Smushed
January 19th, 2009 | by TJ |Dear Internet,
I was driving into work one day, and I saw something on the side of the road, over on the shoulder.
At first I thought it was a dead raccoon, but it wasn’t.
It was definitely a dead possum. Anyway. That’s not the story.
So I got to thinking about dead things on the side of the road, and this doesn’t have anything to do with the habit I have that I have thus far only revealed to a few people, of staring out the windows when I’m a passenger in the car and evaluating the side of the road and landscape for body hiding potential. No joke. I can’t help it. I can tell you exactly when it started. I was in the 5th grade, and riding the bus to school, but anyway, that’s not the story, and who really needs to hear such disturbing things, right?
Right?
So anyway, dead thing on the side of the road and I start to wonder.
You see a lot of dead things in the road, but also a significant number in the shoulder.
So do people hit these things and then politely move them to the shoulder?
Do people hit them and the impact blows these animals over to the shoulder?
Was the animal just chillin on the shoulder, politely waiting for a turn to cross, and someone on their cellphone or something veered over the line and hit it?
Was it waiting for a “walk” signal and someone swerved to DELIBERATELY hit it?
Because that’s not cool. I say, if an animal is politely waiting on the shoulder of the road for traffic to pass, don’t swerve over there and hit it. How would you like it if you were minding your own business in the checkout line at the supermarket and some wacko comes barreling at you with a cart and a look of demented glee in their eye?
Not cool, people.
Be considerate, Internet,
TJ
By lori on Jan 19, 2009
I thought I was the only one who thought about the “body hiding potential”. When I see a lonely garbage bag on the side of a highway my mind immediately wonders if there is a body in that too. Yikes.
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By lenebean on Jan 19, 2009
I think there are two main possibilities: (1) somebody moved the poor creatures to the side; (2) the animal wandered back to the side after being struck but died once reaching the shoulder. I think option 1 is more likely.
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By Kelly on Jan 19, 2009
Can we hear the 5th grade bus story when the “evaluating the side of the road and landscape for body hiding potential” started? Pretty please? :)
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By Lori on Jan 19, 2009
I also take in consideration HOW they are lying on the side of the road, do they look peaceful, or have a look of utter horror on their faces? I hate it when they look like they were struck (quite literally) with horror written all over their fuzzy faces. Maybe it’s me, but did you ever notice that opossums always look ashamed even in death on the side of the road. As if to say “Awww geez, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leap under your tires and get flattened, it won’t happen again.
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By jen paddack-hyde on Jan 19, 2009
It makes me feel almost normal that others also look for “body hiding potential” when they are in a car. I do it on hikes too. I don’t mention it to my co-hikers though hence they think I’m hinting I might want to hide their body. I also wonder sometimes what happened with the animals that they are way over on the shoulder. A few years ago while we were driving south of San Francisco we saw a deer AND a mountain lion on the side of the road just feet from each other. It was really weird. We still wonder to this day what was the scenario that caused that scene. Neither looked “damaged”, it just looked like they were laying there sleeping. Weird.
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By Lance on Jan 20, 2009
Actually I have witnessed this sometimes if the animal jumps at just the right moment and is barely clipped by the car they will sometimes fall on the side of the road sometimes very violently fall”get thrown”. And yes sometimes animals do still have the strength to move themselves out of the highway if the hit was’t terrible but they still can’t survive, and sometimes people do move the animals. I also do believe that some people are sick and will swerve to hit the poor animals waiting there turn.
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By Doom on Jan 20, 2009
two things happen when an animal is hit by a car. (1) the impact throws the creature back to the side of the road, and (2) the creature is made one with the asphalt. 1 happens when the bumper is the first to contact the animal, 2 happens when its all about the tires.
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By Ashley on Jan 20, 2009
Hi-larious! Found you through 20.something and wanted to say hey! So…um, HEY!
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