The official blog of porcelain shrimp.

January 20th, 2009 | by TJ |

Dear Internet,

You know how there used to be a granola bar that was the official granola bar of the PGA tour? (If you didn’t – there is, trust me. I used to eat one for breakfast every morning).

And you know how in Olympic years, there’s all this ‘Official _________ of the 2008 Olympics’ or whatever?

I suppose they get a contract or a sponsorship and someone can call their product the official whatever of whatever.

Fine. I mean, I don’t really care if all the PGA golfers eat the same granola bars that I do. I enjoy them mightily without knowing that TIGER WOODS MAY ALSO BE EATING ONE AT THAT VERY SECOND!!

But one day I saw a commercial for Bally’s Total Fitness and they called themselves the “Official gym of Summer,” and it’s bothered me ever since.

Who do you think they had to contact for that? I mean, does Summer even have representation? An agent? A management team or a publicity firm?

If not, don’t you think Bally’s is being a little bold, speaking on behalf of Summer like that?

Personally, I would think that, if asked, Summer would say something like this to its publicity rep:

Gym? This GYM is saying it’s MY official gym? What the fuck! Look. No, seriously, list– LISTEN to me. I want you to call this Bally’s… call them RIGHT NOW and tell them to stop acting like I want ANYTHING at all to do with them. And then… then, OH this is really good… then when you’re done with that, I want you to send out a press release to the world at large. Have it say something like this. Get a pencil, I need you to get this down. To… gym members. No, No… TO EVERYONE. Re: The Official Gym of Summer. TAKE YOUR LAZY ASSES OUTSIDE. Thank you, Summer.

Doesn’t anyone else wonder this stuff?,
TJ

4 Responses to “The official blog of porcelain shrimp.”

  1. By Kelly on Jan 20, 2009

    Everyone in my cube row just stood up to see why I was laughing so hard.

    lol @ TAKE YOUR LAZY ASSES OUTSIDE.

    Summer would definitely say that.

    [Reply]

  2. By Evil Sheep on Jan 20, 2009

    If I wasn’t already married and Phil wasn’t in the picture, I think I’d ask TJ to have my children ^_^

    Sheer awesomeness. Perhaps Summer will hire you to be his/her/its representative in the near future? If so, have a talk with Mother Nature about keeping the hurricanes away from North Florida this year, please. I mean, wipe out the Keys, I’m okay with that, just not Jacksonville, kk?

    [Reply]

  3. By Bernie on Jan 22, 2009

    Porcelain shrimp? Why porcelain shrimp? Some secret code word to all sleeper agents of awsomeness?
    I don’t think I have ever seen those words used on the internets, unil now.

    [Reply]

  4. By Dammerung on Jan 26, 2009

    Dang gonna be late to pickup wulfa but ROFL.

    [Reply]

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