Didn’t write it, in the middle of reading it, got rid of it, trapping the Internet.
September 6th, 2011 | by TJ |I know I said I’d write about diapers over the weekend, but I didn’t do that. I don’t really have an excuse for myself. Sometimes I tell the Internet I’m going to do something and then I don’t do it. I should feel more ashamed than I do, but I’m incorrigible. I was hanging out with my kid and also Phil. We didn’t do anything crazy. I just didn’t write about the diapers yet. I will. Of course. Because, ha.
The truth is that I also kind of got overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by my diaper collection. Yet as soon as I finish this post, I will go back to working on some other writing, the kind that people pay me for in dollars, not silence, to squirrel away funds in my PayPal account for more diapers. So.
*****
A while back, Swistle mentioned liking this young adult book called The True Meaning of Smekday, and I added it to my “to read” shelf in Goodreads. Then? One day? IT JUST SHOWED UP AT MY HOUSE. Because that is the kind of thing that happens when you’re friends with a lady like Swistle.
(When I was first on bed rest? Swistle sent me some brownies, and not only were they fantastic, she also sent along little plates with them, because she’s thoughtful like that. And you think that’s the end, but no – she left the Target clearance sticker on the plates, because she and I are kindred spirits of the orange sticker – I swear, I have orange-sticker-seeking laser eyeballs when I walk through Target. And she understands that. I feel like Swistle and I are the same people in alternate universes that are entirely the same, except in hers, the me/her can handle five kids, while in mine, the me/her is in a constant state of shrillness over just ONE kid.)
Anyway, Swistle sent me that book and within one chapter, I was totally charmed by it. It’s a cute book, and it’s funny. I feel like some of the jokes might go over the head of the youngest of the YA book reading age range, but not over the heads of adults. There’s a lot of humor that is based on the writing style of the author, which I can appreciate, and I don’t know how to compare myself to a published author without sounding like an asshole, so let’s first all accept that I’m an asshole, and then I’ll go ahead and do it so it’s not a surprise. Anyway, the writing style and tone reminded me, in some places in the book, of my own writing and style and tone, which probably enhances my enjoyment of the book, because I am my own biggest fan. Because I’m an asshole.
I haven’t even gotten to my point yet. So I was reading along in this book and it’s charming and entertaining, but the age of the main character – 11 and a half – takes a huge bite out of the believability for me. So I mentally adjusted her age to 14, and now this book about an alien takeover is much more realistic.
This is just like the other day when Phil started telling me a story about how he was trying to take a shower but the water was too hot because this is Phoenix and the water comes out of the ground hot (which is what leads to a sweaty toilet embrace), and I was waiting for the conclusion to the story, but that was it. This is just like that. I thought there was more of a thing when I started typing this part of the post, but I was wrong. Water comes out of the ground hot, doesn’t get cold. End.
*****
Volunteering for things is really big in the Air Force, probably in all of the military, but I don’t know about that. Just this morning Phil forwarded me the flier of a volunteer opportunity he is going to join – making little beanies and blankets for children in Phoenix Children’s Hospital, where Penny recently stayed.
And I know that this particular opportunity doesn’t apply to most of you, but should you ever get a chance to participate in some kind of children’s hospital volunteer event, I really, really urge you to do it.
When Penny was in the NICU, she was provided with a couple of little hats, hand-knitted by volunteers, which was so sweet. But on top of that, and what still gets me, is that there was this senior citizens volunteer group, and they worked with the NICU people on scrap booking. And Penny had been in the NICU for a day, maybe a day and a half, and this group had asked for her name and got to work. And they made this sign that said PENNY, with cut out letters, matted on several pink and purple pieces of paper, and there were “girly” stickers, like a high heel, and there was a little wooden bird attached – I would look, but I’m not sure where it is right now and I feel like such an asshole about it. Anyway, they hung this little sign that said “PENNY” from her monitor, the one that kept track of her heart rate and O2 sats, that we stared at ALL OF THE TIME. Her name was written on a little white board next to her isolette, with her weight and her nurse’s name, and that was fine, but every kid in that NICU got a scrap booked sign of their name hung up next to their bed.
I guess that sounds kind of lame when I write it out, but that, plus the hats, plus the people who pushed a cart of complimentary hot coffee and other drinks around for families at Phoenix Children’s, plus the ones who brought around games and books and all of that, it really sticks out in my mind. I mean, my kid was in the hospital twice – one 8 day stretch and one 5 day stretch, very sick both times, and I distinctly remember the efforts of these volunteers.
I just think that if you get a chance, you should. I know that the whole point of a volunteer opportunity is to be selfless and do something without reward or thanks or whatever, but I know I personally am a person who is a little more encouraged by results (see above re: asshole), so I’m telling you. It matters to people.
*****
Dear Medela, GTFO.
Hey, so, I returned the rented Medela Symphony we had picked up after Penny came out of the hospital this last time. We got it because she needed to be on high cal formula for a while, and it was easier to keep track of her intake using bottles. So I could pump and add some formula to the expressed milk to bring up the calorie count of that as well, but I’ve never been able to pump too much. So mostly, Penny got formula, plus I would pump enough to make sure that one to two of her bottles each day was breast milk, with the added benefit of keeping up the supply for her eventual, hopeful return to nursing.
And you know what? It just didn’t work out. I’ve never been able to pump too much. Some women and pumps just don’t get along too well, you know? So it’s not like I was building up this enormous freezer supply while doing this. Enough for her to get one bottle a day, most days, as well as maybe put an ounce or two away in the freezer.
And exclusively pumping is so stressful. It’s so by the clock. You can’t just hope she naps and do it then. It’s got to be regular. And sometimes your baby needs you during those times and there’s nothing you can do about it because you’re pumping. And if you do wait until she’s asleep, then the time that you would normally use to do things like dishes and laundry and showers and peeing gets taken up by pumping. Plus? That Symphony is no effing joke. Pain. Lots of pain.
I’d been through the whole thing before, the pumping and formula, when Penny was brand new and it took 6 weeks for her to learn how to nurse, and I was glad to be past it, because breastfeeding was just easier. Feeding the baby was no longer a two hour process of bottle, feed, pump, store, and things could get done and everyone was happier.
So I started pumping again with the idea that we’d get back to those easy times, but I realized after only a couple of weeks that it just wasn’t going to work. Going back to that stressful, clock-watching, supply-worrying time was just not on. It was making me resentful and cranky, and it’s just not the relationship that I want to have with Penny with regard to feeding.
So I took it back to the store with a couple of weeks left to go on the rental. I nurse Penny in the morning when she wakes up and in the evening before bed, and I don’t expect that will last too much longer, because both of those nursing sessions are followed up by a hefty bottle. It’s not even enough for two feedings, the supply. It started ticking down when she got sick and too weak to nurse properly, and I just don’t have it in me – I’ll be honest, I just don’t WANT to do what’s necessary to restore and keep it up.
Once those feedings are no longer happening, we’ll dole out the very small freezer stash, one bottle a day, until it’s gone. I’ll stretch out the breast milk as long as I can, but when it’s done – a week? two? Maybe a month? – that’s it.
I’m not saying this because I feel like I owe the Internet an explanation, or because I need your approval. I’m just saying it. There’s a lot of stuff wrapped up into this decision, with guilt and “best for the baby” and “best for our family” and “best for me” and all of that all at once.
But that’s what’s happening, and I am at the same time TOTALLY OKAY and REALLY DISTRESSED about this decision, but rationally know that we’re all going to live and it’s not the end of the world. It’s possible to feel really terrible about the right choice, I guess, but it’s hard to say that I feel TERRIBLE because I know I’m making the right call. But there are also flashes of terrible.
Over the course of Penny’s existence, I’ve talked about breastfeeding here a few times, and there have been two lines offered up in the comments that really helped me to get to where I am right now, not in terms of abandoning breastfeeding but more about how I got to be okay with it.
1. Formula is food, not rat poison.
2. Breastfeeding never, ever has to be an all or nothing thing, either in terms of exclusivity or duration. Some is GREAT.
If you were the one who told me either of those things, feel free to credit yourself, because I repeat them to myself and expect to repeat them to others, a lot.
*****
HOW TO CAPTURE A WILD INTERNET
1. Set up one of those weird wooden box balanced on a stick with a string tied to it contraptions.
2. Bait the trap.
3. Yell, “HEY INTERNET! This baby is in a Bumbo on an elevated surface and there’s no adult in the frame of the picture so she is obviously COMPLETELY UNSUPERVISED even though that doesn’t make sense because then who is taking the picture but sense doesn’t matter because that UNSUPERVISED BABY is in a Bumbo on an ELEVATED SURFACE!”
4. Wait for the Internet to run into your trap with pointed sticks and those torches you always see angry mobs carrying.
5. Pull string, trapping the wild Internet.
6. Enjoy your wild Internet.
Tags: babies, baby gear, baiting the Internet, bottle feeding, breastfeeding, breastfeeding issues, cloth diapers, formula, I have to go my baby is crying, someone's going to take personal offense to this, stories that are not incomplete but just uninteresting, the Penny sensation sweeping the nation
By Melissa on Sep 6, 2011
You are awesome. I don’t have time right now to list all the reasons.
This is so true.
1. Formula is food, not rat poison.
I breastfed for around 9 months with each kid and when I quit with each one I was so damn happy. I’m sure that’s wrong, but gah – being the actual food source kind of sucks. I was too lazy to pump so anyone else could feed them…and yet I’d complain about being the only food source. Blech. So I say yay to you, for making the decisions that work for you, whenever they happen. Penny is so obviously a wonderfully happy and healthy baby – you are doing all of it absolutely the right way.
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TJ Reply:
September 6th, 2011 at 10:45 am
When you do have time, I am totally willing to sit down and listen to all of the reasons.
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By Linnea on Sep 6, 2011
Ok, the thing about the scrapbooked name tag do-dad… that made me all misty-eyed. That’s some serious sweetness right there.
Also, I totally missed the Internet bait, because all I could see was the smilingest baby I’ve ever seen in an adorable dress.
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TJ Reply:
September 6th, 2011 at 10:45 am
She’s out of control with the smiling these days. Sometimes when I’m annoyed with her I have to yell at her to stop smiling at me.
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By Kristina on Sep 6, 2011
I was really hoping you posted that picture for that explicit reason. I’m so glad I was right. :)
You kicked ass at breastfeeding. The end.
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By Carolyn on Sep 6, 2011
LOL, I love the “trapping the wild internet” thing – too true, and too funny ;)
Also, exclusively pumping SUCKS, and as I’m nearing the point where my supply is slowly dwindling, I appreciate hearing from other people that yes, breast is best (and all that stuff), but sometimes you’ve gotta go a different route for the sake of your family and your sanity and everyone’s health. I go back and forth between feeling like I’m fine with whatever happens, and panicking that I can’t give him MORE MILK for LONGER, so it is calming to realize I’m not alone :) Thanks for that.
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By drhoctor2 on Sep 6, 2011
I breastfed all 4 of mine. I also supplemented w/ formula so they would be experienced in bottle feeding just in case and that paid off for me big time when I had a critically ill toddler hospitalized for 6 weeks and a nursing baby. I could never PUMP, never. It didn’t work well, I HATED it and dumped the idea on hospital check out. All this to say, Eff the guilt. EFF it. you do what works for your family. Best interests of your family. YOUR family. It really does break my heart a little to see news moms struggling with feeling so badly about themselves when nursing doesn’t work out for them. Absolutely the wrong message to be sending from the Breast is best camp. Dealing with a newborn, esp if it’s a first baby is all about WHATEVER works for you, the other parent and the baby. WHATEVER works is best.
I’ll add this, I also supplemented that bottle of formula a day for the completely convienent and selfish !!! reason of not having to nurse the baby once..just once..in the day. Mental health bottle feed FTW.
You are coping with a lot of troublesome situations that don’t normally arise w/ newborns and YOU are doing wonderfully well.
How adorable is that baby ? Extra adorable !! (could really use a brinkley/sheldon post if you’re not too busy. :D )
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By Andrea on Sep 6, 2011
How to catch a wild internet…I can’t stop laughing. I just love you! I promise to try not to come across as too wierd/stalkery/excited when I meet you at the Blathering. But I am super excited to meet you.
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By Ale on Sep 6, 2011
Volunteers at children’s hospitals are really amazing. When my son was 3.5 yr, he had to be in the Detroit Children’s Hospital from Dec 19-24 and I had a 3 month old at the time. The community donates tons of books, clothes, toys, blankets, etc to the hospital so that the children who are in the hospital get a nice surprise. Volunteers set everything up and help the parents of the hospitalized kids pick out appropriate toys, a stuffed animal and a book for that kid as well as a book and an animal for any siblings they may have. They even wrap everything up and deliver it to the rooms. All this to try to take a bit of the pressure off of the families at the craziest time of year. They were also pretty amazing all year as he had several 4 night visits over the following 6 months. Volunteers who bring around an Art cart and do crafts with the kids or the sweet golden retriever who stopped for a visit. All these bits of time and kindness make me weepy still so moving on….BEAUTIFUL!! girl that Penny.
It may help to catch the wild internet if you add a steering wheel to the seat and also a cell phone in her hand, because, what could be worse than an unsupervised baby driving while chatting on a cell phone? (other than possibly if she was texting but guessing she is still working on the dexterity)
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LemonFresh Reply:
September 6th, 2011 at 7:41 pm
I kind of love this comment.
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By Diane on Sep 6, 2011
HAAAA in the picture of Penny in the Bumbo it never once occurred to me that she was on an elevated surface. All I could think about was, “Is that a bow on her head? Or something on the stove behind her that just LOOKS like a bow on her head?”
I thought that when you tweeted it and I’m thinking it now and I still don’t know what it is.
Okay, so I clicked through and made the picture big and see that it is obviously a measuring cup or something. I knew Penny would never put on a bow that didn’t match her outfit.
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TJ Reply:
September 6th, 2011 at 10:41 am
SPOON REST.
Purely decorative, as I like to lay my spoons on freshly cleaned counters and stove tops.
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By -R- on Sep 6, 2011
Is Penny wearing a cute bow, or is there something red behind her on the stove? I can’t tell! You have trapped me in an inadvertent manner!
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TJ Reply:
September 6th, 2011 at 10:44 am
Floppy plastic/silicone? spoon rest!
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TJ Reply:
September 6th, 2011 at 10:44 am
The real question is, why isn’t anyone aggravated yet that one of my elephant measuring cups is facing the opposite way of all of the rest?
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-R- Reply:
September 6th, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I didn’t notice those. I was too busy planning my mean comment to you about WHY DID YOU LEAVE A SYRINGE NEAR THE BABY’S FOOT?!?!11?!
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By Josefina on Sep 6, 2011
1. I grew up doing lots of volunteering and didn’t really think that much about it. After I had kids, I was in a couple different situations in which I was the recipient of volunteer time and effort and wow, it’s hard to use my words to tell how much it meant to me. Even little things can mean so much, as you said. Now I am looking for volunteer opportunities for myself and my children.
2. I was happy with the way I weaned my first child. The circumstances under which I weaned my second still fill me with guilt and terrible feelings at seemingly random moments, even though most anyone in the world would probably tell me it was fine. I think it’s just one of those things. I admire the way you’ve handled this whole situation.
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By Vogt on Sep 6, 2011
You know some of those advanced learning tests (I don’t personally, seeing as how I’m not an advanced learner, but I’ve heard talk…) where they give you several answers in a multiple choice question that are ALL correct, but you have to find the best one? That’s kind of how I think of breastfeeding. And yes, I think about breastfeeding even though I have no children. Anyway, breastfeeding may be the best option for feeding your child, but there are other several options that are still really great options to make sure your child is healthy and happy. Kudos to you for making the tough decision to do what is best for everyone in your family!
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LemonFresh Reply:
September 6th, 2011 at 7:44 pm
That is a really apt metaphor! I feel like thanking you for it, although I do not have children. Perhaps I will remember it in the future should I have any. :)
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By Hannah on Sep 6, 2011
I only managed to sometimes, sort of nurse my daughter for 2-3 months. I know people who say that doesn’t “count” as actually breastfeeding because I gave up too easily and that supplementing with formula is why it never worked out. I get tired of the Milk-Nazis who make people feel like failures and spread misinformation just to further their cause. Glad to see you’re not letting them get you down and that you subscribe to the (TOTALLY TRUE) notion that “some is better than none.”
Also, please tell me the “catching a wild internet” thing wasn’t inspired by someone who was stupid enough to think that your “Penny at breakfast with us” picture was completely unsupervised. Because I feel like that would constitute a whole new level of idiocy, even for the internet.
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By HereWeGoAJen on Sep 6, 2011
Noted. I am thinking about some kind of volunteer thing when Elizabeth gets a little older and I am not spending all my time saying “put that down, that isn’t ours, stop touching that, stay here.”
How do you cook wild internet? I’m thinking a cream sauce, but I don’t know yet.
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By Molly on Sep 6, 2011
Well the “formula is food not rat poison” comment was me and I’m so glad it helped a little. I remember feeling SO distressed and GUILTY when I finally gave my son formula (working full time and pumping twice during the work day – GAH) on top of feeling guilty and distressed about having him in daycare and you know, he didn’t even bat an eye when I gave him the formula – just sucked it right down. It struck me then that hey I’m not committing some crime against my child, I’m just giving him a different food.
My husband and I often joke about trying to figure out in a room full of adults who was breast fed and who was formula fed…guess what? You can’t tell! : )
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By Molly on Sep 6, 2011
P.S. Is that and orange KitchenAid mixer?! Pretty!
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By Jessica on Sep 6, 2011
Man, I’m really going to have to work on being more judgmental, because when I saw that picture my “OMG, YOUR BABY IS GOING TO DIE” switch didn’t flip. I’m so glad Penny survived anyway.
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By Swistle on Sep 6, 2011
I had forgotten about the orange stickers! YES, they lift the spirits, don’t they, just SEEING them. I’m thinking of decorating with them.
I agree: 11.5 stretches credibility. Much better if 14. Maybe 13, since she doesn’t seem like she’s Hit Puberty.
I think one reason I was keen to send you the book is that it REMINDED me of you.
I particularly remember the volunteer-knitted hat that was given to William in the hospital. It’s been more than 10 years and I still remember thinking that whoever knitted it LIKED BABIES and FOUND THEM CUTE. It was a white hat, with about a four-inch string coming out of the top of it, with a big floofy tassel on the other end.
I hate pumps so much, it’s like flames, flames on the side of my head. I love your list, and of course completely agree, and also I like that you’re talking about it because I think there’s too much Breastfeeding Boasting, and that that makes it seem like Everyone Is Doing It.
I totally thought she was wearing a red bow.
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Chaninn Reply:
September 6th, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Love the Clue reference!!! Mrs White rocked it.
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By Swistle on Sep 6, 2011
FACE. Flames on the side of my FACE.
No, wait, I’ll say that’s what I MEANT, because it’s not just on my face, it’s on my WHOLE HEAD, that’s how much I hate pumps.
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By Doing My Best on Sep 6, 2011
I could hardly get any milk to come out with a pump even when I KNEW it was there! The pump was NEVER my friend!
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By Megan on Sep 6, 2011
I’m about to stop pumping. I feel kinda conflicted, but man would I love to not be tied to that pump! I’d also like smaller boobs, please. I supplemented from the beginning. I swore I wouldn’t, but you know, jaundice and also, mama needs a drink sometimes. I’ve been doing this for what seems like forever (7 months) but I really think I’m about done. My kid is fiiine. I was never breastfed, not even once and I’m fiiiine too.
Also, I love it that Swistle quoted Clue in her comment. And I agree, flames on the side of my face. And head. And body. Everything. The self-righteous breast feeding peeps are just the worst. We all do the best we can. The end.
I leave my baby in a bumbo on the counter all the time. Sue me. I do keep an eye on him though, as you surely were NOT when you were taking that picture.
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By April Stotler on Sep 6, 2011
Kitchen Aid!!! And its so yellow!!!
I want one of those stand mixers so bad. My aunt and uncle are about to move out of our house and take their KA stand mixer with them, making me do like this: :(
Anyway. Those things make chocolate chip cookie making sooooo easy. Oh. And Penny is cute.
/makes grabby hands for Kitchen Aid
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By velocibadgergirl on Sep 6, 2011
I’m pretty sure that bow on her head is making her top-heavy, too, you monster!
(And the “breastfeeding isn’t all or nothing” thing — cosign, agree, wish I said it, fist bump.)
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By Laura Lou on Sep 6, 2011
Babies need to be fed. Period. Babies also need a sane mother who can take care of them. Penny needs you more than she needs your boops. You’re doing the right thing for your family, and that’s the most important part.
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Natalie Reply:
September 7th, 2011 at 6:32 am
Sane mother, that’s exactly what I was going to say. Although I wasn’t going to say “boops”, haha.
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By Jen on Sep 6, 2011
LOL WILD INTERNET IN THE TRAP! WE CAUGHT ONE!!!
I dunno, man. The way some people react, I’m *pretty* sure formula is actually rat poison. But my girls loved the taste, so I kept pouring it down their gullets anyway. ;)
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By Danell on Sep 6, 2011
She said boops. Heh.
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By LemonFresh on Sep 6, 2011
It may be the chocolate speaking, but I particularly love all the comments on this entry. Your readership is a fabulous bunch! And you are awesome for doing what is right for you and Penny re: feeding, and for sticking to your guns about it.
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By Karen on Sep 6, 2011
I also want to add about the formula/breast milk thing that RIGHT NOW it seems like a big decision…just like every other decision when they’re little seems like a huge one. I remember feeling that way when my son was younger anyway, that if I didn’t make the exact right decision that I would screw my kid up for life. And now, looking back, I think they weren’t such a big deal after all but when I was in the thick of it was hard to have any kind of perspective. I think having a healthy baby and a positive feeding experience for everyone is paramount. Plus, pumping sucks :)
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By BittenUsagi on Sep 6, 2011
Oh, let’s not forget that she’s unsupervised on an elevated surface in the KITCHEN, near the STOVE and a set of KNIVES. ;)
That girl is adorable, by the way, in case you’ve never heard that before or anything.
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By Sky on Sep 7, 2011
This week I posted a FB pic of Cameron in her bumbo, perched on a chair – a counter height chair! – and received nasty emails about it. Who knew being two feet away from a bumbo-death-trap was so wrong LOLOLOL Your post was fantastic! Penny is awesome!
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By Adriana on Sep 7, 2011
I totally support you in whatever you decide to do in regards to feeding your child. Not that you need or want my anonymous support/approval or anything.
With both my kids, I did a combo of breastfeeding, pumping, mixed bottles and formula-only. You do what you need to do, and convenience and your sanity *have* to be part of the equation.
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By Maggie on Sep 7, 2011
With my second child, breast feeding didn’t work out for various reasons so I pumped some and we did some formula. Even though I intellectually realized it was the best thing for me and my child, emotionally I was all over the map because of pregnancy hormones. The worst part was that I knew I was not being rational and yet it took me awhile to get a grip. Hormones and lack of sleep and all of the rest made it seem like such a big deal when it really wasn’t. No one but me even cared as long as my daughter was growing and healthy and all of that stuff.
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By ProudNerdMom on Sep 7, 2011
Pumping sucks <<– that's for sure! Whether it works or it doesn't! And for me, it didn't.
When anyone asked "how long do you plan to breastfeed?" My answer was "until one or both of us has had enough of it." You can't decide in advance, you do what works and roll with the punches. Like all the rest of parenting.
When my daughter was a toddler, she had to have her blood tested for lead because we lived in an old house. It meant a serious blood draw at the hospital, instead of at the familiar doctor's office. I was so thankful for the little handmade crocheted finger puppet she got to choose from the basket that the volunteers had filled. All the rest of the day, it was her talisman. She kept it tight with her, and it made all of us feel better. Go volunteers!
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By Mary K on Sep 11, 2011
I got pregnant when my first was 8 months and by the time we hit a year I hated nursing. I was so conflicted because I was really enjoying our nursing relationship before the pregnancy but was ready to completely wean only a couple months into it. My sister (a LLL leader) told me breastfeeding is more than food, it’s a relationship. If I was hating it and resenting my daughter for asking for milk, that negative-ness was outweighing the benefits and I needed to do whatever it would take to get our relationship back on track. For us it was night weaning and having strict daytime boundaries but for others it’s completely weaning. That really helped me to not feel guilty about making a tough decision. And really I am so impressed by your perseverance to breastfeed as long as you did. To even nurse at all!
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Mary K Reply:
September 11th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Oops, my unfinished comment somehow showed up! Sorry
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By Mary K on Sep 11, 2011
I got pregnant when my first was 8 months and by the time we hit a year I hated nursing. I was so conflicted because I was really enjoying our nursing relationship before the pregnancy but was ready to completely wean only a couple months into it. My sister (a LLL leader) told me breastfeeding is more than food, it’s a relationship. If I was hating it and resenting my daughter for asking for milk, that negative-ness was outweighing the benefits and I needed to do whatever it would take to get our relationship back on track. For us it was night weaning and having strict daytime boundaries but for others it’s completely weaning. That really helped me to not feel guilty about making a tough decision. And really I am so impressed by your perseverance to breastfeed as long as you did. To even breastfeed at all! It wasn’t wasted, she has already benefited hugely by the milk she got
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