1) I cannot decide if I am coming or I am going

2) Wait, huh?

3) I am nauseous just like I am gestating a crotch parasite, yet I am without child.

4) It makes my fingers tingle which is as pleasant as it sounds.

A) I don’t know my middle name any more.

1. How addicted my chickydude crew is to their phones.(One of then will even check his phone before he gets a cigarette)
2. Reality TV
3. Band Names. Have all the good names really been used up?
4. The news. You would think that if something happened and the news reported it, it would be the same story on ALL news networks.
4a. News re-enactments
5. Managed napping for airline pilots on duty.

5 songs that make me incredibly happy.

1. Caramelldansen (the Speedycake Remix)
2. Walkin’ on Sunshine
3. The Time Warp
4. That’s What You Get
5. Still Alive (the song from the end of Portal)

1) Teenagers who go into the same eating establishment at the same time as me. Okay, I know teenagers have to eat and I’m fine with that. But what I’m talking about are the annoying ones that arrive right after school, the big game, are on a field trip, etc. so there’s a large group of them around, talking incessantly and taking forever to order, sometimes on purpose, and are just oblivious and rude to everyone around them.

2) Wine. My girlfriend is B-I-G into wine, to the point where I’ve risked openly calling her a wine snob. She’s on a mission to “find one that I will love”. That is, love…not like. Problem is, I’m more of a beer and cocktail person than a wine one and while I have found two so far that I did genuinely like, I don’t think I’m ever going to find one I’ll love like she loves pino grigio.

3) Traffic lights. While I don’t know for certain if this is true of the entire city of Grand Rapids, MI, I have noticed that from what I’ve seen thus far…the traffic lights here leave alot to be desired. It’s a little thing, but in Tulsa, OK at intersections, you will almost always find the traffic lights have arrows. The ones here don’t. Every intersection I’ve seen (and I’ve seen quite a few so far), you have to wait ridiculous amounts of time for oncoming traffic from the opposite end to move out of the way before you can make a left turn. Of course, my girlfriend and I seem to be cursed with having to turn left alot whenever we go out.

4) Shoe shopping. I hate shoe shopping worse than anything. It’s taken me WEEKS to find shoes in the past and right now, I need a new pair. Having a size 10 foot doesn’t help me either. I swear, people with small feet get the best looking shoes while everyone from size 9 on up get stuck with what fell out of the ugly shoe tree and hit every branch coming down. What kills me this time is that my old shoes only took me 3 days to find AND were half off. I’m never going to find shoes that awesome ever again.

5) Picking out dishes to take to Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, I know it’s a way off still but a) We’re having dinner with the girlfriend’s best friend and the best friend’s family and we’ve been asked to bring two dishes, a side and desert. B) Because of who we’re having dinner with and I’m still kinda anxious about fitting in with those close to my girlfriend here, I’m wanting to impress this Thanksgiving but am having a really hard time settling on what to fix for either dish. C) My girlfriend isn’t exactly being helpful because every time we talk about what to bring and mention ideas I’ve had and recipes I’ve seen around the internet, she merely nods and says it sounds/looks cool but doesn’t make a decision, and goes back to whatever it was she was doing before.

1. Willamette Pinot Gris ($12 at Costco…90pts!)
2. Loredona Viongier
(Under $10 and like drinking sunshine!)
3. Apex Yakima Chardonnay
4. La Crema Chardonnay
5. Chateau Ste. Michelle Columbia Valley Chardonnay

Now, I know these things happen in bathrooms and I don’t laugh at people who have an occasional bathroom noise slip out in the bathroom, but I was like, seriously? You’re going to keep talking to me through that?

But then it turned out that there was a third person in a stall way down that we hadn’t seen in there, and we had each thought the other was making the noises, but it wasn’t us, it was the other woman, who was probably DOUBLE EMBARRASSED because she pooted over our conversation. Or at least, I know I would have been.

And that is why you never talk from inside the stall.

1. The sound of someone chewing, especially anything crunchy. Specifically raw carrots. There’s a lady that sits near me in the Cube Farm and eats her lunch at her desk, which includes raw carrots EVERY DAY. All I can say is thank God for my mp3 player or the lady might not have any more teeth, and I might not have a job or a spotless criminal record.

2. Ring back tones. If I want to listen to some too loud crappy quality version of a shitty song, I’ll do it on my own thanks.

3. When I say I’m from NY and people automatically assume I mean NYC as if that’s all there is to the state.

4. Tyra Banks and her hand waving in the air, head bobbing, too high on her ugly ass self attitude.

5. When someone continues talking to me in the ladies room while I’m trying to pee. That’s just wrong.

That is all.