… to distract you from a largely contentless post.
(You’ll thank me tomorrow, around 3pm. Everyone knows that Wednesdays at 3pm is when time slows down to an impossible crawl and you’d give the left side of your ribcage for a nap even though it would mean that you’d be walking around with half your chest caved in for the rest of your life and having to be really careful in crowded situations so as not to squish your lung and have to dramatically stab a giant needle into yourself like they do on TV to reinflate it, thus totally grossing out everyone around you even more than they were already grossed out by your oddly sunken chest and possibly ending up with not only a sunken half-chest but also a whole left side full of giant needle holes as you have not the good sense to stay away from crowded situations since you gave up the left side of your ribcage for a nap that one Wednesday afternoon at 3pm. THAT’S how bad you will need this on Wednesday afternoon at 3pm.)
(You’re WELCOME.)
10 Bizarre Deaths in History
- Basically, Internet, if we can learn anything from history, it is that 1, stubbing your toe always has and always will suck and 2, wear a coat.
One Lucky Guy
- Someone, please, for the love of God, be that obnoxious person who announces that this is a total photoshop, so my heart can crawl back down from where it is clinging to my tonsils for comfort.
My possible future
- This is pretty much the outcome I am imagining that will come from me meeting Phil’s family in two weeks.
Handmade Valentine’s Cards
- One of the downsides of being in a relationship is that I do not think he would find receiving one of these cards nearly as funny as I would find giving it to someone.
Perspective game
- I like this one because while I have absolutely no talent for it, I actually do get the hang of it the more I play. My record so far is a pathetic 19 images.
Caps Lock Trainer
- I’m too hardcore to get any use out of this. I use the shift key exclusively. Read back through a few months of the archives here and you’ll see how amazing I truly am.
States placement game
- I apparently have shamefully little knowledge of anything that isn’t the edges.
Free Information Society
- If the pearls of wisdom I’m doling out here daily are for some reason not ENOUGH for you, I SUPPOSE you could find something of interest here.
How TJs like to do things
- So efficient. So clear cut. Impossible to misinterpret. So easily fileable. That is my style, right there.
What’s Your Weather?
- Music channels sorted to suit what the weather is like. It’s actually remarkably fitting, the couple of occasions I’ve tried it.
Spin the Black Circle
- THIS GAME IS DUMB. DON’T PLAY IT. IT’S SO STUPID. (Translation: I suck at this, therefore must declare to hate it.)
Doom: that would be dope TJ: …. no you didn’t. Doom: no i didnt what? TJ: what you said
I know I was halucinating
and you did not actually say “dope” Doom: yeah i did
you said rad
i said dope
same time period TJ: There is no comparison Doom: there is too TJ: There is not.
Rad is a perfectly acceptable word. Doom: is too, and i can prove it TJ: Do so, then, Doomilias. DO SO. Doom: dope is also perfectly acceptable TJ: It is in no way acceptable. Doom: rad and dope both became popular during the 80s
however
in different social groups
rad was more of a white people saying, and dope was more street, more hip-hop
i, doomilias, being entirely street and hip-hop beyond belief
can say dope TJ: Wait
wait
I can’t
I can’t get my breath
The laughing, it hurts Doom: shall i go back evenfurther and start using “ill”
yo homey that shit was ILL! TJ: The thing is, Doom
While both terms may be couched in similar history and evolution of use
Today, in 2008, the use of the words “dope” and/or “ill” is not acceptable
While “rad” continues to be an appropriate expression of things that are rad.
See? You can’t even define the term without using the term.
That means that “rad” continues today to be an integral part of the American lexicon. Doom: actually
rad is not really “acceptable”
rad is 80s
its not even 90s
rad is not cool anymore TJ: Right, which is only more of an argument FOR rad
That it has endured the test of time. Doom: in your brains
maybe
but the rest of the world has moved on to better sayings TJ: Certainly not “dope” and “ill” Doom: i dont use dope
or ill
except for this conversation TJ: Because you know they’re totally inappropriate
However, I use rad multiple times a day.
Therefore, I win. Doom: no, therefore you lose irl
I left some 20 oz bottles of diet soda in my car last night. And I didn’t have any in the house. So I went like, 8 whole hours with no diet soda intake. Very eager to get to my diet soda this morning. It was very very very cold outside and I was sure it had frozen into diet slush in the night, but when I got in my car and grabbed one, it was still liquid. Yay! So I opened one up, took a sip, set it in the cupholder, looked away for a second, looked back, and all of a sudden it was all slush. What, may I ask, the hell?
2. For the married types.
What do you think about this Dear Prudence question? This is what single people wonder about, you know.
Dearest Prudence,
My wife and I have been married for a little over a year, and it’s been absolutely idyllic, except for one problem: Since we’ve wed, my wife has taken to belching and farting all the time. We dated for several years before we tied the knot, and I heard her pass gas only once. She turned beet red, laughed hysterically, and then cried out of embarrassment. I can’t believe how much she’s changed. Now she’s at the point of rippin’ ‘em several times a day without much acknowledgment at all. I’ve had several gentle discussions asking her to dismiss herself into other rooms, try to “keep the magic,” etc., but these have all been met with hostility and resentment. Not only that, but the problem only gets worse after we talk about it. It’s gotten to the point of severely impacting my sex drive. I would think she would understand; the one time I let one go, she got mad at me for killing the romance! Any suggestions?
Why do I not see an influx of new warlocks in AC in response to our recruitment efforts!!
4. For the people who only come here to laugh at me.
Would you be interested to know that I did this again this morning? Ever since the last time, I’ve been extremely aware of what my hands are doing when I get out of the car in the morning, but I must have been distracted for a second today and let my guard down. You know, my guard. The one I use to protect me from my damn self. Anyone looking for a career change want to take over the job?
I haven't found a convenient, easy to update method of displaying a list of links to all of the blogs I read, nor am I interested in getting all wrapped up in the politics of who is listed and who is not, so here is a link to a single blog that I do, in fact, read, to be updated randomly and completely at my own whim, for no particular reason or reasons I DON'T FEEL I NEED TO DISCUSS WITH YOU, INTERNET, but you can rest assured that I would not maliciously steer you wrong.
Hello! I'm TJ and this is my blog. The picture is a joke, get it? Because I'm INSIDE the INTERNET?
I'm 30 years old and I live in Arizona with my husband and our two big dogs. I've been married for just over a year, and we have a 7 month old daughter named Penelope. You can do the math. It's okay. We don't mind.
Read my stuff. You'll like it.
I know that at some point, this section of my site will be out of date. I promise you in advance, I'm aware of that.
