Temerity Jane

Coming clean

So, in the week leading up to Valentine’s Day, I got a pile of proposals, one delivery of virtual flowers, one flat out “Will you be my Valentine?” request and no candy from my mom, damnit.

But, the time has come for me to finally come clean and be honest with something I’ve been keeping to myself, for the most part, for quite a while now. I did not spend Valentine’s Day alone.

There is, in fact, a boy in my life. I feel like I’ve known him his whole life, though in truth I’ve been seeing him about once a week or so since last August. He’s incredibly smart, he makes me laugh ALL the time, and often turns out to be the no-contest highlight of my week.

Through a not-really-all-THAT-strange set of circumstances, I’ve ended up hanging out with Noah on a pretty regular basis. We’re pretty well suited to each other and get along quite well. We’re both picky eaters, we’re both not very tall, we’re both partial to toys in the bathtub and Blue’s Clues. Ok, it’s just him on the Blue’s Clues, but I don’t mind en episode or two here and there.

I might have felt a little like an asshole last night when he opted to lift his arms for me to pick him up rather than hugging his parents goodbye, but only a little.They’re parents, they get to be someone’s favorite person every day of the year, I’m not going to feel too guilty about stealing a minute or two here and there. Besides, they had big important adult dinner plans. Noah and I were very eager to get to our engagement with a train set in the basement.

I’m not a career babysitter, it’s not really been something I’ve made a habit of doing since my teenage years. Some of my friends are surprised it’s how I voluntarily choose to spend many of my Friday nights, given how much noisy minature adults cause me to wrinkle my nose at times, but spending time with Noah every week or so is not just something I’m happy to do, but flat out look forward to. He’s completely different from me in a lot of ways, most notably how free he is with being affectionate. He loves to give hugs, doesn’t hesitate to settle into my arm if we’re sitting on the couch with a book and is happy to be held and carried around with no toddler-y impatient wriggling to get down and get away. I was never like that, not even as a toddler – didn’t want to be held, didn’t like people close to me – so different, in fact, that when he wriggles himself up beside me, I sometimes have to remind myself that I’m the strange one, not him.

On top of getting to hang out with someone who is just always genuinely happy to see me and have me around him, Noah also brings out a lot of things in me that don’t necessarily usually come so naturally. Empathy, for one. Maybe we’re a billion years apart in age, but when he struggles to vocalize his wants, needs, or enthusiasm for trains, I totally feel for him – I have trouble talking sometimes too, bud. Or patience. Another story? Sure thing, I’ve got nowhere else to be. After a whole day of trying to restrain myself from chewing limbs off of co-workers in order to have something with which to beat them, hanging out with Mr. Noah is a much calmer, more relaxing time of the day.

And funny, oh man is he funny. He keeps me entertained all night long. I’m perfectly happy to spend half an hour making “vee-ohs” with my phone for him, though he doesn’t quite grasp the concept of how the phone camera works yet. Last night we spent a long time making 30 second videos over and over, all the same – Noah running around me in circles, trying to see the screen of the camera, while I laugh and try to get him to stand still and explain he can’t WATCH a video until he stays in one place long enough to make one. Then I play back the 30 second film for him, nothing but a blur of blonde running around me in a circle with the camera shaking too hard from my laughing to film anything even remotely recognizable – then delete it and start all over. You’d think that would get old, but it just never does.

Like I said, I feel like I’ve known him his whole life, and I kind of have – his mother and I started blogs at about the same time, about a skrillion years ago. While I quit the blog I had at the time in a fit of rage one day, she has continued to write hers and I’ve continued to read it. I’ve been watching his life since he was just… this… and now he’s soon to be a big brother to a long awaited sibling. I guess it’s a little weird how it ended up all shaking out, through blog-ly connections, but however it happened, now I’m lucky enough to have a little Noah in my life, and I swear to pete, Noah, some days, like yesterday, I think you’re just about the best thing my life has going for it right now. Thanks for being my Valentine. <3