I can’t tell you specifically what Phil is doing here, because it’s a beta and he signed an NDA, but I don’t think you really need to know exactly what is going on to get maximum enjoyment from this video.

No?

Well, whatever. It would at least serve my purposes in terms of post title.

Anyway, this guy is adorable. I was originally considering his Mario Kart Love Song as a first dance song, but I think that maybe it is too long, or the jokes too obscure*. Regardless, he is TOO CUTE.

And in my grand tradition of writing about Britain’s Got Talent and basically ignoring America’s Got Talent, because I am OVER your talent, America, check out Spellbound and Christopher Stone, neither of which I can embed but are worth your click, for astoundingness and “OH I AM SO IN YOUR CORNER, SHY LITTLE MAN!!”-ness, respectively.

And ALSO, I was damned to hell by no less than four skrillion people on Twitter a couple of weeks ago, for spreading this around, so why would I not also unleash it on all of you who may or may not have seen it yet, because even though I KNOW what will happen, I continually watch it because oh my god, you guys, the Santa girl.

I am an asshole, I am an asshole eight hundred times over, but now you are in this snot pit with me, and that is worth it. To me.

And have I talked about Jordan Frisbee & Tatiana Mollman on here at all? I like to watch for videos of the new routine each year – they eventually make their way to YouTube and they’re always fantastic. I’m not even INTO dancing, if a person who is not a dancer of any kind CAN actually be into dancing, but oh man, I get a kick out of these two:

Also, check out this completely improvised dancing between the two of them. For the love of pete, Phil and I can’t even kiss each other without awkwardly smashing face parts off of other face parts, or sleep in the same bed without SOMEONE’S elbow crossing the clearly defined line, directly into the ribcage of someone else, an innocent second party who STICKS TO HER SIDE.

I meant for this post to introduce you to all of the stuff I have found to be interesting on YouTube recently, but instead, have ended up somewhat depressed at my complete lack of discernible, video-worthy talents. What have you found on YouTube recently that makes you realize how little you have managed to do with your life? A six year old who wrote an opera? A blind trapeze artist?

(*I am also considering Skullcrusher Mountain.)

But every year about this time, I end up talking to you about the same thing – Britain’s Got Talent.

First, in 2007, I wrote to you about Paul Potts. You can see that video here.

The next year, 2008, it was George Sampson who got my attention. Oh, George Sampson, are you 18 yet? My goodness. He was on one year and just ADORABLE, and then the next year he was like, 15 feet taller and 15 times more adorable. He’s just about the cutest thing on two dancey legs, I swear. I still remember when he popped up on the screen for the second year in a row, I immediately remembered him from the year before and shrieked, “IT’S GEORGE!!!” Since I get all of my Britain’s Got Talent-ness from YouTube, I very carefully avoided spoilering myself and watched all the videos, all the way through to his amazing semi-finals performance, which I still watch from time to time. You can see that here.

Of course, do I even need to talk about 2009 at all? Susan Boyle? Of course. I don’t really have anything else to say on that point, because we all know Susan Boyle by now, and if you haven’t watched that video at least 15 times, I am doubtful of your humanity.

Every year, it doesn’t even occur to me to go looking for that year’s crop of videos. Every single year, finding a video that absolutely blew me away or made my day or made me laugh my ass off has been an absolute surprise. In that tradition, today was no different. It was absolutely by accident that I stumbled across this video today and it made my entire day. My day continues to be made. It will be made some more when I watch the video again as soon as I post this.

Click the picture to go through to YouTube, as I can’t embed the video. I promise, the tendon-strain of a single click is totally worth it. If it isn’t, I owe you one click.

I am pretty sure if I tried to move to the UK, they would send me away for complete lack of talent.

If I am not that awesome when I am 80, IT WON’T EVEN BE WORTH BEING 80.

He never would have even come close to guessing correctly.

(Note: I didn’t actually expect him to know. It’s not that he doesn’t know that’s funny. It’s putting him on the spot that’s funny.)

Anyway, yesterday, I decided I was going to show you an awesome feature of my new house – how easy it is to get myself some more soda without even lifting my butt out of the chair. So I turned on the video camera and set out on my trek across the kitchen.

Halfway back, Brinkley taught himself a new trick.

Thinking it must have been a fluke, I did it again, and HE did it again. I set the camera up again for maximum Brinkley angle, did it again, and HE did it AGAIN!

So, basically, what I am telling you is that I spent most of yesterday dressed like a hobo (I’m calling the jeans/sundress/really old hoodie look “We Do Not Yet Own A Washer And Dryer And I’m Out Of Shirts” - full collection debuting next fall), videoing myself rolling across the kitchen floor.

You’re welcome.

I’m writing a book – Life Among the Boxes, by Temerity Jane Goodall.

Hi, everyone!

Please considering signing up for our upcoming couples workshop:

Expressing Annoyance Through Action: Lessons Learned from the Dog Whisperer

For those who can’t see flash video through feed readers or at work: Sorry, I’m an asshole who has posted flash stuff two days in a row.

(there’s a video here, click through your feed reader if you can’t see it.)

For those of you who are not [yet] Nerdfighters, do still feel free to chime in. My blog is not going to be turning into a wedding planning blog, so if you’d like to follow along with the plans, take these steps.

1. Learn how to be a Nerdfighter.
2. Join The Ning.
3. Find our page on The Ning.
4. Subscribe to our videos on YouTube.

Thank you to everyone who has sent such nice messages.

Three awesome things for you today.

So, I live in Arizona, where the United States comes to volunteer where barely needed and then die, either of old age of by driving their damn golf carts on the road.

Oh, wait.

I’m sorry.

Golf CARS.

Anyway, what do old people like? They like senior specials at Denny’s. They like taking all of the early salon appointments. And they like home shopping networks.

Seriously, Internet, I have never seen so many home shopping channels all at once, ever. THERE IS A KNIFE CHANNEL.

The best ones, though, are the jewelry ones. The live auctions hold my attention for about a minute, but there’s another one that I watch before bed every. single. night.

What it is is this over excited obnoxious woman (there’s several, but they’re all the same, really), showing off different pieces of jewelry like you would on QVC or something. She talks about it a bit, how it’s just about the best thing ever ever and oh my god if you miss it, you’ll be so sorry. Then, the screen changes and these words flash across the screen:

“LET’S PLAY THE GAME!”

So, then the price comes up and a quantity, and the lady keeps talking about it and talking about it, harassing you to call in. AND? As she’s talking? The price DROPS. And you call in and I guess you press a button or something to say you want one, and the whole time, the price drops and drops until all of them are gone and then EVERYONE gets the LOWEST PRICE!

I, of course, have never called. My enjoyment comes solely from elbowing Phil just as he as falling asleep.

TJ: LOOK! Look at that ring!
Phil: Ugh… what about it?
TJ: It’s an 11 carat glacier topaz!
Phil: It’s a what?
TJ: OH LOOK! The price just dropped a hundred dollars! Give me your credit card!
Phil: No! Go to sleep!
TJ: THEY’VE ONLY GOT 3 LEFT! I’M PANICKING! I’M PANICKING! GLACIER TOPAZ!
Phil: Do you even know what a glacier topaz IS?
TJ: You can only get it from a specific spot in Russia! THERE’S ONLY TWO LEFT!
Phil: Uh huh…
TJ: You can only get it a few months a year because of the storms! ONE LEFT! PRICE CRASH! AAAAHHH!
Phil: *mumble*
TJ: Aw, they’re gone– HEY LOOK AT THAT NECKLACE!
Phil: *snore*

Second, it has been way too long since I have done this for you:

If you’re in London, it would be extra silly of you to miss out on seeing Julia Nunes. You know it would.
(if you can’t see the video, well, there is one there. So, you know. Curse your feed reader.)

And the last, super special, extra awesome thing is after the jump.

FOOLED YOU.

IT’S THIS!

(Again, a video. Sorry if your feed reader hates you.)

Got you again, Internet. Got you again.

Or, if you’re a newer reader, got you for the first time.

But rest assured, I’ll get you again.

Your pal,
TJ

PS – addendum

TJ: What? I LIKE this song.
Phil: I know.
TJ: Well you LOOKED at me.
Phil: I LIKE looking at you.
TJ: *scowl*

*silence*

TJ: Well, how do you like YOUR french toast?

PPS – “How do you like YOUR french toast?” is the new “So’s your face” in this house.

I have avoided talking too much about my work or what I do all day because frankly, work is boring. However, as with all jobs, eventually things begin to get under your skin, and since I have no employer who would be horrified about the thought of me complaining to the internet about my job, I think I might just start doing it.

However, today, I have only two things for you.

Some insight, if you will.

And perhaps the most telling of all: