“Well, that’s your opinion.”

This sentence is almost never used in an appropriate way. One, if something is someone’s opinion, you’re not only stating the obvious, but certainly not making your case any stronger by saying, “you think something different than what I think.” Two, in most cases when someone drags out this ridiculous sentence, they’re not even talking about opinions. They just throw out this opinion line as if saying it solves the whole argument – “We think two different things, so obviously, I’m right and I’ll make a token nod towards pretending that you’re also somewhat right, even though we both know that you’re not.”

How about I just give you 700 examples?

“You know, you really should put a screen in front of your fireplace.”
“Oh, it’s fine, you can see the fire better this way!”
“Well, it’s just as warm with a screen, you know.”
“I’ve never had a problem not using one.”
“It’s really much safer if you use a screen.”
“Well, that’s your opinion.”
“…”

“Hey, mom… I noticed you put the baby down to sleep on his stomach. I don’t know if you knew, but babies sleep on their backs now.”
“That’s so funny, I spent your entire baby years making sure you didn’t roll on your back!”
“I know, these things change all the time, weird, right? But it’s backs now.”
“You know, you slept on your stomach and you’re just fine, and he seems happier on his stomach so…”
“We put the baby down on his back. It’s safer, ok?”
“Well, who knows what will happen when I watch him.”
“I need you to put him on his back. It’s safer.”
“You know, that’s just your opinion.”
“…”

“Here, finish this bag of chips.”
“But you haven’t paid for the chips yet.”
“Oh, you can eat whatever you want while you’re still in the store. Just hide the bag behind those cans.”
“Uh, I think that’s stealing.”
“Well, that’s just your opinion.”
“…”

“Hey, if you’re not going to pass, you should move back over to the right lane.”
“Oh, I’m fine here.”
“Ok… but it’s actually the law in Pennsylvania that you drive on the right, pass on the left.”
“Ha, what a dumb law!”
“It’s really an efficient and safe way to manage traffic. And we’re in Pennsylvania. Where it’s the law. So…”
“I prefer the left lane.”
“You’re going 43. You’re forcing people to illegally pass you on the right.”
“That’s your opinion.”
“…”

Now, in case your confused, let me give you some actual opinions:

“That outfit is ugly.”

“My dog is more handsome than your dog.”

“Pearl Jam is so terrible that I think you can get cancer from it.”

“A Night at the Roxbury is one of the best movies of all time. OF ALL TIME!”

See, with all of those, if you want to disagree with me, you can say, “Well, that’s just your opinion.” Because those are, in fact, my opinions. (Except not your outfit. Your outfit is fine. I’m talking about that other guy.) You’d be wrong, of course, but you could make yourself feel better by assuring yourself that I’m just expressing my opinion.

And, to sum up my feelings on opinions, a quote from the long lost Redhead, who used to single-handedly carry this blog:

As a matter of fact, NO, I don’t think your opinion is just as right as my opinion. That’s what an opinion is, Pollyanna.

http://www.stopjenny.com/

TJ: yes
I didn’t see anything about shovels to the face
more importantly
I’m not dead
The Redhead:: well, that’s good
TJ: I was so sure I was going to die, srsly
I have not had a more miserable weekend in my entire life
nor have I ever sweat so much
This morning I had an unbearable need for gatorade and I never drink that stuff
so I went to 7-11 and found myself buying more than I could carry almost
as soon as I had some I decided I will never ever have anything other than gatorade for as long as I live
The Redhead:: Yeah. When my kidneys were infected, I made Price by me about a palette of vitamin water
TJ: The trip wiped me out, too
The HMFIC banned me from the office today
glad she did, I feel better but never would have made it through the drive
I’m shaky like muhammad ali
that was the most brutal illness I have ever been through, I even called my mom
The Redhead:: There should definitely be a Kidney Appreciation Week
I think we take them for granted
TJ: What is stupid is that I was sick for a month and didn’t even know it
I will not ever ignore things being “a little off” again, I swear on my stack of gatorade
Fierce melon gatorade. It’s like cantelope in a bottle!
The Redhead:: There’s nothing I like better than fierce melons.
TJ: … how do you DO it!
The Redhead:: caffeine, mostly, and booze
plus a healthy dose of angry.

I like to share my joy with you.

All Nerdfighters may commence happy dances… now.

Are you feeling overshared yet, Internet? Or are you enjoying the blog of a person born without the shame gene?

The Redhead: Nice!
you should buy yourself a “it’s a girl/it’s a boy” cake to celebrate.
TJ: I bought pregnancy tests, a box of tampons and a pack of cigarettes.
I am ALL CLASS.
The Redhead: Well the tampons were optimistic.
TJ: I was hoping to influence destiny.

For the record, Internet, everything would have been just fine either way and it really would have only taken me a week or two to get over the “Oh, crap” phase and into the “shop for tiny things!” phase. But being the selfish type that I am, I am quite thrilled to be able to keep Phil to myself, hopefully for a good few years more.

Now that a large portion of the overhanging stress in my life has been eliminated, guess what! It is time to gear up for NaBloPoMo again!

Here are last year’s results. Who is playing this year, you know you want to!

No joke, right?

So I’d like to tell you I’ve been doing some big and important things, but really, I just actually have a job that doesn’t afford me hours upon hours a day to blog, and I’m currently trying to work out a way to fit blogging, my social life, my job, and oh yeah, what’s-his-name all into the space of single day time frames.

Anyway. So speaking of my job, you read the guest post, I assume, about what it’s like to meet and hang out with us all. Obviously, having given such a good impression, we must have been on our best behavior. I say this because we had a staff meeting today that, no joke, included me throwing myself on the floor in a frustrated fury. And surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, that was NOT the first time I threw myself on the floor here. And I sincerely doubt it will be the last time.

This particular time involved the HMFIC and the other coordinator sitting across from a developer and I. And the developer and I are just going back and forth at each other, getting more and more heated, until there was talk of polishing doorknobs, toddlers, and either the HMFIC or other coordinator speaking up and saying “You both know you’re arguing for the same thing, right?”

Well, HE was arguing it WRONG!

And I hurt my elbow in my dramatic floor-flinging.

Anyway, here’s the thing. I figure I need to be a bit of a better blogger for a while, because I might need a favor from you guys sometime soon, so let’s get back to talking about weird shit that’s happened to me, ok? I don’t think I can ask you for a favor after my blog has been a BIG DISAPPOINTMENT for weeks on end.

So, last weekend, Naaldy chased me out of the house to go get some food. I went to a drive through, Wendy’s, to be specific, and I ordered and was waiting at the window, tra la la.

So I’ve got my car window open and Wendy’s has their drive through window open, and I’m sitting around waiting for my foods, and I idly watched a yellow jacket fly into the restaurant and come to rest just inside the window on the counter.

There was a manager type standing near by and he watched me watch the bug fly in, and I think, since a customer saw it, he felt obligated to handle the issue. So he came over to the window and starts trying to shoo the bug back out.

I was a bit nervous watching him, because he didn’t seem to be taking the ridiculous amount of care and shrieky panic that a stinging bug requires, but hey, maybe he’s not afraid of them, right?

SO not afraid of them, in fact, that he finally captured it and scooped it into his bare hands! What a brave man! Not a worry in the world about getting stung, he just cared about his customers and the bug-free status of his restaurant. I was so impressed.

Well, impressed until he took his cupped hands

flung the bug out the drive through window

and directly into the open window of my car.

And then, Internet, do you know what he did? Do you know what he did as I started swatting the air around me, trapped inside my car with a bug of the stinging, possibly going to make me cry, shouldn’t be in my car kind of nature?

He watched me begin to try to shoo the bug out of my car, the bug HE HAD THROWN INTO MY CAR, and he SLAMMED THE DRIVE THROUGH WINDOW CLOSED.

Without even giving me my diet soda!

*****

Edited to add:

TJ: THERE I POSTED
The Redhead: WELL IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD YOU ABOMINABLE SLUT
(sorry. low blood sugar.)

The Redhead: well that makes all the difference.

TJ: Don’t sass. It’s so unattractive.

The Redhead: i’ll sass all i want to, missy!

TJ: …. missy?

The Redhead: yeah i dunno
sometimes i get tired of calling you a slut
and i don’t really have a fallback

TJ: Lack of planning and preparation is no reason to morph into someone’s 80 year old spinster aunt.

The Redhead: well i’ve never needed a reason to do that before.

TJ: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

5 Things I wish I could do every day.

1. Hang out with my best friend.

2. Come up with something interesting to write.

3. Have enough time to get everything done that needs to be done.

4. Play poker at the Tropicana in Atlantic City.

5. Watch as much television as I want.

Also, Internet, included at the end is answers to a couple of questions asked on my last post AND some special information:

TODAY is The Redhead’s birthday.

She is accepting accolades and gifts offerings at the address below.

The Redhead’s status message on gtalk said something to the effect of wanting peach ice cream, but not even liking peach ice cream.

TJ: CRAVINGS HMMM?

The Redhead: yeah yeah

TJ: HMMMMM

The Redhead: i think it has less to do with my hormones and more to do with the breyers ad on realsimple.com

TJ: I refuse to acknowledge that

The Redhead: well that’s… reasonable
in any case, i’ve been mostly placated by these delicious pita chips

TJ: HMMMM

The Redhead: have you been drinking?

TJ: No, of course not
I want to show solidarity to you in your time of enforced sobriety.

The Redhead: fyi
when and if i ever am actually pregnant
i am not going to stop drinking coffee
i’m just… not.

TJ: I’m not going to stop smoking
low birthweight sounds FINE BY ME AND MY VAJEEN.

The Redhead: heh
seriously
i love how people just loooooooooove to pass all sorts of moral judgment on a pregnant woman who has half a glass of wine, while they shove another double mcshit burger down their disgusting throats

TJ: meh
a single glass of wine
a cup of coffee
whatever
it’s all fine
people had plenty of fucking babies before all this science

The Redhead: i think if a glass of wine or a cup of coffee is what it takes to keep me from KILLING EVERYONE AROUND ME, then really, its beneficial to the fetus, because it won’t have to be born in prison.

TJ: I think if I was to suddenly stop the massive amounts of caffeine I take in in an day
more harm than good would be done

The Redhead: seriously
a little bit of caffeine vs stabbing myself in the eye

TJ: i think I just take in so much so constantly that the withdrawal alone would be harmful
I’d cut back, sure, but not quit

The Redhead: also, i think my body has gotten pretty good at extracting and deploying every last little bit, so i can’t imagine how much of it would be passed on

TJ: hhaaaa

The Redhead: oh also
i got chased by an overweight squirrel this afternoon

TJ: did you run?

The Redhead: eventually
once i realized it was not backing down
i think it was after my pita chips

TJ: haaaaa

The Redhead: or my fetus.

TJ: AH HA!
SO YOU ADMIT IT YOU SHAMELESS HUSSY

The Redhead: oh i’m not pregnant
i just carry one.

*ring*
*ring*
Kate: Hello?
TJ: Hello, butt pipe.
Kate: I’m calling YOU back from yesterday so what’s up?
TJ: Yesterday? Oh. OH! Ok. Here’s what ended up happening! [long involved story I won't go into here.]
Kate: Wait wait… why are they following this guy with a camera? Ooh, hang on, I’m about to be on the news… [sound of newscaster aggressively interrogating someone in the background]. Aaaannnd moving away from the camera… and I’m clear. So what were you saying?
TJ: Where was I? Oh, so THEN [more story]…
Kate: Heh. Funny. People are so stupid. Ok, I’ve got to walk back past the camera…
TJ: Say butt pipe!
Kate: And I’m walking… and I’m walking…
TJ: Say butt pipe!
Kate: And I’m passing the camera… BUTT WIPE!
TJ: Nooo butt pipe!
Kate: Butt wipe.
TJ: I said say butt PIPE.
Kate: I said butt wipe!
TJ: BUTT! PIPE! *insert glancing over shoulder at other assembled smokers on the loading dock here*
Kate: Oh. Well, that’s funny, too.
TJ: It’s too late, you wrecked your big shot at fame.

ANYWAY! Administrative crap stuff!

One! I have finally updated (for the first time in a year!) all my links and moved them to a place where they fit. Up at the top there’s a link to… er, well, all the links. I took them directly from my Google Reader, so that’s [most] of the stuff I read all day. Some stuff I held back, either because I was too embarassed to admit I read it or because a girl can’t reveal ALL her secrets. Mostly the embarassed part though.

Two! Oh my gosh! Do you see that other link up there? The “HI TJ!” one? It is a project I have started. And by “I have started,” I mean I have put two photos on a page and am going to demand that you, Internet, help me fill up the rest of the page. I want ONE SKRILLION “HI TJ!” pictures. From you. Or Julia Nunes. Or the Lincoln Memorial. Or any place or person or anything you see where you can stick “HI TJ!” and take a picture. I got these as kind of a joke, but then I was smitten with them and wanted a skrillion of them, but unfortunately it is not nearly so amusing to take pictures of myself saying hi to myself, so that’s where you come in, Internet. Please don’t let me down, I have so little joy in my life!

Three! You can now e-mail The Redhead. No, seriously.

The Redhead: ooooh, fan mail….
TJ: indeed
The Redhead: i think i just peed a little
TJ: it could be done.
The Redhead: MsRedhead [AT] ymail.com
TJ: well I will make a post to the effect that you are now accepting tributes and fanmail sometime soon
The Redhead: accolades
I am accepting accolades

From now on, I will attempt to remember The Redhead’s fanmail address in every post in her category. I’ve had the address for a couple of days, but I wanted to wait until I had some Redhead Gold for you to comment on, to sort of jump start her. And wouldn’t you know, with her, you don’t have to wait too long.

The Redhead: oh your face
so i just took this really long online test thing
and apparently i have the emotional intelligence of a lump of dirt
go figure.

FOUR. This is not at all administrative, but I am going to see my favorite band tonight and I am way excited.

So if you’re awesome enough that you’re ALSO going to be at Ram’s Head in Baltimore tonight, come say hi.

[Email The Redhead at MsRedhead [AT] ymail.com.]

Production Coordinator/Must Speak Geek

WANTED: i-dotting, t-crossing control freak meets calendar carrying web junkie. If you spend more time online or on your computer, ipod, psp, Gameboy, and/or Playstation, well you just might be a production coordinator. Be prepared to tell us what blogs you read and what feeds you burn, what games you play or what level just keeps eluding you

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