Category Archives: NaBloPoMo13

It’s dancing ALL THE WAY DOWN.




It’s over, it’s over, it’s over, it’s over!




I’m done for a totally unspecified amount of time!
Going to post some more dancing like it’s my birthday!


Because Friday it is my birthday!


Okay, this isn’t dancing, but it’s just as delightful.
Plus I have one bad-attitude thing standing between me and Friday.

Not that I have anything in particular going on on Friday.
Just regular turning 32.
Just thought maybe you’d like a reason for all these dances.
And all this center justified text.
And this abrupt ending.

None of the list items stated below constitutes a plan or binding contract of any nature.

I’m almost done! I’m almost done! I might make it, I’m almost done!

Tomorrow is technically the last day of NaBloPoMo for 2013, so I could still fail, but being realistic about things, tomorrow’s post is most likely just going to be something along the lines of, “I DID IT” and nothing more. The total number of posts for November will be more than three times the number of posts I made for the entirety of the rest of the year. It would be nice if this momentum was some kind of kick start that carried me through the rest of the holidays and in to the new year, but being a bit realistic, this site will probably look something like this post, “I DID IT!,” “PJs at TJ’s 2014 Recap.”

HOWEVER, in the spirit of not planning to fail, but also not planning to succeed, but rather not actually making any plans at all, here are some things I could still talk about, if I wanted to, with no pressure or anything, if I felt like it, and the time and the mood were right, and I wasn’t very tired or in a mood or having a bad attitude.

1. That thing that I was going to post that time, but then I had to wait for the heat to die down, and then it did die down, but then I talked myself out of posting it for various reasons involving not wanting to hurt feelings that really, if people thought it through, shouldn’t actually be hurt, but I can’t control how people feel about things, something that is probably just going to plague me to the end of my days. I think I might make that a password protected post, for no other reason than the fact that I can make the password “I AGREE,” and by the time you’re in and reading the post, it’s too late, you’ve already agreed to my terms in advance, and my terms ALWAYS include “no butthurt.” Again with the imperative sentence “you understood” thing, except it’s an imperative blog post. “No butthurt” understood.”

Unless “butthurt” is declared in advance. Like, “butthurt ahead” or “caution, falling butthurt,” or “ahoy, butthurt!”

2. I have been super successful lately in purchasing things that are available in limited amounts that then sell out within a matter of moments, which has been awesome for me. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that one of my favorite phenomenons to observe is what happens on a company’s social media page – usually Facebook – after a limited item (one that was KNOWN to be limited) has sold out. I’d enjoy watching these things anyway even if I wasn’t successful myself in obtaining the item, but going through the process of waiting for the correct time, entering my information correctly and quickly, and completing the checkout process without issue makes it slightly better. Because then I know there’s not really any flaw in the actual system, just the made up flaws in these people’s heads.

Anyway, over the last few weeks, up to today, I was able to grab a few fun things. One, the fall Allure Beauty Box. This was a last second decision, I wasn’t initially going to get it, but there’s SO MUCH LOTION in there, and suddenly both my husband and child have turned into Silurians.


Picture via Urban Decay

Two, the Naked3 palette. I thought I was going to wait until it was in stores to get the points at Ulta or Sephora, but I’m kind of glad I grabbed it now – I know I’m not going to the mall except to see Santa until after the new year, and that thing is going to be sold out until spring after the Christmas shipment comes into the stores in December, I bet. Honestly, event spotting Naked2 on shelves in store was hit or miss for a lot of this year, and I’m not usually a huge online makeup buyer. This sold out really fast, too. I ordered it as soon as I got the email, before I even got out of bed that morning. I’ve been excited about it since it was announced. I think it will work well with my eye color, and it has a lot of the shades I tend to gravitate toward and less of the ones I know I’ll ignore.


Picture via Urban Decay

Three, this morning I was able to get Urban Decay’s Black Friday doorbuster on six of their new lipsticks. This set sold out in less than ten minutes and people were soooo mad. I don’t think the whole set will look great on me, and honestly when I was looking through the shades of the whole line a few months ago, only a few of the ones I was initially interested in are in this set. Fortunately, though, my sister and I have similar coloring, but one of us has cool undertones and one of us has warm undertones, so I can pretty easily just drop the ones that don’t work on me into the box I mail out to Pennsylvania for Christmas. Since the lipsticks are normally $22 each and the set was $50, even if I end up only keeping 3, it’s still a great deal. Of course, she rarely wears lipstick and I paid for it, so I feel no obligation to split the set evenly, but still. Someone who looks the same as you with the opposite undertone is basically the perfect “this looks terrible, you have it” makeup dump. I mean, recipient.

So that’s like, FOUR things. A box, two makeups, and the poor behavior of other people. That shouldn’t be number two. That should be numbers two through five.

6. Today, we put up our Christmas tree, and after telling Penelope not to touch the tree for the eight hundredth time, I found myself saying to her, “I am going to call the North Pole and tell them that we need them to send down an elf to keep watch until Christmas.” I already planned on doing Elf on the Shelf, but I did not expect to hear myself tell my kid that I CALLED SANTA and ENFORCEMENTS WERE ON THE WAY. And I’m using past tense there because after her nap, the message was REITERATED. Call was made, ELF EN ROUTE. So. That’s going to be… something. That I did. Because I CALLED SANTA.


8. I have a Cosmo, so I guess that also could be a thing, considering that the PJs 2013 ladies got me a subscription to Cosmo and I followed that up with exactly zero Cosmo Cliff’s Notes.

Did I miss anything? Please don’t hold out hope of hearing about it during NaBloPoMo. That ship has sailed. It’s highly possible the 2013 ship has sailed entirely.

My tablescape theme is “Things I Want to Eat” and this is the centerpiece.

Well, assuming that I can manage to put together three or four side dishes that I have made a thousand times before, I have totally already completed the bulk of Thanksgiving, so congratulations are in order. From you. To me. I had to go to three places today. THREE. And one of them was Costco. And it was a terrible idea, as I expected. The lines for the checkouts stretched way back into the actual store, and the people in the lines were, for some reason, getting FURIOUS with the people who were just trying to ENTER THE STORE TO SHOP. Like, “uh, we’re TRYING to CHECK OUT.” Okay, that’s great, but me getting past you to go pick up some items to purchase has absolutely no bearing on that. I won’t slow you down in any way. I have a completely empty cart. I’m not going to jump into the opening you create to let me through and yell, “FINDERS KEEPERS, SUCKER” and refuse to move.

The trip was necessary, though, because I had to get the chocolate cake that I have never stopped thinking about since the first time A’dell mentioned it, and her genius idea of freezing it in individual slices so that instead of having to tear through an entire chocolate cake in just a couple of days before it’s too stale or gross to eat, she can defrost a SINGLE SLICE WHENEVER SHE WANTS A’DELL IS A GENIUS.

Of course, now that I’ve seen it, I have no intention of actually doing that, this time.



Pay me $29, I will sit on your shelf, and I will move myself every night.

Guys. Thanksgiving. I am cooking it myself for the first time ever. We are having two main dishes, seven side dishes plus rolls, and two desserts. I think I can handle it, but I’ve got to pick it all up at two different locations tomorrow so I’ve aimed really, really high. Oh, shit. THREE LOCATIONS if I want chocolate cake. I do want chocolate cake. I always want chocolate cake. I always want chocolate cake pretty bad. But do I ever want chocolate cake Costco the Wednesday before Thanksgiving bad? I may have aimed too high. First Thanksgiving on my own, flew my cake too close to the sun.

I didn’t mean “oh, shit.” I meant, “oh, shoot.” I’m really trying to cut back on my use of inappropriate language. I have an intention to cut back, anyway. It’s in there, even if it doesn’t rise to the surface some days. Most days. I’m trying. It’s lead to a lot of stuff like, “No chance in snow pants!” and “What the heeeyyy… eehhhh… kkkkuuuh… uh?” and “Damnit – darn it – DAMNIT! – DARN IT!” and “I can’t get this fu– fruit snack! To do its f– it WON’T GO WHY WON’T IT GO JUST MAKE IT GO GO GO GO GO GO GO ARRGRGGHHHGGGHGGHHH” and “I didn’t mean ‘oh, shit,’ I meant, ‘oh, shoot.'”

I’m not particularly offended by foul language, though I do find it to be obnoxious when used excessively, because what is even the point? If you’re not using it for effect of some sort, comedic or emphasis or toe-stubbery, then I assume you’re using it for shock value, which has its place in the halls of middle schools and seems really very, very strange outside of them. But adults do use those words and they’re just words and not, in themselves, harmful or especially powerful in any way and they just don’t bother me. At the same time, though, I play video games and they’re frustrating and my kid listens to everything I say, and I don’t think it’s cute or charming to hear those words come out of her mouth. And when I do hear them, and I hear how not cute and not charming it is, I know, too, that it’s not especially cute or charming to hear them from me, either.

Still, they’re not words I’m likely to ever eliminate completely, because they do have their place and I don’t know how else to say “what the shit?” without saying that exact phrase, and I’ve thought this over a lot – that’s one I just can’t let go. I really think I could seriously make a strong attempt at truly giving up every last one of the rest of them – I can get really creative when I need to – but only on the condition that I could keep that phrase. I wouldn’t even use the offending word on its own or in another phrase again. Just that one. I don’t think I can find a suitable workaround, for me, personally, that would suit. I need that one.

I can do without the rest, though I’m keeping most of them (one or two I’ve already lifted out completely, for reasons, and while I do have to catch myself from time to time, I’ve been successful). It’s not that they need to go, it’s just that they need to be less. Less frequent, and maybe limited to certain hours. Like between 7pm and 5am. Or maybe limited to a certain frequency per hour to lessen the likelihood that they’d be overheard by small ears. Or, okay, any ears. It’s not like it’s necessary that anyone at all hear me. I spend most of my time talking to myself, anyway.

I think this will probably be fine, eventually, because I bit my nails forever and I didn’t even notice that I had stopped. I certainly haven’t used foul language for my whole life. I also quit smoking. I smoked for far less time than I bit my nails – about ten years – but it is still a faaaiiirrly tough habit to break. Besides that, I’ve got plenty of habits I’d like to start that I’ve failed miserably at establishing, so it’s got to be easier than that, seeing as how I’ve already quit two extremely hard to quit habits. I don’t know if you’ve followed my logic there, but I think I’ve figured out that I’m either going to quit cursing as much, or START exercising and curse the whole time.

I’m normally very anti-Christmas-before-Thanksgiving, but only about Christmas music and movies. I don’t want to listen or watch before Black Friday. Aside from that, I don’t care about Christmas creep in the stores or people talking about Christmas or anything like that, because it just doesn’t affect me in any way, but NOW I HAVE A BABY AND SHE IS TODDLER AND SHE KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON THIS YEAR AND I AM SO — oh, I’ve changed the subject by the way — EXCITED THAT I CAN’T STAND IT AND I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT CHRISTMAS. But I still don’t want to hear any Christmas music. I’ll let you know when.

So I’m not going to be done shopping before the end of November, whatever. Just a couple of things to order for family members, then we’re done. I’m over it and already moving on to thinking about the activities I want to do with Penny now that she gets that CHRISTMAS is HAPPENING.

One of the things we’re going to do when the day gets closer because Penelope cannot keep a secret to save her life (“MAMA! DADDY GOT POST. IT’S A PRESENT FOR YOU. WOOK AT IT! IT’S A NECKWACE!”) is instead of just writing her name on the “from” tag of a random gift, we’re each going to take her out shopping to choose a gift to give the other parent. I think I have it worked out reasonably well for both of us so that she gets the idea of giving presents as well as getting them. I know she won’t really grasp it this year, but it’s something to try since she’s getting a little only child-y around the edges.

For Phil, I’m going to take her to TJ Maxx, because they always have a selection of tea (Phil, uh, likes tea, you should know that) and let her choose whatever looks interesting to her. Then, I’m going to let her kind of loose in the store to choose whatever she’d like to give him around the $10 price point. He’ll do the same with her at TJ Maxx or Target or whatever, but have her choose something like socks, or a hair accessory or cheap trendy necklace or drugstore makeup, and then something else completely of her choosing. That way, she really gets to pick something (we’ll try to guide her in thinking about what she thinks Mama or Daddy might really want), but we will also get something that she can see us actually use and appreciate. Just in case on her own, she picks out an ironing board cover or something. Like I iron.

The second thing we have planned was conveniently planned by someone else. Our church is doing something called Family to Family involving the school districts in the areas immediately around the church. For the two weeks of Christmas break, the children who receive two meals a day at school won’t be getting that food. The church worked with the district to create a list of 23 items that will feed a family for that two week break so that the families targeted by the program don’t have to choose between bills, food, and Christmas. We collected our boxes at church this weekend and will be taking Penelope to the store to collect the items in the first week of December. Hopefully, we’ll be able to budget for a second round of boxes, as well. Right now, I’m mulling over simple language to explain – lightly – to Penelope that we have lots of food in our cabinets so she can eat whenever she asks, but some people don’t, so we’re going to take what’s ours to share with others. Obviously, I can’t explain food insecurity to a two year old. Regardless, I’m going to try to get a least a kernel of the idea into her head, and we’re going to involve her in a dedicated shopping trip to collect the items.

Also, decorating her own tiny tree, making cookies, visiting Santa, driving around to see Christmas lights, and… other… stuff.

OH. ALSO ALSO? That Elf on a Shelf thing? Just the elf and book? That’s $30? Ugh. What the heeeyyy… eehhhh… kkkkuuuh… uh?

(Totally getting a neckwace for Christmas!)

Can you just handle these for me?

1. I’ve been a lifelong nail biter, but all of a sudden, I’m not. I don’t know what happened. I’ve quit with conscious effort several times before, but it never lasted. Now, they’re just growing all unimpeded on their own. Trouble is, I don’t know what to do with them. I’ve never been big on painting my nails since they were always so short, but they look kind of weird and unsightly and naked now that they’re longer. When I try to paint them, though, I do okay for someone who is terrible at it, but they don’t chip – the whole of the paint just comes off in a sheet in a day or so. All of it. Just comes right off. What in the heck am I doing wrong? Also, nail upkeep in general – I’ve never had to do it, so pardon my not knowing a damn thing – what, you just cut them right off so they’re gone and let them grow back? Like a lady mustache? Not that I have one don’t get too close today I’ll let you know when it’s a good day. Or is it just filing into a shape? How long until they’re weird-long? I want a number or a description of some sort.

2. What do you do when you’re standing right in front of someone – not someone who you have any business or professional connection with in any way, and not someone you have any child-to-child connection with and just generally someone who you just know and encounter, say, at book club or something – and they say, “Let’s exchange cell phone numbers,” or “Hey, give me your cell phone number,” or “Give me your phone and I’ll text myself real quick so we have each other’s numbers,” or “I’m right in here in front of your face right this second and I just saw you check the time on your cell phone just a second ago and also you took a call on it on your way in so don’t even pretend it’s not a functioning cell phone so why don’t you just give me the number unless you have a good reason not to. Do you? DO YOU have a good reason not to?” And I don’t know if the foreshadowing was clear, but I’m wondering what you do if you DO NOT want to give this person your cell phone number. What. Do you even. Do.

3. There was going to be more here, but I got caught up watching the whole Jimmy Kimmel Celebrities Read Mean Tweets thing on YouTube, even though I’ve seen them all before. I think I watched every clip twice. Seriously, never not funny. I wish I wasn’t a thousand years old and still watched late night television because I’m pretty sure hilarious things are happening and I’m missing them. Oh, wait, no I’m not. Just watched them all again.

4. I am taking a medication that makes me so unbelievably tired that a lot of days, I have to stand up and lean against the wall in the playroom to make sure I don’t fall asleep while Penelope is playing, because even when I am awake and alert – even when Phil and I are BOTH awake and alert – she slips and sneaks and that’s why I’m using toilet paper out of a pile instead of off of a roll for the time being. I’m not pregnant. At least two or three days a week, I give in and nap while she is napping. I can’t believe I once thought I should be done with that by the time the baby was five weeks old, and now she’s 134 weeks (I have an email that tells me that, too tired for math) and I’m back at it. I’m not pregnant. Phil just had a four day weekend, and after going to bed at a reasonable hour every night, I still took a three to four hour nap every afternoon, too. (“Ah ha!,” you want to rush to the comments to say. “You’re actually sleeping TOO much.” Okay, I can see where you’d think that, but no, I’m not. “Okay… could it be that maybe you’re pregnant, then?” NO. AND ALSO, I HAVEN’T EVEN ASKED THE QUESTION YET.)

RIGHT SO. I am so tired. It is the medication. It’s not sleeping too much, it’s not anything else, and I’m not asking for help tracking down the cause. Because I know the cause. So I figure the best method of tackling it is more physical activity, because I’m willing to buy into that whole thing that exhausting physical activity eventually begets more energy. However, all my available time for physical activity is used up by sleeping, or thinking about sleeping. I’m not exactly sure how much energy I actually have to invest in this get energy quick (IT’S PROBABLY NOT EVEN QUICK) scheme that television trainers and high school gym teachers are always crowing about. Additionally, I’m not entirely certain I believe that the healing powers of exercise can overcome the side effects of the demon medication from hell.

So, understanding that this is not a question of figuring out why I’m tired (because I know why I’m tired), nor a request for additional tired-busting solutions, nor a call for a pep-talk about finding the TIME, or a call for a pep-talk at ALL – have we met? I am FULL of pep – but instead, a search for solutions for finding the energy to exercise when there is absolutely none to be had. And while fitness is a noble (and for me, pretty novel) goal, it’s not really mine at the moment – all I want is the quickest (understanding that “quick” is relative) return on energy spent and that return should be in the form of energy regained.

OR? You can just tell me that the exercise method doesn’t work as a way to try to combat medication side effect fatigue. You can refrain from adding “But it’s always great to exercise anyway!” We’ll assume it’s like the “you understood” of an imperative sentence. Understood.

5. Is it somehow incorrect to have long hair if the only reason you want to grow your hair longer and longer is to never, ever wear it down, but instead, increase your crowning bundle poof to ever more impressive circumferences?

If you’re looking for me, don’t look in the TARDIS, because this game will be over fast.

Phil and I got to watch The Day of the Doctor today and like most people except for the people who might chime in to the contrary, but then, they aren’t most people, so my opening stands, we were really pleased.

I was especially pleased because I was sitting in my own living room with MY OWN TARDIS STANDING RIGHT THERE IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM WITH ME WHILE I WATCHED IT. So there was this part – I won’t tell you – and I was like, “ME TOO!” That would make more sense if I could tell you, but it wouldn’t make it less lame.


I have my TARDIS because there is an insanely fine group of ladies who noticed that I have had a bad attitude* lately, and didn’t hassle me for my bad attitude or engage in any tomfoolery to try to divest me of my bad attitude or demand to know why I had a bad attitude or do anything at all but say, “We noticed, as a group, that you seem to have a bad attitude lately, and we hate that for you.” And then they arranged to have a TARDIS show up at my house. I just don’t even know what you’re supposed to do when you find out that’s the world you live in.




* where “bad attitude” is used loosely to cover the myriad shades of crap under the No Good Umbrella and no one has actually accused me of having a bad attitude even though I kind of most certainly have had a pretty bad attitude lately.

** also these asterisks don’t actually lead to anywhere but before the tent showed up also this coffee can covered in Doctor Who comics arrived courtesy of the same attitude-boosting friends and it was full of DOCTOR WHO ORNAMENTS!



Progress, negative progress, other progress, so one progress.

This is a small addendum to yesterday’s post about what Penelope will be getting for Christmas.

I did go out today and get off my lazy rump and just start throwing things into the cart at Target. I got some boring pants and boring shirts, just like she boring needs. I also hit the dollar section for a couple sticker books for her stocking. THIS ISN’T ABOUT THAT.

I finally realized why it was so hard to try to grasp on to a type of toy that would really latch on to her current interests when we whipped her through the toy section really quickly to see if there was anything in particular that she lunged for, and do you know what the reason is?

It’s because we’re in the age of the licensed character. Every other mother everywhere is reaching out to pat my shoulder right now, knowing the hole I just went down, and my current search for hole-cliffs from which to throw myself.

OH, I finally realized as I was walking through the relevant aisle at Target She likes BUZZ WITEYEAR! And here’s all these Buzz… toys… what do these even… what does this even… this doesn’t do anything. Forget that. I don’t need any more pointless action figures in my house, that’s what Happy Meals toys are for. What else, what else… okay, these are… little… whats? What are these even… okay, if I don’t know, she won’t know. Forget those. Oh! Down here! Here’s a thing that looks… HOW MANY DOLLARS? NO.

Okay. Okay. Minor setback. I’m home now. I am at my computer. In my chair. This is where I do all my best stuff. This is where I do all my stuff. I will just crack open Amazon and get to work.

So… yes! Tonight she requested to watch Handy Manny and she sang along with the songs and seemed really into it. So. Quick Amazon search for Handy Manny… ooh! Toolbox! All the tools dance around and it plays the music and says things, I don’t know, probably relevant to the show or whatever.


Picture via Amazon

Except, WHAT? I don’t know for a fact but also, I KNOW FOR A FACT that Fisher Price did not sell this toolbox for $90 plus shipping, Amazon third party seller who is also pretty much selling this toolbox as cheaply as I am probably going to be able to find it FOR THE LOVE OF CHRISTMAS STEVE. And sure, there are some other Handy Manny toys, but they’re all STUPID and I want THIS ONE.

She likes Monsters, Inc., but all the Monsters, Inc. merchandise in the stores has been replaced with Monsters University stuff, which is fine, but she hasn’t seen that one yet. And again, I run into the weird problem of buying yet another plush toy/static action figure, or a weird… thing… that does… I don’t know what. I am completely out of tune with children’s toys, obviously.

NEXT SHOW. Team Umizoomi has remained hugely popular for over a year now, I think. We didn’t get her anything related to that for last Christmas or her birthday, even though we considered it, so maybe this Christmas is it. Let’s see.


Picture via Amazon.

There’s this remote control Fisher-Price Team Umizoomi: Come and Get Us Counting UmiCar that is kind of a ridiculous price on Amazon, sold out on, and available for a decent price on Toys R, which makes me feel like I need to order it from Toys R Us RIGHT THIS SECOND, even though I’m not totally sold on it, because one, a remote control car, even though it looks really simple, might be really frustrating, and two, it doesn’t have Bot in it at all. Which, come on. IT’S GOT TEAM UMIZOOMI RIGHT IN THE TITLE. I NEED THE WHOLE TEAM. There’s another car with just Bot, but then we’re back into action figure land.

It’s very possible that by the time you read this post, I will have just bought the stupid car in a trumped-up panic.

I’m not even going to really get in to the Disney princess stuff. Actually, I kind of will because I think I need help with it. She likes them, in general, the ones she’s seen. Cinderella, Ariel, Belle, Rapunzel, Sophia. I got her some princess stickers and socks. I could get her a couple more things along the Disney princess lines, but I don’t know what to get. She has the Little People princess castle, so I could get her maybe a vehicle to go with that? But if your kids are into the Disney princesses, what do you get them as gifts? I mean, they put those princesses on everything. Is anything especially successful with the toddler set? Um… beach towel? Wipes caddy? Time out chair?

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH. I can’t believe that Penelope is two and I am already sitting up in the night fretting over finding these things. I also can’t believe how the jacked up prices on that stupid Handy Manny toolbox made every single curse word I know come out of my mouth right in a row.

Lastly, an update: For absolutely no reason at all, after my post about her behavior? Penelope just all of a sudden started saying “Excuse me” when she wanted a turn to speak. It’s not perfect – in fact, it sounds like this: “SCUSE ME SCUSE ME SCUSE ME LET ME TALK LET ME TALK SCUSE ME LET ME TALK.” So far, though, we’re doing our best to acknowledge her immediately and thank her for saying excuse me so politely. Unfortunately, most of the time, it ends up like this: “SCUSE ME SCUSE ME LET ME TALK I DID A BIG BURP. … … SCUSE ME.”