By Marylin on Sep 17, 2009
Jess’s recollection sounds a lot like my experience too ;)
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By TJ on Sep 17, 2009
Vronak – The fact that I enjoyed babysitting Noah is a WORLD away from having my own kids.
My reasons listed are perfectly valid and frankly, it’s a little insulting to have them blown off so lightly!
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By Marylin on Sep 17, 2009
Also, I agree with Roast, going through a divorce now, and with hindsight, don’t rush into anything – it’s not the way to go. However, at least I have my two beautiful boys to show for the 5 years of marriage, and I wouldn’t change that for the world!
In saying that, I’m sure you won’t cock-up the way I did, nor will Phil end up being a twat like my ex. ;)
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By Maerdred on Sep 17, 2009
“Because face, it, Internet, a hefty and vocal majority of the children you see running around these days are kind of assholes, and the parents kind of suck.”
Truer words were probably never spoken.
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By Kayeri on Sep 17, 2009
TJ, I was convinced I’d be a rotten Mom, and I was 33 before I got married… I was convinced of no kids…. but 2 years into the marriage I agreed to try until I was 35… if it didnt happen by then, it was done…
Well, given that I am sitting next to soon-to-be eight-year-old daughter, It’s obvious I made the gap… :) And Kids are what you make of them.
If you decide not to, that’s fine, if you do go for it, just TRY not to let the tireds overwhelm you when you need to stand firm with the resulting offspring. :)
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By Shawndra on Sep 17, 2009
First time around, I was halfway through year 20 and rounding the curve to 21. My fella and I were not being smart, and, thankfully, neither was my newly single mother. I had the “You’d better sit down” chat, except we both had to sit down. Fella and I had already planned on marriage, so we just sped the whole thing up. I got married wearing a frilly tent. Well, I went on being stupid, and had 2 more. So, you are way ahead of my idiocy. Just like everyone else in my shoes, I had many things I wanted to do. I’d like to think I make a pretty good mom, most of the time. Fella and I split, I moved to California, and met a guy on Yahoo. He had three kids, too! What a great idea. We got married…and had one more.
No moral to this story. I thought I’d be single and childless my whole life, and I am so totally living the opposite. It’s not horrible. It really interrupts my gaming and reading time, but, I now have the best Rock Band group on the planet! :)
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By Caroline on Sep 17, 2009
My switch flip thingy? When I decided to leave my husband. I was on a smoke break at work, realized I was dreading going home more than I hated my job (which was a LOT) and realized that our marriage was over.
To be fair, we’d had a variety of issues for months and should have never gotten married in the first place, but I had thought it would get better and all go away and we’d eventually live in bliss. I think lots of subconcious things just exploded all at once, leading to the sudden switch between “I’m married” and “I’m getting divorced.”
And kids… my cousin thought she’d never have them. She was going to live in a funky walkup in the city and work and have fun. She got suprised, and is now a stay at home mom in the suburbs with two kids and is on the preschool board of directors and has never been happier.
Also, tricare = win, especially for prenatal care :)
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By Jamie Harrington on Sep 17, 2009
yup… that’s how it happens… JUST like that. I just have one… everyone says a switch will happen when I want to have the next, but it totally hasn’t happened yet.
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By Kestrel on Sep 17, 2009
My wife’s switch flipped when our best friends had a kid. Then they got pregnant with a second. Our first was born about the same time as their second. Less than five years later, these high-school sweethearts were divorced and remarried.
In that time we had three sons. The plan was for two kids, but we wanted one more try at a daughter. Twenty-eight years after the third was born, we’re both retired and we can pretty much do anything and go anywhere we want. That is one HUGE advantage to having kids early.
It also means, and I know you have no freaking concept of what I’m talking about, that you get to enjoy grandchildren earlier and longer.
Just keep one thing in mind: If you both are not totally committed to the child thing, don’t do it.
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By Angie on Sep 17, 2009
These replies are interesting & while all of our experiences are different I do agree with the sentiments of previous posters in that your own kids are different. I’m so far from being maternal, I make those creatures that eat their young look soppy & sentimental &, as for the rest of the human race…put it this way – I’m rarely surprised by stupidity or ignorance.
That said, I find my own kids (young adults now) to be remarkable people. I am constantly surprised that such intelligent (ok, no, I’m not really surprised they are intelligent), caring, focused, ambitious and community-minded creatures were part of my doing. I never wanted to have kids, I never “flipped” & I was the one – when hubby said “let’s!” who said “ok”.
I like them – there’s not a whole heap of people I know who I can honestly say that about (even hubby of 20+ years says I married him because he was the only person I could stand to be around for any real length of time), but I do like them & for me, that’s always been the biggest surprise :)
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By Dan on Sep 17, 2009
My switch flipped the other way. Hub and I had had the pre-marriage negotiation, figured out how many we wanted and when etc and then, there just came a time where both of us independently said “you know what? I am having too much fun with this – let’s not after all” and the other was like “yeah, I know I have been thinking that for a while but didn’t know how to bring it up given what we decided”
We like to say that we haven’t ruled any options out and there is still time to change minds but no hint of it yet.
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By Luckedout on Sep 17, 2009
I was married when I was 22 and my wife was 20. We had our first kid about 18 months after that. Were we too young? Yep. Were we in a tough position? Yep. Has it worked out? Yep.
Your own kids are different. It would be foolish to let other people tell you when or what situation/timing is ideal for having them. We felt the time was right when everything and everyone was screaming at us to stop, wait, think about it.
I love my kids. I love watching them play and seeing them smile. I wouldn’t trade it for the world or a trip to Europe or a nice house or a fancy car. I’ll have those when I retire and they’re out of the house and I’m wasting my time pining for the moments I’m enjoying now.
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By Brad on Sep 17, 2009
My switch took place at the quality control office of the birth control office. We were still in serious negotiations about whether we would have children or not. I love my daughter with all my heart, but I honestly believe that I could have went my whole life without children. I also know 100% that the fact my wife is medically unable to have more children is the most tragic thing in her life. I hope some day a switch will flip for her, and she can enjoy what she has and learn to let go of what could have been. I get you TJ. I am sure this is the first of many many discussions between you.
What I do know is that the idea of having no children, or even one child, is so abhorrent and strange to most people, you will have to explain yourself over and over forever.
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By Morrissimo on Sep 17, 2009
(1) I have said for many many years that there are few methods of birth control as effective as being forced to spend lots of time around other people’s children
(2) Now, married with a 3YO girl, an 1.5YO boy, and #3 (another boy — just found out today) due in Feb 2010, I can safely say that experiencing your own children is light years of difference from experiencing other people’s children. If for no other reason than because when your children start to act like mindless wailing demons in public, you can do something about it :)
(3) In my personal case anyway, children (and having a family that depends on me in general) have made me a much, much better person. More in tune to responsibility and living for purposes beyond yourself.
All this from the guy who said, up to the very moment that I met my wife, “Yeah, I’ll definitely never have kids. Probably never even get married.” :D
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By Ebby on Sep 17, 2009
Not only have I not had the urge to reproduce, I have barely had more than the merest moments of ‘I wouldn’t mind having a boyfriend’ feelings. The funny thing is, I’m very romantic at heart, but the idea of being with someone just turns me right off for some reason. And I loathe any child over the age of five. It’s like as soon as they turn six, they become absolute brats. I can’t remember meeting a single child over six that I haven’t wanted to push out into traffic. ¬_¬ I haven’t met a single (and by single this time, I mean unattached) male I haven’t wanted to push out into the street either. All the good ones got snapped up already.
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By Bernie on Sep 17, 2009
My wife and I decided when we married we did not want kids and have none. The reasoning for our decision was two fold.
One was my profession would have left the child rearing to her 2/3 of the time. I am home only 1 day for every 2 I work. My schedule has been everything from 14 days on and 7 off to 30 days on and 15 off. I felt that it just was not fair to her and the children, my dad was away often when I was growing up.
Two is a much longer and psychotic story.
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By Cara on Sep 17, 2009
My dads brother and his wife are a lot like the two of you TJ. They never wanted kids, for the same reasons you listed, and usually are completely happy with their decision. That is until they see my brother or I, and at that first moment of eye contact that biological switch is flipped and they both crave kids with every cell in their bodies, and then after we are gone are totally happy with 0 kids.
The random flip flopping from procreate to no-procreate is totally normal.
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By Thaumaturgos on Sep 17, 2009
Ha TJ: you fell for the oldest trick in the book.
Phil was deeply freaked out, but knew that the ONLY possible way out of it was a nonchalent ‘ok’. Way to go Phil: you will have this married thing down pat real soon at this rate!
What he forgot of course, is that when a man speaks in the forest, even if no woman is there to hear him, he is still wrong…
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By Lilivati on Sep 18, 2009
I had the opposite problem. I’ve wanted a baby since I was 16 (but had the good sense to see that probably wasn’t the world’s best idea until I had a committed partner and financial stability). Now that I’m getting to that point, I’m starting to realize how much I like my life the way it is, and wondering if I would want to spare the time and energy a child would require. I still want children- but I’m not going to be disappointed by having to wait more. Life is changing all the time, and the way we think and feel changes with it.
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By Zippi on Sep 18, 2009
Kudos to Phil. His “ok” was a man’s way of saying: “you know what? you, and being married to you is way more important to me than anything else. so, ok, i’m with you all the way.”
I’ve been thinking a great deal lately about how being in a relationship is a decision and that decision means you have to make choices about what’s important to you. I know that seems obvious, but it really is much more foundational than it seems on the surface. Willy Shakespeare understood it when he wrote Much Ado…
Ben: I love you
Bea: I love you too
Ben: Let me prove it to you
Bea: Kill your best friend
Ben: Not for the wide world
Bea: Then you must not love me
Ben: Do you _really_ have cause to want me to kill him
Bea: Yes
Ben: Ok
See that ok? That was Phil’s ok.
BTW, that scene is the absolute finest love scene in any work, bar none.
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By Pablo on Sep 18, 2009
For something neither of you wanted, you sure talk about it a LOT. Me thinks you were really just trying to talk yourselves out of it all along.
Generally children ARE greedy, selfish, short-sighted little assholes with no respect for anyone. Even your own. So you try to teach yours to at least not be greedy, selfish, short-sighted little assholes to others. And then laugh when do anyway, so you teach them some more, and eventually you get them to the point where you can take them out in public again. They’ll surprise you by doing things like holding the door open for grandma and grandpa, saying please and thank you, using napkins and not making fart jokes at the table.
Then they wipe boogers on each other in the back seat on the way home.
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By Arc on Sep 18, 2009
I Am Totally there!
I don’t have kids yet. I’m happy. I have money. I have a life. I have blissful amounts of free time that I can squander as I choose.
But my husband and I both agree we want kids… later just sounds better than sooner. For both of us.
However, I’m 30 and hes 38 so it seems like its getting to be that time.
I suspect its kinda like choosing between staying inside lounging in bed (or playing computer games) and going outside for a hike or bike ride. The lounging is awesome – and you could be totally happy in PJs for the entire day – but once you’re outside, you’re happy. You see all all these things you would have missed if you stayed inside.
Of course, you can’t just go back inside and put your pjs on. And this is the real source of my dilemna. Up until this point, my biggest committments were my marriage and my mortgage. But even those things have better out-clauses than a child. Yikes.
The only conclusion I can draw is that the kid or no-kid question is Not a rational, logical decision. You either do or don’t. And if you dither for too long, the choice is made for you one way or the other. :)
Melissa, your answer rocked, btw.
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By sara on Sep 18, 2009
Roast’s story from the store hits the nail on the head. You will parent the way you want to… If you don’t want to spend the video game money on loud, obnoxious hunks of battery-driven plastic torture devices, don’t! We certainly don’t! In fact, the only such devices in our house are the ones our son got for his first birthday, before we got enough sense to tell people “we want imaginarium train sets and lego”.
Everywhere we go, people comment that our son is so well behaved, but really, what it comes down to is knowing how to handle it when your child does have a melt-down. Most parents do, and the ones that don’t handle it (i.e. the ones you see in the store with the kid on the floor…) are the ones who are too tired/stressed/worked up themselves to remember that their child is just a tired/stressed/worked up child that needs a little attention from his/her parents.
Everyone says that becoming a parent changes you, but that’s all lies. Don’t listen to them. Becoming a parent makes you “You+”. You’ll still be the same person, including your video game play and late night movie sessions or whatever it is you love to do, you just are also a parent. With a little pragmatism, you quickly learn to balance things so you can do what you enjoy and be a good parent.
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By Flame on Sep 18, 2009
I think “the switch” has more to do with hormones than anything (which I am seeing a lot if in my age bracket). I think the brain still needs to prevail. I have seen a number of people that get all baby crazy and then they are miserable afterwards – they don’t like being around them, you can tell they resent them… that’s not fair to the kid. It didn’t ask to be there.
I am happily CF and 32 yrs old. I told my now husband at 19 yrs old that I was not having kids and if he wanted them he needed to look elsewhere (luckily, he stuck around!). I don’t want them because I have no interest in them and have never liked being around them (even when I was a kid – I wanted to hang out with people older than I was). Kids creep me out. Yes, I am one of those people that will make comments about misbehaved children running amok everywhere while their parents sit idly by because it irritates me that my dog has more manners than some kids. You can control your kids, you just have to work on it and stick to it. We were not allowed to act like crazy things out in public and if we did, there were consequences (you wouldn’t be allowed to go to the store with mom for awhile, get grounded, etc).
The most important thing is to think about what is best for your lifestyle, your relationship and what will make you happy. Don’t rush into anything. Whatever you decide is right for the two of you is the right decision. You just need to remember to make time for your relationship should you have a kid and also make sure that kid is behaved – the rest of the world will thank you for that one!
Good luck!
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By MJ on Sep 18, 2009
Came across this blog, had to chime in. Never wanted any, am 40, still don’t. SIL has 1 and when I spend time with her or any other child I KNOW that I really didn’t/don’t want them and this was the best decision for me. I could possibly have been a father who can escape to his career for most of the time – no way I could be a mother (heck, I don’t even really want to be female but I wasn’t given a choice…).
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By Cynthia on Sep 18, 2009
I think my switch is on the fritz. I’m almost 27, and I never have those “ooh what a cute baby” moments. I don’t enjoy being around most young kids. I love my sisters’ kids but in small doses where I am not the babysitter. But sometimes I think it would be nice to raise a decent human being. And maybe have someone to take care of me when I’m old. My goodness, I am so self-centered.
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By haleyhughes on Sep 18, 2009
That switch is so unpredictable. We’ve been married for 15 years and we’d both said “no kids” for pretty much the exact same reasons you listed. Then, suddenly, it felt like there had to be something more to life.
So, here I am, 40 years old, and having to steal a moment on the computer while the 6-week-old sleeps 10 feet away. I’m sleep deprived, but love the little tyke whole-heartedly. We’re not thrilled that we’re planning for college and retirement at the same time, but the upside is that our friends have kids old enough to babysit now.
Oh, and one of the best things about announcing we were pregnant was the surprise. We’d convinced everyone that it wasn’t going to happen. Ever.
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By Wulfa on Sep 19, 2009
I never wanted kids. Don’t really like them. But Damm and I got married and that switch turned on for me too and we now have two kiddos.
I love our kids. Still don’t like other children unless they are older. And I would rather buy a video game for me rather than a hunk of plastic, but the look of joy on the Orclette’s face means that I’ll buy the hunk of plastic :)
P.S. And there has to be a switch that turns on after the first kid because who in their right minds would go through the pregnancy thing again? Of course, that’s just my opinion :)
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By SF on Sep 19, 2009
Let me tell you a story about my parents. They got married while my dad was in school working on his PHD, After they were married they traveled a lot, lived in some odd places, spent money on their hobbies, and generally got on with their lives. For 13 years.
My father retired the year I graduated from high school, but having a child (hi) didn’t really stop my parents from doing what they liked to do. We still traveled as a family, they still pursued their hobbies, and I had fun with my parents while I was growing up.
There is something to be said for establishing your selves as a couple and enjoying your lives together without a kid, just don’t think you’d have to stop doing things you like to have children. I wouldn’t trade being part of my parents hobbies growing up for anything! Having kids laer really can be the right answer for all concerned.
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By KT on Sep 20, 2009
This is a little late, but I was this exact same way. I never wanted kids (and still don’t really), but when I turned 30 there was definitely an overwhelming biological urge to do so. My husband is pretty adamant about not, however, and even more importantly, my body is fairly adamant about that as well. And since I’m predisposed to having twins genetically, fertility drugs/treatments are not a path I want to travel.
It’s kind of a relief, really. I feel like a slave to my woman parts. :< I still get really sad whenever one of my friends gets pregnant, but then when I go see them with their babies, I'm like "I really DON'T want this." But there's a very visceral part of me that still does. It kind of sucks, actually, but I agree, it's what keeps us going.
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By Lauren on Sep 20, 2009
TJ, I, too, have been a victim of the biological, ovarian switch flipping syndrome, aka I-didn’t-want-kids-and-now-I-do problem.
I’ve been told it’s natural. I maintain that it’s entirely irrational and there should be a medcation for it. My mother laughed at me.
Get married, have fun, and just go with it. :-)
Thanks for the humor you’re posted about this common female problem.
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By Clioratha on Oct 2, 2009
Yep, it really is a switch. Hubby and I had been married for 8 years, raising his two from his first marriage and I had figured that was more than enough kid-experience for me.
Was in JFK airport, flying out for a transatlantic business trip, when the switch flipped. Called hubby when I arrived in Europe, told him I wanted a kid. Basically got the “ok” from him as well. Took us a few months of trying, but we now have a lovely 10-year-old gamer girl. Frustration and joy at once.
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By Dammerung on Oct 3, 2009
My basic response to 90% of the things Beowulfa suggests that are majorly life changing is “ok”.
The other 10% I flip out and go crazy pulling my hair out and yelling about the sky falling.
But for our second kid my response was exactly that. And for our first…. it was something close to that.
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