You know what’s the worst? When you have a dream where someone you know dies. I don’t necessarily mean a dream where some ridiculous chain of events that could only take place in a dream lead to someone dying, but like one of those dreams where someone says to you, “Steve died,” or you go to Steve’s funeral or something like that. I’m saying something like a realistic death, one that could happen in real life, and it’s one of those dreams where you wake up and have to take a second to sort out what was real and what was a dream.
Here’s why it’s the worst – because even if in your WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE you have never exhibited anything even slightly resembling a super power or special skill, you will suddenly become convinced that you have ESP or some kind of predictive power or the ability to make things HAPPEN.
So you have this dream and you wake up, and you (okay, me) are convinced – just CONVINCED – that one of three things is now true.
1. The person died for real and you were made aware of it in a dream. Because you have magical brain powers that let you know what’s happening on the other side of the country.
2. The person is ABOUT TO DIE and you can see the future. So you know it’s coming. And there’s nothing you can do. Because you suddenly developed a way to see the future by, I don’t know, standing too close to the microwave?
3. The person is about to die and it will be YOUR FAULT because you DREAMED IT INTO LIFE. Way to go.
Yeah. Those dreams are just the freaking worst.
*****
Can I show you some Etsy shops I found lately that I like? My PayPal account is empty at the moment, and I try to restrict certain kinds of purchases to PayPal funds only, because it’s basically pretend money, so I’m perfectly okay being a little frivolous with it. Because it’s pretend. Never mind that I usually get paid through PayPal and that money represents hours of work on some of the most mind-numbing things possible (in a boring way, or in a self-protective way, because I was once asked to write an article for a company and instructed to use a certain keyword repeatedly and I had to numb my brain to be able to do it with any sense of professionalism and seriousness. That keyword phrase was “the ropes.” I can’t bring myself to explain further than that. I wrote about “the ropes.” And then considered the money I earned to be “pretend.”)
Moving on, my PayPal account is empty of pretend funds at the moment, largely because of purchases like this:
Yes, it’s a pirate diaper, but I already TOLD YOU – pretend money.
Just because my PayPal account is empty, though, doesn’t mean I can’t encourage/enable you to spend some money on Etsy. And also to remind you that my birthday is in December. And I’m going to be 30. So it’s kind of a big deal.
First? This shop called seworiginal. I’m not super girly myself – I don’t mean that in the way that women say when they’re telling you how much better they get along with guys because they’re not the typical girl oh my god, we all started seeing through that shit by the end of high school – but I’m girly enough. I like to wear make up. I enjoy wearing pretty clothes. I am mostly lazy, though, and enjoy casual bum looks. However, I am ALL ABOUT girling up Penny. I always prefer to put her in a dress or something extra frilly. And this shop? FULL OF DRESSES.
There’s a couple of different dress styles, all in different patterns. I could make Penny an entire wardrobe of Penelope dresses. Or, you know, you could make one for your kid.
Or? Or? How about some throw pillows? For your nerd house? You can get some at Craftsquatch.
CAN YOU STAND IT?
I’ve actually just found myself in the market for some throw pillows, because get this – I hate my couch SO GODDAMN HARD that I am throwing it away and replacing it with my bed.
Not me and Phil’s bed. I have my own bed. Not that I sleep in, but that belongs to me, because I existed before I moved in with Phil. It’s in the guest room, which is actually Penny’s room now. I need the bed gone so it can be Penny’s room, and I need the couch gone because it can go RIGHT TO HELL, so. Win-win. Bed-couch. Whatever. I’m putting my bed in the living room, don’t sit on it if it bothers you so damn much.
I know I first heard of this one through Miss Zoot’s blog – EvieTees. I can’t even pick a favorite to show you, but you should look at these things:
- I was going to make a list here, but found myself listing EVERYTHING IN THE STORE. Seriously. Next time I have some pretend money, I’m buying myself something from that store, which is SAYING SOMETHING, because I hardly ever buy myself things. I just carry them around stores for a while and eventually talk myself out of buying them. This is probably why I still own and wear t-shirts I got at Goodwill in the 10th grade and items that proudly proclaim me to be a member of the Class of 2000. If I didn’t, I’d be naked. Phil was blown away the first time we went to Carter’s and I marched to the counter with an armload of clothes for Penny, because I NEVER ACTUALLY BUY anything. But I will. From this shop.
It’s so funny to go back through my Etsy favorites. Mostly baby stuff, then a ton of wedding stuff, then a ton of super cute stuff I never bought back before I was even with Phil, back when I thought I was the type of person who could actually pull off adorable clothes and home decor, not the type of person in an “I EAT NOOBS” hoodie who is about to put a bed in her living room.
*****
There was going to be another thing here, but Sheldon jumped the fence (SEE? TOLD YOU HE DOES THAT.) and I had to get him from the neighbor’s yard and I’m wearing an “I EAT NOOBS” hoodie because it’s 68 degrees in here but it’s over 100 out there.
Even though I was about to say something unbelievably touching, insightful and brilliant, something that would stick with you all day and well into the rest of the week, something you’d find yourself reflecting on over and over throughout your life, long after you’ve stopped reading this blog because you’re just fucking sick of me, I’m too sweaty and pissed off and covered in leash burn to deal with it, so here’s a picture of Penny.
And then here’s a bonus picture of Penny, for your trouble:
So, last week, Phil and I decided that we were going to eat completely vegetarian for a week.
There weren’t any normal vegetarian reasons behind it – we both like eating meat. However, as the person who does most of the cooking and list making for grocery shopping, I decided that I want to reduce our reliance on boxed/canned/frozen meals. Since we were going to be buying a lot more fresh food, I decided we’d also do vegetarian for a week because I want to cut back on the frequency and amount of meat we eat overall. The vegetarian week wasn’t a preparation for overall vegetarianism, but I wanted to see if we could come up with enough meals that weren’t so conspicuously vegetarian that we felt very aware of the fact that we weren’t eating meat. A solid week of eating no meat at all would force me to come up with more than just salads, and require some creativity, as I do not eat imitation meat products. There’s nothing wrong with them, I’m just not a fan.
The first thing that we noticed was that, when doing the shopping, the weekly grocery bill wasn’t significantly higher than it is when we buy our normal types of food. Since I had always assumed that buying fresh food was more expensive, I was pretty pleasantly surprised. The majority of the items in the cart were from the produce section, with a few frozen items like snow peas and edamame, a few general ingredient type things that obviously last for more than one meal, and some snacks and such. Fresh food can be more expensive when you have a habit of letting it go bad in the fridge, which we had in the past, but our grocery shopping is largely planned around a meal plan for the week, so nothing has really gone bad.
Secondly, the recipes we used were largely a success as well.
On Sunday, I did a normal stir fry with rice. We have my rice maker, we had sushi rice in the fridge and I brought my sushi vinegar carefully from Maryland when Phil told me months ago that he wasn’t really sure of the closest Asian market. It was an easy recipe with fresh ginger and just a ton of vegetables, and aside from making the actual sauce, I didn’t really follow the recipe. I mean… it’s vegetables. That one was nothing remarkable, but it was good, and next time I might cook it a little longer for squishier vegetables. Also, I made rice balls out of the leftover rice, and the grocery store on base – I’m sorry, the cooooooommissary – only had nori flavored furikake. Phil liked it, but we’re going to have to get some other flavors as well.
On Monday, I made this recipe from the Pioneer Woman. It was so easy, I actually got it right. After months of eating “almost right,” “only slightly fucked up,” and “hey, it’s edible, isn’t it?” renditions of recipes, I actually didn’t mess it up. And it was so good. Oh my god, Internet. It is so good. The only reason that this took as long as it did was because I took the time to cut up all the cucumbers, green peppers, celery, and carrots that we had bought so we could put them in salads throughout the rest of the week. Otherwise, it was an absolute breeze. It was so easy, but so good, that it will probably be the recipe I’ll use if I need to make food for other people or take food anywhere. After we make some friends. Which we might, some day.
Tuesday was another Pioneer Woman recipe and it wasn’t new to us. We’ve made these sandwiches several times and seriously love them. We must eat them at least once every two weeks or so, and will continue to, vegetarian or not. They’re a little tricksy and I have yet to turn out two perfect sandwiches, but I’m getting closer. We only burned one side of Phil’s sandwich this week. That is another one that you must try if you haven’t yet.
Wednesday was a flat out disaster that I don’t even really want to talk about. It was something I made successfully for myself in the past, Phil hated it but ate it anyway which just made me mad, I put my thumb through an egg, broke the yolk of another egg and burned myself. I couldn’t be spoken to for about 20 minutes and then Phil made me a peanut butter and jelly.
Thursday we had baked potatoes and salad, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but we’ve been using these Sargento potato finishers, which really make them pretty filling. I also usually pick pretty large potatoes as well, and we had big salads. They were definitely lacking something without using the included bacon, though, so we’ll be glad to have that back.
Friday we had our normal frozen pizza, which is our habit.
We decided to continue through Saturday just to make a full week of it, so I made us a whole bunch of scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast/lunch-ish. I made Phil his first EVER peanut butter and banana sandwich for a snack at one point. Seriously, he had never had one. Insanity. Then, for some reason Saturday evening, I decided I was going to bake bread. BREAD. From SCRATCH. And it actually worked, imagine that. It was delicious, and it’s mostly gone. I used this recipe, and we’re planning on trying a couple of different kinds in the future, though we also plan on getting a breadmaker at some point, though the whole world claims we’ll use it once and then never again.
Sunday, of course, we ate a metric asston of bread and decided it was finally time for meat, so we went to Outback.
Ok, it was delicious while we were eating it, but once we were home, we were some seriously unhappy campers. We were both sluggish and uncomfortable and unhappy.
While we still really LIKE meat and will continue to eat it, we learned a few things this week. One, it’s not significanly more expensive to eat fresh food as compared to our normal boxed/frozen/mix type food. Even if not all vegetarian, we’re definitely going to move more away from pre-prepared stuff. Two, there are plenty of good non-meat options available. One failure meal out of 7 is better than my usual weekly record, even. Three, it’s clear that while we don’t want to eliminate meat completely, we’re definitely going to cut back on the frequency of meat eating, as well as cutting back the amount of meat we eat on the days we do have it.
One week’s worth of recipes is not enough, however, especially considering one was a hopeless failure and one was us stuffing hot bread into our mouths. I especially need to find more side dishes than just rice or steamed vegetables, not that there is anything wrong with either of them, but with cutting down the amount of meat we will eat, we will need more filling side dishes as well.
So, Internet, whether you are vegetarian or not, I am certain you have some recipes and ideas that we can make use of in the future. I would greatly appreciate your input on the matter of cutting back not only on meat, but on our reliance on convenience foods as well. Recipes, vegetable-picking tips, and ideas with regard to replacing our taquito habit would be greatly appreciated.
Also, I seriously suggest you try the recipes I linked above, if I can make them taste good, I am sure you will be successful.
Internet, I’m at work, and I just said something that I believe requires witnesses, so as to be possibly laughing at me later.
However, the statement I just made, well, I don’t know if I’ll still be working here by the time the results are visible, so the people who just heard me say it, they might not be around to roll on the floor clutching their sides later.
I walked in the door of my office and said, “Today might be a get-my-bangs-cut on lunch day.”
Someone looked at me and said, “Yeah, that might be a good idea.”
“But when I start my new job, I won’t be near the salon anymore for lunch time trims. And it grows so stupid fast! I can’t see a thing through my hair right now.”
So I sat down at my desk and said, “Maybe I should just buy some scissors.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I mean, how hard can it be to cut your own bangs, right?”
Internet, I have had the damndest time writing this post today. Not because it’s deep, or thoughtful or required massive amounts of research, nothing like that at all. I just cannot seem to appropriately put words to how overwhelmed I am – remember a couple of days ago when I asked if you’d ever met anyone HALF as awesome as me? Well, I am now overwhelmed by awesome. If there IS anyone out there approaching that halfway point, I think I have found her.
I’m probably just about the last person on the internet to hear about Julia Nunes, but holy crap am I glad I finally did. I cannot seem to get enough of this girl. On the off chance that you, Internet, have not been exposed to her yet, I feel the need to awkwardly gush all over your screens now.
When I first saw one of her videos I thought, oh, this is rad (yes, rad), I’ll post it tomorrow. But then I watched more and more of them, and it wasn’t a matter of posting one the next day, but which one to post. I honestly can’t decide.
This is the first one I saw:
As I said, I thought “Oh, that’s cute.” But later that night I found myself going back and watching more, coming across this one next:
At one point, when I saw one of the question and answer videos, she mentioned that she was getting the opportunity to open for Ben Folds, which I think is pretty awesome for a college freshman and her ukulele, and to the side, in the video info, she had dates and locations listed. Having no concept of date and time, I was briefly excited when I noticed she’d be playing at Wolf Trap in Virginia on May 28th, I believe. Of course, a split second later it dawned on me that not only was May over, but I had been babysitting that night.
While Noah’s parents went to see… Ben Folds. Damnit!
Well, Amalah did get to see Ben Fold’s fingers, which I do suppose trumps my belated 48 hour infatuation with Julia Nunes, who I wasn’t even aware existed at the time. Plus, I got to hang out with Noah who really isn’t THAT much bigger than a ukulele and he’s also blonde, so it’s kind of almost the same? No?
Anyway. Check out her YouTube channel, her My Space page, buy her CDs, you know, all that stuff. If you’ve heard of her before or get a chance to check her out today, let me know what you think.
And, because I can’t resist just one more, here is the video that won her a new ukulele:
Internet, you may think I’m a pile of crazy most days, that I make my sandwiches wrong and use sorely outdated slang words, but trust me on this one. Seriously.
Now, let’s hope I don’t get to work and find a pile of mysterious bodies around my desk. Or is that a mysterious pile of bodies? What would be worse, a mysterious pile of bodies, or a pile of mysterious bodies? I’m not sure. Here’s hoping I find neither. I’m pretty confident Kakashi can keep a cool head but you never know about that Gaara.
1. First of all, this post from Dammerung over at Two and a Half Orcs amused the crap out of me this morning.
2. Secondly, I read this post over at Miss Zoot yesterday, and actually read a whole lot of the comments as well. It’s definitely worth checking out if you’re a blogger, the post and the comments and there’s a lot of good input/perspectives for and from readers there as well. Since reading it, I have been trying to be better about answering people, but do you guys think I’m a total asshole when I’m not so much on top of that?
3. Thirdly, the Redhead is going to be tickled to death that I managed to sneak a link to her category in over on this BRK post.
4. I will indeed tell the story that this post was bitching about. But it was fake bitching, I promise. I’m telling my stories whether you guys want to hear them or not! But as a bit of temporary filler, yes, we do work together now. In fact this post and this post also reference said high school friend.
5. I still have not found a place to put the link to my Google Reader shared items page yet, but I assume I’ll get around to that the same time I get around to updating my blogrolls that are essentially nothing but dead links at this point. But even though I don’t have the link anywhere, I still stick interesting [to me, and thus, of course to you as well] stories there throughout the day.
Oh, and just FYI, in case any of you run into this situation, I shall impart my wisdom and experience to you.
Appropriate response when someone says, “Your hair looks great today!”:
1. Thanks!
2. There is no 2.
Inappropriate responses include but are not limited to:
I haven't found a convenient, easy to update method of displaying a list of links to all of the blogs I read, nor am I interested in getting all wrapped up in the politics of who is listed and who is not, so here is a link to a single blog that I do, in fact, read, to be updated randomly and completely at my own whim, for no particular reason or reasons I DON'T FEEL I NEED TO DISCUSS WITH YOU, INTERNET, but you can rest assured that I would not maliciously steer you wrong.
Hello! I'm TJ and this is my blog. The picture is a joke, get it? Because I'm INSIDE the INTERNET?
I'm 30 years old and I live in Arizona with my husband and our two big dogs. I've been married for just over a year, and we have a 7 month old daughter named Penelope. You can do the math. It's okay. We don't mind.
Read my stuff. You'll like it.
I know that at some point, this section of my site will be out of date. I promise you in advance, I'm aware of that.
