Temerity Jane

I should get a cut of this.

The Redhead: price bought us tickets to hong kong for thanksgiving
TJ: Hate you so hard
The Redhead: maybe i’ll wear my diamond earrings on the plane
We’re flying business class, obv.
TJ: Whoa did you wear the whole bitch SUIT today? You know it’s pants OR jacket, not both.

Posted in the redhead | 8 Comments »

She means well.

An e-mail from The Redhead, regarding Project Get Out of My Space:

from in front of my building. wtf?

maybe you should get a sign like this for your work area.

While I don’t think that would really have the proper air of “serious threat” inside the office, I am considering getting one of those, taped to a stick, to carry around with me whenever I’m out in public.

Posted in daily BS, the redhead | 6 Comments »

The Redhead Tells You How To Live More Better

Dear Temerity Jane readers:

As a public service to the small minority of you who have managed to achieve gainful employment, as well as to the public at large, I would like to offer a few guidelines for the execution of the ubiquitous “Business Casual”

1. Business casual does not mean you do not have to shower
2. If you choose to ignore rule one, please at least brush your teeth
3. Business casual does not mean a Juicy Couture sweatsuit, “bed head” and six pounds of makeup. The “I just rolled out of some strange dude’s bed after a hard night pounding Zima” look might have worked for you in college, but it doesn’t wear well on the over-30 set.
4. Business casual does not equal massive cleavage. This is an office, not Tit City.
5. Do not wear wide-leg jeans stuffed into Uggs and an oversize sweater. It doesn’t make you look chic, it makes you look dumpy. If you’re under 5’5″, it also makes you look like an Oompa Loompa.
6. Seriously? Uggs?
7. Only a very small minority of the population can pull off skinny jeans. Chances are, you are not one of these people. Spare us.
8. To the Office Peons: Casual days are usually the days we plan on asking you to do the most physically taxing/potentially dangerous/deeply humiliating tasks. So don’t wear heels.
9. No, really, you still have to shower.
10. And, finally, the next person I see in spandex and/or pleather is going to be on the receiving end of a beatdown. You’re all on notice.

In your dreams,
The Redhead

Posted in the redhead | 17 Comments »

I swear it writes itself.

The Redhead: okay, let me preface this by saying that i KNOW i’m a bitch

TJ: wait ONE second

TJ: Ok. Posted. Go ahead.

[insert story of bitchiness, justified]

TJ: You know, if you hadn’t told your boyfriend about my website
you traitorous bitch
I totally could have posted that.

Posted in the redhead | 6 Comments »

Things You Should Know About The Redhead

Things You Should Know About The Redhead.

1. She has a strong business mind.

The Redhead: now, i am not one to question how other people do their jobs
but
is now REALLY the best time for the custodial staff to do the vacuuming?
at 2 p.m. on a tuesday?

2. She also has a strong “play torturous mind games with your boyfriend” mind.

The Redhead: also, i think i am going to tell price that i want to get this to put on our coffee table
just to see how he reacts

3. She gets cranky if she’s not fed on time. Much like a toddler, or possibly a crocodile.

The Redhead: i was supposed to have my snack nearly an HOUR ago
damn these people and their “work”

4. She [sometimes] listens when I talk.

The Redhead: so, it’s like a REAL tiara
not a virtual warlock one?
TJ: Aw you remembered I play a warlock! <3 You DO care!
The Redhead: listen, what happens in narnia stays in narnia, or something…

5. She’s damn near poetic.

The Redhead: at work, when i sit down
i tuck my skirt under me
even if i’m wearing pants.

The Redhead: so this girl i work with
i really like her
and she is very well put together and everything
but today
she smells very strongly of cat pee

6. She’s got a real motherly instinct.

The Redhead: oh good
someone’s deathly ill son is here
that’s okay, i was actually hoping to catch the haunta virus at work today

7. Something about the carpet and the drapes that I really didn’t need to know that I’m totally not quoting here.

8. She’s tall, and I’m not, and she’s not inclined to let me forget it.

The Redhead: oh, and ps
its been like six months since i’ve worn heels on a daily basis
quite an adjustment.
how the hell did i used to walk to work on these things?
TJ: I still do!
The Redhead: i’m back up on four inches
looking at the world from six feet, two inches in the air!
TJ: I’m on about 3″
looking at the world from 5’5!
The Redhead: you and my boobs.

9. She may be ever so slightly outspoken.

TJ: shut up
The Redhead: unlikely
TJ: so true.

10. We are locked in a battle to the death for the title of Miss Least Confrontational USA, and she has just taken the lead.

TJ: oh grow a set, woman!
The Redhead: and don’t you lecture me, ms. least confrontational person ever
TJ: Ok, good point
but still
What in the world are they going to do toyou
The Redhead: SAY ANGRY THINGS
TJ: call them and say “Hi, I found another job and won’t be coming in this weekend.”
YOU HAVE BUILT A LIFE ON SAYING ANGRY THINGS
SAY SOME BACK
The Redhead: “YOU ABOMINABLE SLUT, A POX ON YOUR HOUSEHOLD!”
is what they’ll say
TJ: I don’t think that’s what they’d say!

Posted in the redhead | 10 Comments »

Busy season even keeps me away from the Redhead

The Redhead: okay, explain to me why i shouldn’t get myself this for valentine’s day

TJ: because you’d look like a hooker who would make huge money in japan

The Redhead: god, i’ve missed you.

Posted in the redhead | 16 Comments »

SOMEONE needs a heavier workload.

1:04 PM
The Redhead: i am seriously afraid that if i put one more post it/paperclip/pen on this desk, it will actually collapse

1:48 PM
The Redhead: fyi, i have now been reduced to actually sticking post-its on MYSELF

1:50 PM
The Redhead: SLUT

1:51 PM
TJ: HEY
The Redhead: just wanted to make sure you were paying attention
TJ: hate your face.

Posted in the redhead | 2 Comments »