If you follow my Twitter stream at all, you might be familiar with my fake internet boyfriend, Rhys Wynne, from The Gospel According to Rhys. You’ll have to get your own fake internet boyfriend, but I am lending you mine for the day. See if you guys can be helpful, as he is preparing to come over here to the US for a little while and seems completely ignorant of what makes a good french fry and how to properly curse out a rude American.
I expect to come back to you myself shortly and things might even be a little bit different when I do, so thanks for your patience while I sort some things out.
Hello TJ readers! My name is Rhys, and – despite being TJ’s scary fake internet boyfriend, I’m also a six year blogger at The Gospel According to Rhys, and the owner of Shagablogger.com, the world’s first blogger dating site.
With that said, I am from the UK, and – by the looks of this (and I am assuming) a lot of you lot are Americans. I am heading to the States at the end of the month. As a result I’m examining the differnce between proper English, and American English, so I don’t look like an utter pillock.
You see, for us, chips are the warm potato sticks you call french fries (ours are thicker, but that’s a three pint storey). We call what you call chips crisps. Which makes sense, as – unless you get rubbish ones – they make a crisping sound.
A contentious issue, what you call beer (Budweiser, Coors, Miller, the tasteless gnats urine basically) we can call beer, but technically most people call it a lager. And you should try the Belgian stuff, it’s ace. Beer, as in traditional beer in the UK, is a lot darker, a lot bitterer, and a lot heavier than lager, which was originally a girls drink, but now men drink it to get pissed.
Yes, pissed. Pissed doesn’t involve being angry, pissed is our word for drunk. Either way, the sentance “I was so pissed I smashed a chest of drawers” has the same result, even though the method of getting there is the same.
I’m not sure what you call our Gas. We call your gas (the stuff you put in the car) petrol. And stop complaining about prices – we pay $10 a gallon. But what do you call our gas? Gas for us is the stuff you use to heat up an oven.
The greatest word in the English language. Fact. Brits will try to get anybody with an American accent to say it. It is the equivalent of “fuck”, and is worse than the c-word in terms of swearing. A wanker is somebody who…ahem…pleasures themselves. Wankered is another word for pissed too.
There’s more, but those are all I can think of. If you’ve got any questions to ask a Brit, feel free, I’ll answer as many as I can in the comment.